The Wild West
"LetsSayHypotheticallyWeDoFindACityWhatThen?"
"Just trust me Ben," you say, "I know what I'm doing." Once you had woken up and the shock went away, you quickly realized that this is an Isekai. So based on all the anime you watched, you conclude that there must be a city nearby with an adventurers guild and big tiddy women that will enter your harem.
"ButTheChancesOfUsActuallyFindingACityIsStatisticallySoIncrediblyLowWeShouldFocusOnCreatingShelterAndFindingFoodRatherThanRelyingOnLuck"
"It's not luck, I know where I'm going"
"Really?PrayTellHowDoYouKnow?"
"Just- Just trust me." You say, not wanting to reveal that the only reason you know is because you're a nerdy little weeb.
After a long walk, you eventually find the city. It was sort of a wasteland, sand all around. Like the wild west. There was a castle up a giant cliff overlooking the city at the center of the city. The cliff was so high and the castle was so majestic, you could see it from the entrance even though it looked to be miles away, long as the distance between two cities.
"LooksLikeYouWereRight" said Ben.
"Who're you? Asked the guard guarding the entrance.
"Adventurers," You say.
"Guilds in the tavern," he said, letting you in.
"WhatTerribleSecurity" Complained Ben. "WhatIfATerroristBombsThePlace?"
"Ben, it's an alternate world. There are no bombs."
"OfCourseThereAreThereAlwaysHaveBeenBombs"
"Really?"
"YesHaveYouBeenLivingUnderARock?"
"Oh look, it's the guild." When will this guy go away?
Whilst Ben was really annoying, he was still an important companion. He's the only person you knew from your world.
The taverns door was similar to a cowboy bars door. You enter and the entire room looks up from their mug at you.
You and Ben slowly walk towards the innkeeper, and finally take a seat
This feels like a cowboy movie
"What would you like, sir?" Asks the innkeeper,
"ActuallyIDontDrink." Said Ben.
"We'll take water." You say.
The innkeeper slides two mugs of water to you and Ben. You sniff it before dramatically drinking half the mug in one gulp.
"Where do you come from?" Said the man sitting next to you. He was wearing a cowboy hat so his face was unidentifiable. You stop gulping on the water and slam it on the table, "Another!" You shout at the innkeeper.
"But sir your mug is still half fu-"
"YE DEEF BOI?" You always wanted to act like a cool cowboy.
The innkeeper sighed and took your mug.
"What's it to you?" You answer the man finally.
"Your pals outfit ain't from around here." He was referring to Ben's suit, it did stand out from all the cowboys.
Could it be?
Could the man be from your world? There's only one way to confirm your suspicions. But you can't think of it right now, so you play along.
"It ain't any of your business, cowboy." You say, irritably.
"Cowboy? This place ain't got such a word"
"Ain't nobody got such a big mouth either, mouth big as yours should be locked tight."
"ActuallyStatisticallySpeakingMouthsCantBeLockedUnlessYouMakeAHoleInTheSkinsButIfthePersonTriesToTalkTheyWillJustRipTheirLipsSoTechnically-"
"Shut up Ben!"
The innkeeper slid another mug to you. You missed and it fell.
"Another one, and hand it to me with respect." You say menacingly. It was a method of hiding your embarrassment. You gulp down the mug and stand up to leave.
The innkeeper stopped you "Sir, your check."
You stared at the innkeeper. You sat back down. "I'd like another glass,"
The innkeeper sighed and went back to pour.
You elbowed the man next to you "So about that question…"
"I'm not so curious anymore."
"Oh come on, I know a lot of stuff. I know about pyramids, phones, internet, Bill Clinton,"
"IKnowAboutDebatesAndThereAreALotOfMenWhoThinkTheyreWomen" jumped in Ben.
"Internet? Bill Clinton? What? I don't know any of those. I must've been mistaken." Said the man.
"You're probably just from an older time! Listen, I'm trying to escape this place, and i can use any help."
"StatisticallySpeakingTheMoreTheMerrier"
The man was thoughtful for a while. "Ok then," he put a couple coins on the table. You gulped down the last of your water.
"We weren't properly introduced," said the man.
You quickly introduce yourself, "I'm me, as you can see. And this is Ben Shapiro, he likes arguing."
"ActuallyItsCalledDebating"
The man stood up and looked at you, revealing his face. You were astonished, ablablabloomed, angzabrazanged.
"The name's Norris," he said, holding out a hand, "Chuck Norris."
You quickly shake his hand
"Chuck Norris, oh my-"
"SoEvenFictionalPeopleAreBroughtHereOrPerhapsPeopleFromDifferentUniversesButThatWouldMeanAMultiverseDoesIndeedExist"
Chuck looked confused.
"Don't mind him, we're just really excited to meet you."
"You know me?"
"Oh yes, Chuck Norris!" Suddenly you remembered what you came for. "Mr innkeeper, I want to be an adventurer in this guild."
"Sign this," he pulls out a sheet of paper.
"Its blank…"
"Yes, now sign it. And tell your friends to sign it too."
You shrugged and signed the paper, so did Ben, and then Chuck. He crushed the pen, the ink dripping unto the paper.
"I dont get paid enough for this."
You and Ben were walking and Chuck was riding the horse. You had taken a quest, the quest was to locate and destroy a rapidly growing cartel. It was worth 2 gold coins and whatever loot you gathered there, truly amazing.
"And there are these jokes like 'Chuck Norris punched the wind, and it's still blowing to this day' 'Chuck Norris doesn't read books, he stares them down until the book gives all its information away' 'Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer, too bad he never cried' that sort of thing. Ironically I saw a joke showing a truck hitting Chuck Norris, and the truck being sent to another world. Guess not even Chuck can defeat Truck-kun"
Chuck Norris seemed indifferent, "Who's Truck-kun?"
Realization dawned upon you,
There are no trucks in his world
"How did you die?"
"I didn't. I'm still breathing."
"How did you get sent here?"
"Bullet."
"Who shot you?"
"No one, the bullet just flew at me."
You were perplexed. "That's how you died?"
"No, I'm confident I could catch it."
"..."
"BiologicallySpeaking"
"Tell your friend to zip it."
"Zip it,"
Chuck suddenly stopped. "Will you look at this," he said, getting off the horse. "A premium cigarette! Didn't know they existed here. And an empty bottle miracle tonic? Well I'll be damned. Gotta get me one of these-" he started sniffing the air. "They're here, I can smell the cocaine."
He started walking to the building. It was a normal 4 story house, probably a wealthy family. He broke the door and entered.
"Don't you think it's a bad idea to barge in like this?" You ask.
He puts a finger on your lips. "Shhhh,". He continues. The three of you reach the kitchen where two women are cooking.
"Tacos burritos tacos!" They shout.
Chuck pulls out two guns and starts blasting them. He enters room by room and clears out everybody.
"MentallySpeakingHesInsanePhysicallySpeakingWeAreDead" screams Ben.
A bullet hit Norris, but he was unfazed. You take the bullet, and you see the impossible. When the bullet was shot at Chuck, the bullet itself got shot. There was literally a hole on top of it.
This was a massacre. A man took out a gun on the staircase but Chuck took him by the collar and tossed him downstairs, where he fell on and broke a table. Another man came down but Chuck kicked him to the wall and shot him square in the chest. A door opened once they reached upstairs and Chuck shoved a gun into a man's throat, choking him to death. Whilst the man was choking, another came into the hall and screamed,
"ITS VAN DER-" Chuck killed him with one shot. A man jumped Shapiro but you kicked the man down the stairs.
"ThankYouForYourAssistanceYouGainedAFreeTicketToTheShapiroShow"
Everyone was dead. Chuck cut off their ears as proof and brought them to the tavern.
"You could have just told us to send a search team…"
You got your 2 gold plus the 10 gold, 24 silver and 120 copper you looted. You took another quest to assassinate an Outlaw. You looked at his wanted poster. A clean shaven man with the typical cowboy hat. It hid his face.
"I know him," said Chuck.
"What? We can't even see his face!"
"I can smell him,"
"BiologicallySpeakingThatsImpossibleAndLetsSayHypotheticallyYouCanSmellHimFromThisPosterEvenSoHowCouldYouPossiblyFindHimYouAreNotADog"
"Just shut up and follow me. He's worth 50 gold I won't let this slide, i'm gonna take him in. Dead or alive."
You follow him out the tavern.
50 gold for one man? Just how dangerous is he?
On the way you see two people doing karate moves on a tree.
So martial arts exist here….
You walk for 20 minutes through a path in the tree until an almost broken down house comes into view like 10 minutes later.
The three of you see a hat just laying on the path. It was a brow beaver-fur hat with a creased crown and a black band around the base. The hat has a slightly weathered look. Chuck got off the horse to examine it. Suddenly a man jumped from the tree and tackles Chuck. They wrestled for a while.
You decided to help Chuck. You and Ben nodded to each other and tried to restrain the attacker. Chuck reached out for his gun which fell on the ground but the attacker quickly threw Shapiro forward and grappled you. He used you as a shield and took out his revolver, he put it on your head and shouted "Put the gun down or his head gets blasted!" He had a thick southern accent. You recognized it, where did you hear that before? You darted a quick glance but he held your neck tightly. You looked into Shapiros eyes and tried to see a reflection, and the sight made you almost piss yourself.
It was Arthur Morgan.