Chapter 15
October 30, 1975
Remus
It’s been almost a week since the Quidditch incident and the results of Remus’ hard work were already showing: James’ bandage was gone, not a single scratch on his body, and he was back in class. Remus wishes he had tried better but he did the best a 15-year-old wizard could do.
Regulus said that in order to create a spell you need “the right wand movement and the incantation”. Remus spent two nights working on the right spell which could protect both Sirius and James from any incendiary curses coming from Mulciber and his lot and by the beginning of the match he was ready.
Or so he thought.
Spells cast, Remus was sure nothing could undermine Sirius and James’ safety. After all, Mulciber and Avery have never been characterized by high mental activity, so there was no chance they could come up with something way too destructive. Turned out Remus was wrong. Partially.
Mulciber and Avery might have been the ones to cast the curse, but had it not been for Snape, there would have been to curse at all. However, Remus was sure there was no way they could prove Snape’s involvement in it. Unlike Mulciber and Avery, the jerk stayed in the stands the whole match, so the chances of holding him accountable, unless the two idiots decided to speak, were very low. Remus bet that if they checked Snape’s wand, there would be nothing on him.
Asking Barty and Evan to beat the shit out of Mulciber and Avery was the easiest thing he ever did. Remus didn’t even have to explain himself – just a simple ‘lads, fancy teaching some buggers a lesson?’ was enough for them to say ‘we’re in’. The three of them agreed that a month detention was worth it.
So, on Thursday night Remus polishes the floor in the Potions class as Barty and Evan sort out roots in Slughorn’s utility room.
‘D’you think we should just cut them all the same size?’
‘D’you think Sluggy will cut your billy off for that?’
‘I’m being serious. I’m not in the mood to deal with this shit.’
‘You think I am?’
‘Hey, Remus!’
Remus wipes the sweat off his forehead leaning on the mop in his hands.
‘What?’
‘Should we cut the dandelion roots the same size as the mandrake ones?’ Barty asks.
‘Why you asking?’
‘We gotta sort them out but I don’t want to so I was planning on throwing the remaining ones in the same box. The problem is, dandelions are fucking long.’
Remus furrows his eyebrows. ‘Well, if I were you, I wouldn’t do it. They are used for completely different kinds of potions, the consequences could be bad.’
‘Thanks, lad! I’m cutting them, then.’
‘Idiots,’ Remus sighs to himself.
After they’re done with cleaning the room and sorting out the roots, Remus is exhausted. The only thing he dreams of is taking a long shower and going to sleep at once. Trying to work on the spell for Sirius and James, then switching to working on the spell for Regulus, have been taking all his free time, most of which he has at night, and his lack of sleep has already led to headaches.
‘Lupin, are you going to the dinner with us?’ Evan asks as they leave the classroom.
‘Nah, I think I’ll just go to sleep already.’
‘But it’s only 8.’
‘Yeah, I know, but I really am tired. Unlike you lot I’ve actually been devoted to my detention.’
‘That explains why you smell of detergent and a dirty floor rag,’ Barty smirks.
‘Cheers, Crouch. See ya.’
In the dorm Remus takes a long shower in attempt to wash the day off of him. He takes a cigarette afterwards, filling the room with smoke, and goes to bed without a single thought in his head.
October 31, 1975
At breakfast Remus finally gets a letter from Alwyn.
‘Hey, Remmy! Thank you very much for your kind wishes. My 19th birthday went great. I had some friends over, Alice and Frank – do you remember them? Anyway, it was really fun. We didn’t do much, mostly talked about work and some tea – but I loved it. Haven’t really spent such a lovely time ever since you left.
Our mothers have become very close friends! Hope visits us every other day, mum is delighted. Starts to feel like she’s my aunt, hahaha. She sends you lots of love, by the way. They’re having tea in the garden right now. The weather is just amazing.
Now, a word about the presents: Remmy, you’re the best! Can’t believe you got that book for me, I swear I couldn’t find it anywhere. You’re a life savior! That was very considerate of you.
And I really love the ring. Haven’t taken it off ever since I got your birthday letter. My favourite piece of jewelry so far (you know I don’t wear any jewelry don’t you).
Miss you a lot. Can’t wait to see you during Christmas break. Alice and Frank are also looking forward to meeting you. Hope you can get along!
Love,
Alwyn’
Remus smiles slightly and puts the letter into his pocket, focusing on his toast and a cup of tea.
‘Lupin, ya coming to the party tonight?’ Barty throws a sugar cube at him.
‘Can’t talk to people without assaulting them, can you now,’ Remus replies sarcastically. ‘I’m not coming. Got some stuff to sort out.’
‘With Black? You two have been hanging out a lot lately,’ Evan notices.
‘Sorta.’
‘What’s it about, then?’
‘None of your business, Rosier.’
‘Ouch,’ Evan puts his hand to his heart. ‘Watch your mouth, Lupin. It’s Halloween, terrible things can happen to you.’
‘There’s nothing worse than talking to the two of you so early in the morning.’
Barty lets out a laugh. ‘We’re the best you have.’
‘Don’t flatter yourself, Crouch.’
Remus takes a sip of his tea and looks across the tables. James and Peter are talking amongst themselves and the girls but Sirius is nowhere to be found. Remus couldn’t help but notice that ever since the Quidditch incident Sirius has been acting unusually: he wouldn’t crack any jokes during double Potions, wouldn’t make fun of Slytherins, wouldn’t race with James during the last Quidditch practice (Remus might’ve spied on him just a bit). When he bumped into Remus in the library just the day before, he didn’t make any sarcastic comments, just mumbled a quiet ‘sorry’ and made his way out.
James doesn’t look like he is enjoying himself either but it doesn’t bother Remus much as at least Potter is alive and no longer injured. That’s all that matters to Remus.
Finishing his breakfast, Remus goes to the backyard for a breath of fresh air and a cigarette. Lighting up one, he takes a long drag and closes his eyes. It’s not raining but the dark grey clouds above his head look like they’re about to pour.
‘Hey, I’ve been looking for you. Dorcas said she saw you go out so I figured you might be here.’
‘Sure she did,’ Remus smiles. ‘Barty and Evan have been asking about "our project". Told them I’m not going to the party ‘cause I’m busy working with you.’
Regulus rolls his eyes. ‘Those fuckers.’
‘Whatever. They’re our friends, it’s natural that they should be interested.’
‘The exact reason why I don’t have any friends of my own.’
‘Pandora would have a heart attack if she heard you right now.’
‘One day you will too if you keep on smoking these,’ Regulus looks pointedly at the smoldering cigarette in Remus’ hands.
‘Want to take a puff?’
‘Nah, I’m good.’
Remus shrugs his shoulders and takes the last drag before putting the cigarette out and throwing it away.
‘So, what did you want to talk about? Just before you ask, I’m still working on the spell. I have some progress but it’s nothing much, really.’
Regulus looks away for a second and Remus notices him fidget his fingers. ‘It’s not related to the Cup, actually.’
‘Oh?’
‘Yeah.’
‘I’m all ears.’
‘I think you should take another cigarette.’
Remus’ eyes open wide. ‘You’re intriguing me.’
Regulus smirks. ‘Trust me, you never saw this one coming.’
Remus focuses his attention on Regulus, waiting for him to start speaking. Of course it can’t be anything crazy.
‘I think I’m falling in love with James Potter.’
Remus remains silent. He reaches for the pack, takes out a cigarette and lights it up.
‘You’re right, I never fucking saw it coming.’
Remus holds out his hand and Regulus takes his cigarette without hesitation.
‘How?’
Regulus takes a deep drag and starts. ‘Well, remember the Quidditch match we had in May of last year?...’
After Regulus is done telling his story, Remus takes a few minutes to let it sink in. Not only was he completely blind in figuring out the fact that his best friend has been struggling with his feelings all on his own all this time, but he also failed to be there for him when Regulus needed him most.
‘Reg, I’m so sorry you had to deal with it on your own. I can only imagine how hard it must have been for you. And thank you for sharing with me,’ Remus says finally, giving Regulus a hug.
‘Couldn’t have been harder than for you, though. You’ve been into your secret guy for a year now,’ Regulus says.
‘Guess you’re right,’ Remus says. ‘At least you both feel the same way.’
Regulus’ smile fades. ‘Well, that’s something I haven’t told you yet. I, um, told him to stay away from me. It just can’t work, Remus. We can’t work.’
‘Why? Wh-what you mean?’
‘You lot may not be homophobic but my family…Remus, you can’t imagine what maman would do if she ever found out. And I’m not talking about myself – I’m talking about James. Especially after what Mulciber, Avery, and Snape did to him I- I just feel helpless. If I can’t protect him here, how can I ever protect him once we’re out of here?’ Regulus says. ‘And also Sirius…It’s his fucking best friend. He would lose his fucking mind if he ever found out that his brother was with his best friend.’
‘Fuck, Reg…I’m so, so sorry. That’s so fucked up,’ Remus sighs.
‘I know, Lupin. Sorry for dumping so much of my shit onto you. You deserve better.’
‘Don’t say that, Black. That’s exactly what friends are for. I wouldn’t trade you for any other fucker.’
‘Cheers,’ Regulus puts on a wry smile.
‘Also,’ Remus clears his throat, ‘I might’ve just forgotten to tell you something. Promise you won’t be mad.’
‘Can’t promise anything.’
‘Just as I thought,’ Remus sighs nervously. ‘Long story short, I knew about the fireball attack in advance. Overheard the three of them talk about throwing some prank involving fire during the game. I made a spell to protect your brother and James but I had no idea Snape would really go in for a dark curse. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier, I thought I would handle it myself.’
‘Merlin, Remus,’ Regulus shouts. ‘What the fuck! That’s...Fuck.’
‘Yeah man, I know.’
‘Did you warn them?’
‘I did, yeah. I don’t think Sirius took me seriously, though. He was scared as fuck when James fell. Reckon he never expected anything to happen.’
‘Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. That’s so fucking Sirius behavior.’
‘Tell me about it.’
‘Wait,’ Regulus says. ‘You said you created a spell? Like, your own?’
‘Yes, I did. Tried in on myself beforehand.’
‘You did fucking WHAT? Don’t tell me you set yourself on fire for that,’ Regulus looks at him threateningly.
‘Well, how else would I check that it works?’ Remus replies innocently.
Regulus starts laughing maniacally. ‘My best friend has lost his fucking mind.’
‘Maybe just a bit.’
They don’t speak for a couple of minutes until Regulus breaks the silence again.
‘Thank you, Remus. I’m still mad you didn’t tell me but--- if it weren’t for you, I--- don’t even want to think about what could happen. I’m very grateful to you for everything you’ve done for me and everything you keep doing.’
‘Sure, Reg. Love you.’
‘Love you, too.’
‘Tosser.’
‘Bugger.’
They smile at each other and share a comfortable silence for a while, until the first drop of rain falls to the ground. They might have skipped the first period but they still have just enough time to show up for the next one.