And He Found Her
It didn't bother her. She was once again sitting at the stairs alone. The soft air was cold on her damp cheeks and he found her when she least expected it. Again. She could feel like she was betraying herself for letting her guards down around him. All her efforts of staying strong and confident and not wanting to show anyone her weak self only led to him getting the best out of her in the end. Now that she was alone with him, she had no choice but to watch him pity her again. But still, it didn't bother her.
The look in his eyes was not pity. No, it was something else. It was something so similar yet different. Something she had seen from her family or friends. It was the same look Harry would give when Draco said something bad about her.
Hermione swallowed thickly and held her breath for several seconds before she looked back over at his face.
When he saw her exactly like this two years ago, she was embarrassed and mad. She didn't have the strength to ask anyone for help. She spoke with Ginny later but... right at that moment he was there and she opened up to the only person around. He kept a fair amount of distance between him and her; unlike now, where he sat right next to her without even asking. She didn't want him to ask her anything. She just wanted him to stay exactly like this. For some weird reason, his presence did bring her the comfort she needed at the moment.
"Not much has changed, I see." He picked up a small stone from the ground and fiddled with it. "Except for the hair and the dress," he added.
Hermione chuckled a little, remembering the ball. "I wish I was wearing that right now," she murmured with a voice still wet from crying.
He glanced at her. Her eyes were red, but she didn't look as bad as she did back then. Or maybe she had been crying long before he came here. "Is it him again?"
Hermione's thoughts stopped and she felt her heart pound in her chest. Again? He remembered.
It was him; somehow, it was always him. Ever since their first encounter, he always managed to say the worst things to her and no one except her considered them to be significant. Ginny knew her brother's loose mouth as well, but it didn't really help when her best friend kept silent when Ron joked.
"H—how do you know?" She asked. It was a stupid question, but she needed time so yeah, she asked.
"The birds gave it away a bit," he glanced at the remainings of the little birds and grimaced in disgust.
Hermione looked at the pile of feathers and merely shrugged. "I was practicing.."
He'd be lying if he said he wasn't intimidated a bit by her indifference.
Practicing transfiguration after winning a quidditch match was total nonsense and he knew it. "What did he say?" He asked bluntly, causing her head to snap up. "If you don't mind me asking, of course.“
He really shouldn't have done that. She was already hardly composing herself and it felt weird how nice he was being. She needed a little question, a little sign of interest and was ready to spill it all. She wished Harry would come after her but right now all she had was her childhood bully. Only he was there asking about her feelings and he even had the guts to say if you don't mind me asking, too. She recalled the last time he tried to ask what was wrong and remembered how angry and annoyed she was at him. A lot had changed since the ball and it felt different now. Yes, it was insane. None of her friends would approve, but there was a trust between them she didn't even know when it originated. And not the bonding spell that they did.
"Nothing,"
"If you don't want to—“
"No," she interrupted, "he didn't say anything."
He had a feeling he knew where this conversation was going and wasn't sure if he wanted to ask her more about it. He didn't expect her to let him into her world but it seemed like she did in the end and, well, he wasn't able to keep himself from wanting to see where it would lead to.
But, he just couldn't stand seeing her like that.
He was feeling their bond even stronger near her and he knew it hurt her, but she was also too stubborn to tell him about it. Even though he was the only person in the world that could actually understand her, she still didn't trust him. If it was one of her friends sitting here instead of him then maybe she could have told them, but it wasn't, so she had to suffer through this alone and it made him want to punch something. He needed to help her in any way he could. For the sake of both of them.
And with that thought he got up, startling her in the process. "Do you want me to get the Weasley girl? Or someone else?" He asked her as she stared at him blankly.
When she directly looked at him with tears brimming in her eyes he took a step back, not really sure what to do in situations such as these. He was not the type of guy girls came running to for comfort or sanctuary. No, he was the guy that would cause girls to sit in a corner and cry. And that didn't bother him before.
Pansy sometimes would cry to him and he would just watch, give his attention and wait for her to leave. It was simple. He never really understood girls well enough to know what exactly he could do to help her now. It would be better to get someone who knew how to handle this kind of situation.
As he was about to leave, she finally spoke, "No..." she reached for his wrist, her voice barely audible. "Just..."
He froze momentarily and glanced at her hand wrapped around his wrist.
It was crazy how many times they both had the urge to stop the other one by reaching out for their hands; and every time, it would cause his heart to race. As if noticing the effect she had on him, she quickly pulled her hand away and tugged on her sleeve. Draco released a breath and cast a quick glimpse at her as she averted her gaze from his direction once again.
"You don't need to go... I..." her voice caught in her throat before she tried again, "I mean it's okay.“
"I think it would be better for you to have your friends around you," he replied, "not me."
Hermione gave him a confused look. It wasn't a problem for her. "Is that why..." she searched his face for a few seconds and sighed upon the realisation, "Malfoy, it's okay. You can stay here..." she whispered. "If you want, of course."
She turned her head around and shut her eyes, this was too embarrassing. She couldn't just tell him that she liked talking to him without sounding so awkward... but she had to try anyway. She could only hope that he could feel how much she needed him at the moment without saying a single word.
When she heard him sit back down next to her, the hairs on her back rose and she felt a surge of confidence in her. This was it, this was the only time she could talk about her little theory.
"You know... I think I understand the bond better now."
His eyes narrowed slightly. "The bond? What do you mean?"
"I think I'm starting to feel better and more secure around you," she told him point blank.
If Draco was drinking his firewhisky or any kind of beverage now, he would have choked on it.
He was sitting next to her, hands on his knees and trying to appear as relaxed as possible while being completely terrified inside and out; he hadn't expected the situation to turn into such a mess so fast, but why would she say that? Why would she feel even remotely secure around him? That's what he wanted to say but he couldn't find any words, so, he just stayed quiet. The only thing that made him feel slightly calm was the fact that she wasn't looking at him. Instead, her gaze lingered on the ceiling above them for a while before finally landing back on his face.
Damn it. There was no escape.
"Don't you find it funny that we can even sit and talk like this?" She asked and smiled. "We would normally be on each other's throats by now, but here I am, sitting next to Draco Malfoy!" She laughed at herself.
"We're not friends," he reminded to her and himself both. They had been enemies for so long that there was no way of getting over or forgiving one another from all the hatred they once held for each other.
"That's not what I was talking about," she rolled her eyes. He seemed determined not to call her a friend. "You have to admit a lot has changed, but this is different."
She sounded so hopeful as if they were going to become something other than enemies. He had thought about it before when he was deep in his thoughts. Maybe once or twice. He wanted to ask how would they be like and assumed she would just brush it off or tell him that it wouldn't change anything. It scared him how good it felt to hear her say those words out loud for a moment. It was like an escape from all his troubles. He looked away from her, feeling embarrassed at the realisation. "What do you mean?"
"Don't you feel it? The bond makes it easier for me to talk to you like you're my friend," he looked at her blankly. Did he really need to say it twice?
"That's why I feel comfortable and safe with you... because the bond feels complete, at least that's my theory." She said and looked away from him again.
His breath caught in his throat and he tried to see her face, to see what her expression meant by what she had just admitted to him. She wouldn't meet his eyes, he noticed. Her curls were hiding her face from him. He gave up and looked at his hands in thought. He had forgotten she was talking about the bond all along and thought it was something else.
There was nothing to lose for him if they had become friends, but she had. She wouldn't even look at his face a few weeks from now. He knew he had to stay away from her and not endanger the mission, but deep down, he couldn't keep himself from wanting to spend more time like this. Like a normal teenager.
Whenever her energy filled the space around him, his entire world seemed to have lightened. Perhaps he had always known that. He held his breath as the realisation hit him like an arrow through the head. Not soon later, a dullness appeared on his face as the familiar weight sat on his shoulders. Perhaps he wasn't supposed to want anything from someone he hurt since the first day they met. But, if that's what his body was telling him then why did it feel so heavy?
It took her only one day to notice how much more comfortable she felt around him after their bonding. If someone had said she would say all this to him, he would just laugh because of how bizarre it was. But she was here with him, admitting how secure she felt around him. And he believed her because he saw the change in her behaviour with his own eyes, even before the bond. She still tried to keep up appearances and play a cool person at times but there were times when she cracked under pressure and he caught her off guard by being there for her. As if she needs me, he first thought, but she did. She was bonded to him. Not Potter or any of the Weasleys. He didn't know exactly what it was before she pointed it out, but it did feel like the bond was complete when he was with her. Even though they disliked each other, he felt at peace around her. He had forgotten that feeling, the same one he had when he was around his mom or when he would fly with his broom. It had been a long time since he had flown. Maybe she was right. Maybe he needed her, too.
The thought scared him.
"Was it also like this with other people you bonded with?" She asked. He hadn't noticed she was looking at him as if trying to find the answer on his face.
"In some way," he said. The only people he had bonded with were his mother and Blaise. He hadn't felt something like this with them before and he hoped his answer was enough. "I'm glad you're not crying anymore, it was making me depressed, too." He scoffed.
She laughed at his response and his face heated up when she did. "Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to ruin your night, my bad." She laughed even more, "but I guess it was already ruined after the game." She shrugged nonchalantly.
He stared at her momentarily, not wanting to let the subject drop he decided again. "What did Potter do to Weasley before the match?"
Her eyes widened with excitement. "I thought he gave him Felix Felicis before the game. Ron believed that, too, but it was just him in the end!"
That was enough of a reply for him. "That's impressive," he muttered and realised what he blurted out as soon as he said it. "Do not tell him that, Granger. I mean it."
She pressed her lips not to smile and swore not to tell him. He forgot about the promise and his eyes fell to her almost smiling lips and suddenly, he wasn't thinking about the game or Weasley or Potter anymore. Something fluttered deep inside of him. He shifted his gaze and took a deep breath before pushing the subject more.
"So, uh, what happened after the game? Weren't you all celebrating?" He couldn't stop himself from scoffing as he remembered the game, they were so close to winning. At the same time, he could feel her bright aura fade away slowly. Her lips formed a small frown and he knew that she would stay silent if he didn't push more.
He recalled the look on her face when she made those birds attack on Weasley. What could he have said to make her this angry? He didn't look like he had a problem with her when Draco saw him. He was just trying to find a place to snog Brown.
Draco stopped and looked at her once again.
The truth was in front of him yet he couldn't wrap his mind around it. It was almost laughable. Why on Earth would she want Weasley? There were plenty of other pretty blokes in the school and she probably didn't have much of an interest in any of them except Weasley but, why would she like him?
"Granger do you..." he hesitated briefly, "have feelings for Weasley?" He barely kept the disbelief out of his voice and hoped she didn't notice. She looked down.
The silence that followed was deafening. Even the room felt like it was being suffocated with tension. He wanted to take back his words and run away from the situation because this wasn't something they were used to and it was too uncomfortable for them both. It was then that she answered his question, and Draco found himself shocked yet again at what she said. "Yes, no, I mean I thought I did." She muttered softly and looked up for the first time since he asked her the question.
He was frozen, completely taken aback by her answer. His brain went into overdrive, unable to form any coherent sentence. She noticed the surprised look on his face and smiled with amusement.
"I guess I now know it wasn't love or anything like that. I think I wanted his approval," she saw his even more confused face and continued. "I know, it's silly. But he always went on and on about other girls and how pretty they are, at some point I wanted him to see me the same way."
He answered before she could feel the embarrassment he knew that was coming. "I'm not sorry for saying this, Granger, but... that's the stupidest thing I have heard coming out of your know-it-all mouth."
Her eyes narrowed with a glare. "Excuse me?!"
Seeing her angry was honestly better than watching her cry. She was more like herself when she argued with him. "It's stupid to wait for that dumb ginger's approval! I mean, look at yourself; you're the top student, everyone loves and praises yo—"
"I already know that!" her voice raised louder than it was necessary. The echo stopped them both from talking until Draco felt the need to say something.
"You don't need someone to appreciate your looks but, it might help you to know that you've made every bloke in school jealous of Viktor Krum that day," he said and immediately added. "You wouldn't believe the things I heard." He chuckled and watched her eyes widen a little bit in recognition. A small smile graced her lips.
He felt like his heart was going to beat itself out of his chest. This was ridiculous. Why on earth was he even doing all of this? This was the most awkward and confusing conversation he ever had. With anyone. He shouldn't have bothered with trying so hard. It only made things worse, and now, he wasn't even sure if there was anything more to be said. There really weren't words that could accurately describe what he was feeling right at this very moment. All of a sudden the words seemed to stop coming to him. In fact, everything else seemed to be fading away.
He cleared his throat. "Listen, I better should go," he stood abruptly, looking anywhere but at her as he tried to leave. However, before he could put his foot on the stairs, she spoke up.
"Wait." He froze and turned slowly to her. She looked unsure, almost nervous, which confused him even more. "You won't tell anyone..." she hesitated slightly, "about this right?"
His eyebrows rose. Wasn't it obvious? Did she really need him to spell it out for her?
"No, Granger. I have no interest in making a scene," he replied, shaking his head. "Also, I'm a bit tipsy in case you haven't noticed. I might not even remember the details of this conversation." She seemed relieved at what he said although he knew he would remember it all. But she didn't need to know that. Not now.
They stood there for a few moments in silence before he climbed the stairs and went to his dorm. Once inside, he threw himself onto his bed and covered his face with his pillow, groaning. 'I hate Gryffindors,' he thought to himself, closing his eyes.
—
Hermione woke up the next morning disoriented and confused. All of last night's events were still fresh in her mind, along with Malfoy's face. And she couldn't quite figure out why he didn't act like he didn't care. A lot had changed between them, but he still didn't like her. So why did that one conversation leave her feeling so weird?
A hand landed gently on her shoulder and she jumped. Ginny was standing behind her, asking if she wanted breakfast. She quickly nodded and followed her. When they entered the Great Hall, she saw Ron already sitting at the Gryffindor table with Lavender Brown. Seeing them holding hands, she expected to feel hurt, but she remembered what Draco said last night. It was still stupid of her to take his words seriously, but she knew he was genuine. She felt it. She looked over to where he usually sat with the other Slytherins, only to find him absent.
When he arrived at the table minutes later, she watched him sitting down next to his housemates, not giving her a glance. He sat together with Nott silently and ate his breakfast. Hermione kept watching Malfoy until he locked eyes with her once and turned his head away, resuming to eat his breakfast.
Next to her, Harry cleared his throat. "Hermione?"
"Hm?" She replied but was lost in her own thoughts as she did so.
"I wanted to ask you something,"
This cleared her head and she looked at him for the first time since they sat at the table. She couldn't figure out what he would ask by reading his expression, so she just nodded. "What's on your mind?"
Harry's eyes scanned the others around them and turned back to her. "Where did you go last night? After the celebrations..."
Hermione swallowed slowly and her eyes flickered away from his face. She knew exactly what he would say if she told him she was having a chat with Draco, but it wasn't something that needed to be explained over and over again. It was a new relationship between her and Draco Malfoy and she had started to think that they were seeing each other differently now. They went from not standing in each other's presence to not mind being around each other to just sitting with one another in silence, sometimes talking and occasionally laughing with each other, but mostly just enjoying the moment.
She straightened her back and looked at him. He knew where she was and who she was with. There was no chance Ron didn't tell him. "It was overwhelming so I went somewhere calm," she said softly.
He didn't waste a second pushing the matter. "What was Malfoy doing there?"
She sighed and put an effort not to look at the Slytherin table. "He came out of nowhere."
"He didn't do something to you, right?"
Her jaw dropped in disbelief. "Like what exactly?"
"I don't know!" He said defensively. "Ron said you were crying so I thought he said something.“
"What?" She asked incredulously and after drawing the attention to the table to herself, she lowered her voice. "That's what he said?“
His brows furrowed. "Yes, why?"
She scoffed and shook her head. "He didn't do anything."
Harry looked at Ron who was already watching them in between kisses with Lavender. "You shouldn't be spending time around him, Hermione. I don't trust him." He said quietly enough that none of his friends on either side could hear. The other Gryffindors didn't need any more reason for their dislike of Malfoy, they had plenty. Not all of it was justified, however, and the majority of it just happened to align with Harry.
Hermione sighed and locked eyes with him for a few seconds before taking a bite of her apple. "I do not want to talk about this again."
"I saw him on the Map the other day," he whispered, "he was going to the room of requirement."
Hermione rolled her eyes instinctively. "That's where we practice, Harry, you know that."
"No, Hermione. It wasn't a duelling practice, he was alone," he insisted.
"Yeah, he sometimes goes before I do."
"He was alone and it was night! I know it wasn't your practice because I checked your name, too. You were in the dorm, Hermione." Harry said.
There was silence and they stared at each other for several tense seconds as if trying to read minds. She knew he wouldn't back down. Finally, Hermione broke the silence. "I don't know what he was doing, but the room is there for all students."
Harry raised his eyebrows sceptically. "And that makes it okay for him to go inside and practice by himself?"
Hermione sighed and shook her head. "It's just a room, Harry. People use it as a toilet most of the time."
"But it doesn't make sense, Hermione. No one should be there that late even if he's a prefect," he said and his face softened all of a sudden. "You're my best friend, Hermione and I worry that he might do something."
Hermione paused before giving a half smile and nodded. "I'll be fine, don't worry," he wasn't convinced, of course. "I got a little cut the other by accident he rushed to heal me, Harry. If he meant any harm, I would know."
He looked at the Slytherin table in thought. Draco was having a chat with Blaise while Theo was making a paper airplane fly all the way across the room, finding it a victim and making it burn all of a sudden, startling the victim. He seemed to be having a lot of fun with it, too.
"Why would he help you?" Harry asked and she turned back to her friend. He was still watching them.
"I don't know, he's not so bad," Harry's head whipped back at her, ready to ask her if she was alright already. "I mean not to me. He hasn't said or done anything bad and we can communicate," his eyebrows shot up at her statement. "Sometimes at least.“
His eyes narrowed as he scanned her face. Of course, he was going to warn her once again. She wasn't a little child, he had to put an end to this at some point.
"Did he put a spell on you?"
What?
"What?"
"You heard me. You don't sound like yourself, it's Malfoy that we're talking about.“
"What?? Are you seriously asking if I'm under a spell?"
He looked away but didn't back down. He believed he was right. Of course he was. It was Malfoy.
"You've gone too far this time, Harry." She said firmly.
"You know I only want you to be okay—“
She left the table before he could complete his sentence, leaving her friend in confusion. His mind was buzzing with the fact that she would consider his worry as going too far. In the meantime, on the other side of the Hall, Draco watched her leave, locking eyes with Potter for a second as the Gryffindor glared at him.