Helping Hands
Hermione stared at the piece of paper in her hand. She wanted to write a letter to her parents but didn't really know what to say to them. She didn't like telling all about the wizarding world they couldn't experience. It would be cruel.
She shook her head slightly and put the paper back in her pocket, glancing at Harry who seemed engrossed in his Advanced Potion Making book. She'd seen him reading it during lunch when they were supposed to be studying, but hadn't paid him much attention then.
Whoever this Half-Blood Prince was, she was sure he wouldn't like finding out someone was using his book. And she still thought it was cheating. Harry got so much better without putting much effort, he even won Felix Felicis thanks to that book.
"I don't think you should be reading it that often," Hermione finally said.
He looked up from his book with a blank expression. "Isn't it what you always do, Hermione?"
"Harry!" She exclaimed. "Don't be such a git about it. Just because you have different instructions, doesn't mean you have become a potions master. It doesn't work that way!"
"You're just bitter because I have passed your score," he countered.
Hermione couldn't believe the words coming out of his mouth. Of course, she didn't like the way he got those scores but she wouldn't feel bitter about it. She crossed her arms in front of her chest and turned away from him. It wasn't that she didn't want to talk to him anymore she just didn't know how to react. It hurt her.
Harry closed his eyes. "I didn't mean that," he said quietly. He knew her.
She was silent for a while. Finally, after a long sigh, she spoke. "I'm not that petty, Harry. You know I would never try and get in the way of your success, no matter what."
Harry swallowed deeply and walked over to where she was sitting on the ground by the sofa. He crouched down in front of her and waited for her to look at him, but she refused knowing that she would relent in a second. "I can share it with you if you want," he suggested.
How dare he could think she wanted that? There were spells in that book that she didn't even know about. And he was obsessed with learning more about them. "That's not what I want, Harry. This isn't fun anymore, you're treating it as if it's a part of you now,"
He didn't like the direction of the conversation and stood back up. "I'd prefer if we don't talk about this any longer, I really don't like arguing with you or Ron, but you two are almost testing me nowadays,"
"What do you—"
"I can make my own decisions, Hermione. Please respect them, okay?" His voice was tired and angry and it hurt her to hear him talk like this. Even though he wasn't yelling at her, the way he said her name was enough to send a chill down her spine.
She took a deep breath, "Okay," she didn't think the book had a spell on it that made him so obsessed with it, but she knew he wasn't himself when it came to it. He had tasted the sweetness of easy win once and learned spells that he thought many didn't know about, and it made him feel powerful. She could only wish he wouldn't get himself hurt.
"I know that you are not a child, Harry, but sometimes you still act like one. None of us wants anything bad for you. I wouldn't give a single damn if you were better than me in any class!"
His lips parted, coming to a realisation. "It's true! Being the top student is important to me but I wouldn't care if you were above me. Do you know why?"
He barely looked at her in the eyes, shaking his head no as her face softened. "Because you're my best friend.” She said firmly.
The room was quiet before she heard his breathing come out ragged again. He turned away from her and she could see him trying to collect himself. It broke her heart to see him suffer alone and what he said next was something she couldn't forget for many years to come.
"Hermione, I'm scared."
His words were a whisper, barely audible.
And that was it. All it took for her frustration to go away was a little confession. Her heart sunk as she replayed the words in her head. He had been through so much in the past, and she had never heard him say that, not once.
"Of what?" She asked cautiously. He shook his head slowly, his gaze locked onto the wall behind her. "Everything," he said hoarsely.
Harry checked around his surroundings, making sure that no one was near enough to overhear their conversation. Luckily, most of the students were either busy studying in the library or practicing for the quidditch game. He took a deep breath and swallowed back the lump in his throat. "I can't lose any of you," he whispered brokenly. "I was too weak last year and couldn't even protect Sirius. What if he comes for me again? What if he hurts one of you because I wasn't prepared enough to defeat him? I have to learn these spells," he added determinedly.
She reached over and wrapped her arm around his shoulders, pulling him into a tight hug. It took him a while, but he melted into her embrace. She could feel him fight himself to stop trembling against her. She hugged him tighter to show him it was okay. He could let go.
"Harry?" She whispered, not wanting to scare him away.
He let go of her and held her hand instead. "It's okay, just forget it, okay?"
"No… Harry, you're not alone in this, do you hear me?"
He looked up at her and his green eyes glistened with unshed tears. He nodded slightly and squeezed her hand, before turning away to hide the evidence of his weakness.
"You've been by my side whenever I needed and I will do the same for you. Ron and Neville and Ginny, Dean, the whole Weasley family, The Order?? Harry, we're all with you. This is so much bigger than you and people will fight by your side," she explained.
Her words seemed to take some weight off of him. He sniffed softly and smiled at her. "You don't need those spells to fight him. You have us. You just have to work on your Occlumency in case he tries to break into your mind again and do whatever it is that you do with Dumbledore," she said finally.
Harry straightened his back immediately and stood up. "Dumbledore! I have to see him, Hermione, I forgot!"
"Then what the bloody hell are you waiting for?" She nudged him to leave. "Go already!"
He nodded frantically and ran towards the door, stopping abruptly. He turned to look at her, "Thank you, Hermione. Really,"
"Just go!!" She yelled at him and chuckled at his flustered expression. She waved him off and watched as he disappeared behind the doors.
Hermione sat there and thought about the things Harry said. She thought over all of them as she stared into nothingness, her brain working overtime in a bid to catch up on the fact that he told her something completely different than what she originally thought.
She knew Harry and this has always been something they've never really talked about. At least not entirely. She wasn't sure if she should be thanking the book for that but she was glad he was opening up to her. Because he wouldn't, he would shut himself off. And that hurt. More so than anything else he could possibly have done.
Hermione sighed absentmindedly and took a look at the clock on the wall. It was 6:30. Which mean she had half an hour for her practice with Malfoy.
She didn't think they needed to practice that often but thanks to Malfoy, they had to do it at least two times a week. Was there really a reason for them to duel in front of Snape every two weeks? Was it Snape's way of telling them they were not safe in Hogwarts anymore, or did it have to do with the fact that they were completely defenceless out of school? Well, they weren't defenceless. If anything, they had their wands and potions with them, so what was Snape trying to teach them, learning to accept to work with people they didn't like? He couldn't have known that. They didn't choose their partners, it was sheer luck.
Hermione stopped herself before her brain burned out and left the tower to walk around the castle. After some time, she found herself in front of the room of requirement. She was early and could wait inside until their practice. She walked in front of it three times, closing her eyes to imagine the room and stopped. When she opened her eyes, the door had revealed itself to her. As she took a step to grab the handle, the door opened. There stood Draco Malfoy. They both looked surprised as they stared at each other.
"Malfoy?" Hermione asked, trying to break the silence.
Draco nodded as he stepped aside to close the door. She caught a glimpse of the room before it was gone. It wasn't the room they practised in. It was the room where everyone went to get rid of or find something. There were mountains of furniture, books and all sorts of things in the room. She was familiar with it, but still, she couldn't understand what he would do there. She was about to say something when Malfoy spoke again.
"What are you doing here Granger?" He asked coldly.
Hermione folded her arms across her chest as she raised an eyebrow at him. "I could ask you the same," she paused. "I had nothing to do so I came early for our practice," she said, now expecting an answer from him, too.
His expression remained unchanged. "I wanted to see if I could use the room before our practice.“
"And did you find what you were looking for?"
He scratched his neck and looked away. "I did.“
Hermione was aware he was hiding something. She knew that look on his face, how someone looks when they're trying to lie. That look meant trouble. But she decided not to push him for the time being. Because Draco wouldn't open up to her unless he wanted to and if she pushed him, he would only start insulting her. It was better to pretend she didn't see anything for now.
"Alright," Hermione nodded, "since we're both here already, we can begin."
Draco gave a brief nod, and they entered the room after summoning it back again. After scanning the room, he turned to face her. He pointed to the newly installed mirrors and asked, "Is this your doing?"
Hermione remained silent. Yes, it was her doing. She asked for more mirrors because the last time he had been able to hide, sneak behind her and attack. Having her wand seized in that manner made her feel embarrassed.
Draco grinned slightly. "You didn't seem scared the last time I attacked you, Granger," he said in a sarcastic voice, and Hermione narrowed her brows in response. She wasn't scared. Draco spoke before her as her mouth opened to respond. "I can say you looked offended though, at least we're even now,"
Hermione took a deep breath, looking at him annoyedly. "Let's put the past behind us and begin, shall we?"
He jutted his chin and looked at her. "Alright, let's do it," he said and turned around.
Hermione started to observe his movements carefully because they were past counting to three. And he didn't disappoint. She saw him sneakily pulling his wand out and she followed his movement.
"Stupefy!" he yelled.
"Flipendo!" She said before running to the right.
Neither of their spells hit the target. Hermione panted from the sudden gush of adrenaline. She took a deep breath and walked back to her old spot. He was waiting there, gripping his wand.
"That was a good dodge, Granger," he praised, "didn't think you could do that.“
Hermione rolled her eyes. "Well, maybe there's a lot that you don't know about me," she said while tightening her hair tie.
Draco gave a smug chuckle as he readied his wand. He cast a couple more offensive spells. Each one landed somewhere in the room. Hermione tried her best to avoid them and he didn't stop even for a second. He kept repeating nonverbal spells over and over again. She sent a few of her own, but he never seemed to flinch as he deflected them without ease. His magic hadn't hit her, but she eventually became too worn out to continue.
"What are you doing?" She yelled, managing to dodge another one and sending him a bombarda. Her chest rose and fell with rapid breaths and ran to hide behind a column. Her heart thumped loudly in her ears, making it hard to concentrate on him.
He cast a protego in return. "I'm doing what we came here to do," he said before lowering his wand and turning around to find himself a sitting spot. He needed a break, too.
Hermione came out from behind the column that was shielding her and cast an impulsive nonverbal spell. She sent that spell out of pure instinct. She may have sent that spell to an unguarded wizard due to exhaustion, but she was the only one responsible nonetheless. The consequences of her own behaviour became clear to her as she heard him curse in pain.
Hermione didn't even think for a moment when she rushed to his side. While holding his left side, he was trying to see the wound. He shifted into a defensive position and scowled at her. "Don't come near!"
A stinging sensation spread through Hermione's chest, and she became immobilised. As she saw his shirt soaking in blood, guilt began to well up inside of her. "Let me see..." she managed to say.
He briefly halted his movements to glance at her. Her shocked and concerned eyes had grown larger. Although she had an expression that mirrored his pain, he was still angry; but he still couldn't help but feel himself soften a little and gave a short nod. He was aware that arguing would only make things worse for him. She knelt down and cautiously lifted his shirt a little as he reluctantly withdrew his hand from the wound. His eyes met hers after she took a look at the wound. He couldn't figure out if it was bad or not. "And?" He asked.
"Ferula," she cast the bandaging charm and Draco felt a lot better immediately as the bandages conjured and strapped him tightly. Hermione cleared her throat, "it's not too deep, but I, I think I'll need some essence of dittany," she said, her voice shaking slightly.
"We can't go to Madam Pomfrey," Draco answered, knowing full well that they would be punished for actually duelling. And he would be the one to blame against their golden Gryffindor princess, whether he was hurt or not.
"Yes, I know," she said, "there should be some.” Hermione stood up and ran to the other side of the room.
Draco couldn't see where she went, but when she came back, she was holding a vial in her hand. "Where the hell did you get that?"
She knelt once again and lifted his shirt more comfortably this time. "It's not completely healed, but this should do," she said after getting rid of his bandages and pouring a few drops into his wound. His muscles relaxed immediately and she felt a small pang of relief. She didn't think for a second when she reached out to rub the oil with her fingertips.
Draco could not say he was feeling better. The oil had helped him instantly, yes. But when he felt her hand on his skin, goosebumps rose over his whole body. Her touch sent shivers all the way to his toes and his eyes followed her every move. This was the second time he looked at her at such a close distance. Of course, the boy he was back then was much more different from the man he is today. She swiftly stood up and sat down across from him after treating his wound. She didn't even appear to be aware of what she had done to him.
And he was glad for that.
There was silence between them, and Draco wasn't sure if he should break it or not. Hermione spoke up at last. "I didn't mean to, I thought you were on guard," she said, her face red.
Although Draco wanted to respond, he was at a loss for words. So he just continued with his stare. He couldn't believe how many times this witch had beaten him. While he kept staring, her blush grew darker, and he finally gave up.
"I should've been, apparently," he moved his hand to his side to feel the freshly cut flesh, but the wound was completely healed. "Anyways, now that we are past that, let's move on to the next.” He said standing up.
"What?" Hermione followed. "We're not doing that again! I can't!"
Draco sighed. "Come on, Granger. It's nothing," he said but her face remained the same. "I forgive you, okay? I'm alright, it was not a big deal," he tried reassuring her and added. "Besides, I needed something like this to happen anyway.“
"What do you mean?"
"We're beating around the bush! You and I both already know the spells Snape wants to see in his class," he said while walking around the room and moving as if he hadn't been hit at all. "Expalliarmus, stupefy, flipendo, protego, confringo and some jinxes. I think there are more things we can do.“
"Like what?" She asked folding her arms in front of her chest.
A lot, Draco would like to do, but he knew most of them were impossible for them. No matter how much he wanted to share with her or show her, he had to set his boundaries. It wasn't safe to be doing anything that could put them both in danger.
When they both became prefects last year, he knew he had to see her more than he wanted to. It was difficult at first for him, yes. Torturous even. He never liked being near her and the thought of having to spend alone time with her every now and then seemed like the universe's joke. He could handle Pansy or any other girl in the school, but Granger just made him uncomfortable. She knew how to get on his nerves and would continue to push him no matter what he said. But after spending half an hour alone every week, he started to admit that he somewhat enjoyed the time they were spending together. Although it took him some time to confess this to himself, he could never say that to her at all.
Her little acts of forming a friendship or some kind of friendship, he took pleasure in them deep down. There was a certain warmth he felt when she smiled at him or when she attentively looked into his eyes when he spoke to her. The same girl that constantly drove him nuts could somehow manage to lighten his mood that felt so dull lately with his friends. It almost made him want to ask her to spend more time with him. Whether it be studying, duelling, making a potion or discussing the boring history of Hogwarts.
He would do it.
If he could forget all about the stress of being chosen by the dark lord and having a big mission he needed to execute. If only he had his father with him, he could have been braver. Maybe he could continue to live as a normal seventh-year student and bully Granger for her bloodline.
He sometimes liked to think that if it wasn't for their blood, then perhaps they would have become friends. Maybe, he would even be able to get past her sharp tongue and her teasing jokes. Maybe she would also invite him to her friend group that he didn't like one bit and they could do whatever she usually does with them. Okay, maybe not Potter, and definitely not Weasley. He had no intention of tormenting himself. Granger could find a middle ground, it would be her problem.
As Hermione kept furrowing her eyebrows waiting for an answer, the reality struck him once again. He cared for those things. Not her.
She had been nice, that's it. All of the prefect responsibilities and being a partner wasn't her choice, just as they weren't his, but the only difference was that he progressed from not minding her presence to genuinely enjoying her company. He knew she didn't share the sentiment. There was nothing too deep behind her laughter or her worry when she asked if he was okay. That's just how she was.
Draco took a deep breath. They could not be friends, he had come to accept that. Even when she talked about being friends, he knew it wasn't an actual friendship she was talking about. She was only tired of arguing with him and wanted to be more like two people who wouldn't mind saying hi to each other when they crossed paths. Although he could do it, his thoughts were still being fogged by something.
"There are few spells I can show you," he said. She didn't seem to understand what he was saying. "Since I have duelled many times—"
"Excuse me?!" She snapped, glaring at him.
The look she gave made him flinch slightly before continuing with his explanation. "Do not take any offence please, I know there are also things I don't know about and I thought we could... teach each other."
"Teach me what?" She scoffed. "I don't want any of your—"
He raised a hand, silencing her. "No need to be rude," he said softly. Her eyes widened ever so slightly in surprise and a bit of anger. He didn't care to explain why he wasn't being a jerk as usual but instead continued with his speech. "As I have mentioned before, I have duelled with so many people and I learned a few spells from them. Maybe you already know them, I don't know, but I just wanted to share," he shrugged.
She took a step forward ready to fight but found herself unable to move anymore. With her arms crossed, she cast him a wary glance. "Why would I agree to that? Is there even a reason to learn more spells?"
This was her chance. She still didn't know whether he was on the dark side or not, but she had to try him whenever she could. If she was careful enough, she could figure out his motives and then maybe, just maybe, get something else out of this deal.
"There has to be a reason?" He asked in confusion.
"Yes. If I'm going to spend my time on this, I need to know why," she stared into his eyes, hoping she looked intimidating. "Why do you want to do this? What's in it for you?"
Draco blinked a few times. Did she seriously think he would tell her his reasons? It seemed like every time he spoke, more questions popped into her head. It infuriated him, how difficult it was for her to grasp what he was saying. Wasn't it obvious he was doing something good for the first time? She didn't see it yet though. He sighed, deciding he needed to start by explaining himself. "Look, I know we didn't always get along,"
"That's an understatement," she interrupted.
His jaw tightened at her words although he wanted laugh. "Still, we've come to some sort of understanding now and I appreciate your skills as a witch and I want to learn from you in exchange for my knowledge. I don't think it sounds that bad."
He watched her carefully as she pondered over what he said and he couldn't help but wonder if she would actually listen to him or if she would simply dismiss everything he said.
Hermione bit her lip, looking at the floor deep in thought. "But why? We are safe in Hogwarts, aren't we?" She looked up at him. Would he have the answer to that? "Is it really necessary?"
It was. She didn't know what was coming and to be honest, he wasn't so sure himself either. It probably wouldn't be any help but he didn't know what else to do. "There isn't have to be a threat to learn some magic, Granger," he started walking around the room slowly. "Isn't it what you were doing exactly here last year?" He turned his head towards her.
"That was different," she started but he cut her off.
"Stop saying that." He said sharply causing her to stop and stare at him. "Stop trying to interpret everything I say and listen for once!"
There was no chance she would stay after yelling at her like that. Yelling wasn't the best option while trying to persuade someone into something. She glared back at him, her eyes narrowed. "I am listening.“
Draco shook his head. "Yeah, so this is exactly like the third year, remember? You also helped me back then. I know you sometimes struggle with DADA, even though you're still way better than most of the class, some of us are naturally talented," he hated to say this but it could work. "Potter for example.“
Hermione exhaled deeply. "Okay, stop it," she stroked her neck nervously before continuing. "I might accept your offer depending on the spells," she looked away. "Don't come to me with cruciatus or something like that.“
Draco laughed slightly. "I wouldn't be standing here if I had mastered or even used that spell.“
She took a deep breath, rolling her eyes. "I wouldn't know.“
A smile ever so faintly appeared on his lips. "Have you heard of Vinculum Fidei before?"
Hermione narrowed her eyes. "I believe it's some sort of a bonding spell?"
He nodded contently. "Exactly, it's used to create a link between two people. Although it's not as powerful as the blood pact Dumbledore used once, it's similar.“
"How?" She asked, cautiously watching him.
"Well, let's say we've cast the spell between us and you or someone else hurt me, I experience it too.“
He waited until she took the new information in. She walked over to a pile of mattresses and sat on it. "It means the bond of trust, right?" She had spent extra time on her Latin to be able to use more spells.
"Yes," he answered.
"Then how can I hurt you in this scenario? Shouldn't it prevent me?"
The change on her face transforming from a frown to curiosity excited him. He tried not to show the enthusiasm he felt at finally having her on board, instead maintaining a calm facade. "That's why it's called the bond of trust because you wouldn't hurt yourself. Look, this spell is cast to protect two people. If they were to get hurt, the pain divides between them, but if any of them betrays the other, they feel it twofold.“
Hermione tilted her head to the side, furrowing her eyebrows. "What are the other elements of it other than sharing the pain?" She asked almost sarcastically.
"Well," he flicked his wand and moved a mattress for himself before laying on it. "They can communicate better. Let's say, for example, if you were to go somewhere to do something, I would have the feeling of doing the same. Just like having a sudden urge to do something, you know?" He sat up and leaned on his elbows to see her reaction to all the new information. "I heard that if you try really hard you can see what the other person is seeing by closing your eyes.“
"You heard? So you haven't tried it, but you want to teach me?" She asked raising an eyebrow in suspicion.
"Only the seeing part. I have obviously tried the spell before," he waved his hand in the air. "I can't promise you anything if you want to learn it. But if you want to try it, I can show you, the lasting effects can vary of course.“
"It does sound interesting but, why would I need it?"
This was not an ordinary spell. This could help tremendously during a battle or any kind of distress. Was that the reason he wanted to show her this? To prepare themselves? Could he actually be..?
"I don't know," he answered simply. "You don't have to overthink it, Granger. It can come in handy if you were to have a boyfriend or test your friendships. Like I said, I don't know, it's up to you.“
It could actually come in handy. Not only did it strengthen their bond, but it would also mean she would be completely safe with the other person. She stood up with determination in her eyes.
"Alright, let's do it."