Jealousy, Jealousy
The morning sunlight coming in through the window was one of the two things giving Sirius a migraine, causing him to look away from the rolling fields outside and instead to the people sitting around him.
James, the other thing currently giving him a migraine, was sitting on the seat across from Sirius. He was picking at his nails and the tiny clicking noises coming from the process were grating at the pain behind Sirius’ eyes. In a few minutes James would go back to looking out the window, the routine was something he had been doing for the last thirty minutes since they had left Hogwarts. James didn’t look well, there were purplish bruises under his eyes that couldn’t be hidden with his glasses and he looked like he might fall over completely if someone bumped into him.
Sitting next to James was Peter, who was getting his galleons ready for the trolly that was climbing down the hall. Sirius knew that Peter would take a nap after eating some chocolate frogs, he already looked tired and slightly hungover from their last party of sixth year. He had known Peter long enough to know that Peter’s mother didn't believe in “wasteful activities” (her words not Sirius’) and naps happened to fall under that category.
Next to Sirius was Remus and although the school year was over he was reading a book, a muggle book at that. This didn’t surprise any of them, Remus was often reading or studying in his freetime. Activities that caused him to keep mostly to himself were Remus’ calling. That had its downside because his isolated behavior to everyone other than Sirius, Peter, and James made him more alluring to his fellow students. Which was how he had ended up friends with so many others outside of their small social circle.
Like when they were in the staircase, Sirius took the chance to look at the unguarded expression on Remus’ face. The myriad of scars that adorned his face from a life of full moon transformations, his honey brown hair that caused part of his face to be obscured in shadow as he was looking down at his novel. It added a level of handsomeness that Sirius admired but wasn’t jealous of, he liked his own looks too much.
Sirius repressed the urge to push back Moony’s hair. How can he see with his hair falling like that, Sirius thought. He began to feel a bit melancholy, Remus wasn’t sure when he would have time free to visit James and Sirius, who had been living with the Potters since fifth year after leaving his family. But that didn’t do me any good to think about, Remus’ absence and his family.
Sirius, however, couldn’t help himself. The four marauders had been inseparable since the first year and the creation of their nickname and the Marauder’s Map had only solidified that bond. James and Sirius would always be closer friends to each other than the other two but Remus and Peter were his close friends too, Remus absence hit harder than Peter’s though. Not only because Peter had more freedom to visit. Sirius hadn’t a clue as to why. Maybe it was because this summer Remus would be taking the Marauder’s Map home with him. They each had a turn taking it for the summer and this year was Moony’s.
It was at that moment that Remus looked up and Sirius realized he had been staring for a long while. He quickly looked in the direction of the door to the carriage, which he immediately regretted.
Regulus was walking by, devoid of his usual friends. It had been almost a year and a half since he had left the Black family and didn’t look back. Walburga Black was a stern, abusive mother with a brisk intolerance for children. It was her fault that she had two children who she didn’t seem to like at all. It took weeks on end between fourth and fifth year whilst spending time with Effy and Monty Potter for Sirius to realize that normal parents didn’t punish their children with extreme punishments for every toe out of line that they dared. Even if they didn’t dare at all, Sirius had learned in the time between leaving and now that some people wanted to hurt others just because they could. Sometimes they had the barest excuses for their behavior such as their son getting placed into Gryffindor instead of Slytherin.
Leaving was for the best. If only Regulus had followed. The loyal-to-a-fault bastard had stayed with their parents.
It had been long, maybe too long, since they had spoken last. They still saw each other constantly at school but it was a far change from what they had before. Now could be the time that Sirius took the leap and made the first move to talk to him. He raised his chin in fake confidence and made to stand up, catch his little brother for a word, and talk about their issues. What exactly he would say, he didn’t know for sure, but a little adlibbing never hurt anyone.
He was about to stand up when he realized that Regulus had been replaced by Lily Evans, who was waving enthusiastically for Sirius to step into the hall. Peter noticed her, shrugged because Lily had no chocolate frogs and seemed to fall back a bit, realized that it was Lily Evans and looked at James to make sure he didn’t see her too. James, who had indeed moved from picking at his nails to stare dramatically out the window, did not see his “love lost too soon” standing a mere feet away. Peter shrugged and sank back down in his seat.
Sirius made to stand but caught sight of Remus, who wouldn’t be dissuaded as easily as Peter.
“What are you up to?” Remus whispered, grinning with a knowing look on his face. Of course Remus would assume Sirius was up to something, it wasn’t as if Remus was the mastermind behind a majority of their pranks.
Sirius didn’t answer Remus’ question and continued to stand, partly because he was curious and partly because he didn’t like the feeling he got when looking at Remus’ grin. Probably because he has such straight teeth, Sirius told himself.
Maybe he was jealous of Remus. The thought didn’t sit right with him.
“I’ll be right back” Sirius murmured and left the carriage to see what Lily Evans wanted with him. After their interaction in the library Sirius had only seen Lily at the end-of-year feast when she had softly smiled at him from her seat next to Mary MacDonald and Marlene McKinnon. She had looked lightyears better than she had in the library but now she looked almost gleeful.
“Were you looking for me or do you want Remus?” Sirius said when the door was fully closed behind him. “I see he’s reading a muggle book and I can only assume he got it from you.” Sirius smiled at her to show that he was joking.
Lily didn’t answer and, much to Sirius's surprise, she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him, pinning his arms to his sides.
“I wanted to thank you.” she said.
“Did you give your letter to James… or speak to him at least?” Sirius was in a total state of confusion over her cheerful attitude, especially because James was being so broody.
“Not yet, but I wrote about three drafts of the letter before I really thought it displayed my feelings the best that it could. There’s only so much writing can do to express what your true intentions are” She took a step back. “I think it’ll work and I wanted to thank you.”
“Thank me?”
“Yes! You helped me in a time when I didn't think I could confide in anyone, the problem seemed minuscule and embarrassing to tell anyone. But you gave me a plan and a way to express how I feel about James to James.” She said in all honesty.
Sirius hadn’t thought of it in that aspect, he just had said what came to mind. A means to solve a problem that he had somehow gotten himself tangled into.
“It was nothing Lily, honestly. Are you going to give it to him now?” Sirius asked, wondering if that would fix James’ attitude.
Lily shook her head “Not yet, I'm going to send it in a couple days, so you’ll be there when he gets the letter.” Lily looked at James, but didn’t comment on his current state. “I’m a bit unsure on how he’ll react. That's why I’m so hesitant to send it, but he has a friend like you so I know he’ll be taken care of.” Lily smiled softly and Sirius said, “Alright, then.”
“Thank you, Sirius. Truly.” Lily looked at him and said again.
“Cheers.” Sirius smiled. There was a moment of awkward silence before Lily excused herself saying she had to get back to Mary.
“Where’s Marlene?” Sirius couldn’t help but ask.
“She’s ditched us for Dorcus.” Lily crossed her arms with exaggerated anger. “I have to get back before Mary dies of boredom.”
Sirius was still a little befuddled by Lily but, “See you next term” was all he said before he turned towards the door and Lily made to walk away.
“Oh, and Sirius?” She turned to say.
“Yes?” Sirius had one hand on the doorknob and looked up to see James looking at him, Sirius worried at how long he had been watching Lily and Sirius’ conversation but he faced Lily completely.
“That book Remus is reading is Emma by Jane Austin, you should read it sometime.” And with that she turned and walked away to rescue Mary from boredom.