Back to Hogwarts
When I was a third year at Ilvermorny, I found where the school was keeping a vanishing cabinet on its campus. I was exploring the parts of the school I hardly ever visited. I was pretending to be an explorer of some sort, hoping to be braver than I was and become a main character in whatever story I was hoping to be a part of at 13 years old.
The little storage room was on the top floor. It was locked with a chain, but very loosely, and there were no cameras obviously, being a magic school, or at least I hoped there weren’t, I was a little paranoid, but I never got in trouble for this so it worked out.
I was super skinny back then so I always was able to fit through the gap in the door left by the loose chain. When I entered the cabinet, I didn’t know I’d actually go anywhere. I didn’t know what a vanishing cabinet was. All I knew was that I wanted to disappear. To vanish. I was being childish and literally hiding away from my problems away from other people and for me that meant secluding myself in the smallest place I could fit for hours at a time. I was especially upset by Lauren, Adam, and their friends that day and I couldn’t handle being around others so it made sense for me at the time.
I stayed in that cabinet for a long time before I was able to calm down. Once I got out the room was significantly bigger, almost overwhelmingly so, and I could hear people chatting outside. I went to the window and saw students outside, but the uniforms were completely different as well as the view in general. I saw mountains and the castle was significantly bigger. I knew I was somewhere else immediately. I tried to leave via the door, but it was locked tight, I couldn’t open it. And honestly, I didn’t have the energy to use any other method besides pushing or pulling. I was lazy and a little scared, but also..
Content? Apathetic. No, lazy. Just lazy.
I ducked where no one could see me through the window and stared blankly around the room. I went right back to daydreaming and listened to the sounds of children playing. I realized the voices were British and in turn realized where I was pretty quickly, but I thought it was still unlikely. I couldn’t believe I actually found something extraordinary all by myself, barely guarded, unprotected, and gathering dust. And even if this was my main character moment, I didn’t know what to do with it, I literally wasted it just sitting there not knowing what to do. Just sitting there without anyone telling me what to do. That’s what I needed. After what felt like a long time, I went back inside the cabinet, waited a set amount of time and came out, and back in the small, loosely locked room. It was already dark outside in America. I went to check on Lauren and the others and no one cared that I was gone. That’s when I first realized it was useless to hang on to them, but I still couldn’t let go then.
After that I made it a habit to sneak in there every couple of days and go back to that large ornate room in Scotland. Every time I truly needed to be alone and have space, but still feel the presence of others, that’s where I’d be. That large locked room in Scotland where no one knew where I was with enough space to just exist. I was finally safe.
However, when I tried to do it again next year, the room was now locked tightly. Being the obedient girl I was, I let it be and never tried to enter that room again. I didn’t return to Hogwarts until years later, when I was serving the soon to be “greatest” dark lord. Like every dark lord before him…
And even then, I never explored the great castle to the fullest, I only went where I needed to go to get what I needed to done.
I found the room again once when I was walking around randomly one day out of boredom, nostalgia swelling in my heart, but unfortunately the vanishing cabinet had been broken. From the way the wood splintered, it was a very purposeful act. Not that it would’ve been useful to me, Ilvermorny was no more and I didn’t know of the existence of any other vanishing cabinets. I didn’t even know they were called vanishing cabinets until I was well I was well into adulthood. It’s hilarious now that I think about it, all the things I chose to ignore.
I thought I’d never see this place for the longest time, yet here I am now…
There I was, yesterday, breaking the lock on that storage with a simple spell…
I found the cabinet almost completely untouched. Technically, in real time it had only been 3 years since I’ve seen the cabinet or even been in this room, but in my mind, the truth of the years that have and will come to pass for me clouded my mind with nostalgia for both what was and will be.
The only thing out of place was a tarp already halfway falling off her current mode of transport. After delicately closing the storage room door and ripping off the tarp, I had only to enter the cabinet now.
Would it even still work?
Has the process changed?
What if I end up somewhere else?
How will I get back then?
Little questions that had consumed my mind, I was overthinking again and I knew it. I had done this a hundred times before. It has been a while, but why should it be any different if I try the same method now? I went inside and waited.
I used to sing and hum melodies while the cabinet whisked me away. That was my favorite part, it made me feel that I was being transported into a fairytale or a mythical land, like Narnia. It feels embarrassing and stupid to think back on those days, even if I’m technically back in them.
Opening the cabinet door and being back there again when the room was still tidy and well kept, when there were still students chatting outside, when the castle was a school and not my base of operations…
I loved it. The mountains and the lake were as beautiful as I remembered them when I looked out the window. Now all I had to do was get through the door. I pushed and pulled and the door was locked obviously. That was to be expected.
I listened in to see if anyone was out there and once I was satisfied there was nothing and no one out there…
“Alohomora.” I said gently. A few mild clinking noises and the doors fluttered open. Doing what I should’ve done in my first childhood, I stepped out from that room into the rest of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry when it was just that. A school. No different from Ilvermorny.
It was the weekend so most people had no classes and were wearing casual clothes, just as I had hoped and I blended in like a dream. I got lucky as I never ran into any professors, none that could point me out from the other children anyway. It’s strange referring to myself as a child in this way.
I’ll admit that I loved every second of this. Making up for what I should’ve done in the last time line. Really walk around the school and see it for myself. No one was any wiser. Or at least no one said anything, but there are so many students here, who cares really?
I couldn’t let myself get distracted though. The ghostly jester Peeves was who I had to watch out for as I walked through the castle. I remember Peeves fondly. He was against my groups cause an he let us know it everyday, usually in the way only a Jester could do. My colleagues hated him, but I loved him. He was right. We were evil people doing evil things whether we wanted to admit it or not and the way he joked about it was hilarious to me at the time. He was the only reason I could still smile then. But now, my greatest joy could be my greatest down fall if I mess up tonight. If I could get to the restricted section unnoticed, I was in the clear. It was almost curfew and staff tended to check the restricted section last according to the formerly late Mirabel Garlick. I was almost there and it was almost perfect until…
I saw him.