Remember When…
That entire class, I just stared at her….
I did it. I did the impossible. I got her back. Not through any necromancy or any typical dark magic. What I did took years of hard work, dedication, sacrifice-
“Ms. Amabil!” The professor shouted. Stirring me from my thoughts and earning snickers from everyone in the room. That’s right. Things were like this back then.
“… Yes Professor?”
“Glad to see you’re here with us.” His voice dripping with sarcasm. My skin couldn’t help but crawl with unpleasant nostalgia of it all. “Could you tell us, what the ingredients are for the average cauldrons worth of Skele-gro potion?”
“ 1 Chinese Chomping Cabbage, 3 Puffer-fish, 5 Scarab beetles, 1 Fanged Geranium, 1 arm bone, and 1 red spider.”
I couldn’t help but smile as a scowl formed on the man’s face. “Yes, thank you Ms. Amabil.” The Professor continued his lecture. He’s a mousy man, who wears casual clothes to work, and over-pronounces his words every chance he gets…
Yeah, I did it…
We’re back here at our sixth year at Ilvorymorny. I should be happy. I should’ve been happy as the mousy man mumbled words of humbled disappointment that he couldn’t mock me for getting an answer wrong. I should’ve been happy all the people I grew up are miraculously still around and no longer six feet feet under, that our formerly religious campus is somehow still standing; from its stained glass lecture halls to its crowded staircases and tight quarters. I should’ve been happy my sister is alive and just rolled her eyes at me while I was being berated by our professor. I should be happy I’ve invented a completely new fucking form of time magic! I should be happy!
But, I’m not. Which is something I expected ofcourse, I’ve made peace with our bad relationship. I always knew it would feel like this, if we ended back here at this time. I was hoping to go back even further. Back to our early childhoods so that maybe our relationship as a whole would be different from the beginning, but this is as far back as I could go without hurting myself. I’ll just have to take what I can get. As long as I use to next few weeks to prepare for what’s coming it should be alright. I have my sister. And I have the latter years of my childhood back. Even if I am only a child physically, maybe I can regain some of semblance at fun and happiness until it would be socially acceptable to ‘grow up’. What would I even do? What did children do in 2023? I no longer remember…
Whatever I do, it will have to be without Lauren. She’d never say yes to anything I asked of her ofcourse. I think I’ll just have to commit to staying away until it’s time to leave the school this time. She made that perfectly clear in how she publicly scolded me for staring at her. It was the usual berating so it’s not even worth bringing up what she said. I don’t want to think about it.
She doesn’t know what’s about to happen. I can’t just cry and hug her and tell her how I missed her, no matter how much I want to. It would just be confusing and I would be even more insane in her eyes. What did I do to make her hate me so much except being too clingy? I don't even know.
I pondered it as I walked away from the argument before it could even truly begin, not saying anything as I walked away. I could hear my sister screaming my name for a second, but she got distracted by someone else calling her name. I could hear at all play out behind me. I paid attention to nothing just kept walking until I got to the pukwudgie dorm room and flopped on my bed only to end up grimacing as I realize how badly my sheets need to be washed. I ignored the smell and delved into the plain box I hid under my bed and in it was my recorder. An old time '80's recorder.
I use to record all my thought and feeling during my school life via this recorder. My father gave it me in my first year here. I kept using it from then on, even all throughout the war until the day it finally broke down forever. I just kept looking down at the thing. Holding it in my hands, admiring the sensation of cool metal...
But, I couldn't record anything. Not because anything is wrong with the recorder, I just couldn't. That girl who enjoyed making video diaries just... she no longer exists.
It was my fathers so I couldn’t just throw it away, despite what it represents now…
I should be happy…
I was happy. Not happy enough…
What should I do now? Can someone please tell me what I should do now!?
I spent my adult life last time scheming and acting crazy to fly under the radar until I returned everything to normal and now that I have, I have to prepare for it all to fall apart with limited time. How should I go about it? I think I know one way, but I won’t be able to test it out right now. It’s almost curfew and I’m too tired to go out and break some childish rules right now…
I decided the coming weekend will have to time to do it. Saturday, to be precise.