Dearly Beloved
James Potter met the love of his life when he was 11 years old, at least that's what he went around saying. Or had gone around saying.
Yesterday afternoon, James had stormed into the Gryffindor common room, a severe look on his face. He then went on to declare to his fellow marauders that he was done. Finished. Defeated. Although he didn’t say that last one, Sirius felt it was more implied and decided not to point it out.
James went on a long and arduous tirade about his love for Lily Evans, a chronicle for the ages. And then he went on about how that love couldn’t sustain his crush and he couldn’t hope for the future any longer.
“She’s done it now” Sirius whispered to Peter, who snickered.
She had rejected him, James had explained, for the last time. That was the main point of what he had told them. James had put it in simpler terms, while throwing his hands rapidly in the air “I’m over her.”
Which would never be true.
They all knew that.
But now a more complicated question presented itself: did James?
Remus scoffed when James was finished telling the just how “over her” he was, accentuating the point that it would never be the truth. Remus, the smartest amongst them, knew it to be true, so they all knew it to be true.
“She’s never liked me back, why should I hold on to my unrequited love for her if nothing will ever come to fruition?”
Good thing the common room only has the four of us, Sirius contemplated, otherwise James would be making an absolute fool of himself, more than he already was. At least his hands haven’t hit anything yet. It was true James’ hands were flying wildly around him like two rabid birds.
James sounded defeated and with his last remark, he flopped down on the sofa sitting down between Sirius and Peter.
Sirius decided to humor James for a second, believing that he was genuinely done with his crush on Lily Evans just in time for the end of sixth year and the summer.
But if James was really, genuinely, truly, irrevocably dead set on his feelings for Lily vanishing, how did Sirius end up comforting a crying Lily when he was supposed to be packing for the summer.
***
There was no escape. Sirius kept looking around for an easy out but this corner of the library had only one exit.
He was trapped. All he wanted to do was return his Hogwarts: A History book and now he was faced with a crying Lily.
Maybe if he turned around and sprinted away really, really fast Lily wouldn’t notice. Or he could turn into Padfoot before she noticed and she might even believe him to be a lovable stray.
But what would a stray be doing in the library, Sirius thought to himself, as his plan fell apart before his eyes.
Not just because that turning in Padfoot was reckless, but because it seemed that Lily took a pause from crying her eyes out to notice that she was not alone.
She was sitting on the floor, right in the corner where the shelves of the Herbology and History of Magic sections met. Her robes billowed out around her, concealing her legs and shoes.
Lily’s puffy red eyes locked onto his and Sirius realized he was well and truly trapped.
It was at that moment that he decided to throw caution to the wind, caution that he wanted to hold onto with all his strength.
“Hey, Lily,” Sirius said cautiously, and very awkwardly. He wasn’t the best with handling emotions, leave that to Moony or James.
Lily sniffled. “What do you want, Sirius?” She asked, a bit viciously Sirius might add.
Sirius was already trapped and without caution. In for a penny, in for a pound, he thought.
“Listen Evans, I know that we don’t really get along but my best mate seems to think that you're his future bride,” Sirius said, as Lily sniffled again. “So I think it’s my duty as the future best man at your future wedding to ask you why you’re crying.”
At the mention of James (or maybe it was the idea of marrying James. Was she truly that horrified at the thought of marrying him) Lily’s face crumbled even more and tears started to run down her face again.
She lifted her hands, covering her face. Sirius noticed that she had a piece of parchment clutched in one of her hands.
Too late Sirius realized his mistake as he recalled the conversation the marauders had the previous night. Although conversation was putting it nicely due to James having done most of the talking. The four of them knew that James had proclaimed that he was done with any further chasing and any further feelings for Lily.
The other three marauders had humored him, believing that in the following term, when they returned from summer break, James would be back and more hopeful in his chances with Lily.
Right after James was done with his announcement, Sirius was about to follow him up to their room from the common room when Remus had stopped him with a hand on his wrist. Sirius had felt a thrill at the contact, but it was brief but when Remus drew back his hand Sirus missed the grasp on his wrist.
“Do you think he’s serious?” Remus asked, looking down at his hand.
“No, I’m Siri-”
Remus plowed on, used to the old joke,“He’s really done trying to get her to go out with him?” This last question was punctuated with Remus looking up to meet Sirius’ gaze.
Sirius took a moment to look into Remus’ eyes, soaking in Remus’ features. Although James and Sirius would be spending the whole summer together, since Sirius now lived with the Potters, Remus would be going home to his parents. Like last summer, he would only be allowed to visit but his mother made a point of wanting Remus to spend more time at home. These last couple of days would be the most time Sirius would get to spend with Remus for a while.
“I think he’s really come to his senses this time. I mean his crush has lasted years without any further development, I admire his resilience but enough is enough'' Sirius had replied.
It's not that he didn’t like Lily, he got along with her, Mary, and Marlene great. However, he didn’t like the way she rejected James time and time again, always disappointing him endlessly.
If he was being honest with himself, which he seldom was, Sirius would admit that he was a little annoyed at James for ceaselessly trying to get a date with Lily. At least sometimes, although Sirius would never admit it to James, her manner in rejecting him was quite funny. Like the time she hexed him to have pumpkin juice come out of his nose whenever he said her name.
Sirius and Remus had gone upstairs knowing that they would begin packing the next day. A perfect allegory to what James was doing, Sirius tried to explain to Remus, James was closing the metaphorical book of his and Lily’s non-existent romance. “Zipping his metaphorical suit case shut.” Sirius added, thinking it was better than the book analogy.
Remus gave him a look that told him it was not.
Going to bed, as he drifted off to sleep in one of the two places he would always consider home, Sirius had assumed last night that by forsaking any future rejections or feelings, James would slowly drift into a friendship with Lily. Not in any way would he say to her face that he was, to put it harshly, “done with her”.
He had his doubts now.
Sirius slowly walked towards Lily and pried the piece of parchment from her hand. She either didn’t care or was too defeated to try to stop him. He unfolded the crumbled parchment and realized that it was covered in writing. The writing was all too familiar, when you spend six years living with someone it's almost impossible not to recognize their handwriting. Sirius couldn’t stop himself from reading what was written. Lily continued to cry and sniffle as he read.
Dear Evans,
I remember first seeing you on the Hogwarts Express at the very beginning of our first year. You were standing in front of the window of the carriage that I had just walked into, you were waving to your family who were standing in the station waiting to see you off. The morning sun was glinting off your hair beautifully and when you turned around there was a natural blush on your face. It was, as I already said, beautiful. I don’t think that my crush on you began at that moment, but it is one of the many specific moments with you in them that I remember so vividly. Since at least second year, I have tried and tried to get you to agree to go on a date with me. However, everytime without fail, I was rejected. I don’t fault you for not reciprocating my feelings, but I wanted to let you know that I'm done. Our final year at Hogwarts is just around the corner and I don’t want to spend it chasing after someone who doesn’t feel the same about me as I do about them. I hope that we will be able to become friends in the future.
Best,
James.
Sirius read over the letter.
Then read over it again.
Oh, Prongs, he thought. How could you be so stupid?
That was putting it lightly. Sirius cringed at the thought of anyone reading this. He couldn’t believe that James had taken time to reject someone so eloquently, someone who never even asked anything from him in the first place.
Dearly Beloved, I don’t love you anymore. Love, me.
One thing struck him though. If Lily had never wanted James to ask her out, had only ever rejected him, then why was she so upset now.
Sirius looked down at Lily who was still crying on the ground, narrowing his eyes with suspicion. Her arms were now around her middle instead of in front of her face. He decided to kneel down in front of her, getting down to level with her.
“I would say you should be relieved,” Sirius started slowly, “But based on how much you’re crying, you seem anything but relieved.”
Lily let out a shaky breath before she started talking.
“It’s just that I- I thought he would never give up” She stopped to whip her eyes on her sleeve. “I thought that I would always have a chance to..” Lily sat up straighter as if gaining confidence to open up to Sirius. “To tell him yes.”
“Yes?” Sirius asked.
“Yes, I would go out with him. I may not be like James in the fact that I've had a crush on him for years but this year has really caused me to think on some things, like what a relationship with him would really entail” Lily continued. “James is a great guy and I think I was ready to finally give in.”
Sirius was shocked. Never in a million years would he have imagined that Lily would ever return James’ feelings.
“When did you realize?” Sirius asked, he was truly invested now and refrained from talking or laughing so as not to scare Lily into silence.
“Well, we were partnered up a lot in Potions and I got to know him more” Lily sounded a little wistful. “But it doesn’t matter now. I got his message loud and clear. Clearly as I was enjoying getting to know him, he hated getting to know me.”
Sirius couldn’t help it, he couldn’t stay silent “I don’t think it's like that at all.”
“What?”
“Lily, he’s had a crush on you for years, nothing could change that” Sirius told her.
“But why did he write this then?” Lily held up the letter.
Sirius snatched it out of her hand “Because he didn’t want to be rejected again. He could only take so much.” Sirius shrugged.
“But if there’s really a chance that we could start dating, how…how can I tell him how I feel.” Lily was beginning to look hopeful at Sirius’ words.
Although Sirius was taking this situation with the utmost seriousness(it was his name afterall) he couldn’t refrain from being a little funny with his next advice.
“Write him a letter. Like the one he wrote to you but instead of rejecting him, tell him exactly how you feel” Sirius thought it would be ironic yet perfect. “And you’ll both have the whole summer to process all of these emotions” he waved his hand around to show that the emotions were all encompassing. Love was definitely in the air.
Lily was nodding fervently but “I’ll do it” was all she said.
“Great” Sirius smiled, the way he saw it this situation contained two unhappy people who had the potential to be extremely happy.
He helped Lily up and linked his arm with hers “Now let's head back to the common room, I have some packing to do and you have a letter to write.”