The Salamancas
"Arthur?" He was wearing a mask, but you were sure that's his hat.
Ben shapiro, Chuck Norris, Arthur Morgan, What's next? Obama?
"You know him?" Asked Chuck.
"I read his story,"
"Since when do I get a story?"
"We were transported here too, and we want to find a way out. You help us and we'll help you, we can get out of here together." You plead.
He gripped your neck tighter, "Listen, boy. Just give me everything you've got and get outta here!"
"Dutch, Marston, That black guy- I mean Lenny, these are your friends right? And Micah, the bad guy!"
This seemed to ease Arthur's grip.
"I know how your story ends, I can help you catch the rat."
"My story already ended,"
"Well then go back in that world and kill Dutch or something, don't you have plans?"
After a few moments, he let go.
"How are you planning to get out."
You bring out the nerd in you and try your best to figure out what happens next in Isekais.
"There's probably some really bad guy around here, like a demon general or something. We defeat him, then we kill the demon lord, and then we're out!" You're not sure if it will be a demon lord, maybe it's some other final boss.
"The demon lord will probably be very far tho. We'll have to ask the king who probably resides in that castle over there," You point to the cliff thousands of miles away.
Arthur seemed skeptical.
Chuck stared at it for a few seconds, then asked you,
"And you know all this how?"
"I helped you this whole time, just trust me."
"HesRightHeToldMeToDoSomethingWhichWasStatisticallyImpossibleAndHeTurnedOutToBeRight" agreed Ben.
Arthur was confused, "What? What did he say?"
"He said you can trust me," you say quickly. "and if I'm wrong, it's not like we can kill you anyways."
Chuck snorted.
"And I know you and John's story, I can help you help him survive. I will tell you all I know!"
"I'll go with you, for now."
You breathed a sigh of relief.
I must have a maxed-out charisma.
The four of you walk the sandy lands. Well, only you and Ben walk. Arthur and Chuck ride a horse.
"So based on what I know, you get tuberculosis, Micah fights you, and Dutch joins in but after you tell him a couple of things he decides to not kill you." You explained to Arthur.
You decided not to tell him he's just a video game character and instead let him believe he was a historical figure. For all you know, this Arthur might truly be real. Just from an alternate universe. "Micah follows him, and you die watching the sunrise. Then you see a deer vision or something"
"That's not what happened, the story must've been mixed up. Micah killed me."
Realization dawned upon you.
"Did you by any chance see a wolf? The vision of a wolf, I mean. Sometime after you got tuberculosis? Somewhere in the city?"
Arthur stared at you for a moment, "Yeah, yeah how'd you know?"
Oh no, oh no, oh no no no no no- dangit, I gotta get that song outta my head
He was low honor, and he has a 50 gold bounty on his head? Gotta keep your guard up.
Arthur and Chuck go to the tavern but you and Ben go horse shopping. You reach the place, it looks like a barn. You buy a small black horse, not quite a pony but small nonetheless.
Ben buys a horse that is medium-sized. Arthur and Chuck have big horses, but you doubt that you or Ben could handle a big one. You ride to the tavern where you meet up with Chuck and Arthur, It was around nighttime now.
Arthur was dancing with what seemed to be a mug. It was Chuck's mug. Apparently, it got drunk after Chuck drank it. You sit down with Ben and get yourselves a glass of milk. You feel like puss in boots, drinking milk in such a place. You buy Chuck, yourself, and Ben a room and you sleep for the night, leaving Arthur to have his fun.
The next day you wake up and wake Ben up too. You and Ben go downstairs and meet up with Chuck. But Arthur isn't there. You go outside and find Arthur sleeping outside the tavern with 6 unconscious bodies around him. You wake him up and he gets up. He picks a hat at random, puts it on, and gets into the tavern.
The four of you eat your breakfast and take a quest. Apparently there was another cartel, and they had a drug empire. they didn't show it to you the first time around because of how dangerous the mission was, but you've proved you can handle yourself. it was worth 500 gold to take down the cartel, and every singular person in the cartel was up to 50 gold.
"That's a lot of money...." you say.
"And a lot of danger as well," said Chuck,
Arthur put down a silver coin, "Let's do it then!"
The innkeeper handed Arthur his change, which was 50 copper and 2 iron pennies. The four of you get on your horse and get going.
"PowerwiseSpeakingUs" he pointed at you and himself, "AreTheWeakestOfTheGroupForWeHaveNoGunsOrExperienceInThisFieldSoItWouldBeInOurBestInterestToAcquireAFirearm"
"What?" Said a confused Arthur, "What did he say?"
"I think he wants to blast folk." Said Chuck, matter-of-factly.
"Well hold on to your horses, I'll get you 2 revolvers no worries." Arthur made a turn to the left and went away. He came back after a few minutes wearing a mask. You prayed to God he didn't kill anyone while stealing the guns.
"Here's one for you, and one for you. Tuck it in your pants. And take these," he put a hat on you and Ben, "this is a cowboy's land, so you have to look the part."
You figured he took it from the unconscious bodies. The hat he gave Shapiro was a blue gambler hat, and the one he gave you was a pure black reiner hat. you put on your hats and dramatically gallop your horses in the wild west. You patrol the area a bit until you find two people in a dark alley. You decide to get off your horse and eavesdrop to see if they were dealing drugs.
"Hablo Pablo Escobar," said the first man.
"Tacos Burritos amigos." Said the other. You couldn't make out what they were saying but you saw one of them pay the other with silver in exchange for something in a bag. It looked like white crystal, like the ones in breaking bad. Wait, it was those crystals! It was meth! You were about to go back to the group when suddenly a thought entered your head.
As the two men were about to depart, you come out of hiding with a gun in your hand.
"What are you doing here, partner?" You say in your best southern accent.
"Le hablo español! español!" Said the man with the thick stalin moustache.
"Le hablo where-o did yo getto dat metto from.... o" you say.
The men look at you confused. You hold out your hand and gesture to them to hand it to you. The clean-shaven man hands you two silver. You take it then shake your head and point to the man with the thick mustache, and gesture to him to hand it to you. He throws a couple of copper and pennies. You shake your head at him again and pretend you are snorting something. The man made a realization face and throws you the bag of crystals.
"That's right, now tell me, who gave this to you? where did you get this from?"
The men looked confused.
You point to the clean-shaven man,
"You, sold him," you point to Stalin-mustache, "this." You point to the bag. Then you made a shrug with your hands raised, "Who, sold this," you shake the bag of crystals, "to you?" you point to Stalin-Mustache and shrug again with your arms raised. It seemed to have gotten the point across.
"Krazy," he says. "pawn shop." He nods.
You smile, "Glad we worked this out...." you tip your hat "Adios, amigos." And you leave.
You meet up with your group and get on your horse.
"Our seller works at the pawn shop,"
"YouInterrogatedHim?" Asked Ben, "ThatWasAStatisticallyVeryStupidMoveYouHadNoExperienceYouShouldHaveAskedArthurOrChuckToDoIt"
"It's fine, let's just go partners!" You say enthusiastically. Arthur grunted, and the four of you made way.
You arrived at the pawnshop and went to interrogate, but Chuck stopped you.
"Let the men handle this," he said. You were a bit annoyed, but you felt too scared to disagree.
In under 5 minutes, Arthur and Chuck left the place. Arthur was smoking a cigar.
"I'm not sure if you had to kill them," said Chuck.
"No witnesses." Said Arthur. You should've expected this.
"We're moving," Chuck said as he galloped.
The four of you galloped for an hour before finally reaching the house. It was more of a mansion. Arthur kicked down the door and in an instant killed all 4 security and two maids in under a second. His deadeye was incredibly powerful. you enter the pool area and see all six Salamancas and Don Eladio. So they were the cartel? If you had entered the pawnshop you might've recognized the person. But no time for regrets, you have to think fast!
"Nacho Varga! Saul Goodman! Mike Ehrmentraut!" You say quickly. This seemed to have delayed the slaughter, you quickly start thinking again.
"We, just like you, died and were brought to this place. We are trying to escape, just like you!"
"Really?" Said Lalo, with his psychotic smile. "And how can we trust you?" He asked.
Why did you think for even a second that these guys would join you? All they care about is money, and the law enforcement here are no match for these guys. Why would they join you to escape and go back to that world?
"You would want revenge on Gus right?"
"Already killed him," said Hector.
That's right, how could you forget?
"What about Heisenberg?"
You noticed Arthur squeezing something on his belt. Suddenly, a puff of smoke appeared and you were tackled by Arthur.
"Take cover!" He shouts.
You hide behind one of the mansions pillars and so do your other three allies. Chuck shoots one of the Salamancas square in the head. You noticed it was Joaquin. You wished it was someone more dangerous.
Arthur reloads his gun and takes a second revolver.
Arthur can easily take out all of them with his deadeye, Why was I even worried?
Arthur starts shooting but Lalo takes out a pink object-
Is that Kirby?!
Kirby open's it's mouth and swallows every bullet Arthur shoots.
"Arthur take cover it's going to spit out the bullets!" You shout.
"What?"
Too late, Kirby shoots back and, injures Arthur's shoulder and chest.
You and Ben start shooting but all your bullets get sucked. Tuco shoots Ben's hands and Ben's revolver falls to the ground. Ben screams and holds his bleeding hands.
Chuck tries to shoot at the cousins but Kirby opens its mouth and starts sucking Chuck Norris. Chuck tries to hold out but Kirby is simply too powerful. Chuck's hat and belt gets sucked and eventually he also gets sucked in.
"Haha, attaboy!" says Don.
It seems hopeless. Arthur is injured, Ben has a bleeding hand, and it's only three of you vs six of the most highly skilled cartel members. It seems like your story has ended before it even began.
Chuck Norris was floating in what seemed to be Kirbys stomach. There were loads of floating houses, planets, toys, food, people, planks of wood, and so much more. Goku suddenly appeared,
"Hey there fella, im Goku. Looking for this?" He holds out his belt and hat. "Fight me and I'll give it to you. I haven't fought in centuries!" He said in a jovial voice.
"I'd rather we use our combined strength to escape from this place," said Chuck. But seeing Goku's eyes, he could see he had lost his sanity. He had to fight.
"I wasn't asking," He said, all joy gone from his voice.
KAAAAAAMEEEEEEEE"
Chuck Norris used the air molecules as a ground and leapt out of the way
"HAAAAAMAAAAAAA"
He used the air molecules as a ground again and jumped sideways to Goku and gave him a round house kick so powerful that Goku let go of Chuck's belongings and went flying and destroyed entire planets by going through them. Chuck grabbed his hat and belt and put it on. Then, Goku used his saiyan speed and caught up to Chuck. His hair was blue and he looked mad with pleasure.
"You some kind of masochist?" Asked Chuck.
Goku teleported behind him and punched him in the face. Chuck used a building to slow down his fall and he used the air molecules as footing again, then he leapt at Goku, grabbed a minigun that was floating and started shooting Goku. Goku blocked the bullets but Chuck used the minigun to swing it at Goku, sending him flying. He looked around and saw a giant bright star above him.
Goku was powering up a Kamehama again, and so Chuck stood right below the star. Goku Kamehameha'd Chuck and Chuck went blasting all the way to the star. He clenched his fist, ready to turn the yellow star into a red one, assuming stars can bleed.
Kirby could sense Chuck aiming for the heart, so it immediately spit out Chuck. Chuck shoulder-rolled and did a back-flip. He pulled out his gun midair and started blasting the salamancas. Don got shot in the chest and Hector in the legs.
Kirby came back to its senses and sucked up the bullets again. This time Chuck lassoed Kirby to himself and shut its mouth. He jumped to the Salamancas and used Kirby as a weapon. He kicked Hector midair then punched a Salamanca twin. The other one attacked him from behind but he blocked it with his right hand and punched him using Kirby.
Tuco came at him but he kicked Tuco and roundhouse kicked Lalo. He used his Kirby hands to punch eladio. The Salamanca twins got up and attacked Chuck but Chuck grabbed one of them and threw him to the ground and kicked the other Salamanca twin. Tuco punched Chuck but Chuck simply head butted Tuco. Lalo was about to get up so Chuck threw Kirby at him.
Hector grabbed Chuck from behind and Don punched Chuck in the gut. Chuck kicked Don with both feet and then grabbed Hectors arms and threw him forward.
"Run everyone, fall back!" Said Lalo. Tuco, the Salamanca cousins, Don and Hector ran from the backdoor of the pool. Chuck tried to shoot them from behind but Kirby sucked all his bullets. Chuck immediately jumped in the water before Kirby could shoot again.
You tried to shoot them while they were running but after they shot back one time and the bullet barely passed your head and deafened your ears, you didn't shoot again.
You, Ben, and Chuck all run outside. You see the Salamancas galloping away on their horse. You try to shoot them but Ben stops you.
"HyoptheticallySpeakingIfYouShootThemKirbyWillJustSuckYourBullets"
You pit your weapon back in its holsters. Ben was right.
You go back to Arthur and help him get on his horse.
"Gotta find those bastards after I'm treated. I'll shoot that son of a- ahh!" Arthur seemed to be in pain.
"LogicallySpeakingItWouldBeBestToAttackThemOneAtATime" says Ben.
"How do we find who to kill first and where to find them?" Asked Chuck Norris.
"We won't have to find our first two targets," you say, ominously, "they'll find us."