I Feel You
Hermione swallowed anxiously. This was something she had never done before. Hermione and he had recently crossed lines that neither of them would ever consider crossing, but here she was, waiting for Draco Malfoy to teach her a brand-new spell. She could feel her heart pounding against her ribcage as if warning her that the situation was likely to turn out badly.
Draco was looking at her expectantly, his thoughts hidden behind those steel blue eyes, and the only sound in the room was him tapping his wand to his leg. They remained still for what seemed like an age until Draco finally spoke. "I'll show the wand movement first, it's quite easy," He moved closer to her and stood in front of her. "You move your wand to the person you want to be linked with, in our case, me," the side of his lips curved a bit. "Then, you'll point it to yourself and complete the bond.“
It made sense, Hermione nodded. "And the incantation?"
He grasped her wrist with his free hand. She wasn't sure what to make of the fact that he approached her so casually. She anticipated that his hand would be soft like she recalled it from their dance, and he didn't surprise her. The point of her wand pricked his chest as he drew her hand towards himself. She didn't know what was wrong with her, but this small movement caused a tiny bit of heat to bloom in her chest. "You'll say spiritus as you point your wand at me," he then repositioned her hand so that the wand's tip was facing her. "And then, vincio.”
"Spiritus vincio?" She asked and lowered her wand so that he wouldn't be able to touch her anymore. It was better this way.
"Yeah," he nodded.
"It means I win, or even worse, conquer the spirit. That doesn't sound good.“
The heat she had just felt was nothing compared to the scorching that spread through her body in an instant after hearing him chuckle. It had been some time since she heard him laugh like this. It was so tiny yet so real and genuine. Every time she made him laugh, it was completely unintentional and she had no idea how she did it.
"I'm not trying to possess your soul, Granger. Simply put, the old folks who invented this spell were romantics, that's all."
Okay... A romantic aspect of the spell hadn't occurred to her before, but now she was considering it. It simply needed to improve the melody of the spelling, right?
"So... we won't," she bit her lower lip, stopping herself from talking any longer.
It was stupid.
"Won't what?" He questioned with narrowed eyes. He could see her struggling with herself. She shifted her gaze away from him and fumbled with her fingers. He made a valiant effort to control his laugh, but his cheeks were causing his mouth to curl upwards. Her internal battles were always entertaining to observe.
"Nevermind," she said as if that would erase the fact that her face was pink from embarrassment.
Her change of heart only piqued his interest more. "There shouldn't be any questions in your mind. In the end, I'm here to help." He gave her a comforting glance.
It was absolutely stupid yet she opened her mouth once again. "You know like... have romantic feelings for each other?"
He was suppressing a chuckle only a moment earlier, but it was gone suddenly as if it had never been there. He had no idea what to anticipate from her, but this was not the kind of response he could even imagine hearing from her. Having feelings for one another? Romantic? Not a chance. Him and her? It was inconceivable to even consider the concept.
Yet she did.
If she didn't feel anything for him, why would she give it any thought? The more he thought of the possibility, the more it chilled him. He did enjoy spending time with her, he could admit that to himself now. He also gave a thought about what would happen to them if they weren't born enemies. He'd like to be her friend at some point, but having feelings would be going too far.
It was wrong and impossible after all. He glanced at her once again, oblivious to the warmth in his hands. "If you want to confess something, now is your chance," he said and hid his hands behind his back as he squeezed them to maintain his smirk.
Her eyes were wide open but she seemed completely frozen in place. She cleared her throat and began to speak, but nothing came out. He waited patiently, knowing what was coming next; another punch in his face or a hex.
She closed her mouth and took a deep breath before she spoke again, slowly looking away. "My question was purely hypothetical and logical... don't twist my words," she said and tried to keep her calm demeanour despite being visibly uncomfortable.
"I was joking, Granger." Maybe he wasn't, he couldn't be too sure. "I haven't heard of something like that. As I said, it will create a bond, yes, but magic can't create emotions —at least not real emotions," he said.
She looked back at him. "Have your parents ever used this spell?"
He visibly stiffened. She could tell it made him uncomfortable to talk about his parents, but she had to ask.
"I... I haven't… thought about that," Draco looked away. Yes, of course they were bonded, but he always assumed it was natural. Like when two individuals truly love and trust one another to the extent of sharing their feelings. He had always wished to have that kind of connection with someone, but now, he was trying to accept the possibility that his parents' bond might not have been real at all. But if they were bonded, the spell was unquestionably more powerful than the one she was about to perform.
"I thought it would be better for us to understand if you had seen two people who do have feelings for each other use this spell, but you're probably right," she knew this would make up for the uncomfortable situation they were in, she wouldn't normally admit that he was right. "When you think about it, it actually makes sense.“
His eyebrows drew near. "What do you mean?"
"Think about it. Having the ability to project your feelings or pain upon the person you are linked with almost sounds like conquering their souls to me. Because you do have control over them, and of course, they do too.“
He had never once thought so much about this spell before. Granger was always the same curious mind. Yes, maybe you do conquer someone's soul, so what? The effects weren't even that grand. She was overrating it as he imagined she would.
"Let's practice the spell before I change my mind, Granger."
"Right," she muttered and took a step back holding up her wand and pointing at him. Since he was at the target point of her wand, the sudden change in her demeanour made him uneasy. She tried to look a bit less intimidating and focused on his chest where her wand was pointing at, saying: "Spiritus," after which he nodded. She then pointed the wand back at herself. "Vincio."
She looked at him expectantly just as he did the same. "Did it work?"
"I'm not sure, but I don't think it did," he answered.
"Should we test?"
"Test how?" He asked, a bit worried.
She held out her palms in front of him. "Go on.“
He looked at her hands and back to her. "What are you doing? I won't cut you.“
Hermione sighed. "It's okay, just a little cut. We'll be even.“
"Mine wasn't a little cut though," he squinted.
She was about to laugh but pulled herself back together before he could react. "Come on Malfoy, when will you ever get the chance to see me asking to get cut? Do it already.“
His eyes flicked between her and her hands, she must've gone mad. "You're sure?"
"Yes, do it—“
When he waved his wand, the stinging pain was there in an instant. She closed her palm, but the burning sting continued until she looked up to see Malfoy staring down at her with his lips parted. "How about you?" She said while trying to sound like she wasn't just got cut now.
"Nothing," he said and she finally groaned quietly.
He hesitated to approach her and heal her, but she wasted no time in casting a healing spell on herself. He was unable to turn away while she cured herself. When he was injured, she rushed to help him without thinking twice; he should have done the same.
"Alright, I'm okay. I guess I wasn't focused enough, let's try again.“
Draco's eyebrows shot up. "Are you sure? We can let this go if you-"
"No," she answered firmly and bit her lip as she was coming to a conclusion in her mind. "I want to learn.“
He took two steps closer standing at arm's length. He had an idea but he was sure it wouldn't work. It made no sense, but he had to try. Because the issue wasn't with him or the spell, but with herself, she needed to believe in herself first before she could do it. If this could help her fool her mind, then it was worth a shot.
"Granger... do you know the saying 'the eyes are the windows of the soul'?"
"Yes, why?"
He hadn't thought about how embarrassing this would sound out loud while he was focusing on the stupidity of the idea. "Well, you know, maybe you should—“
Her eyes widened as he tried to find the right words. "Okay, okay. I get it." She interrupted him, unknowingly feeling the same embarrassment as him.
She cleared her throat and with the count of three in her mind, her eyes slowly found his. He didn't break the contact, as though he was certain she had grasped what he was about to say. She nodded to reassure herself and tried again. "Spiritus,"
He nodded approvingly, and she could see the sides of his mouth curving up. It was a smile she recognised, though not one he'd worn very often. She found herself wanting to smile back, too and her fingers twitched slightly. She could see him starting to get impatient and pulled her hand back to point her wand to herself. "Vincio."
Her eyes grew bigger as she continued to look at him. Neither of them broke the eye contact, Merlin forbid, they were staring at each other more intensely now. Judging by his expression, she knew he could feel it, too. She wasn't sure how to describe the sensation, but she felt like a force was bringing him closer to her. That force wasn't too powerful, but it was there. "Do you feel it, too?"
His eyes quickly scanned every part of her face and he nodded once again. "I think it worked.“
She jumped a little bit as she prepared herself once more. "Okay, I'm ready.“
"Are we seriously going to do this again?"
"Yes, don't worry:“
"Well, I do worry, Granger. In case you forgot, that little cut won't be that little on me. Twofold remember?"
Hermione rolled her eyes and sent a little wordless spell to his arm. He flinched and held his arm as she spoke through gritted teeth, "you weren't lying."
Draco looked at her in shock. "Are you out of your mind?! Of course, I wasn't lying, why would you, that's so stu—" he stopped himself and let out a harsh breath. "Nevermind," he said and went to grab the essence of dittany she used on him.
The pain in her arm was enough to make her nauseous. She had never been cut like this before and she didn't want to experience it ever again. "Let me see." She didn't notice when he came next to her but he was parting the sliced fabric of her shirt to get a better look at her wound. "Stupid," he continued to mutter as he dropped a few drops of dittany, relieving her pain in an instant.
The fact that she had cast the spell didn't make Hermione feel as shocked or nervous as the sight of him treating her wound with care. Her gaze landed on his arm, but she didn't notice any cuts at all. She had not even noticed when he took the vial or when he self-healed.
At the touch of his hands on her skin, she immediately closed her eyes. It felt like a shock. Maybe it was because her wound was sensitive or it was some strange effect of the bond but... no matter how much she wanted to stay away from his touch, she just couldn't. She wondered if he felt the same way when she healed his wound, but the more she thought about it, the less likely it seemed. She didn't say anything more and simply waited for him to finish spreading the oil. She was aware that it was a weird situation they were in but even through her panicked mind, she could feel how warm and soft his hands were, just as she remembered. It brought her back to that night for a moment.
"Thank you," she muttered as he finished and she cleared her throat. "Will I get hurt every time something happens to you now?"
He looked at his hands, contemplating. "No, this only happened because," he looked back at her. "You betrayed me and the bond punished you," he said, sounding almost angry. "Don't ever do that.“
Hermione swallowed and looked down at her hands and grasped her wand. "Yeah, I've learned my lesson.“
"Good."
She noticed he was talking like an actual instructor now; even his tone was different. "How long will we stay bonded?"
"I'm not... sure," he said, "it's different with everyone. Besides, we haven't even completed it, I don't think it will last long.“
The moment her eyes grew wide with the new coming idea, Malfoy pointed his finger at her. "No, I'm not doing it. One side is enough.“
"But that's not fair," her mouth formed a thin line.
That little expression didn't go unnoticed by him, but there was no way he would complete the spell. "I think it is quite fair, why would you even want that? You learned the spell.“
Yes, but she had a theory and she was almost confident it was true. "I bonded you to me, right? That means I feel you, not the other way around. I can betray your trust and get punished for it, but I doubt you'll get the same punishment if you hurt me right now.“
"What?" He asked, dumbfoundedly. Of course he knew what she was talking about and he hated her overworking brain once again.
"I feel you, remember? Even right now, something tells me that you're lying to get out of this situation.“
"What??" He asked once again but was genuinely shocked this time. She didn't need any bonding spell to know when he was lying, it was too obvious most of the time.
"I don't think one-sided bond spells end up good for the witches and wizards who cast them. I've heard many stories like that and I won't be getting into trouble because you're too afraid to complete the spell," she watched his blank expression with a suppressed smile and continued. "You can hurt me, but I can't touch you?"
"Granger, I just taught you the spell, why would I hurt you? I even treated your wound," he looked offended and crossed his arms.
"I won't take my chance, do it or I tell the professors what you offered to teach me.“
His lips parted with shock. "You can't be serious.“
"You said we would help each other and that requires trust, Malfoy. Show me I can trust you.“
She didn't need him to show anything to her to trust him because she could actually feel how disappointed and shocked he felt. He was angry and annoyed at her for asking something like this because he wasn't planning on hurting her at all. She was almost giving up when she saw the change in his eyes.
He shook his head and lifted his wand, staring into her eyes. "Spiritus vincio," he completed the spell effortlessly and she felt the same pulling feeling again. This time, it was pulling her to him, only his spell was stronger.
Noticing the change in her eyes, "need any more proof?" He asked sarcastically.
"No," she muttered and turned around to leave the room. "Thank you for today.“
She started walking towards the door, but he didn't say or ask anything. She did anyway. "Let's try not to hurt each other at Snape's duel tomorrow," she said holding one last eye contact with him and left the room.
And that is how it later played out. They duelled in class and it was everything Snape wanted to see. They held back a lot not to actually hurt one another. They would conjure animals or move objects to create obstacles but wouldn't intentionally hurt each other. Snape knew something wasn't right when the two didn't look as if they wanted to kill each other and dismissed them with a glare, but they both were just relieved to have that out of their schedule.
When the class ended, she walked over to his desk and he only noticed it when everyone around him looked in her direction.
She cleared her throat. "Can we talk?"
All the eyes focused on her. Nott, Parkinson, Zabini and Bulstrode. She hadn't been seeing Crabbe and Goyle hanging out with Malfoy anymore. She didn't know anything about their friendship but she was sure Zabini was a much better friend than the rest. His parents weren't death eaters (because if they were, Slughorn wouldn't have invited him to his Slug Club) and he didn't seem to have any problem with Harry during their practices as well.
"In private," she added, "about our patrols?"
His eyes narrowed before finally nodding. He immediately knew it wasn't about their prefect duties since they had come to an agreement about their patrols for quite some time now and they had no problems ever since then. "Fine, make it quick."
He stood up from his seat, leaving the others behind. They went outside the class and Hermione looked around to make sure they were alone and they didn't have anyone eavesdropping so she quickly spoke again.
"Did something happen last night?"
His eyes widened slightly and he froze in his place. She had seen him exactly like this before but couldn't quite put her finger on it. "Why do you ask?"
"I don't know if it's still there but last night I suddenly felt very, I'm not sure how to word it but, I felt annoyed... almost frightened?" she held her arm to secure herself, remembering the feeling. "I thought that could be you."
His lips pressed together in a frown while he looked down for a moment. When he looked back up, he was wearing a more composed look on his face. "No, nothing happened.“
That was it! She recognised that same expression from when she saw him in The Great Hall after Katie Bell got cursed. Harry had suspected him back then and Hermione didn't believe Harry. She thought he only said that because he didn't like Malfoy and he saw him as the only suspect. But in the end, there was no proof and he needed a solid one.
The Quidditch practices weren't even the same after Katie's accident and the team had to work extra hard. Hermione couldn't believe how she could forget that incident so easily.
When she carefully observed him once again she could see his panic and frustration, but more importantly, feel him. This time she was sure he was lying and it made things even scarier. She linked all the dots in her mind. Harry might've been right.
"Is there anything else?" He asked.
"N-no, that was all.“
He snorted and turned around to leave but suddenly stopped as if he remembered something. "Don't think about the bond that much, that was your first time doing it and it wasn't even powerful. If anything, I can feel you... not the other way around," he said.
She hadn't thought about the intensity of their spells and only assumed that there was a bond between them, that's all. But him saying that he could feel her gave her a shudder.
"If it's still there, of course," he added finally and gave her a quick smug smile before leaving.
Later that day, he found out that it was still there. Gryffindor had scored against Slytherin and when he wanted to grin because of her intense joy, he made the decision not to ever use that spell on her. If one person, only one person even had seen him jumping to his feet because of the sudden excitement and not frustration, they could've just kicked him out of his dorm. Even if they couldn't, they would make sure not to give him any peace. His father's situation this year really was not helping him at all and he swore once again that he was going to restore the family's honour.
"Weasley?? How could he even do all of that?" asked Theo, still in shock.
Draco, Theo and Blaise were sitting in the common room after the party. Oh yeah, they planned to have a party after the match, but with the shocking results of the game, they decided not to waste the alcohol. Those who were old enough to drink had already joined them at some point or gone to their rooms and it hadn't been even half an hour when they finished the firewhisky bottle.
"I knew Potter wouldn't just take him because he's his best friend, but I didn't expect this at all from Weasley." Blaise held the bottle in the air to get one more drop. He closed his eyes in anticipation but could see only one falling just as he opened them again. The last few drops landed on his lips before dropping into his stomach. He groaned slightly. Draco watched his drunk friend with amusement.
"I wish you played Draco, we could've crashed them," said Theo and put his feet on the table placed in front of them.
Yeah, the quidditch matter. He told everyone that he had a little injury they didn't need to worry about but insinuated enough about that said injury that he didn't need more explanations as to why he couldn't play. He couldn't just tell them he was now a Feath Eater and had a mission ahead of him he had to complete. Plus, keeping things low could help him during his mission.
"I could play actually, but I just don't like quidditch as much as I did before.“
"Hm?" Blaise looked at him, appalled. "What's the sudden change of mind?"
"Nothing," he knew he couldn't convince them without giving them a believable answer. "Father and I used to play and watch games a lot. After he was gone, I just..." he acted as if he didn't or rather couldn't continue. The boys exchanged looks and gave him a sympathetic nod. "Anyways, Blaise?"
The boy in question looked blankly at Draco. "What?"
"Aren't you finally going to tell us about this new fancy club of yours? Or how is practicing with Potter going?" Draco asked, his voice still becoming bitter while talking about him.
"There's nothing that you're missing. He's either giving us desserts or asking about our families. Something along that line.“
"Families?" Draco asked. Why on earth he wouldn't invite Draco then— oh… right. Because of his father... He got madder each time something got ruined because of his father. He didn't even know if he was mad at the ministry, the dark lord or his father. He was just mad.
"Yeah, apparently if your mum or dad, or your uncle, maybe even a distant relative did something remarkable, like inventing a new potion, you get a free pass.“ He rolled his eyes.
"And how do muggle parents get Granger a free pass?" Theo asked and it awakened Draco's interest, too. He was right.
"She's just a top student and Slughorn adores her, like a lot. He can't understand what her parents do for a living, but he's always in a corner with her and Potter talking about stuff," he tapped his fingers on his knee as he got lost in his thoughts again.
"Potter?" Draco asked, belittlement in his voice.
"His seat was reserved long before he was born. Even if he wasn't 'the chosen one', he would still be there. His mum was one of Slughorn's favourite students as I heard," he scratched his chin.
Draco scoffed. "Once again, he's getting everyone's attention thanks to his dead family.“ The two exchanged looks. "What was that?" Draco asked a little more sharply than the situation warranted.
"You've been doing the same.“ Theo answered more confidently with the help of the alcohol. Draco was also a little drunk if he was honest with himself and he could either get furious at his friend or not care at all.
"Mine wasn't the same," he raised his eyebrows a little and added. "I was a bit of an arse though."
"A bit you say?" Blaise asked and the corner of Draco's mouth turned up.
"Was you say? In the past?" Theo added and broke into laughter before the other two joined him as well.
The sound of their laughter echoed through the room and Draco felt like they were little again. He hadn't been this carefree with his friends in a long time. A smile tugged on his lips as he looked at them, his gaze soft and affectionate. They all exchanged sleepy looks and were about to leave for bed when he felt a pang of pain behind his chest. The feeling was brief, but the thought was enough for him to wince and look down at his chest.
The other two were already up and going to their dorm when Blaise noticed him. "Everything alright?"
He looked at his friend and nodded. "It must be the alcohol," he mumbled as he suddenly felt overwhelmed with his surroundings and loosened his tie. Why the hell was he even still wearing it?
Blaise wasn't convinced but decided not to comment on it. "Go wash up your face, I'm going to my beloved bed," he half smiled and dragged himself to his dorm.
Draco agreed with his friend and left the room, walking to the familiar girls' bathroom. When he found himself there, he ran to the sink to wash his face. The cold water immediately helped cool his skin and he sighed with relief.
It didn't make his uneasiness go away though. His fingers twitched slightly and he frowned, wondering if it really ached or if he was just overthinking things.
"What's the matter?"
His head jolted to where the sound came from. Myrtle was hiding behind a toilet and glided out to get a better look at him.
"Nothing." Draco turned his head and looked at himself in the mirror. She probably wouldn't believe him; there were droplets on the root of his hair.
"Liar!" She shrieked and flew through the wall.
Draco shook his head and walked out of the toilet. Having fresh air could sober him up, which is precisely why he decided to take a brisk walk to the astronomy tower. As he was making his way up there, he felt the need to turn to his left. When he did so, he heard a faint sob coming from downstairs. It was a sound he was quite familiar with and he stood at the top of the stairs. The spiral wall was blocking him but he climbed a few stairs down and finally saw her.
It hurt.
She was still bonded to him and he could feel some of her pain. He once again hated to be bonded with someone. It wasn't because of the alcohol that he was feeling overwhelmed; it was her.
He wasn't controlling his own feet when he found himself two steps behind her. He didn't expect to see little birds flying above her as she cried. What was he going to do? He couldn't ask her what happened, it wasn't the kind of relationship they had. She wouldn't even say anything to him. The same thing had happened at the ball and he knew what was coming next.
But his brain felt scrambled when he saw a ginger boy's eyes lock onto his from across the room. A blonde curly-haired girl was holding onto him while laughing into his shoulder. He knew her of course. Lavender Brown, the girl who was very high on his most annoying people list. Weasley tensed and looked at Hermione, ignoring the girl next to him.
Lavender glanced at Draco and giggled. "Oops," she said. "This room seems taken."
She ran out of the room giggling and Granger turned around, noticing Draco standing behind her. She wanted to look at him, but he was still staring at Ron.
"What's he doing here?" He asked Hermione, pointing at Draco with his head. Draco wouldn't answer, he didn't even know what was going on but he was certain it had something to do with that git.
She jumped to her feet. "It's none of your business.“
Draco's eyebrows shot up with her reply. That was unexpected.
"I don't think he should be—"
"Oppugno," she said and the birds stilled before flying right at him.
Weasley looked at her horrified, while Draco's mouth was wide open almost smiling. That was one of the coolest things he had seen. He cast a quick glance her way, absolutely taken aback by her. When she finally turned to face him, their eyes met. He was certain she would tell him to go away but instead, she lowered her eyes and sat back down. It seemed as if she was inviting him to sit next to her. He wasn't sure if he or she wanted that. With so much intense feeling coursing through her, he couldn't tell which thought was his and which was hers. But he did sit anyway and she let out a deep breath. He would have thought that one of her many friends would be here with her, but they weren't. She was also alone on the night of the ball and he wondered how many times she went through something like this alone. But right now, she needed someone and he would be whatever she needed him to be.