Birthday Trouble
Sirius birthday was coming up and Regulus was writing and rewriting a note for him. He ended up throwing them all and clapping his head in frustration. Sirius birthday was the following day and Regulus felt panicked. “Reg how long time could it take to write ´happy birtday´” Barty complained as he walked out of the showers clad only in a towel.
Evan was goggling and Regulus fought not to chuckle. It was both annoying and hilarious watching them try and hide their feelings for each other. He was in half a mind to just tell them that it was obvious that they fancied each other. But that is against the social constructs he reminded himself.
Regulus ignored him and continued rewriting. His hand was sore since he had been sitting and rewriting the same note for an hour and a half. He had not spoken to his brother since the Hogwarts express. He settled for a formal polite letter asking him to drink some tea with him in the Slytherin common room. Regulus thought that he would feel a lot more comfortable if they were in his home quarters. He had already got his gift ready.
Regulus felt very awkward about gift giving. They only received black family heirlooms in gift giving’s so he was quite confused on what to get someone. Though he did not know his brother as well as he used to he was certain Sirius would not enjoy getting a family heirloom for his birthday. He was anxious about his gift. Regulus did no longer know exactly what his brother liked. His hope now was that he still liked music. He had paid a second-year boy ten sickles for a album he had been sent from home. Regulus did not know a lot about muggle music and was therefor not exactly sure what part of the words on it was the album name and what was the band name. The boy had called it a t-rex album so he supposed that was the band name. His only hope was that Sirius didn’t already have it.
He went to bed feeling anxious and then he thought of what he would say to Sirius when he finally spoke to him. What on earth was he going to say?! He had already asked his owl to deliver the note at breakfast and she had flown off to the owlery. And it was past curfew so he couldn’t go and tell her that he had changed his mind.
Then an even more horrifying thought occurred to him. Potter and Lupin followed him around everywhere it seemed. He did not much care about Pettigrew but if he was being honest with himself he found Lupin terrifying. He had no idea why Sirius hung out with him. Lupin was cool and seemed clever but that did not make him any less scary. He had seen several students after he had had a row with them. Lupin always seemed to get out unscathed, but his victims were bleeding messes. He had a scar over his face and Snape had told them all about the scars on his arms. Everyone knew he was a half-blood but lived in a muggle children’s home. There was a theory that he was in a muggle gang and a hardened criminal, Regulus would not be surprised if that was the case.
Potter was worse even then Lupin, so much worse. He was not scary he was sunny and bright. That was the problem, if he was going to speak to Sirius he had to be in his minds full capacity.
He fell asleep worried and woke up at 3 am. He sighed and began reading his romance books. Great he thought bitterly now I have to do this sleep deprived. Regulus was at least used to his messed-up sleep schedule. His stomach tightened as Barty and Evan woke up and they all went down for breakfast. He did not eat but just stared at the Gryffindor table. When his owl swooped down, much to his annoyance, Potter took the letter. Sirius caught his gaze and burned the letter. Regulus felt almost like crying but he held himself together. When his brother broke the staring contest he stood up. His legs felt numb and he felt sad with a twinge of anger. He had spent a lot of time writing that letter and Sirius could not even bother to talk to him directly?!
His brother was speaking. “A summon to spend my birthday with my darling brother” he could practically hear Sirius roll his eyes. His stomach twisted up even more. “Well, is that so bad?” Potter asked surprising Regulus. Something fluttered in his stomach hearing his soft bright voice. “Yes” Lupin said sternly surprising Regulus even more. What had he done to offend Lupin?
He took courage and spoke trying to ignore Potter. “Why did you do that?” he asked quietly. Sirius ignored him. “Sirius, why did you burn that letter?” he asked more firmly. Sirius continued ignoring him instead addressing his girlfriend. “Come on Mary, lets go we have charms next, haven’t we?” Sirius asked pointedly ignoring Regulus eyes on him.
His eyes were burning but he fought it. “It wasn’t from mom” he explained feeling his cheeks burn. “I wanted to see you” he stared down, embarrassed by the childish confession. But he had to make Sirius understand just how earnest he was, but Sirius had already walked off with his girlfriend.
“I can talk to him, if you want?” James asked turning his warm hazel eyes on him. Now Regulus felt queasy, the Potter problem was not making the situation better. Potter had rarely spoken to him before, and his heart was beating fast. He did not just feel despaired anymore he felt furious. Furious with Lupin for not wanting him to see Sirius, furious with Sirius for ignoring him, furious with his mudblood girlfriend for getting Sirius attention, furious with Potter for being so… but most of all furious with himself for getting himself in that position.
“Piss off Potter no one asked you. If he is happy with his mudblood girlfriend than fine. I don’t care!” he burst out fighting the lump in his throat as he turned tail. He could hear James heavy sigh. “Real flair for dramatics those Blacks” he muttered.
Regulus sat in his usual seat staring down at his empty plate. His brother didn’t want to see him. Sirius couldn’t even deign to look at him. He stared without blinking on his plate fighting the tears. Regulus found that if you didn’t blink it was easier not to cry. It was in these kind of moments he was comforted with Barty and Evans inability to read emotions. They continued talking about something not noticing their friend’s solemn mood.
About five minutes later he felt a tap on his shoulder. The hand was warm and firm. He looked around and there he was. Potter looked down at him over his round spectacles witch had glided down on his nose. Regulus fought the urge to drag them up over that long nose. “Could I have a word?” Potter asked withdrawing his hand. Regulus felt confused but a bit curious. Hadn’t he told him to piss of? He nodded and stood. Barty and Evan looked up. “Were you going?” Barty asked around a mouthful of food. “What are you doing with Potter?” Evan asked not letting him answer the first question. “Later” he silenced them with a look, and they looked down at their plates. They were friends but they do better to not forget their place.
James dragged him away to the small room were all first years waited before being sorted. Potter dragged a hand through his already messy hair nervously. As Potter didn’t speak, he raised an eyebrow. “What?” he asked with perfect haughty indifference though his heart was beating twice as fast as usual, and his throat felt dry. “I am sorry about Sirius; he has had a lot on his plate lately. We are throwing him a party in the Gryffindor common room this evening. I think he would like to have you there” he spoke calmly with a kind smile. Regulus was pretty sure that his brothers recent attitude said quite the opposite. Why did Potter even care? Was he inviting him, Regulus, to a party? After he told him to piss of just five minutes ago?!
“Are you inviting me?” Regulus asked making sure he hadn’t misunderstood. “To a party?” he finished. “Well, yeah” Potter smiled, bemused. “Ok” he said drawing in a deep breath. “So, you will be there?” Potter asked sounding hopeful. Regulus felt his head spin. What on earth was he supposed to say?! Potter was looking at him expectantly. Before he could decide he had nodded. Potter smiled even more brightly. “See you there, then!” Potter patted his arm as he headed out. The spot burned even when he was gone.
He needed- he needed- Panda. His thoughts was a jumbled mess and he just knew he needed Pandora. He hurried of to the library where he knew her to be reading. “Luc, what happened?!” she asked alarmed when he hurried into the library shooting nervous glances around. “Panda” he panted sighing, relived. “Lucy, what is wrong?” she asked calmly catching his eye. “Sirius- fire- letter- party- potter” he explained quickly. She looked even more confused. He tried to pull himself together. Why on earth had he agreed to go to a party?
He explained quickly and her face softened into a smile as she understood. “It’s just a party, Luc. It is going to go great.” She assured him but he still felt anxious. What was he supposed to do, to wear and what time was it?! He realized he had very little information. He nodded grimly.
“And I will help you of course” she smiled patting his arm softly. He looked up and met her gaze. “Why on earth did I agree to this?!” he asked desperately though he did not expect her to answer. “It was Potter that asked, wasn’t it?” she shrugged.
Panda helped him with everything. She told him what to expect. He felt very grateful for Panda. Regulus had never been to the Gryffindor tower; he had never even been to a party. He had been to pompous family banquets but he had always avoided the party’s in the Slytherin common rooms.
Regulus got a headache and felt panicky when surrounded by loud music, screaming teens, people invading his personal space and when he just stood there, having no idea what to do. He shuddered just thinking about it. He always hid away in his dorm when there was a party. He very much regretted this now, however. It would have been great practice and if he had practiced in a safer zone first… Well, it was no good dwelling on the matter.
He went to all his classes, wishing he had said no. he couldn’t not turn up either. He had said he would be there and he was not one to break a promise and anyway James hopeful kind smile still lingered in his mind.
After dinner he and Panda went to his dorm. She sighed as she went through his clothes. “Do you have anything for a party not a posh ball?” she asked exasperated. “Well, I don’t know! I have never been to a party” he exclaimed. She laughed and held up a set of dress robes. They had lace cuffs and a silver white puffy collar to the dark green robes. He felt a bit embarrassed. “Honestly Luc why did you bring this?” she smiled. He tugged on a bit of his hair. If even Panda couldn’t find a suitable outfit there probably was no hope. He muttered “slug club”. His stomach was churning, and he felt hot and clammy.
“Everything will go fine Luc” she said sympathetically. “Yeah, right” he muttered, unconvinced. “Think Barty would mind if you borrowed some of his clothes?” Panda asked ignoring his stony reply. “No” he responded. They always shared their clothes. Panda opened Baraty’s dresser and gave an approving nod. “That’s more like it” she smiled. Regulus immediately felt worried. Barty dressed cool and all, but he didn’t exactly dress proper.
She handed him a pair of black ripped jeans and a tank top with a weird sister print. He dressed in the bathroom and immediately felt embarrassed by his soft, skinny arms. He never wore stuff showing them. He hid his arms behind his back and stared at the ground. The jeans were tight and itchy. The shirt had a weird seam bugging him. “Great” Panda smiled pulling a thumbs up. He usually just let his hair be, but Panda insisted on styling it.
She seemed to be enjoying styling him. Panda had of course had a fashion phase. She loved expressing herself through her outfits. Today she wore a blue shirt with a yellow sunflower, a denim jacket with drawn on quotes and a long dark blue skirt with yet again hand drawn stars and constellations. She liked making her own clothing and she certainly made people stare. Panda didn’t only draw on her clothes however, she also drew on her hands and sometimes on her face. She made earrings out of things she found. Panda often got nasty comments from other pupils and sometimes even teachers, but she didn’t stop. He knew it bothered her however she tried to hide it but he knew her as well as she knew him.
She pulled half of his hair in a messy bun leaving some to flow around his face. Satisfied with her work she hugged him and they walked together to the Gryffindor common room. His heart was pounding hard and he felt a bit sick as he walked. She held his hand and before he entered she gave him a hug. “Everything will be ok. If you want to leave you can always come to me. I am going to the studio to make a new shirt. As you know that usually takes a while and well you know me, I am probably going to forget time. And I will miss curfew so I will stay there. I am proud of you lucy. I know you find these things stressful but it will be good for you in the end. Go and have fun now” she encouraged giving him a kind smile. He felt himself blush and Panda turned and began walking away. “Thank you, Panda” he responded not knowing what else to say. That was the deal with Panda, and he liked it. She was open and genuine; Panda didn’t bother with secret codes and didn’t care what was socially acceptable. Panda was honest but not mean honest as many others. She didn’t use being honest as an excuse to be nasty.
Taking courage from Panda’s bravery and words he entered through the portrait hall. The Gryffindor common room didn’t have the cool calm of the Slytherin common room. It was filled to the brim with people and there was red and gold everywhere. There was an abundance of noise coming both from
the people talking and from the record player that his brothers more than ever scary friend Lupin were handling. .
He spotted a table filled with presents. He was on his way but then he spotted his brother downing a bottle of fire whiskey with his girlfriend under his arm. Regulus suddenly regretted coming. He felt very out of place looking at all the drinking, whooping, talking, snogging, dancing Gryffindor students.
Potter was drinking and looking dopily at Evans who was wearing an emerald green dress matching gloriously with her eyes. She was dancing with some other girls in short skirts.
Regulus felt sick watching the lot of them but the entrance was now blocked by snogging couples and he could not face the embarrassment of walking past them. He stared around desperately for a place to hide the record still under his arm. Regulus managed to find a half-concealed corner where he hid. He just stood there waiting for the retched party to end.
After about 30 minutes Potter began flying on his broom very drunk. Regulus felt even more anxious watching him. He wobbled slightly but otherwise flew as grandly as always. The crowd was gaping at Potter and Evans tutted audibly. She used partrificus totalus and he felt his heart stop momentarily as he plummeted towards the ground. Evans freed him and he lay giggling on the ground as she disciplined him.
When he got up, he spotted Regulus and their eyes met. Potter wobbled as he walked up to him. Though Regulus had not had anything to drink his legs felt like jelly. His stomach felt as usual strange when Potter was around.
“You came” he slurred but sounded genuinely pleased to see him. “Uhm yeah” he murmured. “Why you hiding over here?” Potter asked the words blurring together. “I don’t really know what to do” he confessed quickly and silently cursed himself.
“Come here” Potter grabbed his hand and began pulling him towards a table filled with drinks. His hand was warm and nice. Heat began coiling in his stomach.
The record lay forgotten in the corner. Potter picked up a mug and handed it to Regulus with shaky fingers. Regulus could not exactly say “no” so he took it.
Evans and his brother’s girlfriend were there. His brother’s girlfriend Macdonald was drinking from a mug. Evans tutted, it seemed to be her thing Regulus reflected.
“Oh, ease up Lils, just take a damn drink” Macdonald urged. Evans took a mug and downed it in one not even grimacing. Macdonald raised her eyebrows looking impressed. “Happy?” Evans asked as she turned tail.
Potter raised his eyebrows expectantly and not wanting to disappoint him he chugged it down. It burned in his throat, and he fought not to grimace. Potter laughed but not unkindly. The sound was one of the most beautiful things he had heard Regulus thought.
His brother was passed out on the couch a bottle in his hand, and he couldn’t spot Lupin so he didn’t argue when Potter dragged him out onto the dancefloor. He felt warm and fuzzy. Everything seemed silly and fun.
He danced with Potter and laughed not caring about anything, just enjoying the moment. They did shots, sang along to David Bowies Jean genie, danced and laughed. Some people passed out whilst others left.
Evans became properly drunk as well. The three of them danced. He could not think properly and seemed to see things as from behind a lens. He was dizzy and happy. His heart seemed to beat in his throat.
After another round of shots with both Evans and Potter he only caught glimpses of what they were doing. Potters bright gleaming eyes. Evans billowing flowy dress as she danced. He was holding Potters hand and he was holding Evans. He spun her around and she laughed. She spun to Regulus other hand and Potter turned around and stared him in the eye.
There was something hungry in his gaze and he kissed him. His lips were just as soft as he had imagined. He tasted of fire whiskey and oat matured mead. Potter released his hand and had it around Regulus neck instead. He was warm and so close to him. Regulus could feel his strong chest against his. His brain was popping and sending of sparks like fireworks.
He was still holding Evans hand and she put a hand around Potters shoulder and shifted from kissing Potters neck to his. They were all hugging, dancing, and kissing all at once. Regulus did not have a single worry. He continued to only see glimpses. A flash of flying ginger hair. Emerald green eyes staring into his. Hot breath against his neck. Soft lips on his mouth. A bathroom floor.