desperately need to talk about your crush? go to the library
Lily Evans was currently professing her love.
The library was still and quiet, Remus and Sirius were on a date, Dorcas and Marlene were playing a round of quidditch (which they claim is completely normal despite being on opposing teams), and when she left Gryffindor tower Lily passed Mary and Peter in an intense looking chess match. So, her friends were occupied and she desperately needed to be able to tell someone about the events of her week.
James was that person and as luck would have it he also needed to talk. For 4 years (excluding 1st year) everyone had been convinced of James and Lily’s “great love” for each other and until last spring Lily would have slapped any person who dared to say they “couldn’t possibly be just friends”. Now, they are definitely not just friends. They are best friends.
If you ask anyone in the castle who James Potter’s best friend is, anyone would say Sirius Black without a second thought. But Lily knew more about James than Sirius did and that all came down to the one secret he has: James Potter is in love with Regulus Black. Telling Sirius that would most likely result in certain death.
The only reason Lily has James and James has Lily is because of an incident that happened in May of last year, Regulus kissed Barty Crouch at a party and suddenly they were dating (short lived and the two still act like best friends, though Lily has no idea what that’s about) James knew of this of course because Sirius being the protective big brother he is would rant about it constantly.
And in Lily’s case, Pandora Rosier, who happens to be one of the most beautiful people on this planet, at least in Lily’s opinion, was dating Xenophilius Lovegood and Lily’s longtime crush on her wasn’t dealing with that fact well and she felt like she was starting to see them everywhere.
Eventually, James’ pent up feelings sort of exploded one day and he happened to explode near Lily who as it happened had just seen Pandora and Xenophilius on a date in Hogsmeade and was similarly ready to explode. Since that day they are the people they talk to about their impossible crushes.
Today was that kind of day.
Regulus and Barty and Pandora and Xenophilius had both since broken up but helplessly James and Lily’s feelings hadn’t. James had suggested that maybe it was just jealousy in the beginning, at their relationships not them. That turned out to not be true, especially in his case.
So there they were, a girl who can’t bring herself to ask out the girl she likes and the boy who fell for his “best” friend’s brother and right now Lily Evans was professing her love, just to the wrong person.
“I’m falling in love,” she states, they were sitting in the very back of the library, the last thing they needed was someone overhearing them. “I’m falling in love.” she repeats.
“Falling?” James mocks, smiling at her as she makes her declaration over and over. “How’s the new class?”
“Teacher’s nice, Pandora’s gorgeous, homework’s easy, Pandora’s gorgeous,” she said in one breath, feeling almost in shock after admitting that she was in love. “She smiles at me everyday or maybe she smiles at everyone, her smile is so pretty it’s intoxicating.”
“Hey, she smiles at you! That could mean something,” James offers, always looking for the bright side even though they both knew that was a complete lie.
“She smiles at everyone,” Lily retaliates, she’s so nice and smart and gorgeous, she thinks, and– No! No hope could enter her, it would just hurt her more later. “Does Regulus smile at you?”
“Regulus doesn’t smile at anyone,” James says and Lily thinks that for such a strange statement, James looks oddly happy. “I like it, I find the death stares adorable.”
“You’re a strange man, Potter,” Lily says, looking at her friend and laughing.
“Really?” James asks. “Miss “intoxicating smile”.” Lily shoots him an annoyed glare before laughing once more at how ridiculously in love they were.
“Do you smile at him?” She asks, after a minute.
“Of course,” James says. “I smile at everyone, oh, I see what I just said”
“Wow, opposites really do attract,” Lily comments. “Maybe he doesn’t smile at you because you smile at everyone.”
“Do you smile at Pandora?” James asks.
“Yes, of course I do,” Lily says. “We’re in the same class, Mcgonagall seems to like to pair us together.”
“Thank god for Minnie,” James jokes. “So… you’re in love with her now?”
“Maybe we should talk about something else,” Lily suggests, knowing that James will try to convince her to just ask her out but fear seems to be a powerful demotivator when it comes to love. “I think you were saying something about Regulus frowning at you.”
“Don’t get me started,” James says, groaning and throwing his head against the back of his chair then dramatically snapping back up to look at Lily. “He’s just so pretty, it’s killing me.”
“I think he would like that,” Lily says, unable to stop picturing her pretty crush. Last week Lily’s Transfiguration class was changed due to class sizes, at first of course Lily was pissed off until the day she walked into her new class and saw Pandora Rosier, crush since 3rd year Pandora Rosier. She was smiling and laughing next to her brother, Evan and Lily thought that she could feel her face being set on fire when Pandora looked over and smiled at her. Almost instantaneously Lily forgot that she had ever even been mad that her class was changed.
Logically of course Lily knew that Pandora smiled at everyone but that doesn’t stop the butterflies in her stomach when she smiles at her. Then again, James smiles at everyone too, Lily thinks and he only has any eyes for Regulus- No! She stops her brain, hoping for anything at this point would only end in another silencing charm over her bed when she cries.
“He would love that,” James says dreamily. “I love that. I love him. Oh god, I love him.”
Lily already knew that, just as James already knew she loved Pandora before she said it.
“We are fucked,” Lily states, smiling and laughing at their stupidity in falling for people who they have no hope in ever loving them back.
“Yes, we are,” James agrees, they’d abandoned their books by this point if they’d ever actually been reading them. “Oh god, I’m dead. I’m in love with Sirius’ brother. I’m dead.”
Lily laughs more and James eventually bursts out into a fit of laughter too.
They must have been in the library for at least an hour, hardly anyone had come in or they hadn’t noticed anyone come in at least so when the loud sound of the door creaking open echoed through the halls they both jumped a little.
A few long blonde braids and a small boy with a head of dark black hair hurried out of the library door. Lily felt a small feeling of panic. Was that Pandora? Was that Regulus? Did they hear everything Lily and James had just said?
James looked over to her and she felt that the look of panic that was on his face was a mirror to her own.
“You don’t think that was- you don’t think they heard?” James asks, whispering even though they were far away from the doors.
“No,” Lily says, half trying to convince James and half trying to convince herself. “Even if that was… no one was anywhere near us, we would have heard them.”
“Right,” James says, relaxing a little and Lily would be lying if she said that it didn’t calm her a little to see James relax.
They didn’t hear, she tells herself, it might not have even been them. This couldn’t be how Pandora found out about Lily’s feelings. Not by overhearing her discussion of feelings with James. She didn’t hear, Lily told herself again. Convincing or not it was still better.
“Crap!” James exclaimed.
“It’ll be fine, I’m sure they were out of earshot,” Lily said, which she was already telling herself over and over she might as well tell James too.
“No, not that, well yes that but I told Sirius we’d meet him back at the dorm for party planning at 4,” James explains, standing up and grabbing their books to reshelve.
“Right, the party planning,” Lily says, not quite remembering how the boys managed to talk her into helping them.
They got up nonetheless and walked out of the library both moving rather slowly despite already being late for Sirius, neither of them wanted to risk an encounter with their crushes without knowing what they’d heard. They might have looked like idiots walking out of there at turtle pace but at least they were idiots together.