Trials and Tribulations
The full moon came and went with still no Remus.
Then another week went by with no Remus.
Then another week and Sirius could feel the summer slowly slipping away from him. They only had a few more weeks left. James could tell that Sirius was getting a bit antsy about their upcoming last year at Hogwarts. He tried to rouse Sirius into old shenanigans and games of Quidditch but Sirius wasn't exactly feeling it. He told James to go away, Sirius would only feel worse if James was putting off his newly formed relationship with Lily for Sirius’ sake.
He missed the Pranks but he also didn’t want to be thrown back into the monotony of school. Regulus would be at Hogwarts, that was a dreadful consistency is Sirius’ life, an ache that could never be soothed. He knew that this was his final stand, if things didn’t get better for the two of them this year, they never would. And that would be that.
Sirius missed Remus, missed the easy laughter then came when they were both together. Sirius would also be lying if he didn’t say he missed Mary and Marlene too. Hell, he even misses Emmaline, but that might just be because he just missed snogging.
He was in a funk, and Sirius feared that it would roll over into the year; seeping into all the anticipatory traditions that seventh year would hold. He knew James feared that too.
Things changed one morning when Effy knocked on Sirius’ door rousing him from his sleep in the late morning.
“It’s time to get up, love.” She said from behind the door, “Breakfast is on the table.”
Sirius groaned, but rolled off the bed in search of some trousers. He trudged down the stairs, becoming more and more aware of his own hunger as he went down each step. But he stopped short because at the bottom of the stairs was Remus, standing in a knit sweater, talking to James. It was like seeing the sun after weeks of being in the dark, no that wasn’t right. It was like seeing the moon after weeks of cloudy nights of not knowing for sure what phase the moon was in, the night sky completely dark, making the night eerie. It was like when pale moonlight rained over the deep night sea and washed the black and blue water in its rays. It was like when the moon became so slim that it was as if you could hang something on it, but it still stayed luminescent all the same. Seeing Remus was all of those sensations. Sirius must’ve really missed his friend, more than he realized.
Remus looked up to see Sirius and Sirius stared back, but continued to descend the rest of the steps. Like last time they regarded each other, but unlike last time James was there. Sirius didn’t care though, he threw his arms around Remus and because of Remus’ height, Sirius’ face landed right in Remus’ firm chest. Remus froze for a second then slowly snaked his arms around Sirius.
“He acts as though you’re his savior, coming to get him from his boredom.” James shook his head but walked away. This struck Sirius as a bit odd, weren't they just two friends greeting their other mutual best friend.
Sirius didn’t care though, Moony smelled like cigarettes and that was a comfort. But James’ abrupt departure got Sirius thinking and he realized that this was a bit odd, him and Remus barely touched. Peter and James would wrestle Sirius, but Remus never did. Not even when they were younger, smaller, more adept to touching each other. Nevertheless, he pushed those thoughts away, Remus was in his arms the best place for him to be.
Sirius’ hands moved up and down Remus’ back, he eventually grazed the waist of Remus’ jeans on accident but Remus didn’t seem to notice or care. Sirius was content in this moment, but not content enough to stop the earlier train of thought, that he had intended in stopping. The thoughts had already begun rolling.
Sirius basically just threw himself at Remus, abruptly and sporadically. But wasn't sporadic Sirius' middle name?
Sirius pushed the intrusive ideas from his mind and let his hand drift. He had a hunch that Remus may have been keeping a pack of cigarettes in his back pocket. He moved his hand down and his idea was confirmed correct. Swiftly, Sirius snatched the pack, ripping it out of Remus’ back pocket. Sirius stepped back to shake the pack at Remus.
“Fancy a smoke?” Sirius raised a brow.
Remus looked a bit flushed, but smiled at Sirius nonetheless. Sirius couldn’t resist; he grabbed Remus and led him outside to the front stoop. He grabbed one out from the pack and tried to hand another to Remus who denied it. This earned him a quizzical look from Sirius.
“I’m trying to cut back.” Remus shrugged and sat down. “Michael said it made my breath smell.”
Sirius furrowed his brows. “Michael?”
Remus had grabbed a stick and was carving stuff into the dirt in the Potter’s backyard. He looked up when Sirius said this. “My neighbor’s cousin. I told you about him last time I was here.”
“Oh yeah.” It was coming back to Sirius a bit. “You really spent a lot of time together then?”
Remus flushed a little and looked back down at the dirt where it seemed like he was drawing runes. “Well,” he shrugged, “He was the only other boy my age around. I wasn’t going to sit around all summer. Not all of us want to wallow in self pity.”
“Oi,” Sirius said, taking a drag. “I wasn’t wallowing, I was reflecting on the upcoming next chapter of our lives.”
“Tosser” Remus mumbled, then asked, “Then why did Effy make me swear to make you eat breakfast and to get you outside.”
“Did she really?” Sirius asked, although he knew the answer.
“You’re looking pale, Sirius.”
“I’m always pale. It's part of my good looks.”
“Paler than usual I mean.”
“I may be feeling a bit down about our last year.” Sirius admitted slowly. “But that doesn’t mean everyone needs to coddle me. I can move on alone and dignified!” He pointed a finger down towards the ground.
“Yeah, you're the picture of dignity.” Remus said, gesturing to Sirius’ unbrushed hair and the cigarette hanging from his lips. Remus zeroed in on that, Sirius wondered if Remus really was going to commit to cutting down on smoking, he bloody hoped not. Remus smoking was a sight to behold, it made him look cool and not unlike those renaissance paintings that the muggles studies proffessor had shown the previous year.
Remus' gaze traveled to Sirius’ face then back again to his lips. It made Sirius become acutely aware that they were both sitting down with their thighs touching, the sensation gave Sirius’ an odd thrill, it made him want to lean in and touch Remus everywhere. He must have really missed Remus’ companionship if this was how he was reacting to seeing him after weeks of being apart. Sirius needed to reevaluate his behavior towards his friends, especially friends he barely got so close to.
Remus moved closer, leaning in to Sirius, which gave him a raw flood of panic, but strangely also anticipation. That was, before he realized that Remus was just reaching up to grab the cigarettes from Sirius. Ah, so his fast wouldn’t last so long.
Sirius looked away, “I’m bored.”
“Fancy a walk?” Remus said.
Sirius considered this, doing exactly what they had last time. “Why not?” he said.
***
Two hours later they returned and Sirius was rather famished. He had forgotten all about his hunger when he had caught a glimpse of Remus. But after hours of walking and chatting he became aware of his appetite again. Sirius was thrown back into a notion he had previously had; that walking for hours on end, wasting away time, was a thing of his and Remus’. Something new but not that exciting, but it didn’t need to be.
After breakfast James brought up the activity that he always did, Quidditch. One thing was different though, Sirius said yes. He was more content with the monotony of life when Remus was here. He wondered why?
Remus sat in a shaded area of the Potter’s yard, reading a new book. Sirius wanted to ask him about it, he liked the way Remus talked about literature. With either cool indifference if he didn’t enjoy what he had read or with a fiery energy that made you want to fall into whatever fictional world he was describing.
Sirius was staring so hard at Remus trying to discern what book he currently had in his hands. However, the combination of the midday sun, the shade that consumed Remus, and the height Sirius was sitting at on his broom, he was at a loss. His misplaced focus on Remus had the effect of getting him hit with a bludger.
“Eyes up, mate.” James said, flying past him. “Stop making eyes at Moony and focus on the game.”
Making eyes?!? “I’m not some school girl, Potter.” Sirius said with more forcefulness than was necessary. What exactly could James be implying. Sirius looked away, a bit ashamed. “I just wanted to see what he was reading.”
“Well you know what I want to see.” James said, circling back around Sirius.
Sirius rolled his eyes, “If you say you want to see what Evans is up to, I hate to break it to you, mate, but I’m not walking to the phone booth and back with you.”
James shook his head, “I was actually going to suggest that we see what Peter’s up to.”
Sirius considered this. Peter did live down the street and even if his mother didn’t want him spending most of his time with his friends, that didn’t mean that his friends didn’t have it in them to seek him out. Sirius knew what James was thinking, they could use their brooms to fly up to Peter’s window and sneak in to see him. Or sneak him out. The final kinks weren’t yet figured out yet, they needed a way to actually get him out of the house, but they needed to initiate phase one as soon as possible.
Sirius grinned a grin full of mischief, “What are we waiting for then?”
James grinned a mirror smile back at Sirius, “Let’s go.”
With a shout to Moony that they were “stepping out.” which he didn’t seem to mind as he lazily waved them off, they were off.
James and Sirius flew at a cruise for a couple minutes, Peter’s house wasn’t too much of a walk away so the fly shouldn’t have been too much as well. But the two boys eventually divulged in a race. The wind whipped through Sirius’ hair pulling it back and making him hyper aware of the speed at which he was traveling. Sirius was so focused on the sensation, the thrill, that this race caused that he nearly missed James pulling ahead of him. But Sirius couldn’t let that happen, with a swift dip Sirius flew under James, distracting him, and pulled through on the other side. This threw off James' equilibrium and he slowed down a bit.
Sirius raised his arms in mock triumph. Peter’s house was two buildings away. Landing on the neighbor’s house first, Sirius waited for James.
When he finally landed next to Sirius, James said, “Peter’s room is on the other side. We can fly in through the window.”
“Wouldn’t it be easier to fly out of the window rather than in.” Sirius countered.
James tilted his head. “Maybe.” He said, “I’ll have to try it out somehow.”
Sirius shrugged but privately thought that testing that out would either be very fun or a very dramatic escape for anyone trapped in a room with one exit.
“Come on.” James ascended back into the air. “Let’s visit our jailbird friend.”
Sirius followed James up and over the roof of the Pettigrew’s house and over to Peter’s window. The two boys peaked into the window, but it took them both a moment to grasp what they were looking at. As soon as he realized Sirius wanted to wash out his eyes.
It seemed that Peter wasn’t in as much of a hostage situation as Sirius and James had assumed he was. Peter actually wasn’t alone at all, and in addition to being alone he was quite shirtless. The girl who was currently keeping Peter company was sitting on his lap, the two on Peter’s bed, her lips locked onto his. He had one of his hands buried into her thick brown hair, the other looked like it was deep into the back of her shirt.
James, who had been hovering next to him, made a noise of surprise when the girl moved her lips to Peter’s neck. James had always mostly kept his cool in awkward situations, the man had dramatically asked Lily out for years while being rejected just as dramatically, so he could stand a lot of embarrassment. But it seemed James could not take seeing one of his closest friends in such a compromising situation.
Before Sirius’ eyes James fell off his broom with a frozen look that combined terror, shock, and embarrassment, landing directly in the shrubs below. The noise was loud, too loud for no one to have heard. In fact, Peter did. And in a moment of all horror his gaze locked onto Sirius’ and his face morphed itself into an expression that rivaled James’ own. Sirius guessed that he had that same look on his face too.
Fortunately, the girl in Peter’s lap didn’t notice where Peter’s gaze had gone, but it probably wouldn’t stay that way for long because although she was buried in Peter’s neck, Peter’s hands had stopped moving.
Sirius and Peter’s stare was broken when he heard Mrs. Pettigrew yell, “PETER! COME HELP WITH THE WASHING UP!” Sirius could tell from the volume of her voice that she is close by. Sirius quickly ducked down under the window frame and went to go get James, who was brushing stray leaves off of himself.
“We gotta go.” Sirius whisper-shouted.
James looked at him. “What about, Peter? I think I just heard his mum. Maybe we should warn him.” James needed to start thinking about himself and his own safely from the wrath of Mrs. Pettigrew.
“It's too late for him, he’ll probably get caught either way.” Sirius said, flying up in the air, avoiding the window with a very wide berth. James seemed to agree with what Sirius said and followed him home. They didn’t say another the entire journey back, Sirius reckoned that James was processing what he had just seen, Sirius was silent because he was coming up with all the insults he would have to use to pick on Peter later.
***
“You have leaves in your hair, James.” Remus said when the two boys returned to him. He was in the same spot they had left him in, but he was several pages ahead of the spot he had been earlier.
“You don’t want to know, mate.” James said, “Bad, bad times.” He hurried off into the house.
Remus looked after him, then turned his gaze to Sirius, “You know, that makes me want to know even more.” Remus kept his look steady.
“Fine,” Sirius flopped down onto an accompanying chair. “I’ll tell you.”
Five minutes later, Remus had tears of laughter coming out of his eyes, he had a very different reaction than James or Sirius but that could only be because he hadn’t witnessed what Peter had been doing first hand. Remus' laughter, though, was infectious and Sirius began to laugh along with him.
“You do know what this means, don’t you?” Remus asked, wiping his eyes.
Sirius was at a loss, “What?”
“That everytime Peter told you he couldn’t come out to James’ house because of his mum, he was actually off with that girl.”
Sirius had not thought about this at all. “That little traitor.” Sirius was astonished. “He picked some girl over his friends.”
“Hey,” Remus said. “He’s allowed to have a little summer romance. Merlin knows that you’ve had enough romance during the year to hold you over and James has Lily.”
Sirius shook his head, “This can’t stand.” He stood up and ran into the house, returning a moment later with a quill and some parchment.
“What are you doing?” Remus inquired.
“The marauder’s need to have a council.” Sirius replied while writing furiously on the parchment. “I think it’s time that Peter finally came back over, considering his secret’s out.”
Remus shook his head, but left Sirius to it and returned to reading his book. A small smile on his face.
***
The next morning, Sirius, James, and Remus were greeted with a not so surprising visitor. Peter awkwardly moved into the house and sat down at the table, where Remus and Sirius were waiting for him and James, who had answered the door.
The rude interuption Peter had gotten yesterday seemed to make him adverse to small talk. So the boys sat in an uncomfortable silence until Sirius, who was practically shaking with anticipation on what to say, felt a knudge on his arm. Remus was staring daggers at him, either telling him to not say anything or to say something first. The look was very hard to interpret so Sirius decided to believe that Remus’ look meant the latter.
“What the fuck, Pete.” Sirius burst out and Remus rolled his eyes, so his look had meant the former. Oops.
Peter scratched the back of his neck. “You weren’t supposed to know.” He mumbled
“Weren’t supposed to- wha-” Sirius was baffled to say the least. “You’ve been sleeping with some girl all summer and were going to lie to your friends about it. Come on, I thought we were closer than that, Pete.”
“Oi, it hasn’t been going on the whole summer.” Peter said, glancing to James for backup. But James was looking at him like he wanted answers too. It seemed Peter was left with no defense at all. Sirius almost felt bad, but he needed answers.
“Let me be clear, you’ve been telling me and James that your mum wouldn’t let you out of the house but you were sneaking someone in!” Sirius paused for a second. “Honestly, aside from being mad that you didn’t tell us, I’m a bit proud.” He really was.
“Let me explain.” Peter said.
“Please,” Sirius said, “the floor is yours.” He made a flourishing motion with his arm.
Peter began, “Olympia is my neighbor.” He looked around at the three boys, Remus was looking at Peter with cool indifference. It seemed that he wasn’t at all invested in Peter’s lovelife. Sirius and James were listening eagerly, wanting to know how the events unfolded the way they did. “My mum and her mum are friends and I used to have a crush on her when we were younger, in the way someone has a crush on a girl just because she’s a girl that you know. Mum let me talk to her because she was right next door, she trusted Olympia and I together. So…yeah, It started up weeks ago.”
“It seems that trust was rather misplaced, mate.” That was from James, who was stifling laughter.
“Yeah, yeah, have your laughs.” Peter rolled his eyes.
“I’m proud of you, mate. She was cute.” Sirius said, sitting back in his chair.
“She more than cute, she’s beautiful.” Peter bursts out and then turned beet red.
Sirius and James burst out laughing, Remus is the only quiet one but Sirius doesn’t miss the small smile on his face.
When the laughter dyes down silence swoops in yet again but, exactly like last time, its interrupted by Sirius, who had had a thought while looking at Remus.
‘You know what this means?” He asked the group.
“That Peter’s summer fling has lasted longer than any of your relationships.” James suggested.
“No, you tosser.” Sirius tried swat his arm over at James and missed when James leans out of the way. “That three fourths of the marauders have shagged someone before.” James blushed, Sirius guessed he hadn’t thought that Sirius would assume what he was doing when him and Marlene had gone off shopping and Lily and James had disappeared.
They all looked at Remus. He hadn’t been interested in anyone at Hogwarts, that was very clear. They all knew that Remus had his first kiss during fifth year, because he had admitted it to Sirius at a party that he had kissed a girl from Ravenclaw, but that had been the extent of it. Sirius had taken it unto himself to tell James and Peter, he knew that Remus knew he had done this. But Remus would of told them if he had ever shagged someone, Sirius never doubted that their friendship was close enough that he would tell them those sort of intimate details.
Sirius doubts that now though because Remus raised his eyebrow with a type of casual air that could only be done when one is faking indifference. “And who said all of us haven’t?” Remus asked.
Sirius could feel his eyes widen, an expression that was reflected to him on Peter and James’ faces.
“You- you’ve-” Sirius stuttered. He couldn’t believe this he thought that Remus would share these details with him. The thought of someone sleeping with Remus made him uncomfortable, the thought of someone elses hands all over Remus’ chest, his neck, his scars, disgusted Sirius. Merlin, if Sirius hadn’t brought it up in the first place Remus wouldn’t of told him at all.
“You’ve-” Sirius tried to start again but was cut off by Remus.
“Shagged someone? Yeah, I have.”
“Who?!” Sirius demanded, leaning forward and forgetting that Peter and James were there, the two of them had looked away from this awkward exchange.
“Well…” Remus turned a bit pink. “You remember that neighbor’s cousin who was visiting?”
Sirius’ eyes practically popped out of their sockets. “The bloke?!” He nealy shouted.
“Good on you, mate.” James said, trying to break up this uncomfortable moment.
“Yeah,” Remus said, but it was unclear who he was answering.
“Why? Why would you shag him?” Sirius asked, still staring at Remus.
Remus tilted his head as he took Sirius in, “Because I wanted to, Sirius.” and those words seemed to be his own little way of putting an end to the conversation. “Homophobic now, are you, Sirius?”
“You know I’m not like that.” Sirius snarled, “But you didn’t tell me and frankly I don’t want to look at you. I can’t look at you.” He stood up suddenly and as he was walking away. Behind his he could hear the sound of a chair scooting back, but the words “Just give him a minute, mate.” coming from James put an end to the noise.
Sirius walked up to his room and closed his door, shutting himself off from the rest of the house. When he layed down on the bed he felt the prick of tears come to his eyes, Sirius didn’t even begin to wonder why.
***
“Padfoot let me in.” Remus said at his door a number of hours later.
“I want to talk to you, Sirius.” Remus said when Sirius was getting ready for bed immediately after dinner. A very, very quiet dinner because Sirius dedicated himself to pushing around his food and barely said a word.
“Look, if you want me to go home so you can socialize with the rest of your family like a normal fucking person, I can go.” Remus said the following morning, not waking Sirius up because he hadn’t gotten much sleep at all.
Sirius ignored it all, he felt uncomfortable and betrayed. He knew that it would do good to open the door but he couldn’t bring himself to do so because the person on the other side was the same one who had caused those feelings.
***
It took another day, but Sirius finally left his room to come downstairs. He lingered unknowingly on the spot where he had reunited with Remus just two days before.
However, this time no one was there. In fact, no one else was in the kitchen or at the breakfast table.
Sirius sat down at the table and just waited. For something. For one of his friends to come waltzing in. For anything.
That came in the form of Effy, who was still in her pajamas as if it were Christmas morning.
“Hello, dear.” She came over to kiss him on the cheek.
“Morning.” He said back to her. “Where is everyone?”
“Well, Remus went home yesterday afternoon. He said something about needing to talk to his mum.” Effy stated calmly. “James went with him and came back very late last night. Nearly scared me half to death when he stumbled in to Monty and I’s room.”
Sirius smiled at the thought of James, pissed and stumbling into his parents room. But then he registered what Effy had said before.
“Remus.” He said. “He went home?”
“Yes, dear.” Effy looked at Siris as if she knew he was upset by this. He guessed that she probably did know, mother’s instinct and all that.
“I wanted to talk to him.” Sirius looked down.
“Well,” Effy started using a merry tone, trying to cheer him up. “You’ll get to see him again soon enough, summer’s almost over.” With that she said something about getting him breakfast and walked away to go do just that.
Sirius was baffled that the summer was almost over. He would try to make the most of these last few weeks as best as he could, he was already being plagued with thoughts that he had wasted his whole summer being bored. Now he had to spend it without Remus, who had made it clear he wanted to talk to Sirius. Sirius just had to open his door but he couldn’t do that. Remus gave him multiple opportunities to and he wasted those. Had even mentioned going home early if Sirius continued his hostel attitude.
That was just another thing he had wasted.