The secret
Regulus felt himself sag onto the floor once he reached his safe space. Their art studio. Panda was snoring lightly over a watercolor painting of some butterflies. Her hair was spread out around her looking like a cloud of light dirty blond hair. A finished painting stood on her easel. It was beautiful water with a fiery looking ray. Panda startled hearing him enter.
He was sitting on the floor, insides twisting painfully. Regulus felt better seeing Panda, she had that effect, but he still felt awful. Toujours pur echoed over and over again in his head. “Luc?” came Pandas sleepy voice as from afar.
He had felt bad before feeling the way he felt for Potter, no James. But now with what happened he felt worse still. Before he hadn’t done anything and now that he had, it felt irreparable. Like the damage was done and he could not fix it. It felt out of his control and that thought… made him terrified. No that was an understatement he felt appalled, horrified, furious, petrified, guilty, embarrassed and regretful. His heart was racing in his chest and his breath coming in quick rasping successions.
“Lucy!” Panda called. But he was gone, he felt darkness surround his vision. Small warm hands were shaking him. He felt a sliver of hair tickle his face. His eyes fluttered open to see Pandas face looming over him. She sighed, obviously relived. “You gave me a right fright” she murmured, voice a little shaky. “Sorry” Regulus muttered and sat up rubbing his head. It was throbbing horribly. “What happened” Panda asked kindly trying to catch his gaze. Regulus avoided it and looked down on his hands. His fingernails were short. He had a nervous habit of ripping them of. They were red raw.
He looked up and looked at his empty easel instead of Panda. “Lucy, you can talk to me. Was it Potter?” she asked with a small smile. His stomach fluttered in spite of himself when he heard James´s name. Regulus felt like he was going to throw up and was not sure if it was from feelings or the hangover. He nodded slightly and Panda patted his arm.
“What happened?” she asked. Regulus groaned and buried his head in his hands. He could feel his cheeks burn. “Come on Luc” Panda urged. “We kissed and Evans” he admitted and swallowed. “What about Evans?” she asked curiously. “We kissed her too” he whispered, refusing to look at her. “Ok, so how was it?” she asked. “Great” he sighed heavily. “So… why are you upset?” she asked, and Regulus could practically see her tilt her head in confusion. He had just kissed someone, of course he was in a state! And a dude, nonetheless. People could find out. His mother could find out. The thought dawned on him and he started to shake a bit. He remembered Sirius screaming in agony in a puddle of his own blood. “Mother could find out” he breathed. “She won’t” Panda said simply. “How?” Regulus asked desperately. “I am acquainted with Lily and she is stubborn she would never admit having feelings for James “oi Evans” Potter” she shrugged. Regulus stomach clenched when he remembered how dopily he stared at her. But then he remembered his hungry gaze and felt slightly better.
“As for Potter he is obviously good at keeping secrets since you know” she said her smile turning sad. “What?” Regulus asked having no idea what she was talking about. “You know, Lupins little eh problem?” she hinted. Regulus felt more confused than ever. What was she on about? “I really thought you had figured it out. Its probably not my place to tell you” she continued. “Panda, just tell me” he sighed, to exhausted for tantalizing hints. “Ok but promise you won’t tell anyone” she begged. Panda never was good at keeping secrets. “Yes, I promise” he swore solemnly. “Noticed his scars? How he’s gone every full moon? He is a werewolf, Luc” she looked very sad.
Regulus had always wondered why his popular brother and his equally popular best friend hung out with Pettigrew and Lupin. He still didn’t know about Pettigrew, but Lupin made sense now. He looked lanky but was unnaturally strong. Lupin must be some kind of bodyguard or guard dog. “But why would Potter know?” Regulus asked despite his conclusion. “Luc, they share a dorm, Potter is one of the cleverest in the year, he is gone every month the same day, Lupin is their best friend. How could he not know?” she asked a little exasperated it seemed. “I don’t know” Regulus conceded. “See he can keep a secret” she smiled.
They left together and Regulus pondered their conversation for the rest of the day. Could Potter keep a secret? Was Lupin a werewolf? Dirty beasts his father called them. Regulus wasn’t sure what he thought. On the one hand it was bloody scary and on the other it was cool. Regulus wished he could turn into an animal. He imagined himself as a black cat and almost grinned.
The following days went slowly with Regulus pondering Potter and Lupin. Four days after the party Potter sent him a scroll of parchment by owl. Regulus opened the roll of parchment. On it stood:
“Dear Regulus. Can you meet me and Evans outside of the unused classroom on the third floor at midnight tonight? /James”
Regulus stomach fluttered and his heart leaped. He was struggling with nerves and excitement. What did this mean? Was it to let him know they had changed their mind? Was it a redo of the party? The questions bubbled up in him.
He walked quickly towards the classroom with 20 minutes to go before they were supposed to meet. Regulus had always been good at sneaking around so he could go to the classroom without too much difficulty. Evans was already there. She smiled when she saw him. “Regulus!” she called in a low voice as to not draw attention to them. She pulled her ginger hair behind one ear. Even her ears were freckly, Regulus noticed. “Hi” he replied, unsure what to call her. He personally didn’t see them as on first name basis but Potter had asked him to call him James… And they both called him Regulus. But that could be because they were friends with his brother, he reasoned. It would probably be weird to call him “Black”.
A few moments later James appeared from out of nowhere. He pulled something of from him, and there he was grinning. That grin that made Regulus heart thud in his ears. An invisibility cloak Regulus realized. It made so much sense, all of the pranks were no one was caught but everyone seamed to know it was James.
“Ladies first” James said opening the door to the classroom. Evans strode inside and Regulus followed. James entered last and cast a locking charm on the door. “Hi everyone, I trust you received my notes sense you are here” James said. Evans glanced at Regulus with her clear, bright emerald green eyes. They both nodded. “Great” James beamed. He clapped his hands together. “I suppose you are wondering why I called you here?” James asked. Evans nodded and Regulus followed her example.
Regulus stomach was fluttering. James voice was the sweetest sound he had ever heard, Regulus thought. In a swift movement James hopped up on one of the tables. Regulus stared momentarily as James muscular arms tensed as he pulled himself up. “If we are going to do this, I think we will need some ground rules” he said. “I thought you didn’t do rules” Evans smirked. James chuckled.
“Even so we have to make sure we aren’t caught” he nodded solemnly. Regulus and Evans nodded grimly. “Let’s send owls to when we will meet” James added. “And we can’t talk when there are people around” Evans added. Regulus and James nodded. “And let’s not tell anyone” Regulus added, eyeing them both warily, wondering if he could trust them. “Of course,” Evans replied matter-of-factly.
James beamed and Regulus felt a strange, coiled heat in the pit of his stomach. James hopped down so he came eye to eye with Evans and Regulus. “I suppose we should go” he sighed. Regulus did not at all like that idea. Evans didn’t seam pleased either.
“Really?” Regulus cocked his head raising one eyebrow. He sounded a lot more confident than he felt, considering he had never flirted in his life. “Yeah are you really going to leave now?” Evans asked blushing even as she said it. James beamed even brighter, a slight blush appearing on his cheeks.
Regulus could not bear it. He lunged at Potter. Evans came right after him. Regulus felt the contour of Potters trimmed body against his. He kissed James’s neck which was soft and warm. Evans mouth was on Regulus cheek. Her soft breath tickling his skin. He could feel her sweet smooth lips against his cheekbone. He pulled her tighter, feeling her soft chest pushed against his ribs. Regulus felt his brain fizz, his heart race and his breath quicken. Regulus pulled his other arm around James strong back. James pulled them both closer.
Unpredictably he pulled Regulus mouth to his. James was breathing quickly too. He kissed hungrily, his tongue twirling with Regulus. James’s mouth was familiar and exiting all at once. He tasted of mint. James pulled out and started kissing his neck. Regulus felt James tongue against his collarbone. He shuddered involuntarily.
Evans reeled him in kissing him gently. She didn’t kiss like James, hungry and confident. Evans kissed gently, sweetly which was nice in an entirely different ways from James. Evans made him feel safe, comfortable and made him feel fuzzy, all negative things melting away as her tongue erased all his worries.
James’s kissing made him feel hungry, starving for him. James was a burning fire, hot and untamed. Evans was a stream of cool fresh water, calming and kind. All thoughts of Sirius, his parents, how wrong this was supposed to be ran off him. James let out a half strangled moan as he kissed down hard on his neck. He himself let out a few moans as they kissed him.
They continued snogging for quite some time altering between necks and mouths all bundled up together. When they pulled apart, Evans was flushed and had a small half embarrassed, half pleased smile. James only looked happy with not a trace of embarrassment. He seamed to have an easy time showing emotion and not feeling ashamed, Regulus thought. Regulus noticed forming hickeys on their necks. He wondered if he had a few too. His neck hurt a bit so he supposed he must have. “Same time tomorrow?” James asked looking tentatively between the other two. The other two nodded and Regulus noticed Evans blush deepening.
His heart leaped at the prospect of seeing them both again. Regulus steps were light as he walked towards his dorm. His worries seamed temporarily at bay. He didn’t dream a nightmare that night. Regulus dreamt of something else entirely…