Chapter 20
James was happy. He was so happy he hadn't stopped smiling since telling Regulus how he felt. It was not like it had been a secret. James was aware of how terrible he was at hiding how he truly felt.
He was so sure it had been visible on him, since the first time he had kissed Regulus. He imagined himself, walking around with a giant trophy, that sadly he couldn't show off to anyone. He knew why. It made sense why. Yet it still didn't feel good.
James was a romantic. No doubt about that. He was in love, so of course he wanted to show that off. He wanted to get up on a table in the great hall, and tell everyone how in love he was.
Regulus was so special to him, he was his world.
But even if he was able to tell everyone, he wouldn't have a clue of how to do it.
They were sitting in a circle on the floor. Slytherins and Gryffindors side by side, drunk off their arses.
Evan was the loud kind of drunk, which many did not appreciate. He squeezed down between James and Lily, with a half empty bottle of firewhiskey in his hands “I'm bored…Let's play truth or dare!” Evan slurred. “Yeah let's” James said politely, since nobody else had said anything, in an awkward amount of time.
“Barty! Truth or dare?” Evan asked, taking a big gulp from the bottle. James turned his gaze to Barty, which immediately broke his heart. Barty looked hurt at Evan, and let out a sigh “Dare i guess”
“Yes! Uhm…I dare you to kiss Dorcas” Evan smiled, and James watched as the look in Bartys eyes turned from hate to anger “Fine” Barty crawled over to Dorcas, who looked just as pissed at Evan. They kissed, and the tension was almost unbearable.
Of course, Barty being this angry couldn't possibly lead to any good “I already know that you're gonna choose to dare. So i dare you to kiss Potter” Barty looked at Evan, in a way that made Evan gulp. He then smiled “Excellent choice. Potter?” Evan turned to face him, and James felt his entire body burn.
“I-I, maybe-” James was panicking “Cmon, we are all friends here right? It's just a game” Barty said, pleased, while Evan cluelessly smiled. James was terrified, but turned to look at Regulus. It was no surprise that he was already staring right back at him, clearly angry.
“Exactly. We are all friends here” Regulus tilted his head slightly, at James.
“Maybe we should play something else” Lily suggested, clearly feeling the tension “No Evans. We are teenagers, and this is what we do at parties to keep things interesting” Evan said, annoyed.
He then turned back to James, turning James's face away from looking at Regulus, and kissed him.
James is the one who pulls away, to a pleased looking Evan. Immediately Barty stood up, and walked out without a word. James wanted to punch Evan for how clueless he seemed at the moment, having just deeply hurt both his best friends, with one kiss.
James went to look at Regulus, to see him getting up. He took one look at James, then stormed out, purposefully slamming the door behind him.
James felt hopeless, stupid, and worst of all guilty. He got on his feet “Maybe give him a minute..” Dorcas said, grabbing his hand “Fuck no” James ripped his hand from hers, running after Regulus.
“I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Im so fucking sorry Reg. I panicked, I froze. Saying no to Evan, would mean having to explain why to all of them. I am really sorry but I'm just not ready for something like that yet. I know i shouldn't have kissed him, i should've thought of another solution-”
“Its fine”
“Fine? This is the opposite of fine. I am a terrible person” James said frustrated “No it's perfectly fine James. I am so tired. So tired of having to hide everything all of the time. And you've just confirmed that you never think before doing anything, you never think. So maybe we should just stop. I'm not supposed to be associating with you anyway, it's gonna end regardless. So why drag it out?” James felt burning in his chest, as he watched Regulus tear up. He couldn't believe that those words were actually coming from Regulus.
“Because I don't want it to end…” James said, his voice cracking, as he felt tears stinging in his eyes “But it never really started either did it? We never spoke about being exclusive, I can't even be mad at you. So let's just stop it” Regulus spoke as his voice trembled “Why are you so quick to throw everything away..? Then let's be exclusive. I don't want anyone else Reg….” James took a step forward, as Regulus took a step back.
“No. i can't anymore James, its done”