Chapter 1
Ever since he was little, the only thing everyone agreed about him was that he was a monster. It didn't matter if they were a family member, a stranger, or a friend. Everyone agreed that Remus Lupin, in fact, was a monster, crazy, or that he was mental or just simply irrational. The list goes on, really. Somewhere along the lines, he got used to it, hell he started believing them. If so many people said the same, it had to be true, right? Well, at least that's what Remus thought.
He remembers the first time he was called a monster. He remembers being 5 years old. But does it matter when was the first and when was the last you got called that when that's just what you are? And monsters don't deserve to be loved. Remus never knew what love felt like. Sure, he supposed that his parents loved him, his friends. But he could never tell you the feeling.
Of course, if someone asked him, he would say that Sirius, James, Peter Lily, and many others loved him. But he never got rid of the nagging feeling that they just consider him a monster: someone who is angry, hateful, anxious, annoying, someone who might hurt you. He never got over the sense that he was just useful, that it was convenient to keep him around just because he is smart. Just risk getting hurt; walk on your tiptoes to try not to upset him. And be dumped the second his help isn't needed. Why should anything change now that it has always been this way?
And the thing is, he's probably capable of causing harm to them, it's not like it would be the first time. It's not like he has never hurt someone before.
Don't get him wrong; he hates himself for it, always will. He will never forgive himself that someone has ever been scared of him.
But again, it's all just a defense because he's scared, isn't it? Because he'd rather be angry than show that he's afraid.
After all, this anger has been with him ever since he can remember—uncontrollable, blinding, like nothing else, exists at all.
So, maybe they have every right to call him a monster; maybe he just is.
Maybe he doesn't deserve love; no one loves monsters. Maybe they are right; maybe he is a burden to live with.
My guess is as good as yours; perhaps it is what he deserves; perhaps he is correct; monsters aren't supposed to be loved...