James Black brother crisis
James felt lighter the next few days. He met Lily and Regulus almost every day. Not even in his wildest dreams could he have them both yet here he was. He had adored Evans for years and had felt hungry for Regulus for almost a year. Though all his limbs felt lighter than usual he couldn’t help but worry.
What was wrong with him? Fancying his best mate’s little brother whom he to top it off he had a rocky relationship with. James had spent five years trying to be there for his friends and now he had to ruin it by kissing Regulus?!
When James saw his friends, he plastered on his usual sunny smile. When he was younger it came naturally but now… well it was too late to turn back now. He was generally a “the glass is half full” type of person but sometimes he just felt so down and then he felt like he had no right to be sad. In comparison to his friends, he had everything. He has loving parents, a spot on the quidditch team, he is popular, rich and he got the best mates.
So, he forces it away and pretend everything is fine. Pretending is his thing now. That is one of the things that draws him to Regulus. Regulus was so different once you got to know him.
On the outside he was the cold, calm, disdainful, snobby son of the blacks. And sure, Regulus did have quite a bleary outlook on life and true he did not trust easily but he was anything but cold. At least to James. He was sweet and kind. James discovered that under the face he showed the world he was a softie.
He was on his way to meet Regulus in a hidden broom cupboard. Lily could not come; she was supposed to hang out with Mary and Marls. James would of course never admit it, but he was eager to spend time alone with Regulus. He and Lily had some private time, being in the same house. But with Regulus it was always all of them and James loved when they were all together but he sort of wanted just to be alone with him.
James checked his hair in the mirror and sighed. It was messy, as always and nothing he did helped. He wasn’t sure if the neat, organized, clean Regulus much appreciated his messy hair. James was perfectly neat in every other aspect. Every mess stressed him out. His area of the room was perfect, everything in its order.
He stared into his own hazel eyes. James wondered what Regulus saw when he looked in his eyes. Regulus eyes had the effect of pinning him down, seeing him like the real him, past the smiling face, Regulus always seamed to know.
James walked down the dormitory stairs and out through the portrait hall. He continued strutting briskly through the corridor to the hidden broom cupboard. When he entered Regulus was already there.
His robes and his long, black, curly shiny hair were neat and perfect as always. He was sitting with his back straight, that perfect posture he always carried. His hands were occupied by a book. James glimpsed the title “le livre de sorts de Zuggmunt Budge”. “Hi” Regulus greeted and put down the book. He smiled a soft smile, true and genuine. “Hi!” James greeted back and walked forward, sitting down beside Regulus.
“What does the title mean?” James asked curiously. Regulus looked surprised and pleased, but James couldn’t exactly figure out why. I wasn’t that odd to ask what a book title meant. “Its French for the book of spells” Regulus smiled. “You speak French?” James asked though the answer was obvious. He felt impressed.
“Yes. I speak five languages” Regulus continued smiling. “What languages?” James asked. Regulus looked a bit suspicious. “You are not making fun of me, are you?” he asked, his smile fading but remaining otherwise neutral. “No of course not” James replied immediately. Do I seam like a bully??? James thought desperately. Why would Regulus think he would make fun of him?
Regulus scanned his face for a moment and then began smiling again. “Ok then. I speak English, French, Latin, Greek and Italian” Regulus replied promptly. His eyes were that dark blue, so blue. If James investigated them for too long, he felt like he was drowning in depth of his eyes.
“How do you say, my name is James in French?” James asked. “Je m'appelle James” Regulus spoke in a perfect French accent. “Cha ma pell James” he imitated. Regulus laughed kindly. “No want to try Italian instead? French is a very difficult language” Regulus offered.
“Can you introduce yourself in Italian instead?” James asked, more eager to hear Regulus speak than speaking himself. “Certo. Mi chiamo Regolo” Regulus Italian accent was just as good as his French. “That’s bloody cool” James complimented. Regulus grinned wider.
“May I kiss you?” James asked. Regulus smiled grew broader, his cheeks rosy. “Yes please” Regulus breathed. James leaned forward, letting his lips touch Regulus’s. They were as sweet as honeysuckle and as soft as rose petals. Regulus skin was cool as always except for his mouth and warm breath. James’s brain was going hazy, his worries melting away. He didn’t think about the fact that he was kissing his best mate’s little brother.
Regulus trew a hand into his hair. Regulus was always good at stroking his hair, he did it just right. His fingers twisting through his hair. Regulus grabbed James’s arm and put it on his throat before letting it go and putting a hand on James’s hip. James felt the soothing touch which made his heart thud loudly in his chest. Regulus pulse was racing under his palm. James could feel his skin heat up under his touch.
Regulus was almost unnaturally cold, and though he did his best to hide it, he always seamed to freeze. James did not understand why Regulus liked it when James put a hand around his throat, but it was evident he did, and James wasn’t one to complain. He liked feeling Regulus pulse, reminding him of his real and solid presence.
Regulus pulled away only to kiss his neck. He really is an excellent kisser James thought. James gasped as Regulus lips tickled his skin. Then James kissed Regulus now warm neck. He kissed a bit harder and now it was Regulus turn to gasp.
After a few minutes they parted and smiled softly at each other, their faces flushed. He pulled a strand of Regulus curly hair behind his ear.
“What have you been doing today?” Regulus asked. “Flying practice of course, some pranks with Sirius and some homework” James shrugged. He was about to ask the question in return, but Regulus was already speaking again.
“How is he?” Regulus asked almost desperately though he feigned indifference. He was a good actor, but James could sense his feelings by the way he unconsciously leaned forward slightly, his eyes scanning James face.
“Better” James replied but the word was bitter. Something registered in Regulus face, but James didn’t know what. “Did he go to Madam Pomfrey? He said he wouldn’t though I tried to convince him, he wouldn’t listen” Regulus asked anxiously.
James had not expected Regulus concern for Sirius. He knew they were brothers, but he had always thought that they were to at odds to care very much for each other.
“No, he didn’t but Remus helped him” James answered. A moments fear showed on the younger boy’s face, but he quickly returned to his neutral expression.
“I spoke to Dumbledore, but he refuses to do anything” Regulus admitted, his voice sour and bitter. “What?” James asked. He couldn’t imagine Regulus going to Dumbledore for help, he seamed to proud, and James was still contemplating just how much Regulus seamed to care for his brother’s safety. “Dumbledore says the laws are too vague when it comes to family discipline and he wouldn’t listen to reason” Regulus spat, looking coldly furious.
“Can’t you help him at home?” James asked. If anyone could stop it, it was Regulus surely. Regulus eyes narrowed. “Don’t you think I already do?” he asked cooly. “I don’t know, Sirius got back to school injured. Isn’t there anything you can do?” James asked. Regulus eyes flashed dangerously. “If I hadn’t saved him, he would have bled to death on the floor” Regulus winced as he spoke, his eyes closed for a second longer than normal.
“I try very hard to keep him out of trouble, but he wont listen” Regulus spoke slowly and grimly. A burst of anger bubbled in James’s throat. “So, this is Sirius fault, is that what you are saying?” James asked, furiously. “He just have to keep his head down. Just play the game until he is old enough to flee.” he muttered grimly.
Something tightened in James’s stomach when he said “flee”. James had never thought about Regulus as suffering the same fate as Sirius. But it was evident on his face he had; the fury that seemed so personal. “It isn’t Sirius fault! It’s your evil parent’s fault” James said. “They aren’t evil” Regulus replied immediately, looking away.
“Of course, they- “James began but Regulus interrupted him. “I will not discuss the topic further” he interrupted cooly. “Just speak with him, try to convince him to lay low” Regulus still didn’t meet James’s eye. “I have to go, Barty will be waiting” Regulus turned, stood and walked quickly towards the door. He had his usual posture, head held high, straight backed.
James stayed in the room for a bit, after Regulus left. He sighed heavily and put his face in his hands. Well, that was a disaster he thought. He was still trying to figure out how Regulus couldn’t see them as evil. They had abused him and his brother their entire lives.
James wondered if Regulus had gotten hurt in the process of trying to protect Sirius. The idea of siblings trying to protect each other from their parents made him sick.