To Build A Home

06:02, 22nd of August, 1979.

Regulus woke up in an unfamiliar place.

He looked around the room. The white linen curtains were doing a terrible job of hiding the early morning sun that was so typical for late August. The walls were panelled up until one metre, and the wood had been painted a nice cream colour while the wall above it was white, except for the one behind the comfortable bed, which was a deep, warm emerald green colour. There was a fuzzy white rug covering part of the hardwood floor. There was a dresser made from french oak, with a mirror in a semi-fancy frame above it, mounted to the wall. On top of the dresser was a glass jar filled with shells.

Shells.

Sea.

Water.

The memories of what happened the day prior all came flooding back to him, and all Regulus could do was scream and wish he hadn’t made it out to feel this pain. He screamed and shouted and let it all out and he cried and breathed so fast that he forgot how to and then there were two somewhat familiar arms wrapped around him, whispering sweet nothings in his ear, red hair reminding him that he was safe.

Even after the worst of the panic attack, Lily stayed.

Lily stayed.

Because of course she did. Of course she stayed. She stayed until their breathing matched again, a calm back and forth between them while sitting calmly in each other's arms. Sitting on the white sheets, dried tears on Regulus’ face and in Lily’s neck.

“Thank you.” Said Regulus, his nose buried in Lily’s orange locks. He took in her scent. She smelled a lot like James, and like the house he was currently in. There were hints of lavender, apple spice, and ginger tea. But most of all, she smelled safe.

Safe.

Because that was what he was now, no matter what his anxiety told him. He believed James and Lily when they told him that. That he was safe. No more lies, lies, lies.

“Better now?” Asked Lily.

“Better now.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Regulus shook his head no. They sat in silence for a while.

“I don’t want it to be silent though.”

“Okay. Do you want me to talk, or should I introduce you to Queen?”

“I don’t generally do well with relatives, and though I’ve never met the Queen and she’s like, erm, 4th cousin twice removed, I think, either way I don’t suppose she’d be an exception.”

Lily laughed. “Not the Queen, but Queen, the amazing band.” Regulus hid his face deeper in her neck. “But okay, I’ll ignore that you’re apparently related to the literal Queen, and I’ll talk to you.”

“What is Queen - the band - like?”

“They’re muggles. Their music is awesome, absolutely wonderful.” said Lily. “It’s truly a crime that you’ve never heard of them. You purebloods are so devoid of any culture. Did you know James didn’t even know what jeans were?”

“Uh-huh?” Asked Regulus, because he, too, had no idea what on earth a jeans was. His reaction made Lily laugh, and she conjured a pair of them. Regulus was entirely unconvinced when she said he ought to try them.

They continued to talk for a while, and Regulus had the delight of hearing all about the ridiculous things James did to try and get Lily to notice them, and about how she used to get panic attacks to, when thinking about her sister, and then she told Regulus about her sister Petunia ‘Tuny’, and how she married Vernon, whom Lily had never liked very much, until Regulus’ stomach signalled his growing hunger audibly.

“Shall we go and make breakfast? I could heat up the crêpes? Oh, I completely jumbled that pronunciation didn’t I?” added Lily after seeing Regulus cringe.

Regulus nodded, and got up. “What time is it?”

“Nine past seven. Ten past seven.” Said Lily, looking at her watch.

“M’kay.”

-

07:11, 22nd of August, 1979

Lily took the crêpes out of the fridge while Regulus watched her, seated on a barstool at the counter. He felt pretty useless, but he also had no idea where anything was in this kitchen, so there wasn’t really anything he could do. And even if he had known where anything was, he wouldn’t know how to use it. Half of the stuff in the kitchen was muggle technology, and his parents hadn’t even bothered to teach him how to use the magical stuff. He’d always have a house-elf for that, so they saw no use.

Lily buttered the pan and quickly heated the crêpes in them, one by one, until she had a few. Then she grabbed four plates. One for the crêpes, and one for on top of them, to keep them warm. She could’ve used a heat-preserving spell, but Regulus could see the charm in doing it the muggle way. And then one plate for her and one for Regulus. 

She made the table with cutlery and different kinds of sugar. Regulus took a crêpe for himself and buttered it. He didn’t put any sugar on it, and rolled it up. The two of them sat together in silence for a bit, eating their breakfast. That, until Regulus’ curiosity got the best of him, and he broke the silence.

“Where’s James?” 

“Asleep until half the day is gone. Probably thinks we’re mental for willingly being up at this quote on quote ‘ungodly’ hour.” said Lily, smiling.

“Ungodly? It’s almost seven thirty!” Laughed Regulus.

“I know right!” Lily laughed back, and then they were both laughing, and they just couldn’t seem to stop. 

When they finally did stop and Regulus’ belly ached from laughing too much, Lily grabbed her tea, but then they made the mistake of looking at each other again. Lily started laughing again, spitting her tea, which only made the two of them laugh even harder.

The sounds must’ve woken the house-elves up, because both Winky and Kracher emerged from a door Regulus’ hadn’t noticed before.

Kreacher bowed deeply to Lily; “Thank you, mudblood for taking care of master Regulus and Kreacher.”

It took Regulus a while to register what Kreacher had said. Winky did notice immediately, and gasped; “How dare Kreacher use such a word in the home of my master!?” Said she, but Kreacher looked confused by the commotion.

Oh.

Regulus realised that Kreacher didn’t even realise that he’d done or said anything wrong. Just like Regulus, when he was young.

When he was 10, Sirius had taken him to diagon alley over his winter break. Sirius had wanted to introduce Regulus to some of his friends, but only one of them had been there that day. Sirius had told Regulus lots about this girl. Most things, like her name, had escaped Regulus’ memory over the years, but he remembered Sirius telling him that her father was a baker and her mother taught kids in a muggle primary school. The girl had a nice smile when Sirius and Regulus came up to her. Regulus remembered thinking her hair looked pretty.

“Nice to meet you, mudblood. I’m Regulus Arcturus Black.” He held out his hand like he had been taught. “What’s your name?” The girl had looked quite upset, but hadn’t gotten a chance to say anything as Sirius apologised and pulled Regulus aside, scolding him

Regulus had cried, because he hadn’t understood why his big brother was angry with him, until Sirius explained the gravity of the word, and then Regulus was crying again, because he felt so bad for thinking it was okay to say such things, and then because he realised how terrible his parents really were. That day, he promised himself to never use that word ever ever ever again.

Of course, he’s had to break his promise more times than he could count, to be safe in between the now-death-eaters in Slytherin, to be safe in between the four walls of that god-awful house of his parents, and to be safe in front of Voldemort, when he was upholding family glory. Because unlike with Sirius, the realisation of how terrible his parents were didn’t make Regulus do everything in his power to defy them, no, he did whatever they asked, because he was terrified of what they might do. He moulded himself into whatever they wanted until he barely recognised the person staring back in the mirror, in the hopes that if he could make them proud, they would not hurt him.

Of course, he had been wrong. So, so terribly wrong.

“Kreacher.” Said Regulus. The terrified house-elf looked at him, eyes full of fear. Regulus started explaining the meaning of the word, and explained to the elf that they really hurt. Kreacher’s eyes went wide with realisation, and he was apologising to Lily as soon as Regulus stopped talking for more than two seconds. Afterwards, Regulus continued. “You mustn’t use such words. Ever. I know mother and father used them... quite often, but they’re very hurtful words. I won’t order you to not use them, as you’ll recall, I can’t order you to do anything, I hope you’ll decide to stop doing that now that you realise what they truly mean. If you, however, do continue to use those words, I will be ordering you to stop.”

Kreacher nodded, and apologised again.

-

10:06, 22nd of August, 1979

It was quite late when James finally emerged, hair even messier than Regulus had ever seen before, glasses not entirely straight on his nose. Lily looked up from her book and smiled up at her boyfriend.

“Good morning, love.”

“Morning.” grumbled James, clearly not completely awake yet.

Lily rolled her eyes and Regulus, who smiled.

“How long have you guys been up?” asked James, coming to sit with them and stealing Lily’s tea.

“4 hours. You’ve missed half the day, love.”

“-Fuck! That’s hot” 

“It’s tea, love.”

“Either way, I’ve not missed half the day, Sajjan, it’s hardly even started.”

“Whatever, Potter, you’re impossible to argue with. Go eat your breakfast before it’s lunchtime” She said, showing James the door. “Can you believe I willingly put up with this guy?” she said to Regulus, who just laughed at their antics.

“So now you two are spanning together against me? Terrible! I’m being bullied, in my own house!” Said James, with every bit of dramatic flair he could muster after being awake for barely half an hour. Regulus raised his hands as if to prove that he was innocent, but he was laughing the whole time.