four
Remus could barely keep himself together. Everything was absolutely annoying, his joints were aching and something reeked like death inside their dorm room. He was already dreading going to McGonagall after today’s lessons, but she would tell him where to go tonight and what to do in general. James was already outside probably trying to bribe the quidditch captain to let him onto the team already. He’s been watching him like a maniac while they had their breakfast the other day and it would only be a matter of time before he would put out an restraining order so James couldn’t come close to him.
Remus considered if it was possible to strap somebody to their bed while they were sleeping without them noticing. Because if Sirius would scratch his leg with his foot one more time, Remus was sure he was either going to rip it off or just get it over with and suffocate him with a pillow. Peter was surprisingly quiet but that didn’t change the fact that something on him or his bed or his nightstand smelled so absolutely horrible that Remus was sure he wouldn’t need to play sick tonight, he would just actually throw up or jump out of the window. Anything to just make it stop.
He was clenching and unclenching his hand in an attempt to stop his fingers from feeling like they would pop out any second. Surely he wasn’t so out of it that it was already evening and he laid in bed all day and was about to transform? He shot up in his bed and looked outside frantically. No, it was still light outside. He let out a shaky breath. Remus’ head snapped to the side where Sirius lay because he apparently now decided to scratch himself furiously with his fingernails. Remus brought his fists against his head. It sounded like fingernails on a chalkboard.
Nope, that’s it. He couldn’t take it any longer. In a quick motion he rolled out of bed and walked over towards Sirius. Just before his hand was about to grab the curtain of his bed, his thoughts began to work again. What was he doing? Just jumping his frie- his roommate like a lunatic? Jesus. He slowly walked backwards again, still a bit in shock about his own unpredictability. He needed to do something. Quickly.
Remus checked the clock in their room. 6:04. They didn’t serve breakfast until 7 a.m., so he decided to at least take a shower. He locked himself in the bathroom, turned on the water and let it rain down on him. The warm water felt like it was burning off his skin, so he quickly turned it to the coldest setting in an attempt to cool down his almost feverish body.
After a few minutes Remus deemed it enough and stepped out of the shower. He very quickly dried himself off with the towel because he absolutely despised the way it felt. It was weirdly soft and it just felt wrong on his skin. He didn’t spare a glance in the mirror and put on his pants and white button-up. His tie must be somewhere else, but Remus wasn’t too mad about not wearing it because he wasn’t quite sure how to tie it and it also always felt like it was strangling him.
Without further or do he quietly left the room, while holding his hand over his mouth and nose. Jesus, Peter really needs a bath or wash his clothes or something. “Good morning, Remus. Didn’t know you were such an early riser.” Alice said waving while lounging on the couch in front of the fireplace. He really did not want to talk to her right now. He just wanted to bury himself under some pine needles and call it a day. “Only sometimes.” He answered while walking towards the exit of the common room.
“Hey, do you mind telling Potter to please stop harassing Frank to be on the Quidditch team? I know he’s a good flyer for a first year but if he keeps on pushing then Frank won’t take him in, just out of spite.” She draped her arms over the backrest. “Will do. I really gotta go. Was nice talking to you, Alice.” He was almost out, before he turned around, “Where do you cut your hair?”
The question felt much weirder now that he actually voiced it. Too late now. Alice looked a bit confused for a second before showing her teethy smile, “I do it myself. You want an appointment at Alice’ Hairpalace?” Remus didn’t think she’d get to the point that quickly but he was glad to get it over with. “Yes.. Maybe on Saturday?” Remus answered while rolling his shoulders. It felt like his muscles were tighter than they should actually be.
He didn’t wait for Alice to answer and he just pushed himself out through the picture, not being able to stand the sticky air inside the common room any longer and quickly walked down the steps to go outside into the courtyard. Once outside he took a big breath in, trying to stretch his lungs to the full maximum.
He put his arms in the air stretching them a bit but being careful not to accidentally dislocate his shoulder. Wouldn’t be the first time that happened because after changing his whole anatomy once a month every time he turned since he was five years old, they just tended to pop out sometimes if he overstretched them.
Still, his need to move was quite big. Swimming was always a good choice because it’s easier on your joints but he really didn’t want to jump into the lake here at Hogwarts as he overheard some students talking about a big squid living in there. Drowning wasn’t on his agenda today.
Remus tried his very best to seem casual while walking the schoolgrounds, but he had the need to keep on rolling his neck and shoulders which he did approximately every five minutes. The fresh wind and smell of the forest eased his mind at least a little bit, but knowing what pain is to come tonight didn’t exactly make him the calmest person. He really hoped they had prepared a big part of the forest for him, which Remus found out in an announcement from Dumbledore is called the Forbidden Forest and that was probably all the safety measures that were needed to stop people from going in there. He still expected them to put up some sort of magic wall, like Warren had done in the forest where they lived, to be able to keep him put and actually have a chance of finding him in the morning.
Remus could suddenly hear chattering and smell a very big amount of sweat. He had to cover his nose for a second before getting used to the intensity of it. “Remus! Hey! Over here!” A voice, James’ voice as he found out by looking in the direction of the sound, yelled at him while waving frantically, “What are you doing outside?” James jogged in his direction and unfortunately he was also one of the sweaty culprits. Remus did everything in his abilities to stop his nose from scrunching from the unpleasant smell. “Oh you know…”Remus had to look away for a second and took a deep breath through his mouth, “Couldn’t sleep and thought I’d explore the outdoors are bit.”
James nodded and dragged his gloves over his forehead, “Well, I’m glad I caught you alone. I was wondering if you had a second to talk?” That is truly the last thing Remus needed right now. Couldn’t he at least shower first? “I.. ehm, well…” Remus stuttered. “It’ll go really quick. I’ll just grab my broom from the field, yes?” James was already walking towards the Quidditch field when Remus replied, “You know, kinda bad timing. I’m actually starving. See you at breakfast.” He quickly turned around and walked as fast as possible back to the castle.
He heard James yell a confused “Okay!”, but Remus was basically already inside. Maybe he was a bit weird. But he also never had to deal with so much on a day like this. Warren always made sure to be extra quiet and let Remus just roam around in the forest, in order not to stir him up even more. Now he had to deal with smelly and obnoxiously loud students.
He’ll apologize to James later, but he really had to get away. The loud Glock announced that it was 7 a.m., which meant breakfast would be served now. Remus wasn’t particularly hungry so he sat on a bench leading to the Great Hall. He’ll just wait here for the others, get the apology over with and start playing sick, so they won’t question his departure tonight.
He didn’t have to wait all too long until a smiling James walked down the corridor with a very grumpy looking Sirius and yawning Peter behind him. “Good morning.” Remus said when they approached him, which earned him a polite nod from Peter and a cheerful “Don’t even try to get this one to talk. I think he’s still asleep.” from James while pointing toward Sirius.
Upon entering the Great Hall, Remus turned to a much better smelling James: “Sorry for just now. Didn’t mean to run away. I’m just not feeling very good.” James waved dismissively, “No worries, mate. I’ll just corner you another time.” He smiled and nudged Remus into the side, which made him flinch a bit. Always with this unnecessary touching. Remus clenched his teeth and took a deep breath through his nose. It’ll be fine.
They all sat down together, Sirius opposite to Remus with Peter next to him and James next to Remus. Peter very eagerly dived into the sausages which earned him a grimace from Sirius. “Mom always said that breakfast is the most important meal.” Peter said with a full mouth towards a disgusted looking Sirius. “Why don’t you shove that sausage a bit deeper in your mouth and just shut up.” He said while letting his head fall into his hands. Remus found that to be a bit mean but he also secretly agreed. Speaking with your mouth full was bloody nasty.
Peter was very quiet for the rest of the meal, even when James tried to get him tied into a conversation about his flying practice. Remus didn’t mind that one bit, the quieter the better. He mirrored Sirius and also buried his head in his hands and closed his eyes. At breath 23 James cut through his “mantra” by (probably accidentally) spilling his tea all over Remus.
“Oh god, I’m sorry Remus! My hands are still a bit cold from flyi-“ James tried to apologize but Remus just looked at him through furrowed brows and interrupted him angrily, “Just shut up!” James looked quite taken aback by that, but Remus just stood up, “I’m going to History of Magic.” “No need to be so rude.” Sirius spoke up while looking him up and down. Oh, that was truly the last straw. “You’re one to talk, Black.” Remus spat his last name, “You are such a-“ He was cut off by McGonagall clearing her throat next to him. “Mister Lupin. I was made aware that you are to visit me today? How about we do that right now. If you would follow me, please.” She spoke while looking between Remus and Sirius who exchanged quite deadly glances. Despite wanting to jump over that table and show Sirius what rude was, he nodded and followed the Professor.
“You should not speak such vile things. I’m sure Mister Potter already apologized profusely.” She started talking while walking a few steps ahead of him to which Remus just rolled his eyes. How was she supposed to know that? Wasn’t any of her business anyway. After a few minutes of quiet walking, they reached McGonagall’s office, to which she opened the door and gestured for Remus to sit on the dark red armchair.
Uncertainty rising in him, he plopped down on the seat and crossed his arms. “I’m not in trouble, am I?” He was quite honestly starting to feel a bit bad about his outbreak. “No, Mister Lupin. We are just here to discuss the events of tonight. Tea?” She said while placing herself across from Remus and he just shook his head a bit. “Very well. As Professor Dumbledore informed me you will have to visit the infirmary at 6:30 sharp where Madam Pomfrey will do some routine check-ups with you. Afterwards we both will escort you to the Whomping Willow where you will securely spend your night.” She started explaining while keeping a neutral look on her face, “The next morning Madam Pomfrey will take you back into the castle to tend any possible wounds. Do you have any questions?”
What in the world was a Whomping Willow? A tree, surely… Maybe that’s just a codename for the part of the forest he will be taken to. Not wanting to sound stupid in front of his professor he just shook his head and tried to smile a bit. McGonagall nodded one time and seemed a bit lost for a moment but quickly regained her neutral face expression. “Then that would be it. Do not be late tonight, Mister Lupin. You are excused.” Remus got up from the armchair and exited through the door after saying a polite “Yes, thank you. Goodbye.”
He needed to apologize to the lads. But how was he supposed to do that, when every time he talked to them something aggravated him? Maybe it just had to wait until tomorrow. He slowly started walking to his first lesson of the day, this time with his wand because being embarrassed one time was truly enough.
Remus sat himself at the very back of the class on a lonely chair as to not stab somebody with his quill out of frustration. Being a werewolf wasn’t easy but being a werewolf at Hogwarts was truly everything but easy. He had to write Warren another owl and ask him for some tips. Maybe he could help… He did work at the Werewolf Department after all, until he quit because his colleagues “were completely out of their minds”. But apparently they weren’t the only one’s out of their minds because no other than Sirius Black seated himself next to Remus.
With a confused and slightly annoyed look Remus balled his hands into fists and eyed him. “No need to punch me square in the face, Lupin. You left your bag at breakfast and all the other seats are taken.” He said while pushing Remus’ backpack onto Remus’ side of the table and sat down. He guiltily looked at his hands, “Thank you… Listen, I’m sorry. I’m just a bit out of it.” Sirius just shrugged and pulled out his parchment, “I don’t need an apology. Potter might need one though, I don’t know if he’s finally speaking again.” God, he felt so bad. He had to pull himself together. He could do it! He had to if he didn’t want to be alone for the next seven years and be labeled as a freak. “I’ll talk to him later.” Was the last thing Remus said before the lesson about the Gargoyle Strike of 1911 by Professor Binns started.
The rest of Remus’s school day went by pretty calmly with his next lesson being Herbology followed by a rather big and meaty lunch for Remus and his last lesson of the day being Transfiguration with Professor McGonagall, sadly without the opportunity to catch James alone to properly apologize. Remus was absolutely exhausted. The long periods of having to concentrate and sit still weren’t doing him any good which is why he turned up to the infirmary half an hour early after excusing himself from Sirius, who was the only one Remus could find, that he was feeling sick.
He slowly entered the big room with many beds. “Hello?” He said rather quietly and after clearing his throat he spoke up again: “I’m here to see Madam Pomfrey?” He could hear some quick steps and was met with a grey-haired friendly looking old woman. “Yes, my dear. You must be Remus, hm? Minerva already informed me of everything and you’re in very good hands. I’ll just do a quick check-up, so if you would follow me?” She said while slightly pushing Remus in the direction of a bed.
The check-up was rather unspectacular and only consisted of a few examination spells, which were all normal. Soon Professor McGonagall arrived and Remus just wanted to get it over with. He found that waiting for the transformation to start was almost worse than the actual pain of the transformation itself. They left the castle in a quick step and finally arrived at a really big tree. Madam Pomfrey always kept a close eye on Remus which was slowly starting to annoy him. Luckily they started moving again after McGonagall did something to the tree to open a hidden door through which they walked.
They ended up in a very small and worn-down room, containing a bed and some other wooden furniture. “I know it isn’t the best thing, but Albus had to make sure it was properly secure and wouldn’t be visited by others.” Madam Pomfrey spoke while the Professor mumbled some spells against the walls of the room. Remus didn’t comprehend what was being said to him at first but after the cogs in his brain started properly turning again he looked towards Madam Pomfrey: “Well, I’m not staying in here right? You’ll let me out into the forest, yes?” She looked a bit pained while she answered the question: “I’m sorry my dear boy but this is all we have to offer.”
Remus couldn’t believe what he was being told. The wolf was supposed to stay in the miniature room for the whole night? What was he supposed to do? Play card games? This couldn’t be right. “We better get going Poppy. You will be picked up tomorrow Morning, Mister Lupin.” Professor McGonagall spoke while exiting the room and barely glancing back at the horrified looking Remus. The door was closed and he could hear spells being whispered.
He didn’t know if he should laugh or cry. They really left him in here. Remus tried to open the door, but as expected, it didn’t move an inch. The aching inside his body grew, just like his anger towards the two women. And Dumbledore! That absolute prick. He had a full forest but he chose to put Remus in this dusty room. Remus threw a candle next to him against the door and let out a scream.
He was trapped in here, but even worse: the wolf was trapped in here. Remus started pacing the room up and down but soon had to stop because his spine and legs started hurting profusely. He sat down on the bed, pulling on his hair while a few tears were rolling down his cheeks. He hated the lot of them! Pain shot through his body. Stupid wizards! He curled himself together, no longer being able to sit through the pain of his bones enlarging and breaking. The last thing he can remember are his own screams and so much pain and so so much anger.