Chapter 8
“Mera naam”
“Merah name”
“No it’s not the same, naam”
“Nahm”
“Haris hai”
“Hares hay”
James’ nose scrunched a bit but he encouraged him nonetheless, “Not bad.”
Harry felt utterly defeated despite it because his words sounded so shaky compared to James’ which flowed with innate elegance. “What kind of person doesn’t know how to say their own name?”
“The kind that’s been denied it their whole life, but you’re learning now” he smiled. “You know, I taught Sirius how to speak it and he did pretty well too but it took him years, you’re only on day one. I managed to learn a bit of French too after some practice.”
“Really” Harry asked. Draco had tried to teach him a bit of French but he only ever used it to insult Harry so his vocabulary wasn’t necessarily expansive by any means.
“Mhmm. Sirius taught it so we could plan pranks or just chat without anyone else knowing what we’d be saying. Regulus found it easier to talk in French as well, so he taught me the finer things.”
“Why’d he like French more?” Harry asked, wondering how a language besides your main one could possibly seem easier.
He pondered for a moment before speaking, “Sometimes a language doesn’t have a word to express what you’re feeling and you have to adapt. I adapted for him. For example there’s a word in Urdu, ‘Muhabat.’ In English, you could say it means ‘love’ but that would be a horrible understatement. There’s no way to describe a love like that, it’s ethereal at best” James explained tenderly.
“So what I feel for Draco?” Harry pondered.
“Precisely.”
“Did you know his parents? You said something about Sirius breaking Lucius’ nose.”
“Unfortunately I did. Lucius was…an arse, pompous, self-important, and arrogant. Basically any insult could be used against him reasonably, I’m not so sure he had any redeeming qualities. He was absolute shite at Quidditch too, it was embarrassing just to watch really.”
Harry laughed at the thought of younger Lucius who mirrored younger Draco so exactly. Though he doubted James harboured an unrequited crush on his enemy like he did.
“You can't imagine my surprise when I saw Draco standing in the kitchen that day. First I thought it might have been Lucius but the eyes were wrong. He has the signature Black eyes.”
“He does?” Harry thought about Sirius’ eyes for a moment. They were a stormy grey colour, darkened over time spent in Azkaban. His eyes were perceptive, noting every movement in the room, constantly scanning over everyone and everything as if he couldn’t get enough of his surroundings. Narcissa’s eyes were a light grey, the colour of delicate marble and Bellatrix’s were practically black with the evil that swirled within her.
Nothing about the Black’s eyes seemed uniform.
“It might have changed over time, I wouldn’t know but they were beautiful. I found home in them, different ones of course between Sirius and Regulus,” he smirked.
“I still can’t quite wrap my head about you and Regulus I mean…how did that even happen?” Harry gaped incredulously. The way James looked when he spoke about Regulus made it seem like a love story that bards would have sung about for ages but their story was just lost to time and circumstance.
“How did you and Draco happen?” he shot back and Harry immediately understood.
No one could have guessed they would have ended up together. Not after all the insults hurled, hexes thrown, and wars fought, did they think they would find love in the midst of all. Looking back, Harry could see the infatuation that hid in those moments. He didn’t even know when he realised Draco preferred to take his tea with honey, would take the long way to Potions just to get a breath of fresh air before slinking back into the dungeons, or use both hands in class to write, making him ambidextrous. He just knew .
Then the night at Malfoy manor happened. The moment in which Draco’s mercury coloured eyes looked into Harry’s and he claimed to have no idea who he was. He knew Draco knew it was him just as he could have identified Draco deaf and blind. He knew Draco as much as he knew his own hand and through the moonlight that filtered through the long glass windows, Harry saw him in a different light.
It just took them entirely too long to realise that they liked each other but once they did, they were practically inseparable. Harry already knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Draco, wanted to have a family with him, and grow old with him.
When Harry looked at his dad again, he wondered how his life might have changed had he gotten that chance with Regulus. Would he have stayed with him forever? Would Harry have never even been born then? Who would Lily have ended up with?
“Did Mum ever date anyone else?” Harry queried.
“Course she did. She dated a girl in Ravenclaw, her name was Pandora. She was a lovely friend of mine as well. Do you know what happened to her then?”
“Pandora Lovegood ?” Harry gaped.
“So she married Xeno then? I knew they were perfect together. She was a Lestrange before that though.”
“As in Rabastan and Rodolphus Lestrange?” he gaped thinking at the twin terrors.
“Unfortunately. She was the youngest of them but couldn’t be farther from then in every other aspect. Her parents were relatively neutral in the war and they were just happy she ended up with a pureblood in the end.”
“She’s my friend Luna’s mum or rather, she was. She died.”
“Bloody hell Harry, we’re done with the past after this, I can’t keep having this same conversation.
Harry didn’t respond but James just waved a hand tiredly, “Might as well just tell me what happened then.”
“Luna said she died when one of her experiments went wrong. She died right in front of her when she was nine.”
James sighed sadly, “She was Regulus’ best friend and one of our closest friends, eventually dated Lily as I mentioned. She was magnetic in the way people were just immediately drawn to her and she welcomed any and everyone with open arms, never judging them before knowing them. She was also a bloody genius, though most people settled on just calling her crazy. Having ‘strange’ in her surname didn’t help much.”
Harry couldn’t quite believe just how similar his generation and the one before them were. It’s like the gods just duplicated the one before them because of all those that died the first time around.
The only difference was that more of them had made it out this time around.
“I’m sure Luna would love to meet you and hear more about her mum.”
James nodded, wanting to meet her as well.
“Speaking of reunions…how are you feeling about today?” James asked softly, all of his emotions held back by a towering mental dam, reaching to the low table between them to take a bite of his cookie.
James claimed that Kreacher took it upon himself to bake today but Harry knew the old elf would never do something like that out of the kindness of his shrivelled heart. He knew James had asked the elf to and he appreciated the gesture.
Though he wasn’t sure how many cookies it would take to ease the heaviness that rested on his chest at the prospect of the day ahead.
After his breakdown that he was still terribly embarrassed about, he had spoken to both of them about his childhood and it was surprisingly therapeutic. He had tried talking to mind healers before but he just couldn’t find it in himself to bare his soul to a stranger, especially when he was still fresh in his newly acclaimed title as the ‘Boy who had defeated Voldemort.’
He was never just Harry to outsiders but to his parents he was. He was their son, never wanting anything more from him, and the comfort loosened his tongue enough to speak.
He waited while Lily cried and cursed and James shouted and seethed but he persevered, baring as much of his soul as possible.
He hated to admit it but a small part of him had hoped for this, the ten year old boy who constantly cried and never received comfort, who had wanted revenge on Petunia. It had finally come and he knew Lily wasn’t joking when demanded to see Petunia with fire in her eyes, threatening to burn the world down for her son.
Harry could only shrug and the day passed in a blur before it was time to go.
______
“I’m going to transfigure myself” Lily decided that morning, deciding to voice her plan right before they left so no one would object.
“Into who? And why?” James asked.
“Into Harry of course. I want to see how they act naturally, not an act they might put on at the sight of us.”
“That’s…actually genius” James replied, lighting up.
“I know,” she smirked, kicking James out and sitting Harry down beside her so that she could get every bump and mark exactly.
As she tilted her son’s face side to side, she admired his beauty in the way only a mother can. No one would appreciate the way his soft and round cheeks of infancy gave way to strong and chiselled cheekbones. The way his round nose grew and strengthened, allowing each breath to replenish his body. His eyes that used to look at the world around him in so much awe, now hardened after a lifetime of war, only just beginning to shed their hard exterior.
She had created this miracle and despite all the time she lost in between, she was still taken aback at his beauty. She supposed she was lucky to have known James in their youth and grown up alongside him. They were so similar in appearance, she could imagine how Harry might have looked in his Hogwarts uniform, with the goofy pointed hats and stuffy ties.
Lily caught every angle of his face, the freckle just below his eyebrow and the pale mark under his lip. The scar was difficult and though she knew they probably wouldn’t be able to tell every line that constituted it, there was something driving Lily to ensure perfection.
Petunia wasn’t always so cruel. Growing up, they were practically inseparable and Lily remembered sneaking into Petunia’s room every night just to sleep beside her, not being able to rest without her sister’s heart beating in tandem with her own.
When they met Severus, their duo had become a trio but it grew sour when they both started showing signs of magic and Petunia didn’t, never accidentally setting fire to a piece of paper or making a bell go off without even having to touch it.
The day only one letter arrived at the Evans household was the day Lily and Petunia had forever separated.
But that didn’t make this okay, nothing would
Soon enough, Lily looked into the mirror and all she could see were twins. She laughed at the look of bewilderment on Harry’s face.
“Is my nose really that crooked?” Harry asked, stepping back with a cringe.
“Your nose is perfect, now let’s do the rest” she said, laughing at the sight of Harry’s body on her own feminine one.
She changed her clothes into a pair of his and worked to broaden her shoulders, slim her waist down, and raise her height and instantly, they had become one.
James’ reaction was comical in its exaggeration. He swivelled his head from left to right with his jaw down to the floor and his hands on his knees.
“So this is what it’d be like if we had twins” he mused.
“Now the last step is the glasses,” she decided.
Neither James nor Harry could survive without their glasses, another Potter curse, so Lily took a small spoon and transfigured it into a pair of rounded metal glasses.
“Ready” she decided with a tone of finality.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to come? They can be a bit…” Harry asked, visibly nervous and upset at the idea but offering nonetheless.
“We’ll only be gone a minute, invite Draco over, spend the night together. You shouldn’t have to ruin the day and their expense” Lily comforted.
“So how do you want to play this?” James asked, trying to formulate a semblance of a plan.
“Just stay under the Invisibility Cloak and follow my lead.”
She appreciated James’ willingness to allow her to take the lead on this. She knew James was as mad as she was but it was deeply personal, something only a pair of sisters could understand. She needed to speak to Petunia, face to face, excluding James and Vernon who would be brash and heavy handed. They simply didn’t have the history she and Petunia did.
______
Lily raised a fist to the Dursley’s door and knocked twice.
It was a nice little home, suburban and bland but she supposed that’s exactly who they were now. There was no defining feature to separate it from the others, just the same trimmed hedges and white exterior with no indication that the Dursley’s lived here any more than another family.
She noticed the curtains rustle once before the door swung open and it was Petunia.
Lily almost smiled as a strange rise of emotion surged through her. She hadn’t seen her sister since she graduated Hogwarts and she celebrated with her parents. Even then, Petunia didn’t speak to her, only showing up out of familial obligation.
It was odd to see her so aged. Her once flowing auburn hair was shorn short and neat with threads of grey slipping between the rest. Her eyes were wrinkled and heavy, the eyeliner smudged and uneven across the jagged skin.
It was the settle of her face that most shocked Lily and held back her emotions. Her nose was scrunched and her mouth was set in a deep frown as she looked at her. The contempt burned brightly in her dark eyes and Lily was shocked at the emotion she displayed so openly.
“What are you doing here?” she spat.
Lily recovered quickly as Harry, “I just wanted to visit home, perhaps have dinner together for old times’ sake.”
Petunia’s scowl deepened as her brows threaded together, “Are you mad? Who do you think you are coming back here, freeloading for years just to come back and take more? Have you taken after your father and turned into a deadbeat like him?”
The venom spilled from her mouth as surely as she breathed. The words didn’t even faze her, as if they were natural. Has she ever spoken a kind word in her life?
Suddenly, Vernon appeared behind Petunia and he pushed her aside, his round stomach protruding over his pants and his moustache twitched angrily, “What are you doing showing your face here boy?”
Lily could see the small cupboard just behind them, directly under the stairs as Harry said.
“You’re not happy to see me after so long? I survived the war,” Lily fake-smiled.
“The world would be better off if you were dead, all you do is take up air the rest of us need” Petunia snarled.
Vernon slammed the door abruptly in her face and Lily just stared in shock.
Her breathing quickened and her vision swam as she worked to recover herself. She would not allow them to win and it was her fierce determination that had her knocking on the door again, acknowledging James’ gentle brush of the cloak against her arm.
There was shouting and the door opened again to reveal Dudley. He took after Vernon but his face was torn between fear and confusion as he quickly spoke, “Harry, I- I’m happy to see you’re well but you know how they are, why are you back?”
Lily ignored his question, just nodding at him once in greeting before stepping past him into the house, hoping he left enough space for James to shuffle in behind her.
Vernon looked up from the table and his large face was red with fury, “I will call the police on you, your little stick won’t have power if you’re behind bars.”
Petunia just stood in outrage behind the counter.
“Why are you two so mean to me?” she shouted suddenly, making them pause. “All my life you’ve treated me like rubbish , perhaps less than. I was a baby when they dropped me off and while you treated Dudley like royalty, all you’ve done is abuse me.”
“Abuse you?” Vernon scoffed in outrage, “We could’ve left you out there to die, I wish I had, Petunia is the only reason we took you in but we have regretted it every day since. Dudley is our son , you are nothing more than the child of mutants, malformations of God’s work.”
“Your mother was nothing more than a whore when she met and had a child with that Potter boy when she was no more than a teenager. He preyed on her and she was weak enough to think it was love. It’s only just that they died” Petunia finished, resting a clenched fist on the counter.
“How can you say that about your own sister” Lily shouted, her deep voice was unfamiliar to her but the emotion was undeniable.
Vernon stood up quickly and stomped over to her and he shocked her when he overpowered her and corralled her. Her back hit the wall painfully as he leered in her face before opening the closet door and giving her a shove into it. He might not have overpowered Harry but he easily pushed her into the cupboard.
“Perhaps I’ll keep the key this time and let you rot. You’ve lost your mind if you think you can speak to us like that in our own home” he boomed through the small window.
Lily only had a second to look around the dusty space before she saw James' feet appear from under the cloak.
She shouted, “No!” before pulling out her wand and blasting the door right off its hinges. The wood rained across the floor and Dudley stood in shock at the entire scene, watching from the foyer.
The cloak quickly dropped back down and Lily spared a moment for relief before she spun on the two of them- the objects of her ire.
A wave of calm overtook Lily as she stalked out of the small cupboard, towards them.
She relished in the way their eyes widened and mouths split in fear at her display of power.
“How dare you,” Lily hissed.
She raised her wand then and with each step she took, she felt the glamours melt away until she was right in front of them, standing in her natural form.
“Say it again, I dare you.”
Vernon was lost, caught between flummoxed and indignant whereas Petunia looked like she’d seen a ghost. Perhaps she had.
“Stop that at once!” she shouted.
“Stop what, sister?” she asked coldly.
Vernon made to stand but with a wave of her wand, he was bound and silenced to the chair. She wouldn’t allow him to intervene. Dudley remained a bystander but she wouldn’t dare touch him, no matter who his mother was, and soon it was just the two of them standing mere yards apart.
“I held hope. That perhaps time has softened you, that you may look at my son with kindness or joy but you have done nothing but spit and insult me. You allowed your disgrace of a husband to put his hands on me. What the hell is wrong with you Petunia?”
That was the only question to ask at this point
“You are not Lily. Stop that!” she shrieked in horror.
“Oh but it is. You thought I was dead? Unfortunately for you, I’m alive and well, so let’s talk now.”
“N- no” she spluttered.
“Petunia Marie Evans, stop acting like a child and speak” she commanded, the younger sister now turning on the older.
She hated seeing Petunia like this, a simpering mess when faced with her own actions. She wrung her hands and gaped at her like a fool, like she wasn’t well aware of her actions.
“Since the moment my son was put on your doorstep you have done nothing but hurt him. You never showed him love or kindness as you should have. He was a child Petunia,” her voice broke, the raw emotion bleeding through the wall she tried to put up.
“I- I didn’t. We treated him well, we housed him and-”
“What’s the point?” she shouted, raising her hands wide, “He would’ve been better off without you! You raised him as no more than a slave.”
Vernon continued his silent struggle, the chair scraping under him but Lily quickly stuck it to the floor.
“But Vernon didn’t- he just-” she babbled.
“I’m not talking about Vernon, I’m talking about you .”
“Harry was a troublesome child, we tried our best-”
“Try again.”
“He hurt us! Vernon’s sister-.”
A quick shake of her head was enough to make her begin again.
“Vernon just disciplined him-.”
Lily was growing tired of Petunia’s constant deflection. All she had was a pile of lousy excuses as she pointed the finger at everyone else, painting herself as a victim. Lily’s anger burned brightly then as she tried to pin it on Harry, nevermind the insults she casually threw at James.
“Stop the fucking charade!” she shouted, slapping her hand upon the wooden table, causing a loud smack to resound in the now silent room. “You are not some hapless victim. I know how you treated Haris. Let’s talk about that then, you legally changed his fucking name? Have you no respect for your then-dead sister?” she questioned.
“We did it for him! Harry is a respectable name,” she defended.
“Oh and you treated him with respect did you? You haven’t the faintest idea of what respect is.”
Lily realised that this was not the sister she once knew. That Petunia was hopelessly lost as time moulded her into a crone, impossible to love or change.
Dudley had stepped into the room now and as Lily caught sight of him, she felt a pang of sadness as he gazed on at the situation in horror. He didn’t even look at Vernon, keeping his eyes resolutely on Petunia as if seeing her in a new light.
“I would never have treated Dudley the way you treated Harry,” she confessed. “I would have raised him as if he were my own . I never got to live a life with my son, never got to see him go to school or learn to ride a bike. I left my son with you as a boy and you took that time for granted. I don’t even have a picture of him as a child because you never took one of him. Even from my spot here, I can see a dozen of Dudley. Harry was the only piece of me left and you didn’t once think to cherish that? To treat this boy that had survived death with care? I never thought you could have been so cruel.”
Tears fell down Petunia’s cheek through Lily’s proclamation but Lily felt nothing but pity for this horrible woman. Her tears meant nothing anymore and did nothing to soothe her frayed nerves.
“And I know how you spoke of James. I never once spoke bad about Vernon, despite his many faults. He was a horrible man and you married him, despite our parents disapproval. I attended your wedding because I knew you were happy to be with him but you couldn’t offer me that same kindness? Even now you can’t help but insult him to Harry’s face.”
Petunia remained resolutely behind the counter, as if using it as a shield, as she rolled her eyes “He was nothing but a-”
Lily raised her wand defiantly, “Don’t you dare finish that sentence.”
James dropped the cloak, materialising right next to Lily.
“Petunia, a pleasure” James smiled cruelly and Lily looked at him with unbridled love.
“Vernon, I have heard so much about you, nothing good of course” he spoke and swiftly ended Lily’s hexes on him.
He jumped up and raised a fat finger in his direction, “You get the hell out of my house.”
“And if I don’t?” James asked with a cock of his head.
“I’ll-”
“No you won’t actually,” James said swiftly. “You put your hands on my son countless times and now my wife. It’s only right that you lose one of them now.”
Fear exploded through his features as he suddenly clenched his hands and held them in close.
“What? Are you scared now?” James cooed and another swish had Vernon forced back into the chair with his hands being ripped from him, splayed out across the table side by side.
“Pick one,” James commanded.
“W-What?” he choked out.
“To keep.”
Vernon looked to Petunia as if he could save her but she only stood frozen in horror and Lily made no move to stop him.
“D-Don’t do this, please” he begged and James did nothing but bark out a laugh.
“Oh how I love when they beg but unfortunately you’ve run out of time. Thankfully I noticed that you favour your right hand, so I’ll take your left.”
A hammer appeared by Vernon then, suspended in midair before it swiftly came down onto his hand, the skin peeling and bones cracking under the sheer force with which James wielded it.
As Vernon cried and clutched his hand, James continued in mock-surprise, his delight was undeniable, “Oh no I hit your right, I must’ve missed. Unfortunately, it’s getting quite late now, so we should go.”
Suddenly Vernon was up again and invisible hands pushed Vernon all the way into the closet under the stairs. Lily repaired the door at once, forgetting the handle, before James quickly attached it to the wall, bolting the hinges shut. Vernon shouted and kicked at it but it was of no use. He barely fit into the small room that Harry had to grow up and it was only a small dose of justice that Harry deserved.
As Petunia shrieked, Lily could do nothing but watch her.
“You’re pathetic” was all she could say before turning her back on her, stepping up to James, intertwining her hand with his.
“Let him out!” she squawked hysterically, looking nothing more than a crazed animal.
“No.”
She caught up to them and clutched Lily’s arm tightly, her nails digging into the skin of her arm.
“Don’t make me lock you in as well,” Lily spoke cooly and Petunia abruptly let go as if she had been struck.
"I wish you stayed dead!" she shouted in a last-ditch effort to get the last word in.
Lily slowly turned around then, smirking, "Unfortunately you don't have magic. Wishes don't come true for people like you."
The outrage on Petunia's face was enough to make Lily's smile turn genuine.
She paused in the entrance, “It was a pleasure to meet you Dudley, I do hope we may speak some time without their presence. Harry told us about your momentary kindness and I do not blame you for actions that may have been done under their instruction” Lily addressed her nephew clearly who only nodded frantically in return, likely still overwhelmed from the events of the evening.
Stepping past the mess, hand in hand, James and Lily strode through the doorway into the clear night, apparating away from the pitiful hovel with a crack, vowing never to come back again.
______
When they arrived back at Grimmauld, Lily pulled James into a kiss, pouring all her love and gratitude into it.
When she pulled back, she looked into his bright hazel eyes and felt like a teenager again, like no time had passed and maybe none did.
“I love you” she whispered.
“I love you more” James replied, pulling her into an embrace so fierce that it took Lily’s breath away.
They had each other and that was all they needed. They kissed again and Lily reached up to thread her fingers into James’ silky hair and she savoured the way she shivered when she dug in.
“Ew” Harry groaned and she turned to see him entering the room with a snickering Draco.
“I’m honestly offended I wasn’t invited, I would’ve loved to have a go at them” Draco frowned, settling easily on the sofa.
James sat next to him and began to excitedly regale the tale to him while gesticulating wildly while Lily just made for the kitchen with Harry behind her.
“So what happened?” he asked, wrapping his arms around himself.
“I lost a sister” was all she could muster.
“I’m sorry” Harry said unsurely.
Lily just looked at him, “But I gained a son. Nothing compares to that,” she smiled, holding his hand tightly and he smiled at her in return.
It was more beautiful than any memory she had with Petunia that was now dampened by her actions. It was a promise for the future.
“I had Draco look into some files at the Ministry. Potter manor technically belongs to me, what do you think about maybe taking a visit seeing as I’ve never seen it before? Maybe clean it up and surprise dad with it?”
“I’d love to.”
Harry didn’t have a nightmare that night, resting easily in Draco’s arms with his parents in the room just a few paces away. For the first time in a long time, it felt like time had moved forward.