Chapter 7
James Potter was for once in his life at a loss for words.
Remus stared at him wide eyed, like he had seen a ghost.
James sat on one of the library's chairs, with his legs resting on Carina’s lap as she read a piece of text she had balanced against his shoes.
James jumped, lowering his feet, and in the process knocking the book that lay on Carina’s lap off to the floor.
She yelped before scowling at him.
Looking closer she saw James’ eyes trained on Remus’ face.
“Lupin, anything we can help you with?” Asked Carina.
Before Remus was able to respond James blurted out, “Moony, you can’t tell him.”
Carina looked at James then, “Who, What- What is happening?”
Remus kept looking back and forth between the pair, before pulling up a chair.
“James, he’s not going to like this.”
“Who in Merlin’s name are you all talking about?”
James turned to look at Carina, “Sirius.”
“You didn’t tell him? That’s pretty dimwitted of you.” Carina said.
“James, how long has this been happening? What even is this?” Remus asked.
“She’s who I tutor. Not a Ravenclaw. Carina Black.” James threw a hand through his hair, knowing that this would only mess it up further.
“Don’t have to say my name like it’s some kind of curse.” Carina muttered.
Remus’ eyes grew comically wide, before completely ignoring Carina’s comment. “This is the girl you’ve been tutoring. The one you keep talking about?”
James could feel his ears turning pink.
“Potter, you’ve been talking about me?” Carina smirked at the boy.
“Prongs, are you an idiot?” Remus said, “He’s going to kill you. His baby sister?! You must be mad.”
“Hey. Stop talking about me like I’m not here.” Carina rolled her grey eyes, “Besides, he gave up his last chance of being protective of me when he left home without me.”
James scrunched his face at that, he still felt at fault for some of the issues that resided between the Black siblings.
“You really didn’t tell them?” Carina asked, she looked surprised.
She turned to look at Remus, “And you had no idea?”
James could feel Remus’ heel tapping against the floor as he bounced his knee.
Remus shook his head, surprise still littering his face.
Carina fiddled with the ends of her sleeves before standing to leave.
“Well, it seems you boys have much to discuss. I’ll see you for our rounds tomorrow James.”
She grabbed her school bag, and packed away the last of her books before exiting with a quick salute to James. “Good luck soldier.” She said before turning.
He had to stop himself from laughing out loud.
“James?! Prongs, she calls you James?” Remus hit James on the arm with a book.
“I’ve been tutoring her for months.” James attempted a smile. “Moony, you can’t tell him. He’s been trying to get her to talk to him for weeks now. If he knew I saw her almost everyday? He’d be pissed.”
“Rightly so, she hasn’t spoken a word to him since she left our dorm after her accident.”
“I’ve been trying to help, I’ve been trying to get her to open up to me, so I can get her to open up to him.”
Remus gave James a look that told him exactly what he thought of that.
“It’s true, I taught her everything I know about transfiguration, just so I can keep these meetings going. I’ve been making improvements, she used to scowl anytime I brought up Padfoot, now she just rolls her eyes.” James suppressed a smirk. But he got the feeling that he was lying to Remus. Padfoot was part of the reason he kept up this relationship with Carina, sure, but he wasn’t the only reason. James enjoyed spending time with Carina, she was refreshing. She hated him, it was suppressed hatred, sure, but hatred nonetheless. This hatred allowed James to simply be himself around her. He did not need to care what she thought of him, because she already thought the worst of him.
She was just enjoyable to be around. Sometimes the pair of them would grow quiet, and James wouldn’t be itching to fill the silence, he was comfortable with it. Comfortable with her.
And her eyes. Which he often spent too much time looking at.
And her hair. Which he had found himself wanting to wrap his hands through.
And her nose. It was just straight enough, until it bubbled just slightly at the bottom.
“I won’t tell him. But you need to.” Remus’ words pulled James out of his thoughts, and he blinked quickly, wiping thoughts of Carina and her features out of his mind.
James nodded. “Give me til Monday?” He grinned sheepishly.
“Tonight Prongs, I don’t want to keep a secret from him.”
“Ok. Ok. It’ll be fine. Right Moony?”
Remus curled his lip. “I’m not so sure Prongs. He’ll be ok eventually. But it might take some time.”
When Remus and James finally returned to their dorm, the latter felt as if he was preparing for battle. And the former. He was just praying this wouldn’t screw with the balances that he and his friends had found throughout the years.
James was fidgeting.
“Merlin Prongs, just open the fucking door.”
James glared at Remus before quickly walking into the room.
Peter was napping on his bed, with his head hanging off the edge.
Sirius was laying on his back, feet and legs pressed against the wall as he boredly scanned through a muggle magazine.
“Sirius? I need to talk to you.”
Sirius started laughing, before attempting to sit and straighten up. “Sorry mate, you just like some copper, all ‘We need to talk’. You’re talking like one of my siblings.” He laughed again, and James grimaced.
When Sirius saw James’ face, he straightened, “Alright, you wanna do it here, or leave?”
“Let’s walk around, no one should bother us. Curfew starts soon.”
As James and Sirius began to wander the halls of the castle, James’ nerves increased. He just needed to spit it out. Words swirled in his head, creating a jumble of phrases, and ways to start this conversation.
“Godric Prongs, Just spit it out. You look like an tosser, standing over there tying your hands into a little knot.” Sirius smiled at James, “I guarantee whatever you did couldn’t be that bad.”
“I’ve been tutoring your sister.”
“Oh.” Sirius straightened, pulling his back into the perfect Black posture. “How do you tutor her, and the pretty Ravenclaw bird?”
“There is no Ravenclaw.” James grimaced. “Just your sister.”
Sirius went silent for a moment.
“My bloody sister has been talking to you for months? And the best I get out of her is some half assed conversation that she doesn’t even want to have.”
“It’s not like she wants to spend the time with me, McGonagall assigned me.”
“She’s struggling in school?”
“Yes. Just transfiguration. But she’s improved loads.”
“She didn’t even tell me.”
“Well to be fair, it’s not as if the three of you are braiding each other's hair and making bracelets together.”
James received a glare for that.
“So everything you said about the ‘Ravenclaw bird’ was about my sister?”
James grimaced again, but nodded.
He hadn’t exactly been excited about his role as tutorer in the first few weeks of their arrangements, and had taken to complaining often.
And once she had grown on him. He had taken to talking about her even more often. But in a different light.
The other marauders had taken to guessing who the girl was, but none had come close to finding him out. Peter had been convinced that it was Pandora, some sixth year Ravenclaw.
“I’m going to walk around a bit more, I’ll see you back at the dorm Prongs.”
“We’re okay right?”
“Of course, I just need a moment.”
Sirius was going to sulk for the next month, James knew it, but this time it was his fault. A pit of guilt swirled in his stomach.
Carina Black was wandering the halls of the castle with her twin, trying to find some empty classroom where they could finally talk openly. The past few weeks of sneaking conversations under their breath was not cutting it any longer.
When they finally found one, Carina sat on an abandoned desk after rubbing off some dust.
“How are you? I feel like I haven’t seen you since we returned from home.” Regulus asked as soon as it was apparent his twin was comfortable.
“Other than only being allowed to wear long sleeves? Just fine.” Carina grinned at her brother.
Regulus rolled his eyes.
“Seriously, you seem quieter since we came back. Always running off with some new lad.”
Carina huffed a laugh. Before muttering, “But I can’t be Sirius, that’s our brother.”
“Truly though, I’m fine.”
“Have you written to Dolohov?”
Carina groaned.
“You ought to. Mum’ll be mad if she hears you’ve been ignoring him.”
“I don’t marry him until August. I have time.”
“Not if you keep sleeping with every lad in our year.”
She smacked him on the shoulder. “Arsehole.”
Carina rolled up her sleeves and began stretching out her arms. “It’s been a while since I’ve been able to see these.”
Regulus chuckled and moved to roll up his own sleeves. “I think the Dark Lord was scared of us catching a cold. Wanted to make sure we kept our sleeves down all year.”
Carina laughed, but couldn’t help but flinch when the man who haunted her dreams was mentioned.
Regulus let out a small cough before asking, “How are things with Potter?”
Carina glowered at her twin.
“Just fine.” She lifted her head curtly. “I’m going to ask him for the letter tomorrow, after our rounds.”
“And you really think he’ll say yes?”
“I haven’t a clue. But he has too. I will be head girl next year.”
“Oh, I just remembered, Miss Evans is hosting a prefect party next week.”
“A prefect party?”
Regulus nodded, and began laughing. “She’s having some prefects clean out an old classroom to host it.”
“Why? She hates half of us.”
“Inter-house unity.”
“Ah. Of course.”
“Either way, I can’t make it. So you definitely have to be there.”
Carina furrowed her eyebrows.
“And why can’t you be there?”
“ Evan and I have some activities that we planned priorly.”
“Activities such as sneaking to Hogsmeade to meet those little Ravenclaws I saw eyeing you all the other day?”
“Possibly.”
Carina sighed, “Leaving me alone to deal with all those brown-nosers.”
“Says the girl who wants to be the leader of said ‘brown-nosers.’ Plus, Dorcas said she’d go with you”
“Fair.”
There was a sound outside of the classroom, the sound of someone sitting down against the wall.
Carina pulled her sleeves down.
“No one is supposed to be out, curfew started ten minutes ago, and the prefects shouldn’t be checking this corridor for another fifteen minutes.” Carina whispered to her twin, before creeping towards the door with her wand drawn.
When she stepped out she saw her older brother, and he looked utterly defeated.
“Sirius?” She asked, “Are you alright?” With that Regulus stepped out of the classroom, glowering at his older brother.
Sirius jumped. “ I didn’t think anyone would be in there.”
“It’s alright, we’ll be on our way.” Carina spoke softly, while grabbing her twin’s sleeve, hoping to pull him away before the interaction escalated, like it always did.
“No, wait, don’t go.”
Carina could feel Regulus tensing next to her.
“Just- Can we just talk?”
Regulus scoffed. “You lost your opportunity to speak to us when you left us.”
“I wanted you to come with me.”
“Bullshit.” Carina said. “You stopped caring about us and what happened to us the second you met your little friends.”
“That’s not true.”
“Well you did a shit job at showing how much you cared.” Said Regulus.
“It’s not as if you lot were any better, you let our parents torture me.”
“Fuck you Sirius.” Carina’s anger was bubbling over, she could not handle her brother’s pity party today. “You were not the only one who had to deal with their wrath.”
Sirius blanched.
“You really think they just stopped their discipline as soon as you left?” Years worth of anger was spitting out of Carina’s mouth.
“I-I thought it would get better.” Sirius got quieter. “Without me screwing everything up.”
“That’s not how it works, and you know it.”
“Just leave Sirius, what’s past is past.” Regulus glared at his brother, but underneath the glare, Carina could see so much hurting.
Her twin had bottled up this pain when they were just kids, and had kept it locked up since, trapping the feeling of abandonment somewhere deep in his mind.
“What if I don’t just want to have a past with you?”
“Then you should have told us your plans to leave before you were out the door.”
“I’m Sorry.” Sirius glared at his siblings, “I am Sorry. Is that what you need to hear? That it was a mistake? Because it wasn’t. I would do it over and over again if it meant I never had to step foot in that horrible house ever again.”
Regulus turned and walked away, not wanting to hear another of his brother’s words.
“Merlin, you couldn’t have held your tongue for once in your life?” Carina asked bitterly. “I just finally got him back to normal after our disaster of a Christmas holiday.”
“What happened over Christmas break?”
“You really think you have a right to ask that?”
“I just asked, are you going to answer it or not?”
“No, Sirius. I am not going to answer your question.” Carina glowered at her brother. She was getting tired of this conversation. “Go run back to your real family.”
As Carina began to turn to leave for the dungeons, Sirius grabbed her arm.
“What do you want from James?”
Carina scoffed. “So that’s what this little blow up is about. You don’t like that I talk to your friend more than I do you.”
“You hate him. Why would you let him tutor you?”
Carina stepped closer to her brother, staring him down. “It is none of your business.”
“The Carina that I know would never need help in Transfiguration. And the Carina that I know would rather spend months in the library than ask for help.”
“Then maybe you don’t know me at all.” It was a low blow, Carina knew it. But she needed to get her brother off her tracks.
With that, she shoved her brother’s hand off of her arm before storming off.