Stars & Dragons

“I don’t know mate. Yeah, I could tell she was fed up being there but, she didn't seem out of sorts. She looks fine.” Blaise said to Draco and Theo while finishing his drink. Both Draco and Theo knew that Charlie was breaking the news that she couldn't go back to Romania. They were unsure of how she was going to react. 

“From what Pans told us, she went through a lot of shite while she was there.” Theo muttered into his tumbler. “She didn’t elaborate but apparently, it was really bad.” Blaise furrowed his brows while leaning back into his seat. The Leaky Cauldron was actually slow for once so they could talk about what was going on without others trying to listen in.

Blaise sighed and ran his hands over her face. “I just don't get why she hasn't told us what's been going on if she was having issues.” After Jamie’s breakdown in eighth year, they were all set on edge that she was going to lose it the same way she did again.

“I of all people know it's not going to end well when they tell her.” Draco stated while also finishing his drink. “I could tell she was occulading the whole time anytime we saw her. If it were my guess, she's been doing it non-stop over the years.” Draco was worried, they all were. It was only a matter of time that her walls would break down and she would have to finally face everything she's been repressing over the years.

(Flashback) October 31st, 1998

“You guys look ridiculous.” Jamie laughed as she looked at Ginny and Pansy’s costumes. Jamie couldn't imagine in a million years that Pansy Parkinson and Ginny Weasley would end up friends. Sitting on her bed while she watched her friends rush all over the dorm to get ready for Slytherin’s Halloween party. “I mean come on, the three musketeers?”

“It WOULD make it less ridiculous if you didn't bail on us at the last minute.” Ginny muttered while putting the silliest looking hat on her head. “Why aren't you going again?” Ginny asked while turning on her heels and making her way over to Jamie’s bed.

“I told you, I have to get an O in Care of Magical Creatures, herbology and potions so I can go to Romania at the end of the year.” This was a bold faced lie but she knew that Pansy and Ginny would ask. If anything, she was worse than Hermione this year when it came to studying and school work. She barely went out or just took a minute for herself.

“Didn’t you pass all those classes already? I mean, why take them again? You got outstanding's on all of them already.” Pansy was annoyed like she usually is. She saw Jamie slowly slipping away from everyone and turning into a recluse; either in the library or in her and Ginny’s dorm studying non stop. “You need a night with the girls. One night isn't going to kill you.” Jamie and Pansy glared at each other. Jamie knew that Pansy had a feeling something was up but she wasn't going to push the subject.

“And I NEED to study because if I don't get this job, I'm blaming the two of you for refusing to let me do so.” Jamie shot back while returning to her paper that was due Monday. “Trust me, I'm not going to miss much.”

“Draco is going to be there.” Ginny smirked while wiggling her eyebrows. Jamie instinctively threw her pillow at Ginny’s head. “What was that for!?”

Jamie scoffed and shut her book with force. “That was for continuously implying that there is something more going on between me and Draco Malfoy other than us being friends.”

“Well, maybe if you two would stop making googly eyes at each other we wouldn't think that.” Pansy retorted while she put her red lipstick on. She didn't have to look away from the mirror to see that Jamie was burning holes into the back of her head.

Jamie was getting more and more annoyed as her two best friends kept pushing the subject. “Draco and I are nothing but close friends. Nothing more and nothing less.” She stated while shoving her nose back into her herbology book.

“Fine. But if something does end up happening, I'm going to tell you I told you so.” Pansy scoffed while leaning up against the bedpost. “You have fun being a nerd while me and Gin go get plastered.” Pansy said as she almost practically skipped out of the room. “Come on Ginny! All the good shite is going to be gone if we keep moving at a snail's pace!”

“Alright, alright I’m coming!” Ginny shouted out the door before turning to Jamie. “Hey, are you sure you're okay..?” Ginny wasn't stupid. She knew Jamie had been having a hard time after the war. Especially with Fred being gone. Shockingly, Jamie seemed to be the only one taking his death the hardest.

Jamie swallowed hard before answering. She had a pretty good poker face but, most of the time Ginny could see right past it. “Yeah, I'm okay. Just stressed out with classes. That's all.” Jamie gave Ginny her best "I'm fine” smile she could. Ginny wasn't convinced.

“Alright.. If you say so.” Ginny was reluctant to leave Jamie alone but she also knew that if she pushed the issue that Jamie would just end up pushing her away more than she already has. “If you change your mind, your costume is still hanging up in the wardrobe.”

“Thanks Gin. I'm probably still just going to stay in.” Jamie said before she shoved her nose back into her book. 

“Okay.. I guess I'll see you in the morning.” Ginny added before walking out the door. “Love you.

“I love you too Gin. Don't get too drunk. I don't want to spend my Sunday holding your hair while you vomit into the loo.” Jamie added while a shite eating grin spread across her face. 

“Oh shut the fuck up.” Ginny retorted before cracking a smile herself before leaving.

The minute both girls left, Jamie threw everything aside and rubbed her face. She has been having the worst time trying to cope. School, alcohol, even stinging jinxes to her thigh wasn't helping. Between the war and seeing her dead brother lying lifeless on the stretcher in the Great Hall being ingrained into her mind, her mind was in a constant battle of shoving everything into a box, locking it up and throwing away the key. She didn't know she was a natural occlumens until Draco told her one day. She wasn't too thrilled that Draco was trying to barge into her mind but, learning that she had this ability was a curse and a blessing. More or so a curse because she was repressing everything for the last five months.

Anytime she was alone, she was either studying until her brain hurt or she was in the girls lavatory on the second floor. She talked to Moaning Myrtle a lot when she was there. Myrtle always seemed put off when she would see Jamie have break down after break down. After a while though, Myrtle would keep a close eye on her. Even if she didn't always make her presence known.

The more Jamie tried to force herself to study, the more it felt like her heart was going to beat out of her chest. And the more she tried to fight the tears, the more her eyes would force them out. It was late so she knew barely anyone would be in the hallways. Either students were sleeping or they were at the party, so that was Jamie's chance to run to the lavatory. Again.

“She's really not coming again? I'm even taking a break from studying.” Hermione asked Ginny while she sipped on her butterbeer. “She's usually the first one to try and get us all to go out.”

“I'm really not sure. I couldn't tell if she was lying or if she really wanted to study.” Ginny huffed while slumping back into her seat and downing the rest of her drink. “It’s like, one minute she's fine and the next she's crying so much she makes herself sick.”

“Has anyone even tried to talk to her? Since the beginning of the year she's been off. I mean, we are all working through everything that happened with the war but hers just seemed to start at the beginning of the first term…” Hermione added while fiddling with the red cup in her hands.

“We've tried but, anytime we do she either shuts it down and says she's fine or she gets mad and says we're pushing an issue when there is none.” Pansy responded while standing up. “She's such a horrible liar you know.”

Hermione looked between Ginny and Pansy with confusion. “What do you mean?”

Ginny was about to answer before Draco and Theo walked up to the group of girls. “Where's the third musketeer? Did she go missing again?” Theo laughed while taking a shot of Gods knows what. 

“She’s ‘studying '’' Pansy answered begrudgingly while doing her own air quotes. “She's apparently now worse with studying constantly than Granger is.”

Draco scrunched his eyebrows together and scoffed. “What do you mean study? From what she told me the other day, she's ahead in all of her classes.”

Ginny and Pansy both shrugged while Ginny stood up. “I don't know. She was insisting on not coming.” She answered before going to get another drink. She walked past Draco and patted his shoulder. “Maybe you can use that Malfoy charm to get her out of her cave.” Ginny wiggled her eyebrows at Draco and he just scoffed.

“Yeah, Like that's going to end well.” He scoffed while rolling his eyes.

“She listens to you more than any of us. So, you have a better chance of getting her arse down here.” Pansy added before her and Hermione got up to go rejoin Ginny. “Go get her. Please? She needs a break.” As soon as Draco heard the slight worry in Pansy’s voice, he knew that he should at least try.

“Alright. But, if I get my head torn off because she's in a mood, I'm blaming you.” Draco responded while also downing his firewhisky. “Wish me luck.”

In unison, Theo, Pansy, Ginny and Hermione said “Good luck.”

As she paced back and forth in front of the sinks, her face was soaked with tears and she was picking at her fingers until they bled. She wanted to scream, but couldn't. She didn't want anyone coming in and seeing her in the state she was in. Jamie felt like she couldn't breathe as she tried to suck in air between sobs. Moaning Myrtle was nowhere to be found. Jamie didn't seem to care much. She kept picking at her fingers and pacing. Flashbacks from the battle of Hogwarts and snippets of Fred’s corpse were ingrained into her mind. Every time she closed her eyes, that's all she saw.

The more she hyperventilated the hotter she got. She turned on the sink to the coldest water she could and let it run over her hands before looking up into a mirror to see a very broken girl. She didn't recognize herself. Her eyes were sunken in. She looked paler than normal and she was just a broken shell of her former self. It made her cry even more.

Her sobs must've been getting louder because it made Draco immediately stop at the second floor. He heard the sobs coming from the same lavatory that he also frequented in his sixth year. He winced at the memory of him and Harry battling it out before Harry hit him with Snape’s own spell.

He cautiously walked in. The closer he got, the louder the sobs got. As he peaked around the wall, he saw Jamie shaking in front of the sink. Bracing it like it was her only lifeline to keep standing. He wasn't sure what to do. “Potter?” He quietly said. His eyes got wide when Jamie looked up at him through the mirror. Her eyes were bloodshot and her face was beat red.

“Get out.” she gritted through her teeth, knuckles turning white as she gripped the sink tighter.

Draco had never seen her in this state. Yeah, he's seen her sad and upset but, the way she looked at him through the mirror made him walk towards her. “Come on Potter, let's get you ba-”

“I said get out.” She repeated. She was tired and she was falling apart. Draco was obviously not just going to leave her there.

“No, Jame you need to come on.” His tone was stern, which usually gets her to snap out of it but, in this current situation it only made it worse.

“I SAID GET OUT!” She yelled as she whipped around to face him. Draco’s eyes got wide at the girl in front of him. It wasn't his friend. He saw a girl whose world was crashing down around her. “GET THE FUCK OUT!”

“Jamie, you need to calm down. It’s okay..” Draco was trying so hard to get to her. She was shaking and her fists were clenched like she was ready to hit him.

“NO! GET OUT! NO ONE CAN FUCKING HELP ME! FRED IS FUCKING DEAD! HE’S FUCKING DEAD AND THERES NOTHING YOU OR ANYONE ELSE CAN DO ABOUT IT!” She screamed as she punched the mirror. Shattering the glass and slicing up her hand. Her breathing was getting faster and faster before she finally broke. “Get out..” She begged before collapsing.

Draco was able to make it to her before she hit the ground. He wrapped his arms around her as she clung to his chest. Nothing else was said. He just let her cry. He wasn't going to leave her there. Especially with her hand bleeding.

After a couple of minutes, her sobs turned into post crying hiccups. Draco kept rubbing her back which slowly made her body start to relax. “Come on,” He whispered into her ear. “Lets go get your hand all fixed up, yeah?” Jamie silently nodded as she allowed him to help her up.

As they were walking, Jamie stopped when she noticed they were walking down the stairs instead of going up. “We’re going the wrong way..” She mumbled quietly as she let go of Draco’s hand.

He snagged her hand again before guiding her back down the stairs. “I know.”

Jamie did not even have the energy to protest, but she did scoff like she was so inconvenienced. “Then where are we going?”

Draco stopped dead in his tracks and turned on his heels to face her. Her heart jumped into her throat when his gaze hardened. They were now standing nose to nose. She knew he wasn't mad at her but she needed to get it through her head that she wasn't okay. “You really think I’m going to leave you by yourself after what just happened?” The way his chest rumbled made Jamie swallow hard and quickly break her gaze from his.

“No…” She gritted through her teeth

“Alright then.” Draco replied as they continued.

Luckily, by the time they made it to the Slytherin common room, the majority of everyone either left or passed out on couches. Draco didn't have to look at Jamie to know that she wanted no one to see her so he quietly muttered a Notice Me Not charm on her before they walked in.

This isn't the first time they both snuck into Draco’s room after curfew. Nothing would ever happen between them, which they were okay with. Most of the time they would just sit and bullshite for hours until they both fell asleep. No one ever found out which was good for them. They didn't even want to think about all the shite they would get if their friends did find out.

“My hand hurts.” Jamie muttered as she sat down on Draco’s bed.

“No shite.” Draco replied, rolling his eyes in the process. “Sit here while I go get the dittany.”

Jamie kicked her shoes off and slumped back into his bed. She was using the front of her shirt to keep the blood from going everywhere. “Do I even want to know how you have your own personal stash of dittany?”

Draco snorted as he rummaged through his drawers for the vial. “Do you forget that I got outstanding's in all of my potion classes?”

“No I haven't, and you've never let me live it down.”

Draco could and couldn't understand how quickly she was able to shut her emotions off. He could tell she was being sarcastic but her voice and eyes were dead. He walked back over to her as she sat back up. He knelt down in front of her and gently pulled her hand into her lap. “Remember it's going to-”

“Ow! That hurts!”

“Sting…” They both watched as all the cuts slowly healed themselves back together. Once the dittany set in, he took her hand back into his and he swallowed hard. “Better?”

“Yeah..” She answered quietly. While she would deny it left and right. She had feelings for Draco. She had no idea if he felt the same way but he was her safe space. The way she felt about him always scared the shite out of her. Especially after the war.

“Do you want a new shirt?” Draco asked while still holding her hand. “You can keep it if you want. I know either way I wont be getting it back.” Jamie could feel her face getting hot. He still hasn't let go of her. Involuntarily, her thumb was tracing small circles on the palm of his hand. He waved his hand in front of her blank stare as she did not seem to hear his question. “Jamie..?”

“Hmm?” She didn't know it at the time, but she was occulading so much that it was causing her to dissociate. She was physically there but her mind was not.

“I asked if you wanted to change your shirt for, er-” He looked down to her gray t-shirt that was still covered in her blood.

Jamie seemed to be able to snap out of it and also looked down at her shirt. “Oh, umm.. Yeah that's probably a good idea..” 

Draco got up and walked over to his wardrobe and started rifling through his shirts. He was never one to dress casual but he did have a stash of black t-shirts on hand. He handed her the shirt and she ran her fingers over it. This is so soft. He's definitely not getting this back, Jamie thought to herself while a small smirk crawled across her face.

“I'm not getting it back, am I?” Draco chuckled as he turned around to let her change.

“Nope. And I’m not sorry about it either.” She stated as she quickly changed her shirt. Once she changed, she nudged Draco and crawled into his bed and made herself comfortable. “Oh Merlin, you're not going to sleep on the couch again are you?” She asked while rolling her eyes. “You and I both know that nothing is going to happen.” While they both understood that nothing would happen, and it hasn't, it still sometimes worried Draco.

“No. Last time I did, my neck was sore for a week.” He responded from his bathroom. When he came back out, Jamie’s eyes unintentionally got wide when he strolled out shirtless.

She quickly shook her thoughts out of her head. She really was a horrible liar when it came to Draco. She also knew though that, that was a boundary she couldn't cross. “Well, with all the Malfoy money I'm sure that you would be able to get something that is more comfortable.” She slumped back into the pillow and made herself comfortable.

Draco raised a brow at her like he was the problem. “I wouldn't have to worry about it if somebody wouldn't keep falling asleep in my bed.” Draco said while also crawling into bed.

Their friendship was so complicated. They both flirted with each other. It was so obvious to the others, but the two of them would always deny it. Whatever connection they had was strong, and the more time they spent together, the connection got stronger.

While this isn't the first time they slept in the same bed together, they never touched each other. Both of them silently made it a point not to. For whatever reason though, almost every time they woke up they were both wrapped around one another.

Jamie laid in bed staring up at the ceiling. Her thoughts were running through this major breakdown she had. She felt embarrassed that Draco saw. Jamie never wanted anyone to see her as weak. She fought in a war for Merlin’s sake. She couldn't afford to be weak, and she definitely did not want her closest friends to see her breakdown like that.

“I think smoke is starting to come out of your ears.” Draco mumbled as she turned onto his side to face Jamie. “You should be sleeping.”

“And you should mind your business.” She drawled out while also turning to face him. Draco rolled his eyes and cracked a smile. Besides Pansy, Jamie was the most difficult, stubborn witch he has ever met. He loved that about her. She was never as mean as Pansy is but she could be a bitch from time to time. Or, depending on the day, all the time.

All of the sudden, Jamie broke eye contact with him. Draco could tell the wheels were turning in her head again. She clenched her jaw and swallowed hard. She opened her mouth like she was about to say something but quickly snapped it shut. “Hey,” Draco whispered while tucking a piece of red hair behind Jamie’s ear. “You know you can talk to me, right?” His eyes reflected what he was feeling. He was worried for his friend but a hint of protection and possessiveness flashed across his eyes as well.

“Yeah..” She mumbled while bringing the green, silk blanket up to her face.

“Do you want to tell me? I won't be upset if you don't want to.”

Jamie took a deep breath before looking back into his soft gaze. “I don't know if I should.. It’s incredibly stupid…”

Draco wiggled himself closer to her. They were so close to each other that it was sending Jamie into a panic.

“Try me.” All he wanted to do was hold her and tell her that everything would be okay. That he was never going to leave her.

Jamie closed her eyes tight to try and keep the tears from spilling out. She needed to ask him. No, she needed to tell him. “I- I need you to promise me something… I don't even know if I should be worried about it if I’m being honest…” Draco could feel Jamie’s heart pounding in her chest as his started to match hers.

“Tell me, love.. Nothing you could say would make me upset.” Her heart started to shatter when he called her ‘love’. It was making it harder for Jamie to want to tell him as he also kept running his fingers through her hair. She didn't want it to stop.

She shoved her face into the pillow and started crying. She had to tell him. She had to make him promise her. “I- I need you to p- promise me t-that we will never fall in l- love with one another…” Jamie couldn't look at him. Her statement could go one of two ways. On one hand, she could be making herself look stupid for assuming that Draco had the same feelings as she did. But on the other hand, she could also be breaking his heart.

Draco felt his stomach drop at her statement. He did have feelings for her, and he knew that she did too. He wasn't entirely sure what to say. All he could come up with was asking “W-why..?”

Jamie tried to shove her face further into the pillow, but Draco wouldn't let her. He gently, but forcefully held her face in his hands so she would actually look at him. The whole ‘no touching’ rule seemed to quickly get thrown out the window. When Jamie finally opened her eyes, she saw the confused, hurt look written all over his face. She tried to take another deep breath but it just turned into a sob. “B-because, I- I can't handle losing s- some else.. I can't do it… I- I can't..”

Draco immediately pulled her into his chest and just held her like he did in the girl’s lavatory. Normally, Draco never cried. But this wasn't about him right now. He silently let tears slip from his eyes while Jamie held on to him tighter. Like she was actually going to lose him. “Jame, I'm not going anywh-”

Jamie snapped her head back up to meet his gaze again. He was slowly starting to fall apart while Jamie was completely shattered. “Please.. Just promise me.. I just- I can't Draco I can't!” She sobbed out as she buried her face back into his chest.

“Shh, okay..” he quietly cooed while still running his fingers through her hair. “I- I promise..”

“I’m s- sorry..”

Draco kissed her forehead as she started to calm down. That one action made it even harder for them. Neither one of them said anything about it. “Friends or not Potter, I'm not going anywhere…”

All three boys sat and stirred in their own thoughts as they finished up their night. They were all worried. They were all discussing whether or not they should head to the Burrow to see if she was okay. Before they got up to leave, Draco caught a woman sitting at the bar with a black jumper with the hood pulled up. He got a suspicious feeling that it might've been Jamie. Only because he saw long, red hair poking out the front. Draco sat back down at the table and just watched the woman. He didn't want to look like a complete creep but if it was Jamie, he knew anything could happen, especially if she was in a bad mood.

“Oi, you coming?” Blaise asked Draco as he and Theo were walking out the door.

“I’m going to hang back for a little bit. I'll talk to you guys later.”

“Suit yourself, mate.” Blaise responded while shrugging his shoulders.

Draco didn't intend on staying as long as he did. He watched the woman pound at least four glasses of firewhiskey over the course of two hours. She didn't speak to anyone except the bartender when she wanted another drink. Draco laid low for those two hours, waiting for the woman to turn around.

After her sixth drink, she threw some galleons onto the bar and turned around to leave. Draco was right. The woman was Jamie and she was absolutely drunk off her arse. She obviously was not paying attention to anything because she walked right past Draco without even batting an eye. As she made her way to the door, Draco followed.

As Jamie left, she tried to make it around the corner to the apparition point but was having a very hard time trying not to stumble all over the place. “I just want to fucking g- go home.” She muttered to herself as she braced the wall to keep her balance. 

“You really don't think you are actually able to apparate in this state, Potter?” Draco’s unexpected voice made Jamie jump and whip around. She was immediately annoyed because she figured Pansy probably sent him out to find her.

“Oh for fucks sake,” She mumbled while pinching the bridge of her nose. “What I need a fucking babysitter now?” She retorted as she tried to turn back around to walk away. The more she walked the dizzier she got. She was too stubborn to show that she actually wasn't able to make it home by herself. “Let me guess, Pansy fucking sent you I take it?”

Draco scoffed as he crossed his arms and leaned up against the wall. “No, she didn't. But, I did just watch you for the last two hours pound through firewhisky like it was going out of style.” Jamie rolled her eyes and turned back around to walk away.

“The amount of alcohol I consume is none of your business.” She slurred while stumbling to the apparition point. “I’m. Fine.” She hiccupped.

“You're also the biggest liar I've ever met.” Draco followed her for a bit before grabbing her arm to stop her. “You're not apparating  anywhere and you're definitely not in the state to be left by yourself.”

“Oh bite me Malfoy. I’m fucking fine. Now let go.”

“Absolutely not.”

“For fucks sake, WHY WON’T ANYONE JUST LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!?” Jamie shouted out while throwing her hands up in the air. “I said I'm fine. Leave me alone.” She was done with the entire day. First, she couldn't go back to Romania, and second she was now some sort of target because she had connections with dragons that could be used against her and the entire wizarding world.

“Again, I just watched you get shite faced in the span of two hours by yourself. I'm taking you back to the Burrow.” In true Draco fashion with trying to get Jamie to listen, his voice got low and stern. All Jamie could respond with was laughing and shaking her head. “Let's go. Now.”

“No, fuck you I’m not going back there.” Draco’s grip on her arm tightened as she tried to pull away. “I said to fucking let go, Malfoy.” She gritted through her teeth.

Draco’s eyes darkened as he pulled her closer to his face. “And I fucking said no.” Before Jamie could protest any further, Draco picked her up and threw her over his shoulder.

“For fucks sake Draco PUT ME DOWN!” She yelled as she hit his back. Draco didn't respond and just let her hit him until she got over it. Draco didn't want to have to apparate to get her back to the manor but at this point it was his only option.

When they did apparate, Jamie’s demeanor went from angry drunk to she could barely stand up and was on the verge of being sick. Draco led her up the stairs and took her to his room. He sat her down on the couch in his room as she tried to focus on not throwing up. “Stay here, I'm going to go get you some water.” Jamie rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, huffing in the process. As Draco walked out of the room he said “Don't even think about trying to run off either.”

When Draco closed the door she ground and sank further into the couch. “This is fucking b- bullshite.” She mumbled to herself. She felt her eyes getting heavy and eventually ended up laying down on the couch. She watched the fireplace flicker and crack as she laid there. It didn't take her long to fall asleep after that. By the time Draco came back, she was completely passed out. He chuckled to himself as he placed the glass on the end table and grabbed a blanket to cover her up with 

“Fine my arse.” He muttered to himself before he started to get ready for bed. He wasn't prepared for the morning to come, but from the floo call he had with Pansy. He knew the coming morning would be filled with fighting since Pansy would be coming to rip Jamie a new arsehole for running off.