Chapter 19
Saying that James was simply relieved, after his talk with Sirius, would be an insane understatement. He had been absolutely sure that Sirius would have quite literally ripped his head off, the second he found out. James knew how protective Sirius had always been about Regulus. Even if the two were fighting. One time a Rawenclaw had said something about the fact that Regulus was wearing pants, instead of the skirt, and Sirius hexed their pumpkin juice to taste like sewage for a week.
It was not like Sirius had just completely forgiven James, but they were surviving. James was just very glad that he hadn't seen them together yet. That would surely be a show.
To spare Sirius, James had waited one night to go and see Regulus again. And being James, he had of course apologised about a million times for it, before Regulus told him to shut up.
“James, you are acting like it is impossible for me to survive one night without you” Regulus said, seeing the state he was in. James audibly gasped “You take that back! It absolutely should be impossible for you to survive without me” James said “Fine, it was dreadful. So how did he react exactly?” Regulus asked, having finally put down his book.
“Well, at first I was so sure he might actually murder me. Merlin he looked more angry than I had ever seen him, it was honestly a little scary. But I quickly found out that was only because he thought we were just shagging. Then i told him the actual truth of course” James chuckled “And the actual truth is?” Regulus asked, now a whole lot more interested in the conversation.
James sighed, feeling his cheeks burn “You're really gonna make me say it?” He asked “Oh absolutely” Regulus smiled, looking oddly confident “I just told him that I had no ill intentions in regards to you, and that my feelings were indeed very strong for you. I explained that I would've never done something like that, if it wasn't genuine. So then I told him that I love you, that I am in love with you. A lot actually”
Regulus listened carefully, as the words left James's lips, but for some reason it was not registering in his head properly. He watched the simple smile across his lips, as if saying those words had been the easiest thing he had ever done. He felt paralyzed in a way, feeling tears well up in his eyes.
Saying those types of words were not at all common in the Black family. In fact, even when digging in the deepest parts of his brain, Regulus could not remember a time when those words had been said to him.
And now they were being said. Loud and clear, in the most genuine way possible, yet it hurt. Hearing those words, knowing how much James meant them, knowing how badly he wanted to say them back, knowing he could not bring himself to do it.
He was slightly panicking. He had somehow managed to get James Fucking Potter, to tell him he loved him, and he knew he was about to hurt him.
He knew so deeply how much words and affection mattered to James, and knowing he was unable to give him that, made him hate himself.
The warm smile, that had been across his lips just a second ago, had faded slightly, and turned apologetic.
“Regulus. Please dont look at me like that. I did not tell you about this, in an attempt to make you feel bad, or force you to say anything that you aren't ready to say. You know me well enough to know, that I only told you this, so that you would know how I feel, not to hear it back” Somehow, those words hurt more. Knowing that James already knew he wouldn't be able to say it back, and that he was simply fine with torturing himself with that fact.
“I'm sorry” he said “Dont. Don't you ever be sorry about that. Just know that I love you, Merlin. I am so in love with you…..and that's all okay?” James said, reaching up and cupping his face, looking at Regulus in such a way that made him wanna scream “Okay..”
Regulus returned to the Slytherin common room that night, with an incredibly puzzled feeling in his stomach.
His thoughts were then quickly interrupted, as he was trying to process what was happening in front of him.
Barty was sitting on the couch, reading a book, with his head in his lap, laid Evan. As he was softly playing with his hair, clearly enjoying himself, he looked up at Regulus.
His eyes widened “Dont. dont you say a fucking word or i swear i will hex you into next year” He whispered aggressively, careful not to wake Evan “I didnt say anything” Regulus smiled, simply walking away, as Barty blushed.