Chapter 1
Regulus Black didn’t deserve happiness, at least that’s how he thought. It had been so long since he’d been happy that he couldn’t remember the last time. There was always something, some days were worse than others but it was always bad.
He can’t remember the last time he laughed or smiled in a way that wasn’t angry or sarcastic. Couldn’t remember waking up and not feeling instant dread in the pit of his stomach.
Today was one of those days just like every other, except when he wakes up the first thing he feels is fear. It’s nestled into his stomach but it’s there although he can’t pinpoint why.
It was one of those feeling that something bad was going to happen, even though something bad AWAYS happened this particular feeling was eating at him.
Regulus was paranoid all day, constantly jumpy at work. Even the sound of the coffee pot kicking on kicked his heart into hard-drive. He had also almost punched his coworker Barty in the face when he had gently put a hand on his shoulder to slip past him. Every time the bell chimed the almost threw up.
His shift ended early because of slow business and the sun was near setting. The weather at least was decent, and for a split second Regulus felt relaxed. For the first time that day he took a breath, a deep exhale that made his muscles unknot for a moment.
That was until he got near the stream, and suddenly hands were on him. He reacted with violence but whoever it was dodged it easily, and then the boy is shoved and eats dirt.
When he goes to scramble up a harsh foot stomps down onto his back, making him cry out at the pain that shoots down it.
“Get off, get the fuck off me!” He says, time sounding pissed although he was terrified.
There’s a snicker, and he comes to realize there’s more than one person. Only when he is flipped onto his back and the foot is shoved harshly into his stomach he realizes it’s Snape and his two goon friends.
This wasn’t good-whatever this was wasn’t good. They hated him-DESPISED him for no reason at all other than the fact Regulus was simply better. Smarter in school, faster (when he was actually paying attention), and even though the boy was rude and hostile he was usually a favorite among professors.
“Snape?! You really need to sneak up on me to get a hit in. You’re pathetic.”
The boy just laughs, loud and mocking and hot shame beats it’s way init Regulus’s face.
“The real shame is the fact I took you down, isn’t it? Since you’re ‘so much better than me’ I didn’t even need any of my friends to help. Something going on in your head, Regulus? Did mommy and daddy hit a sore spot again?”
At the mention of his parents the boy freezes, teeth gritting as he kicks and gets the other old, effortlessly rolling away and going to get to his feet before the boy is hit over the head with something, hard enough to see stars.
His visions blurs and he groans, hand coming to his head and coming out covered in dark crimson blood.
“Fuck.” He spits, and then there are multiple hands on him, dragging him down the bank and closer to the water.
Regulus can’t breathe when he realizes they’re dragging him INTO the water. He couldn’t swim and he struggles weakly in their hold, still stunned by the hit to the head.
They didn’t know what they even did this time. School had been on break so there was no test comparisons or compliments from teachers. Did Snape have such a deep hatred for him that he’d result to this without even being instigated?
“Don’t. Severus I didn’t do anything.” He says, his voice cracking.
If his parents heard the desperation in his voice they’d make sure he was black and blue. They didn’t stand for weakness in their family. The health of their children didn’t matter as long as they upheld their reputation. Nobody knew the horrors that went on behind closed doors at the Black house.
Normally Regulus would throw out insults or try to hit so deep it would wound the other, something be wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about for week. In hind sight that probably made him a terrible person but at least he’d own up to that.
He was tired. Tired of battling his way through life. Tired of not being able to catch a break, if not being able to let others in, not being able to trust and of having enemies for things he couldn’t control.
It’s not as if Regulus wants to be the best in the class, not his fault his parents quite literally beat academic success into his head. Not his fault that he was terrified of what would happen if he brought home anything lower than a perfect score. It’s not his fault that the professors take a liking to him, he doesn’t want anyone to like him- doesn’t deserve that sort of compassion and understanding.
Regulus deserves nothing.
There was no way out of this, maybe if it was only Snape or hell maybe even two against one but three? There are hands on his ankles, hands tugging his hands and hands wrapped around his throat, making him gag and twist in their grip.
He kicks out and connects a leg with another’s chest but the other was big and burly and barley lets out even a huff of air at the contact. At least Snape finally let’s go of his neck.
“Let go! It’s not my fault I’m better than you at school. You’re fucking crazy, normal people don’t result to this for a lower grade percentage. I didn’t ask for any of th-“ Before he can finish there is water filling his nose, it stings and Regulus closes his mouth to try and hold his breath for as long as possible.
There’s a moment of panic before his head is lifted and the boy coughs, barley able to take a breath before it’s shoved back under the freezing cold water. He kicks and attempts to shove, but another pair of arms press down and his attempts are futile.
After all the things that had happened in his life the boy had thought a lot of things. He’d wished to be more like his brother, Sirius. Wished for a better family, to be a better person, once he longed for a friend. But through all of the hell and trauma he’d been put through he never wished to die. Now he was afraid his death was about to be in someone else’s hands.
As more pressure builds into his head that makes his eyes feel like they’d burst the boy sees his life flash before his eyes. His panic only gets worse as he accidentally inhales, water filling his mouth and only making him choke more.
Regulus wants to breathe properly, his body thrashes in a way he didn’t think possible but it only slows. For one terrifying moment as his body starts to weaken he manages to get out of the tight grip. He kicks his legs out and hits someone in the stomach, the hands loosen as he springs up with a loud gasp. When hands are arms him again and shoving him downward he lets out one desperate scream.
“Help! Help me, please!” Before he’s almost shoved under again.
His desperate hands clings to Snapes shoulders, shirt, basically anything he can grab. The voice that tumbles past his lips doesn’t sound like him.
“Please don’t.. Severus, please. Think about what you’re going, do you really want murder charges and that on your conscience? I didn’t do anything to you on purpose, please.” He rambles, breathing quick and almost hyperventilating.
For once he wanted to keep living, wake up at least one one miserable day. For a second he was a child again, trying to get away from his parents.
Snape hesitates for just a moment, he can feel it in the way the others shoulders tense. If it wasn’t for his friends then he would’ve stopped and let the other go, possibly bruised but at least alive.
But his friend tells him to hurry up and not listen to the other so suddenly his face meets with water again. It’s the same process, but this time his body falls weaker faster from exhaustion from fighting back.
His visions darkens, body falling limp. Regulus takes what he thinks would be his final breath.
For just a second he wishes for a miracle.