Chapter 6
September 26, 1975
Remus
He’s sitting with Barty and Evan at lunch when an owl flies above his head, dropping a letter right into his hands. Remus furrows his eyebrows. He sent his letter to Hope only this morning, meaning she couldn’t have replied to him this fast. This one must be from Alwyn, then.
‘Your mum?’ Barty asks, nodding his head at the letter.
Remus shakes his head. ‘Can’t be, I just sent her a letter after breakfast.’
‘Alwyn?’ Evan suggests.
‘I guess,’ Remus replies, opening the letter.
‘Hey, Remmy! – Remus smiles to himself as he reads the first line. Alwyn is the only person who’s ever called him Remmy.
Thank you for the letter, I’m so glad you decided to reach out. I miss you lots.
I’ve been dying to tell you that I’ve been accepted into the Auror Recruitment programme! You know how much I’ve wanted this, and it’s such an honour to be a part of something big. None of my Ravenclaw mates have been accepted into the programme, it seems, and I am the only one from my year so far.
The training starts in early October, so I still have some time to recollect all the knowledge I have from Hogwarts, especially from DADA classes. Hope you pay attention to your own studies. Who knows, maybe in a couple of years you will join me in the Aurors office!
By the way, I’ve just finished the book you recommended, ‘Giovanny’s Room’. I wish I had discovered it earlier! I loved it, though the story itself was very tragic. I wonder what your opinion on Giovanny is. I think you might have found Giovanny to be prejudiced and rude, especially towards Hella. I feel sorry for him, though. He had a tough life.
Mum just baked a chocolate cake, your favourite. She sends you her best wishes!
Also tell your friends I said ‘hi’, I’m glad you told them about me, and I’m looking forward to meeting them one day, especially Regulus!
Hope to hear from you soon.
Love,
Alwyn
Remus folds the letter and puts it into his pocket, the smile never leaving his face. He and Alwyn spent a lot of time together in the summer, reading books, watching sunsets, and kissing lazily in the pool in Alwyn’s garden. Despite being two years older than Remus, Alwyn seems to be much softer and younger, wearing pink glasses wherever he goes and wearing his heart on his sleeve. Maybe it’s just Remus who acts way too tough for his age, but he had no choice but to grow up fast.
‘Lads, Alwyn says “hi”,' Remus tells Barty and Evan, looking for Regulus among other Slytherins. He wanted to catch him before the match to wish him luck, but Regulus is nowhere to be found. Remus thinks he must’ve left already.
‘Wow, you’ve told him about us?’ Evan asks surprinigly.
‘’Course I have, Rosier. I’ve told him how awful you two are,’ Remus sneers.
‘Liar, he wouldn’t ask you to say “hi” to us if he thought we were bad guys,’ Barty retorts.
Remus just shakes his head. ‘I’m off, I need to talk to Regulus. See you at the match,’ he says getting up from the table and heading to the bleachers where Regulus is most likely to be found.
Honestly, Remus never liked Quidditch. He’d rather read another book or two instead of watching 14 wizards flying back and forth for an hour or so. The only reason Remus attends matches is because Regulus is on the team. And it just happens that Sirius is also on the team, though a different one. Seeing Sirius in his uniform, with his hair in a bun, floating in the sky – well, that’s definitely a view, and Remus knows that most students at Hogwarts would agree with him. Especially Mary Macdonald who’s been around Sirius pretty often lately.
He’s never been of a jealous kind, honestly. There’s just something about Black that makes Remus feel something. Mary is a nice girl and seems to be good friends with Sirius, which is great. Remus is friends with Dorcas, who, apparently, is a girl, so he’s well aware there might be nothing between Macdonald and Sirius, just like there’s nothing between him and Meadows. However, if Sirius and Mary were more than friends – well, it’s none of Remus’ business, but he thinks he’d feel a bit disappointed. And maybe mad. It’s none of his business, though. It can’t be.
Did he think he was falling for Sirius during their Potions class? Maybe he did, but that’s only because his senses before the full moon always sharpen. He just wasn’t thinking clearly.
Remus lights up a cigarette as he leaves the castle. It started out as a fun activity when he was 14 but it’s turned into a habit he can’t quit now. Not as if he wanted to, anyway. He takes a puff and exhales, the smoke burning his throat. Remus can’t believe he still finds it relaxing. Alwyn never smokes and doesn’t support Remus in deliberately developing lung cancer. How ironic it was of Remus to ask him out in exchange of cigarettes.
Just as he turns round the corner, he catches a glimpse of a couple emerging from the arch in the backyard. He will be damned.
It’s Dorcas, their Dorcas, snogging Marlene fucking McKinnon. Remus takes another puff as he comes up closer to them, exhaling loudly to get their attention. No reaction follows. It’s going to be interesting.
‘Hey, Cas,’ Remus says innocently, leaning on the pillar a few feet away from Dorcas and Marlene. ‘Didn’t want to distract you two but I’m looking for Reg. Have you seen him?’
Dorcas immediately withdraws from Marlene, her cheeks red and her breathing heavy. Marlene looks at him wide-eyed, as if she’s seen a ghost, holding a small object in her right hand and almost dropping it in surprise.
‘You—I didn’t—I—’ Dorcas’ eyes move quickly from Remus to Marlene, looking for some sign of help.
‘I’m sorry to disappoint you, Meadows, but you actually did. You did snog McKinnon. I’d assume you’d been imperiod if you hadn’t looked so flushed and obviously invested in the process,’ Remus lets out a laugh, still not quite believing the scene he’s witnessed.
‘It’s not a crime to snog your girlfriend,’ Marlene interferes.
Remus raises an eyebrow, taking another drag. ‘So it’s official?’
‘We’re not out yet. Regulus is the only one who knows, he figured it himself. But yeah, we’re together,’ Dorcas smiles shyly.
‘Dor, I’m happy for you,’ Remus smiles at Dorcas, pulling her in a hug. She hesitates for a moment before hugging him back.
‘Remus, I swear if you tell anyone about this—’ Dorcas says threatening him with a finger.
‘I promise you I won’t.’
Marlene crosses her arms and looks at Remus suspiciously. ‘And how do we know you’ll keep your promise?’
‘McKinnon, if I were you, I’d trust your girlfriend to trust me. I have no intentions of walking around the castle and telling everyone that my friend was snogging a Gryffindor. No offense,’ Remus says emotionless, putting out his cigarette and throwing it away.
‘None taken, Lupin,’ Marlene throws.
‘So, Cas, have you seen Reg?’ Remus turns to Dorcas.
She furrows her eyebrows. ‘I have, actually. He got a letter at lunch and left immediately. I think it was from Walburga, he looked terrified when he opened it.'
Remus squeezes the bridge of his nose.
‘Shit. Did he tell you where he was going?’
‘No, sorry,’ Dorcas replies apologetically. ‘I didn’t dare ask, I think he wanted to be left alone.’
‘’s okay, I’ll look for him,’ Remus sighs. It’s looking pretty bad.
‘Let me know if you find him. The match starts soon so maybe he’s under the bleachers, like usually?’
‘I was just heading there. Anyway, thank you.’
Remus turns to Marlene. ‘Take care of her,’ he says, nodding at Dorcas, ‘or me and Barty will take care of you’.
‘No need to threaten me, Lupin. She’s safer with me than with you lot.’
‘I doubt that, McKinnon.’
‘I couldn’t care less, Lupin.’
Remus shakes his head and gives Dorcas a hug, waving her and Marlene goodbye as he leaves them standing in the backyard.
Regulus
Fucking Bellatrix with her fucking mind games. Does she really think he’s stupid enough to trust her?
Regulus rereads the letter, again, and again, and again, trying to find a loophole in her instructions. Being a puppet in your cousin’s hands isn’t much fun, especially when your cousin is a crazy wracking bitch. Regulus takes another look at the small object she sent to him along with the letter and none of it makes sense to him.
‘Be the lovely cousin you are, Reggie, and take care of the little something I’m sending you. Look for the best hiding spots at Hogwarts or find your own way of keeping it a secret. Tell no one, your mummy would be proud of you.
Best wishes,
Bella’
The little something in question looks like a goblet the size of a thimble. Regulus has no idea who it belongs to and why he is asked to hide it somewhere. Why him, anyway?
Your mummy would be proud of you means you would go to Azkaban for doing as I say, but I’m asking you to do it nonetheless.
Regulus sighs and closes his eyes, leaning on the stone wall. He is supposed to be in the changing room right now but instead he’s sitting on the floor of Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom where none of his friends would ever look for him.
For a second he considers ignoring Bella’s request completely but he knows what the consequences will be. He will either be tormented by the cruciatus curse or he will be made to torture someone else, and he doesn’t know which of two evils is the lesser one.
He opens his eyes and takes the tiny goblet (is it even a goblet?) in his hands, trying to get a better look at it. Whatever this object is, it must be filled with loads of dark magic, because even getting a hold of it makes Regulus uneasy. He isn’t even sure he wants to know the whole story behind it.
He’s only 14, he’s not supposed to deal with such shit. It feels too much. Regulus was hoping that staying at Hogwarts would keep him away from his family and their schemes but life’s definitely had other plans for him. He lets out a heavy sigh and wraps his hands around his head, thinking about what to do next.
Suddenly he hears footsteps approaching him, but he’s so overwhelmed with everything at the moment that he doesn’t even bother rasing his head to look at them. Maybe they’ll simply think he’s daydreaming and won’t start an unnecessary conversation. He doesn’t think he can handle talking to anyone right now, not in this state. Too vulnerable, too easy to hurt.
‘Reg? What are you doing here?’ Regulus hears a familiar voice. What the fuck is his brother doing here? Out of all people, for Merlin’s sake.
‘Sirius? Why aren’t you at the match?’ Regulus asks him raising his head and quickly hiding Bella’s possession in his pocket.
‘Could ask you the same question,’ Sirius says leaning on the opposite wall and looking directly at Regulus.
They keep on staring at each other, neither daring to break the silence. Regulus bites his lip and looks down at his hands, breaking the eye contact but still feeling Sirius’ gaze on himself. Regulus wishes his brother would simply leave. What a shame Sirius can’t read his mind.
All of a sudden Regulus feels a rush of air, and seconds later Moaning Myrtle appears from one of the cabins.
‘Hi, Sirius,’ she says smiling broadly at him, looking excited as if she’s been waiting for him to come.
Regulus gives Sirius a ‘what the fuck is going on here’ look. Sirius simply shrugs his shoulders.
‘Hey, Myrtle. How’re you doing?’
‘You know, Sirius. Lonely,’ she flies up closer to him, ‘very lonely. You haven’t been here lately, I thought you’ve forgotten about me.’
So he’s been spending time with Moaning Myrtle? Interesting.
‘Sorry, I’ve been a bit busy. I can’t stay for a long time, got a match today,’ Sirius says throwing a quick look at Regulus. Regulus looks away and shakes his head not quite believing he’s witnessing his brother’s interaction with a dead girl.
‘Good luck, Sirius, I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you,’ Myrtle says in a flirty voice. Merlin, is she not aware she’s literally a ghost?
‘Thanks, Myrtle. See you,’ Sirius throws as she leaves the two of them alone.
Making sure she’s gone, Regulus smirks and finally asks, ‘So, you and Moaning Myrtle? Have Pettigrew and Potter got tired of you?’
‘You wish. I come here when I want to be alone, Myrtle just happens to be willing to talk from time to time. No, Reg, don’t give me that look,’ Sirius says threateningly as Regulus tries to hold back his laughter.
‘What look? Sirius, that’s pathetic even for you.’
‘Says you. You were the one who came here today, Reg. And what’s the reason? Didn’t want to be found?’ Sirius crosses his arms. ‘I doubt Crouch or Lupin would ever look for you in the girl’s abandoned bathroom.’
Regulus bites his tongue. Fucking Sirius and his fucking ‘I know everything’ attitude.
‘None of your business.’
Regulus hates when Sirius asks him questions. He isn’t supposed to. Regulus can’t be honest with Sirius about pretty much anything, he simply can’t afford it. Avoiding him has so far been the best and easiest option.
‘Who’s the letter from?’ Sirius gestures at the parchment under Regulus’ thigh. ‘Is it from Mother?’ he raises an eyebrow.
Another question Regulus can’t answer. He looks away.
‘Even if it was, I wouldn’t tell you. Fucking leave, I came here first.’
‘Fuck you, Reg. Why are you being so mean?’
Because I fucking have to.
‘Why are you never minding your own business?’
Sirius purses his lips into a thin line. Regulus wishes he could talk to him normally, without having to constantly hide things from him. It’s his older brother, for Merlin’s sake, he’s supposed to be there for him when Regulus’ life is shit. And honestly? It’s deep shit.
‘Reg, talk to me, please. Don’t shy away,’ Sirius says almost begging.
Regulus stands up and cleans up his robes.
‘The match starts soon.’
‘Reg, please don’t do this to me again. I’m trying, I’m really trying to be there for you, but you make it fucking impossible.’
Regulus is very close to taking the mask off and rushing into Sirius’ arms. He wants to be held by him, he wants to tell his brother about Bella and the letter, he wants to tell him about how terrible his summer was and how he wishes things had been different. But he can’t. If he really wants Sirius to save himself and leave, he has to make sure Sirius doesn’t have any reasons to stay, and the best way to ensure it is to prove that Regulus hates him.
‘I never asked you to try, Sirius. I don’t even know what the fuck you want from me. There is nothing for me to tell you so just leave me fucking alone, would you?’
‘Reg, I—’
‘See you at the match,’ Regulus throws as he leaves the bathroom. He’s on the edge of bursting into tears so he clenches his fists until his palms bleed. He can’t handle emotional pain, but physical? That’s the best distraction he knows.