five
Remus didn’t know where he was. He felt terrible and his whole body hurt so much. He tried to open his eyes, but quickly had to close them again when he was hit with a bright light. His arms hurt so much and his leg felt like it was on fire. He groaned and tried to move but was stopped by a sharp pain he couldn’t quite locate.
Slowly memories from the night started to pour in. He had to transform in this little room and the wolf wasn’t happy about it. He can remember sniffing out the place and then trying to forcefully leave which didn’t work. “Remus? May I come in?” He heard a female voice ask. He just groaned in response while feeling the hard, cold floor beneath him. “Oh dear. Let me fix you up a bit before we go to the infirmary.”
Remus tried again the slowly open his eyes and recognized Madam Pomfrey who was waving her wand over him. As she noticed him looking she smiled down on him, “You made quite a mess in here. But no worries, we’ll get everything all cleaned up.” It took him a few seconds to realize what she was referring to. His eyes wandered around the room while the pain in his body slowly ebbed away. The walls were scratched everywhere and the door looked like it almost had a dent in it.
He tried to sit up but was held back by Madam Pomfrey, “Stay down for a second longer. I’ll just close the cut on your leg a bit.” At the mention of that, Remus looked down on him for the first time and he felt suddenly very sick. He hadn’t looked this bloody in a long time.
A long cut traveled up from his knee almost to his stomach and his arms were both covered in gashes which he could make out as the wolfs claw imprints. He let his head fall back on the wooden floor with a loud bang. He couldn’t really catch a clear thought or hear what Madam Pomfrey was telling him and everything slowly faded to black.
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“He’ll wake up soon, Mister Pettigrew. Now if you would please escort Mister Potter out of here as well. I do have other patients to take care of.” Remus’ head was hammering and he felt really out of it. It took his eyes some time to focus on his surroundings. “He’s awake! He’s moving!” A very loud and hysteric sounding James came almost running toward Remus. “Mister Potter!” Madam Pomfrey said scolding while shaking her head.
Everything still felt very blurry when James sat down on Remus’ bed. “Hey there. You okay?” James spoke quietly and looking guilty. “Yeah, yeah I’m fine.” Remus started and quickly added, “Wasn’t feeling good yesterday. Madam Pomfrey wanted to keep me overnight.”
He eyed her out of the corner of his vision. “He is all better now though. No need to worry.” Remus quietly thanked her in his head for backing him up. “Oh, I should’ve realized. You even told me at breakfast, but then I was a little bit mad at you but I should’ve…” James began rambling to which Remus shook his head and said, “You didn’t have to do anything. I was an asshole and you had every right to be mad. I’m sorry…”
James had a little smile on his face but before he could say anything Peter spoke up from behind him: “Sirius told us you went here, so we just wanted to check up on you.” Remus wasn’t sure if he deserved them. They were so kind even after he was a right prick towards them. “Thank you. You didn’t have to come.” He said shyly while playing with his hands.
Madam Pomfrey stopped the boys from asking questions about what he had and if he was sure that he wasn’t contagious by sending them away to class. “As you might’ve noticed I’ve bandaged you up. It should heal rather quickly but it will scar, as you are probably aware.” She spoke while checking up on him through an examination spell. Yes, Remus was quite aware of the scaring. He hadn’t had to deal with new ones in a while because the wolf didn’t really have a reason to scratch himself or fight with something bigger than him back home. His scars where mostly from the time where is mother still locked him up in their iron-sealed basement, which his father immediately installed after he was bitten.
His arms and legs felt a bit itchy and all in all he was feeling alright, except for the tiredness. “Are you certain you want to go to class today? I think it would be wise to stay in here for today.” Madam Pomfrey said after Remus started putting on his robes to join the others at their second period. “I’ll handle it. I feel okay.” Remus answered honestly and made his way to their charms lesson after saying a quick goodbye.
Luckily Remus made it to their classroom with a light concussion and two broken (but already healed) ribs on time and seated himself next to Peter. James smiled at him quickly and asked again if he was sure that he was feeling well to which Remus just nodded his head. After their Professor entered he noticed that Sirius was nowhere to be found. Weird. He seemed alright yesterday night… Maybe he just overslept, but Remus didn’t think that James would let something like that happen.
“Oi,” he nudged Peter, “Where’s Sirius?” The blond boy just grimaced a bit before explaining quietly as to not be overheard, “He got a howler at breakfast and is refusing to leave the room since then.” A Howler? What was that? Peter probably saw the confusion in Remus’ eyes and added, “His mom sent him a letter that screamed at him in front of the whole school. She called him a disgrace and that he was staining his family’s name. It was pretty brutal.” Yeah, that truly sounded shitty. Sirius’ family sounded like a weird lot of people.
The lesson went by pretty quickly but Remus wasn’t sure if he didn’t accidentally just fall asleep and only woke up for the last ten minutes. Either way he was glad to be able to go to lunch with Peter and James and was planning to just spend the rest of his day reading and dozing off. His limbs felt heavy and the fear of accidently dislocating something was always greater the day after a full moon. Like his bones weren’t quite settled in correctly. He tried his very best to seem as normal as possible so the boys wouldn’t ask any more questions.
“You don’t wanna try that?” Peter pointed at the meal Remus was handed by James after saying he didn’t have time to eat breakfast. He didn’t really feel like eating as his jaw felt pretty worn out and every time he looked down at the red-ish meat, he was sure he could smell the iron of it which just reminded him of his unpleasant morning. “No, I’m not really hungry. Have at it.” He pushed his plate over to Peter who happily devoured Remus’ plate.
Remus could see James loading up yet another plate. “I’m not eating that, James. Don’t even try.” “You should though.” He said while giving him a look that looked like a scolding mother, “But it’s not for you. I’m taking it up for Sirius.”
The three of them walked together to their dorm while chatting about the insanity of having to remember all of the dates that Professor Binns was telling them. They had to walk rather slowly because Remus soon-to-be scar on his leg was hurting a bit. Even though he was trying his best to overplay his pain, James kept on worriedly glancing at him.
“Brought you lunch.” Peter announced after entering the room holding the plate that was missing a few pieces of the chips that he nicked while walking. “Not hungry.” Came a grumpy voice from Sirius’ bed. “We’ll just leave it out here.” James said, taking the plate from Peter and putting it on Sirius’ nightstand, “Do you wanna join us outside? Pete and I wanted to watch Quidditch practice.”
After no answer came Peter just shrugged his shoulders towards James, who asked Remus the same question. “No, you two go. I wanted to read a bit.” Remus answered, holding up the book he’d already picked out. Once they’ve put on their Gryffindor sweaters, they headed outside and Remus laid down on his bed to start reading his book.
He didn’t get very far before hearing sniffles from Sirius direction, followed by a quiet sob. Should he say something? He wished James was here to handle the situation. Remus awkwardly cleared his throat, “You okay?” The sniffles stopped abruptly and a rather miserably sounding “Yeah…” was being heard. Remus looked over to his bed, trying to get a glimpse of Sirius but the curtains were rather thick and not very see-through.
Remus resorted back to reading again and occasionally trying to scratch his wounds very lightly as to not rip them open. “Why were you gone?” A croaky sounding Sirius asked. “I wasn’t feeling good and had to stay the night.” Remus answered, already dreading the direction this conversation was heading. “And why?” Remus stuttered a bit and finally said: “Because I wasn’t feeling well?”
Sirius pulled the curtain of his bed open and squinted at Remus through red-rimmed eyes. “No, I mean what did you have?” Remus couldn’t hold eye-contact and quickly resorted to examining his fingers. “I.. well… I can’t remember what Madam Pomfrey said…” Well done, Remus. Nobody will ever find out that you’re a werewolf with skills like that. Maybe you should already pick out what you want to be processed as. A coat? A scarf? “You can’t lie to me. Even my mother…” Sirius grew quiet for a bit and looked rather pained, “Even my mother can’t lie to me.”
Remus swallowed hard. This was going to be fun. “I’m not lying. And I really gotta go now.” Remus said while quickly getting up and basically running down the stairs before Sirius could say anything else. God, his leg hurt. Once in the common room he took in a big breath, tried to shake off the pulsating pain from his leg and slowly started walking around school again.
Of course Remus hadn’t put on his winter coat in the hurry and was now freezing in the cool September air. He decided to hide himself away in of the archways leading outside. Trying to pull his legs to his chest was rather difficult but soon enough he sat rather comfortably on the stones.
It`s barely been a week at Hogwarts and it felt like so much had already happened. Learning his first spells (this time with a wand), trying to teach Peter how to levitate a feather and failing miserably after Peter had another “I’m sure I’m a squib!”-breakdown. Way too many fights for his liking and trying to fit into their dorm dynamic. As suspected James and Peter already knew each other as they grew up in the same neighborhood. James was trying very hard to keep the four of them together and Remus knew that he wasn’t making it very easy for him, but also he was trying. Sirius was still somewhat a mystery to Remus. He got along with James just fine but often talked down on Peter and was very annoyingly nosy towards Remus.
He’d also gotten an answer from Warren congratulating him on his house and reminding him to keep a low profile and not cause any trouble. Typical Warren. Remus tried not to think about him too often, because in all honesty, he did miss the old man. They’d spent the last four years together and grew pretty close over time, with occasional fights because they didn’t really have anyone else to talk to. Now being here at big, loud and busy Hogwarts Remus found himself longing even more after the quiet days at the hut.
Just like always at Hogwarts something or rather someone disturbed his quiet moments. “Why would you say that to me, Severus?” A crying girl voice echoed through the corridor. “I just wanted to fit in with my housemates. You know how they are.” A boy answered coldly. “Yes, but I didn’t know you were like that too!” She exclaimed angrily. Remus carefully looked around the wall he was sitting against to get a glimpse on what was going on.
“Just drop it, Lily. It was only one time. I should go to class now.” The boy, which Remus recognized from his first lesson with Professor Flitwick, turned around and left the red-haired girl standing there. “Severus!” She called after him, but as he didn’t answer she let her arms flop down besides her and slowly trotted in Remus’ direction. He quickly hid behind the wall again and he could hear her crying.
He didn’t like crying people. Remus never knew what to do and wasn’t a very big help when it came to comforting somebody. He could hear the crying get closer and he couldn’t resist from peaking out again. Unfortunately the girl immediately noticed him and yelled angrily through her tears, “What are you looking at? You wanna call me stupid names as well?”
Remus cheeks turned red as he felt rather caught in the act, “I- no. I’m sorry.. Just overheard your conversation…” She kept on staring at him through furrowed brows but spoke up soon again. “Okay.” Remus nodded and thought about abandoning the situation again like he already had done today. “Can you help me? Severus-“ a sob came out of her at the mention of his name, “He wanted to help me with my potions reading, but he… well… Anyways, will you help me?”
Remus really didn’t want to. He’d rather sit there and sink into his own thoughts but the pleading eyes of the girl weren’t easy to deny, so he gestured for her to sit opposite of him on the archway. “I’m Lily by the way.” She said, wiping her tears away and taking the seat. “Remus. You’re in Gryffindor, right?” He asked because he was sure he’d seen her red hair before. Lily nodded while pulling out the heavy potions book.
Remus and Lily both had to realize that potions was actually more than just throwing funny sounding ingredients together and mixing it until it turned a weird colour. “Oh but why do you have to stir this counterclockwise. What difference does that even make?” Lily put her hand through her hair in frustration. Remus read through the page again with furrowed brows. He skipped a few paged ahead to read the recipe for the Wiggenweld Potion, before going back to the potion they were currently working on.
“I think I’ve got it!” Remus exclaimed hoping that his assumption was correct. “What? What is it? Did we miss something?” Lily asked, taking back the book and reading the page again. “No, no. I just think I’ve got an idea how to remember it.” Remus pointed at the subheading of Cure for Boils, skipped to the Wiggenweld Potion and pointed to the same subheading: “See they’re both for healing. So “e””, he traced the “e” in healing, beginning in the middle, “You write it counterclockwise. I don’t know if that’s always the case but maybe we can make sense of it that way.”
Lily seemed to think about Remus’ idea and proclaimed it for right by cheerfully clapping in her hand, “Yes, yes, I think that might work!” Remus smiled proudly, finding his idea rather genius. “Now we just have to remember when to put what in so it doesn’t explode.” Lily said while started to mumble the ingredients probably trying to learn them from memory. “You do know that we’re allowed to have our textbooks with us?” Remus mentioned feeling rather drained after concentrating so long while being tired.
“Yes, but I’ll show Severus that I am very well capable without being pureblood.” Lily spoke, ambition in her eyes. “You’ll brew it with me, yes?” Remus raised his eyebrows, again not being able to deny her and nodded. “Wonderful, so I’ll see you next week in potions?” She asked while putting her school stuff back into her bag. “Yes sure. See you.” He waved at her while she walked away with a little jump in her step.
Remus leaned his head against the cool wall and closed his eyes. What an exhausting day… As scared as he was of all the new faces he had to see at Hogwarts every day, he experienced the ability to talk to people his age rather pleasantly. Maybe Warren was right and he could finally experience something normal.