In Lupins Company
Regulus’ POV
There was a weight on the boy's chest.
Literally, something heavy was lying on him. He slowly opened his eyes as he awoke further and glanced down. Pandora's blonde hair was splayed across his chest, her arms wrapped around his torso and his hand on her shoulder. Her legs were curled up on the sofa.
He removed his hand from her shoulder and stretched his back slightly, trying not to wake her. Regulus had slept sitting up and his whole body ached.
Pandora moved, only slightly, and let out a very loud and aggressive groan. “Fucking hangovers,” she muttered, burying her face further into his chest.
Regulus rolled his eyes and pushed her off of him gently. “Did I wake you?” He asked as she looked up at him with a dead stare.
“No,” Pandora sat up, although very slowly.
“Alright,” Regulus said and stretched his limbs, yawning. “Wanna check if the house elves will make you hangover food?”
Pandora furrowed her brows, “they’d tell someone I got drunk.”
Regulus rolled his eyes, stood, and offered a hand to Pandora. “Victy would never, he loves you too much,” he said this with slight sarcasm, but did truly mean it.
Pandora sighed. “Fine,” she dragged the word out, and took hold of his hand.
Regulus dragged Pandora from her spot on the couch and they left the Slytherin common room to go to the kitchens. Neither spoke on the way there, apart from Pandora grumbling about her headache.
It was amusing to Regulus, the way she was acting.
When they finally reached the painting and tickled the pear, the elves flocked to them offering up any food they could think up.
“No, no,” Regulus smiled and waved them off politely. “That’s fine, just looking for Victy.”
One elf spoke up, gesturing for the others to leave. “Sir Regulus,” she said, “Follow me, Victy is here.”
Regulus nodded and Pandora followed as the elf led them to one of the small tables to the side. Victy was sitting at one of the stools, sipping tea, hunched over The Daily Prophet.
“Morning, Regulus,” Victy said without looking up.
“Good morning,” Regulus sat across from him and gestured for Pandora to sit as well. She did, next to Victy.
The elf read through The Daily Prophet, eventually scoffing in disgust or annoyance, Regulus wasn’t sure, and finally greeted them with his eyes. “Mistress Pandora,” he nodded when he saw her.
“As I’ve said before, please call me Pandora,” she was trying to be nice but there was venom in her voice from the pounding in her head. “Or Dora, if you’d like.”
Victy nodded, “Apologies, Dora.”
There was a moment of quiet, but not silence as the other elves were still preparing food, before Regulus spoke. “Pandora needs something for her hangover.”
Victy gave her a humorous look. “What symptoms have you, Dora?” His normal, slow cadence made him sound sort of creepy as hell.
“Headache, I’m tired as fuck, and everything’s so damn bright,” Pandora dug the heel of her hands into her eyes, grumbling incoherently.
“Mm,” the house elf hummed. “Alright,” he nodded and got up from his chair.
Regulus watched as Victy slowly moved about, clearly old and tired. If that were a person, he knew they’d be retired.
“Oh, Dora,” he paused and turned back to the two kids. “Hot or cold?”
She squinted at him, rubbing her temples, “Hot, please.”
Victy nodded and headed off, ordering a few elves who’d been standing around to help him.
Regulus looked over at Pandora and saw that she was nodding off. He sighed and rested his head on his hand, pulling out his wand and messing with the newspaper which Victy had left behind.
He ran through the events of last night and remembered what he had said to Barty. It was a mean joke, but it was still funny as hell. He let out a breathy laugh when he remembered Pandora going on and on about pointless stories which she seemed to find oh so funny. Regulus also thought back to the mannequins, transfigured into fake zombies, and he thought of Potter. The boy who seemed to snake into his mind every time he stopped to think.
Something about Potter was appealing, and intriguing. Regulus thought of Potter’s smile, and of the way he’d laugh when he’d hear about what happened at the party. He thought of his charming personality, and his bright aura, and how easy it was to get lost in the sight of him. The breathtaking view that James fucking Potter was.
When he caught himself, he sighed and reminded himself that it was a physical attraction. Nothing more. He could acknowledge Potter was hot, but he was not going to spend his time thinking about the boy. He wasn’t going to get attached.
Something in the back of his mind, however, told him to get closer to the Gryffindor. Something inside of him begged to know everything about him and to learn every little detail he could. Something, somewhere, and Regulus tried so hard to ignore it. He really did.
Soon enough, Victy was back with a bowl of soup and tea. He slid both dishes in front of Pandora and handed Regulus his usual tea. Regulus thanked him and woke Pandora up.
“That shit smells good,” she said as she stared at the concoction in front of her. “But it looks disgusting.” Her face was twisted in a conflicted expression, unsure of whether to try it or not.
“It’s good, trust me,” Regulus said as he sipped his tea. He didn’t actually know if it was good, but it didn’t matter. Not to him, at least.
Pandora gave him a doubtful look, and tried the soup nonetheless. He could tell it tasted good because she didn’t stop eating it. Pandora just shoved spoonful after spoonful into her mouth.
He let out a small laugh and looked over the newspaper.
Something about the dark lord, how the ministry is worried there will be attacks on muggles, something about the minister of magic winning a prize, some ad. Nothing new, nothing interesting. Regulus threw The Daily Prophet back down on the table and finished his tea.
“I’m going to head back,” he stood. “I assume you’re going to finish that first?” and he nodded to the bowl in front of Pandora.
“You assume right,” she said as she spooned more of it into her mouth.
“Well, I’ll see you at dinner,” he waved and left the kitchens.
Potter of course came crawling back into his thoughts and he tried to focus on his book instead, something still forbidden as it was a muggle book, but something which would result in a much lighter punishment.
The walk back to the Slytherin dorms felt much shorter than usual and he wondered if he’d been too caught up in his thoughts to process the time or if he’d somehow found a shortcut and didn’t realize it. When he got to his own dorm, he opened the door quietly, assuming the others were still asleep.
He saw his own bed empty, as well as Evans, but when the door was open wider he found Barty and Evan lying on Barty’s bed. They were cuddling together and Regulus rolled his eyes at the sight. Their limbs were intertwined and Bartys had sat on Evans chest. He walked in and shut the door. Regulus grabbed some clothes from his dresser and entered the bathroom.
In the mirror was a very disheveled Regulus. His clothes were wrinkled, shirt untucked, tie undone, and his hair was sticking up in odd places. He scoffed at himself and decided upon taking a shower first.
Once that was over and done with, he changed into his uniform and slicked back his hair. He would’ve done his skincare routine then, but he’d left all of his products under his bed, in their usual box, as there was nowhere to put them in the bathroom. Barty took up a lot of counter space with his dumbass hair products and makeup.
He stared at himself a few minutes longer, studying his face, its angles sharp. His features matched rather well and gave him a mean look, but something about it was gaunt and scary. Not that he didn’t want to be scary, but he looked just as cruel as he was and that hurt, somehow it really did hurt.
Regulus acknowledged his skinny body, small shoulders, long, thin hands. He wasn’t unattractive, not really, but something was so wrong with the way he looked.
Regulus bit the inside of his cheek slightly, and managed to pry his eyes from the mirror. He took a deep breath and opened the door to the bathroom.
His roommates were locked in a kiss and Regulus stopped in his tracks. Barty sat straight up, startled, and Evan fell off of the bed.
“Shit,” Barty ran his hands through his hair as he and Regulus stared at each other.
Evan looked between the two, and Regulus’ flat expression slowly changed to a small smirk.
Barty began to look more and more concerned, or scared, as the silence hung in the air. “Please say something,” he said quietly, staring at Regulus with wide eyes.
Regulus walked over to the two. “What do you want me to say?”
“I don’t know?” Barty made room for him to sit and Evan scrambled up from the floor, standing nearby.
“I don’t know,” Regulus’ smirked grew wider.
“Oh, piss off,” Barty shoved him. He bit his lower lip and said, “So you’re not,” he took a breath. “You don’t see anything wrong with, this?” He gestured between him and Evan.
Regulus shook his head. “No,” he said simply, an unusual lightness to his voice.
Barty seemed unsure, but Evan sighed with relief. “I was so scared you’d hate us,” Evan said as he sat beside Barty and held the boy's hand.
“I can’t hate you guys, and either way I’m not going to judge you for who you love.” Regulus knew he could come out to them then and there, without judgment and without hate, but even knowing they were gay, just like him, it didn’t help.
“But so many people…” Evan hesitated.
“I know,” Regulus gave them a small smile. “I get it.”
“No you don’t,” Barty said, a toxicity to his voice. Regulus wanted to correct him so bad, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t tell them. What if it got back to his parents? What if they slipped up? What if Sirius found out?
Regulus just nodded, slightly stiff. Neither of his roommates seemed to notice. They all just sat there, silence hanging in the air.
“Do you really not care?” Barty was clearly unconvinced, and scared. Regulus could hear the fear in the back of his throat, and the glossiness of his eyes.
“I don’t care,” Regulus carefully pronounced each word.
Barty laughed, not meanly, but it was awkward. It felt forced. “Why would you, right? You’ve got plenty of secrets, you can’t judge anyone you asshole.”
Regulus rolled his eyes. “Asshole feels like an understatement.”
“Mm,” Barty hummed and nodded, “I agree.”
“We’re going to have to workshop a new term just for you, huh?” Evan asked.
“I believe so,” Regulus stood and headed to his respective bed as the others fell into their own conversation.
From across the room, Regulus could not hear what was being said. He could only see that they had moved back to the center of the bed, cuddled up, and were speaking to each other in hushed tones.
There was a feeling in the deepest part of Regulus’ chest which he couldn’t quite identify as the two interacted so sweetly.
Merlin, they looked good together. It was so warm, the love that was there. Something about it was gentle and soft, different from both boys' personalities. Regulus wished he’d had something like that, he wished that he felt that way for someone. His heart ached as it really, truly set in that those two boys in front of him could never love openly. He could never love openly.
Few people would accept people like them, and it was so unfair. If it got to their families… Regulus wouldn’t let himself think of the consequences. They’d be bad, but to the extent of which he was unsure.
He pulled a book from a small shelf near his bed and opened it, reading slowly, having to repeat paragraphs. He couldn’t focus on it very well, but he tried. He really did try.
Instead he just stared at the book for a while, thinking and thinking and thinking.
He’d shut his curtains by now, not being able to watch the other boys ogle at each other for he was jealous and it hurt his heart. He heard them giggling about something in such a way that only lovers do and it was his last straw. If he stayed there he’d just cry over how damn lonely he was.
Regulus rolled his eyes, huffed, and got out of bed. He shoved his book into his bag, slinging it over his shoulder and leaving the room. Evan and Barty hadn’t seemed to give him any thought and he didn’t really care anymore. At least they were happy.
The Slytherin walked down the halls of the castle with a glare on his face and deep set frown. He was headed for the library, hoping his usual spot would be free. It likely would be since most students probably had hangovers from the other night and weren’t even getting out of bed. Idiots.
He was having a hard time controlling his breathing when he reached the library, and hurried to a table in the back which was well hidden behind stacks and shelves of books, with a large window next to it.
When he found the table, it was not empty. Lupin was sitting there, reading.
“Lupin,” Regulus greeted.
He finished his page, and looked up. “Hello,” Lupin smiled at the boy.
Regulus sat across from him, setting his bag on the adjacent chair and pulling out his book from earlier.
Lupin raised his head slightly, trying to glimpse the cover of Regulus’ book. “What are you reading?”
“Inferno, per your recommendation,” Regulus opened it to his bookmarked page and pulled the sheet of parchment, with doodles of cats and hands signed by Pandora, from the book.
“Is it good so far?” Lupin beamed at the boy, bookmarking his own spot and shutting whatever it was he was reading.
“Surprisingly, yes,” Regulus nodded.
“Have you been introduced to Forese yet?” Lupin's excitement was growing as he awaited a reply.
Regulus clicked his tongue, “Not yet, I haven’t been.”
“That’s too bad. He’s my favorite character, and uhm, I’d say more but spoilers.” Lupin did jazz hands when he said ‘spoilers’. Fuckin’ weirdo.
Regulus hummed and continued to read as Lupin stared, seemingly wanting to continue the conversation.
“What layer of hell are you on?”
“The second,” Regulus did not look up from his book.
Lupin nodded and went back to his respective book.
They sat like that for a while, maybe an hour or two, reading together in the peaceful silence of the library. The sun peaked in through the window after a while, shining onto the paper and wood, and their pale skin, warm and comforting. It was not a clear day, but it was not rainy or dark either.
Eventually, Lupin stood, grabbed his book and the stack next to him and said a quick goodbye to Regulus, who simply hummed in reply. The boy lingered for only a minute, but shook his head and finally left.
He was glad Lupin had left, but he didn’t hate the company. Lupin was better company than most people, anyhow.
The Slytherin continued reading, much more focused than before.
Regulus just wanted to get lost in his book. He just wanted to read until the words engulfed him entirely. He wanted to fall into the story head first and collapse in the third layer of hell, watching alongside Dante as he ventured through and learned of his sins and those of others. He wanted so badly to collapse into nothingness, words on a page, parchment with ink, stories with no meaning yet all the understanding of human life and existence.
All he wanted in that moment was to feel, and to feel okay. He wanted to feel normal and human. Regulus couldn’t help but wonder what had happened to him, what had turned him so sour. Although he knew, he did. He knew it was his parents. It was the dark lord. It was Sirius leaving him in that house.
A tear fell onto the paper and Regulus wiped at his face, taking a shaky breath in, and out, counting slowly. He shut the book after marking his spot. It went back in his bag and he stood, slowly.
Deep breath in, and deep breath out. Slow.
He slung his bag over his shoulder and turned, but found that someone was standing there, staring at him. “Fuck,” he muttered under his breath.