Chapter 4
Chapter 4
The days went by in the Lupin household. Tonks was as physically weak as ever, even though she was now able to feed Teddy and hold him in her arms. She spent her days sleeping. Remus was there for her but he felt that something else was preventing his wife from getting up but he couldn't say what. She hardly smiled any more, she cried a lot and said hardly anything either. She did, however, relish the moments when Remus and Teddy were by her side.
Andromeda came to visit them every day, bringing them a hot meal and helping Remus with the various chores. She also spent time with her daughter and grandson in the hope of finding out why Tonks was stuck in bed, but Tonks avoided the subject. Did she herself know what was keeping her up? She wasn't sure...
As for Remus, he spent his time between home and Hogwarts, where major renovations had taken place. Once all the wounded and dead had been evacuated, those who had the strength to do so had come to lend a hand and restore the castle to its pre-battle appearance. Remus had hesitated, but Tonks had told him to go, knowing that he needed to feel useful too.
When he returned one evening, Andromeda had left and the house was quiet, but Remus still heard noises coming from their bedroom. He approached slowly and heard Tonks talking. She seemed to be in deep conversation with Teddy. He approached the door but didn't go in straight away for fear of surprising her and stopping her talking. He simply listened.
"... And I'm scared, Teddy... I've seen such terrible things... I thought I'd seen everything, but I hadn't. I'll never get out of here. I'll never get those images out of my head. I feel like if I stay here they can't take me over but if I get up they'll blind me... I don't want to feel what I felt that day. I thought I was going to lose everything, I thought I was going to lose your father and it hurt so much..."
Remus couldn't hold back a tear that rolled down his cheek.
"I know it's all over but I don't know... I can't believe it. Ever since I got out of Hogwarts, I've been fighting Teddy. What am I going to do now? What if it starts all over again? I wouldn't have the strength... Your father has so much more than me and he doesn't even realise it. Twice, Teddy, he's fought twice and he's still here. He's so strong and I love him so much for that. I can't wait for you to grow up and see him. You'll see, he's the strongest man in the world and the handsomest too. Well, maybe after you, but don't tell him that! I think that..."
Remus, so touched by his wife's words, had finally come in without warning.
"Dora..." Behind the tears, he managed to offer her a smile.
It didn't take Tonks long to realise that he had heard a good part of her monologue.
She smiled back shyly.
"Forgive me for not being able to talk to you and Mum... But... " She lowered her eyes to rest on Teddy.
"I understand." Remus came over to sit on the edge of the bed and ran a hand down his wife's cheek, wiping away the tears that were gently flowing. "There's nothing to forgive, I love you."
Tonks' heart sank at this spontaneous declaration. She plunged her eyes into Remus's and he gently leaned in to kiss her.
As he straightened up, Tonks' stomach began to rumble, which made them both smile.
‘I'll get you something to eat. Remus said, placing a kiss on her forehead before standing up.
Tonks simply nodded. Once Remus was out of the room, she put Teddy down, who was still asleep in his little cradle on the other side of the bed. She had decided to get up. She felt her strength slowly returning and, even though she was afraid, she took off her blanket, stood up and put her feet on the floor. A shiver ran through her as she touched the cold floor, but it didn't stop her. She leaned back on the bed and stood up. She took a few hesitant steps towards the door. She stopped to breathe for a moment. She could hear Remus busying himself on the ground floor. She glanced at Teddy, who hadn't moved, before heading for the stairs and starting to descend. One foot in front of the other, slowly but surely. Images of the war flashed before her but she quickly banished them. She was simply going to find her husband. It was all over, there was no longer any reason to be afraid. She reached the door leading to the kitchen. She saw Remus with his back to her. She had used up so much energy walking here that she had no energy left to talk. She knocked on the door jamb to announce her presence.
Remus turned round when he heard a ‘knock knock’ and was startled to see who was standing in the kitchen doorway.
"Dora!" He dropped what was in his hand and rushed towards her.
She smiled at him, but even that took effort. When Remus was right in front of her, she let go and slipped into his arms. He caught her with ease, she was so light.
"Are you all right? You didn't have to get up, I was coming, sweetheart."
Tonks took a deep breath.
"I wanted to get up," she managed to say. "I wanted to try."
Remus smiled and pulled away a little, holding her in his arms.
"You're just as strong as me Dora, don't forget that."
She smiled and rose on tiptoe to place a soft kiss on his lips.
"And I'll be there whatever happens, it's going to be OK, we're here to help you. I'm proud of you."
Tonks rested her head in the crook of Remus's shoulder to hide the new tears streaming down her face.
After a few minutes, she asked Remus to help her sit up, as she had no strength left. He sat her down at the table and brought her a plate of pasta with tomato sauce, which she savoured in silence.
"How are you feeling?" Remus asked as she finished her meal.
She gave him a frank smile.
"Much better."
Remus smiled back, happy to see his wife regain her colour and energy.
"Do you want to go back to bed?"
"No, I really want to take a nice shower..."
"I'll get that ready for you..."
"You don't have to, I can do it."
Remus gave her a tender look. Despite everything, she remained determined to do things herself. Some things never change.
"Okay, but let me help you anyway."
Tonks stood up slowly.
"All right, Professor."
Remus rolled his eyes as he approached her to help her if need be.
A few minutes later, Tonks was lying in a nice warm bath full of foam. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the moment of relaxation. She hadn't felt this good for days. She was woken by Remus entering the bathroom, Teddy in his arms.
Tonks smiled broadly. She loved to see Remus looking after Teddy, she loved the look of love in his eyes. He who had been so afraid, who had abandoned them for fear of hurting them, for fear that his son wouldn't love him. She knew that he was now the happiest of men and she was proud to have given him this life.
"I'd like to take him on." Tonks murmured.
"I knew you would."
With absolute delicacy, Remus undressed his son and then placed him gently under his mother's breast.
Tonks shuddered at the feel of her son on top of her. She had missed him so much. Even though he'd been there with her, she felt as if she'd abandoned him, that she hadn't been up to the task. But deep down she knew that Teddy had missed nothing during her ‘absence’. She felt like she was finally living again. A tear of joy rolled down her cheek.
"Are you all right, sweetheart?" worried Remus.
"I'm fine, I'm just so happy. I've missed you."
Remus knelt by the bath and stroked Tonks' cheek.
"Missed you too."