Chapter 8
Carina was drowning.
Not literally of course.
But figuratively? Most definitely.
It was the day before the prefect party and Lily Evans had sent her through the ringer.
Not only this. But James Potter had made it his goal to make Carina’s life a living hell.
With the addition of prefect duties, and schoolwork, and her engagement, and figuring out how to get her brother out of the Dark Lord’s grasp, while simultaneously trying to find a way for Death Eaters into the castle, should they need to, with a plan to stop them as well?
Sure, Carina was drowning.
Currently, she was sitting in the windowsill of an abandoned corridor, deep in the castle, staring out into the grounds of Hogwarts. She had begun to allot ten minutes of this into her schedule everyday, what this was, she wasn’t exactly sure, but it was a moment for her mind to go quiet from the responsibilities that were slowly submerging her in a deep pit.
She took a breath, and checked her watch, seven more minutes.
She had asked James for the letter of recommendation to become head girl next year. And he had said yes. And for half a second Carina let herself believe that she could finally separate herself from the boy, detangling whatever relationship the pair had.
But of course, James Potter, never one to go along with the plan, had added a caveat.
He decided he needed to test if she was responsible enough. The ways that these tests worked was quite simple.
- James was allowed to question her on any school rule, any hour of the day. (The boy had begun popping up everywhere. Excluding the dungeons of course.)
- James was allowed to prank her, to any extent, and she was not allowed to have a violent reaction. (She was however allowed to scream bloody murder until he fixed it, an addition she had found out after he had poured red paint onto her outside the Great Hall.)
- James was allowed to pester her any time, any day, for absolutely no reason, except to push her buttons and see how she reacted. (He did this one often.)
She was losing her mind, but she supposed that was the whole point. He wanted to see if she could handle the pressure of hundreds of people asking her questions a day, specifically the younger students. And if anyone was going to teach her how to deal with a child, it would be James Potter.
“Oh, Cari, Darling?” James said from around the corner, and she could hear his grin before she could see it.
Carina groaned, she still had five minutes left.
“I get five more minutes, Potter. Walk away.”
“But what would be the fun in that?”
“You don’t get your head ripped off?” Carina asked innocently.
James laughed, “What are you even doing?”
“I’ve taken to calling it window time.” Carina said, dragging her arm’s in a way that suggested the name's grandness. “I sit here, and try my hardest not to think.”
“Try not to think? What silly little things are running through your head, Black?”
“Best way to wring your neck.” Carina smirked up at him from her spot in the window.
“Careful, is that what a head girl would say?” He was patronising her.
Carina groaned, and dramatically fell down the windowsill until she was laying on the edge.
“Feeling quite dramatic, are we?” James asked.
“You caught me at window time.” Carina shrugged, sending James a smirk
James walked over to the edge of her window, and sat near her feet.
“How’d you know I was here?” Carina furrowed her brows at James, “Even Evans couldn’t find me.”
“I have my ways.” James plastered a smirk on his face.
“If you don’t tell me, I might just assume you’re my own personal stalker.” Carina smirked right back.
James laughed, and the two of them slowly looked away from each other, and towards the grounds of Hogwarts.
Completely ignoring her last statement, James said, “Big quidditch match tomorrow, will you be there?” He looked at her while he asked, but her eyes remained outside.
He was referring to the match between Ravenclaw and Gryffindor, the one that Gryffindor needed to win if they were to have any chance at the house cup.
Carina scoffed. “Are you kidding, of course I’ll be there. Gotta collect information on the enemy.” She wagged her fingers at him.
James was silent for a second, scanning her face as she looked out of the window, eyes trained longingly at the quidditch pitch.
“Why aren’t you on the quidditch team?” He asked finally.
“James, I told you this already, months ago, my parents don’t believe it proper for women to play.”
“But they have to know how skilled you are.” James pushed, “I haven’t even seen you on a broom, and know that you could win a one on one against half my team.”
“Whole team.” Carina muttered under her breath.
He fixed his glasses that were sliding down the bridge of his nose, before asking, “So why do you listen to them? Why not just join behind their back?”
Carina sighed, but did not remove her eyes from the pitch, trapped in a memory.
“I tried, second year.” Her breath hitched slightly, “I used Sirius’s old equipment, and a school broom.” She laughs lightly, “I was the best tryout in Slytherin that year, and secured the spot of chaser almost instantaneously.”
Carina pauses, and looks at James, taking in his expression before continuing.
“Slughorn mailed my Mother something about how I was the youngest student to join the team, and how proud he was.” She scoffs, “My mother was not quite as impressed. I hadn’t outright disobeyed her in years at this point, so she was furious. Got the school to let me and my brother’s home for a week, claiming some distant relative had died.”
James stays quiet, letting her continue her story.
“I was tortured for the first four days. After the first day, Mum and Dad got tired, so they sent the house elf in. Kreature. Kreature learned something about me in those three days, he knew that I was still planning on going back to school, right back onto the quidditch pitch. He was always one step ahead of me, Kreature, I still hate him for it.” Carina intakes a breath, and can feel Jame’s eyes resting on her face as she continues her story. “So, for the remaining three days of our week off school, he tortured my brothers instead, in front of me.”
She laughs, a quiet, cold, chuckle, “That’s where I get my fear of House elves.”
James looked dumbfounded.
“I remember that- I mean, I remember Sirius leaving for a week, coming back with so many new scars.”
Carina flinched, “I- er- I try not to upset my parents anymore.”
“But you didn’t do anything wrong.” James looked at Carina surprised, “You were twelve.”
“I did something that they told me explicitly not to do.”
James just shook his head, “It’s not right.”
They sat in silence for a moment, Carina was searching for something in James’ eyes, she wasn’t sure what.
Clearing her throat, she said, “I have a piece of advice for you- quidditch advice, I mean.” Her gaze turned calculating. “Prince, your keeper, he leans a little too far to his left, it makes him wobble a bit. If you add just a little extra pressure, he’s sure to fall. Make him fix it?”
James looked at her like she had cured cancer.
“He’s always falling off his broom, how’d you know that’s why?”
“I watch the practices. All of them.”
She blushes a little at her admittance.
“All of them? How do you have the time?”
“I do all my homework out there, sometimes I do my tutoring there as well, with Tyler, instead of the library.”
James smiles a bit at the mention of Tyler, the boy she had defended against Snivellus and Mulciber, and the one she often tutored right before James met up with her for her own tutoring sessions.
“How didn’t I notice you?” James asked, his eyes wide.
“Maybe you just weren’t looking.” Carina says quietly, not removing her eyes from his own.
She’s not sure how, but this conversation turned intimate. Maybe it’s the fact that they're all alone in this corridor. Maybe it’s that she’s been spending so much time with the boy. Maybe it’s the fact that Carina doesn’t hate James anymore, and probably hasn’t for a while.
James pokes her in the stomach for her comment.
“I’ll tell you, with these babies right here,” He points to his glasses, “I have the vision of an eagle.”
Carina laughs.
“James Potter, I have been to every one of your practices since you joined the team.” She draws an X over her chest, “I swear it.”
“You have to be lying.”
“I swear I’m not.” She pushes. “I missed a Hufflepuff practice last term when I had strep, and I cried.”
“You cried over missing a quidditch practice?”
“One for a team I don’t even support.” Carina nods, laughing.
“That sounds like something I would do.” James laughs. “One time, I tried to drown myself in the showers after we lost the Cup my fourth year.”
Carina snorts, “I remember. I was in your dorm after Lupin and Sirius finally dragged you out of the shower and got you to put some clothes on.”
“That's right!” James exclaims, “That was the day that-”
He freezes and Carina laughs.
“When I snogged you so you would stop complaining.”
James laughs, “It worked, I was too busy getting Sirius off my back to be upset.”
“That was my first kiss.” Carina admits quietly, scanning James’ face for a reaction.
“Was it really?” James asks, a small smile on his face.
“I stand by the fact that it was a lousy snog.” Carina smirks at him.
“Sure it was, Black. Whatever you need to tell yourself.”
Carina laughs.
“I’ve improved, I swear.” James defends himself with a laugh, “Besides, you took me off guard. One second you were across the room, the next your lips were on mine.”
“Sure, James, blame it on the surprise.”
“So I was your first kiss?” James asks, puffing out his chest a bit.
Carina laughs before saying, “Indeed you were Potter.”
She continues, “I was joking earlier, honestly, you were quite the snog. Laughing again, she says, “It took a month to convince Sirius it was for his own benefit.”
“I believe it.” James snorts.
“I fancied you back then.” Carina admits with a sigh. “So really, it was for my own benefit at the time, you just looked so upset. I helped in the best way a Black can.” She finishes with a shrug.
James scans her face for humour, but finds none.
Carina begins staring out the window again.
A comfortable silence flows between the pair.
After a moment Carina looks back away from the grounds towards James only to realise that he’s already looking at her.
She stares a moment longer, her grey eyes locked with his amber ones.
Carina blinks, and slowly, she’s shifting closer to James.
And slowly, James is shifting towards her as well.
Carina is looking into his eyes, through his large spectacles, and she can’t see anything else. But she feels it, when James leisurely reaches and pushes a piece of stray hair behind her ear, her hand grasping onto his elbow. His other hand quietly moves to lightly grip her wrist.
The pair is moving together at a snail’s pace, and Carina breathes heavily. James does too, she can see him swallow softly.
Just as his lips are an inch from her own, James slides his hand up her left arm, accidentally bringing some of her sleeve with it.
Carina jumps, and readjusts her sleeve while standing.
“I -Er- I need to leave, Evans’ is expecting me.” Carina blurts before turning and walking quickly from the corridor.
As soon as she’s sure she’s far enough away from James, she slumps against a wall, sitting on the floor.
“Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.” Each time she said the word, she’d lift her head and let it fall back onto the wall behind her.
James Potter?
James Potter?
Out of all the boys in the school, she had to start developing feelings for James Potter?
James Potter?
James Potter who was all bravery and self righteousness.
James Potter who stole her first kiss back in third year.
James Potter whose eyes were too beautiful, his nose too straight, his hair too messily alluring.
Who was she kidding? Of course it was him. It honestly had been for years. However much hatred she tried to bury her feelings under, they always came swimming back to her. And of course he was in that small category of people she could never have. There were too many complications with him.
Her life was too complicated already, and adding a boy that was all too interested in ending the Dark Lord was not a risk she could take. Even if their goals were not so far apart.
And that’s not even mentioning her brothers. Both of them would be furious.
Or her fiance. James Potter was the commitment type, Carina knew that, Salazar, everyone at Hogwarts knew that. And a long term relationship outside of Dolohov was not in the cards for her.
One thought heavier than the rest pushed to the front of her mind.
What if he had seen the mark? Her world as she knew it would have been officially over.
James would have no qualms with sending her straight to Azkaban, even if she had snogged him silly.
Which she would have. Gladly.
“Are you alright over there?” Lily Evans’ voice pulled Carina out of her thoughts.
Carina groaned, but stood with the help of Lily’s hand.
“No.” She sighed. “I am very much not alright.”
Lily sighed as well. “Me either.”
Carina turned to Lily grinning, “Want to distract ourselves with decorating?”
Lily grinned right back. “Most definitely.”
The two of them walked over to the abandoned classroom where the prefect meeting was to be hosted the next day,
The pair got right to work, throwing up streamers and balloons, and every other possible decoration they could.
“You really care about all of us, don’t you?” Carina broke their silence after an hour or so. “The prefects, I mean.”
Lily looked down, “I do. I just- Sometimes I feel like it’s the only thing positive in my life. Being head girl.”
Carina sighed. “I know what you mean.”
Lily looked Carina up and down, “You’d do a good job at it too.”
“At what?” Carina says after a moment.
“Being head girl.” Lily clarifies.
Carina bursts out laughing. She couldn’t stop, and Lily was looking at her like she was mad, until laughter also bubbled out of her mouth. Both girls fell to the floor in their fit of laughter.
Carrina looked over to the redhead.
“I have spent the past two and a half months trying to convince Potter that I am worthy of the role, and you determine it in an afternoon.” Carina laughed again. “I manipulated McGonagall into getting him to tutor me, just so I could pretend to like him, just for the stupid letter of recommendation.”
“You were able to manipulate McGonagall?” Lily’s face drops a bit, “I’ve been trying to do that for years.”
They both erupt with giggles.
After a while, Lily says, “You really should have asked me earlier, I would have written it for you immediately. I know how seriously you take your role as prefect.”
“You don’t think that I’m evil or anything?” Carina asked, serious despite the tone of her question.
Lily turned and looked at Carina deeply, “Should I?”
Carina swallowed, but shook her head.
“Then I trust you.” Lily nodded, sure of herself. “You’ve never been anything but kind to me, something I cannot say about all Slytherin’s”
“I’m sorry about Snape.” Carina doesn’t know where the sureness of her statement comes from, but she’s positive she needs to say it.
Lily sighs, turning towards the ceiling. “Severus and I have a complicated friendship.”
“You deserve better.”
She sighs again, “I know.”
Carina stands, dragging Lily up with her.
“Back to ignoring our problems and decorating?”
“Obviously.” Lily says, throwing her hair up into a ponytail. “I want to have this balloon arch done tonight. Lest it kill me first”
Carina snorts, “Aye aye Captain.”
James Potter is confused.
It doesn’t tend to be an emotion that he feels, but when it comes to Carina Black, he seems to feel it all the time.
Things had seemed fine between them, in fact he was almost positive her hatred towards him was gone.
Yet here he was, in an abandoned corridor of the castle, alone on a windowsill.
He was going to kiss Carina Black.
He was going to kiss Carina Black.
For the second time.
But she had pulled back last second, running out of the hall like a mad woman, murmuring something about Lily.
What happened?
She had gone from leaning into him, to running as far away as she could.
James needed advice. Desperately. But who could he turn to? Padfoot, who was her brother? Moony? Who would just tell Pads.
Peter.
It was his best option.
James began walking as quickly as he could in towards the great hall where he expected Peter to be, as lunch was just starting.
He paused though when he heard the voices of two students talking down the hall.
“She’s been ignoring me since we got back from break.”
James paused, he couldn’t help it. The curiosity got to him. He wasn’t one to spread gossip but his interest piqued, there was nothing he could do but listen.
“She’s been going through a lot, don’t take it personally, she barely even talks to me.” The voice was familiar to James, but he couldn’t place it.
“She’s been stuck in her head for weeks, you can see it on her face. She only raised her hands twice in Slughorn's class the other day, and we were learning about unicorn blood. Remember in fourth year when she wouldn’t talk about anything else?” The second voice pointed out.
“I told you, she’s going through a lot.” The first voice paused and groaned. “You can’t tell her I told you this, but she met the lad she’s supposed to marry.” He paused again, “It wasn’t pretty. The mucker is at least forty and has a kid. Not to mention, he’s actually hideous, in personality and looks.”
“He has a kid?” The second voice exclaims, “She’s sixteen, how’s she going to raise a kid?”
James was glad he hadn’t moved, this was wild information, something from a story, no way this girl's life could be real.
“I don’t know, but Mum said he approved the marriage.” James could hear the first boy rubbing his face with his hands. “Basically assigned it.”
The second boy whispered something, and James couldn’t make out all of the words, but he heard one. “Carina.”
They were talking about Carina.
James finally placed the voices, it was Regulus Black and Evan Rosier. Her best friends.
He could feel himself pale as he continued the walk to the great hall.
Peter was having a wonderful morning.
He had snuck out to Hogsmeade with Sirius the day before, so their collections of candies and prank supplies were all full.
He had completed the last of his homework with Moony in the library, and was currently sitting in the great hall eating the perfect lunch.
All went to hell when James walked in the room.
Peter almost rolled his eyes at the sight, James could be dramatic at times. Very dramatic.
James walked straight over to Peter and sat down without a word.
“James, you alright mate?” Peter asked after a moment of silence.
James looked up from the table to look at Peter, as if he just now noticed the boy was there.
James rubs his eyes underneath his glasses, and throws a hand through his already messy hair.
“Peter, I’ve almost kissed an engaged woman.”
Peter closes his eyes and lays down his head in his arms on the table.
He waits a moment before lifting his head again, taking a breath to calm himself, he clasps his hands together.
“Context Prongs.” Peter breaths out.
“Right. Sorry.”
James looks down at the table.
“I don’t know where to start Wormy.”
“The beginning?” Peter suggests.
James glares at Peter quickly before beginning his story. He doesn’t spare a detail.
Peter waits for a moment, thinking through everything James has said.
“You really know how to pick ‘em Prongs.”
James snorts. “That I do.”
“So what are you gonna do about it? It’s clear you have feelings for the bird.”
James raises an eyebrow.
“James, you just spent twenty minutes describing every time you flirted with her for the last two months.” Peter laughs, “You cannot tell me you don’t fancy her just a little bit.”
James grimaced, obviously not going to respond.
“So what are you going to do about it, Prongs?”
“I haven’t an idea.” James finally says after a moment.
“Find one.” Peter says simply. He’s learned over the years that no matter how hard he tries, none of his friends will listen if he tells them exactly what to do, but if he gives the most vague advice ever, they worship it.
James nods once before standing. “Thanks Pete, I needed that.”
It takes extra effort for Peter not to roll his eyes.