Outcomes and Choices.
POV: Buck
Okay. So maybe Buck wasn't holding up great. Christopher had basically dropped a bomb shell over his head although this wasn't his first rodeo with bombs. He had to tell Eddie didn't he? Christopher is Eddie's son not Buck's. Not to mention this directly affects both Christopher and Eddie, so they should talk to each other right? I mean so what if Christopher hates Buck for the rest of Buck's pathetic life because Buck did something to Eddie. Who cares if there's a chance that Eddie will end up despising Buck because he kept it from him for so long, or maybe hates him for saying anything to begin with because he broke a promise he made to Christopher.. That's not what Buck needs to be thinking about right now. All Buck needs to do is walk into the house he's been standing outside of with a basket of baked goods. Just breathe, Buck. He can't hate you forever, can he? What's the worst that can happen. This is okay, they will be okay, they will figure this all out. If that's what Eddie wants, of course. Because Buck doesn't, no shouldn't have a say in anything. Christopher isn't his child, Eddie isn't his spouse or anything.
The door swung open with a little more force than Buck had intended. He had just grounded himself when he clicked the key he wore on his key ring into the doorknob. So maybe Buck wasn't doing great, that was fine, that wasn't Eddie's burden to carry. Buck smiled, mostly to keep himself grounded to the floor and reality, but also to ease Eddie of any worry he may or may not have. The sunlight danced around Buck as he entered the house step by step. The beautiful orange hues caressed the countertops and floors. Not that Eddie's house was dull or anything but the sun was positioned so perfectly behind Buck because of the sun setting that the sunlight just fluttered in behind him like a warm blanket. Buck slowly made his way across the kitchen following Eddie with his eyes, Buck liked doing this. He liked watching Eddie's every move and making sure his heart was still beating every once in a while. You'd understand if you ever met someone as talented and perfectly sun-tanned as Eddie. If you have ever met someone with eyes of honey and a gaze of pure enjoyment you'd get why it feels like I'm living a dream. Sometimes he reminds me of my coma. Although he is so sweet and perfectly sculpted to be anything anyone could ever want he comes with flaws under the surface that makes water rush back into your ears and completely flushes your thoughts. A small, but interesting moment made Buck's brain dance around. Eddie had flipped the tablet upside down. Buck could help but admit it was a good effort but Buck was already paying such close attention he could have hardly missed that.
The smile on his face stayed strained for a moment as his cheeks began to sting slightly from the pressure of Buck reminding himself to smile and not freak out. Don't freak out. Buck could tell you one thing, Eddie was a simple man. He was looking for basically the same house he already lived in but for a pretty cheap price considering L.A. living conditions. Where would Eddie even find a house for this price in L.A. was he crazy? The thought made Buck want to laugh. Until the words left his mouth unintentionally and Eddie responded.
Buck: "Where are you going to find a house for your price point in L.A.?"
The question lingered in the air for longer than Buck preferred. Eddie had brought his hand to his face and his eyes wandered across the kitchen tiles. Buck wasn't crazy. Eddie was being secretive. Buck would know because it's never been this damn quiet when it's the two of them. The silence filled the air like filth polluting the oxygen and making the skies yearn for a break as the pollution danced across its surface. What did Eddie say? Did he say El Paso. No Buck was hearing things. He must have still been nervous about talking about Christopher and he's dreaming, obviously.
Eddie: "There not in L.A. there in El Paso, Buck."
Buck was everywhere and nowhere. First, he was at the cemetery, in his fatigues, listening to the long drawn out ceremony for his fallen family members. Tears being shed and screams could still be heard in the distance as Buck stood in silence. He was at the airport watching Abby walk away from a life they could have made together, the other end of the phone and its dial tone cursed Buck's ears. Then the tone slowly made its way to sounding like sirens and lights. His leg throbbed as a pain shot across him, his spine tingled with anticipation as he thought he was about to fall over and die. He could hear a soft trilling voice in the distance, one coated in honey and powdered sugar, who the hell was it. Buck couldn't even identify where he was in that moment until Eddie's hand wrapped around his and the memory of the crush accident filled his nostrils, the smell of smoke and blood, of pain and sorrows, worry and fear everything was too much but not nearly enough. The image changed in Buck's mind, the tsunami, the sniper, the well, the Law-suit. The thought made his bones begin to ache and his skin wanted to crawl off his over tissue. However the list goes on. In this moment however Buck knew he needed to stop reliving his fucked up life and just smile. That was his purpose. He was useful for a specific amount of time, then the person would leave. That's what he was put here to do, obviously he was made to sacrifice for another life. But whoever was deciding his fate had to change courses when Daniel died. So instead of physically sacrificing himself he would sacrifice himself in every other way.
Buck: "Maybe we should move this party over to the couch!"
Buck smiled. He fucking smiled and offered to help Eddie pick out a house in stupid El Paso. Eddie grabbed him a glass for a drink and came to sit next to him on the couch as they dabbled over the houses and made fun of the interior design of a few. Was this the last time they'd laugh like this, the last time Eddie's knee would brush his and make his organs do jumping jacks? God Buck wanted to reach out and hold Eddie like he was some sort of life-line. But Buck wasn't allowed to do that, Eddie had to initiate the physical touch because Buck didn't have any boundaries when it came to Eddie. Buck was afraid to over step so he let Eddie take the reins and decide what was too much or not enough. It was easier this way because then it wasn't Buck's fault for once in his fucking life if something went wrong. Buck's heart might just fucking burst at this point.
The worst possible outcome.
So Buck never said anything about Christopher's call. Buck never tried to stop Eddie. He didn't let it affect him that Eddie was leaving because he could feel all of that later when Eddie was already gone and Buck didn't have to be strong for anyone in the comfort of his own Loft. Buck and Eddie had finished cleaning out the house and getting everything of Eddie's and Christopher's packed away. Buck was fine. The 118 had been watching him like a hawk, Bobby even made him man behind the last few days and Buck was livid to say the least. Eddie was the one leaving, so why was Buck being punished. Whatever he didn't need to dirty any water at the moment anyway.
Their last shift together. This was Buck and Eddie's last shift together for the unseeable future. For, forever in Buck's mind. Bobby still made the man behind. On their last chance at a normal shift Bobby had to fucking ruin it. Buck might as well start another Law-suit and never come back this time. Not that anyone would be opposed to it. Obviously. So here he was, cleaning the kitchen for the third time in the last two hours and cursing everyone under the comfort of his own mind. He heard the engines pull back in a couple minutes ago but didn't go to check anything out. He listened as the loud crash of feet hitting the stairs filled the air he was standing in. He turned reluctantly as his name was called. Buck noticed however, there was an extra set of feet, boots that hit the stairs in a way no other shoes did. Buck noticed that Bobby had anger etched into every piece of his tone and face, going as far as calling Buck by 'Firefighter Buckley' which meant he was in trouble for something usually. But what? He had been in this stupid loft, cleaning every surface he could find, not daring to leave the damn firehouse for the last few days. What the hell could he have done.
Ah. That makes sense. Buck shuffled his feet over to the man calmly. He took a sharp inhale and stood before the man dressed in green. Why was he here. Why now of all times and places.
Buck: "Sir."
Naval special warfare command officer Fields. Buck knew this man well. He was the man who made the decision to put him in the reserves after his last brutal mission. The man who had his life in the palms of his hands every moment of every day. Now he was here to reclaim his control. Buck wanted to scream at the top of his lungs. However maybe this will be better for everyone. Christopher might actually talk to Eddie if Buck wasn't in the way. Bobby and Athena wouldn't have too much worry etched into their faces. Hen and Chimney wouldn't have to deal with his shenanigans. Chimney specifically, would probably be head over heels that Maddie no longer had to deal with him. Chimney had already expressed that he didn't take Buck too kindly. The punch kinda said it all, didn't it.
Fields: "Commander Buckley. At ease soldier. I'm just here to serve you the papers for a reunion. You aren't deployed or anything of that nature. This is just an event we are holding for Seal Team 5."
Well, great. Instead of deploying him to die overseas they are going to make him relive the worst day of his life. Well aren't you guys just so thoughtful.
Buck: "Sir.. with all due respect an event? Seriously?"
Fields: "It was requested by Commander Keith's eldest daughter. She wanted to honor their memory."
Buck: "You're 8 in a half years too late. Not to mention his eldest wanted nothing to do with me after the funeral. She made that very clear."
Fields: "Maybe she has changed her mind. I am unsure what else to tell you Commander Buckley. In all honesty we were also surprised that she even wanted to have a ceremony given the fact it's been so long."
Buck: "Something isn't right. Patricia wouldn't just up and decide to have a ceremony. Have you had direct contact with her yet?"
Fields: "We haven't made it that far. Why? Are you suggesting foul play in some way?"
Buck: "It's been almost 9 years and I haven't heard from her once. Why would she want a ceremony and ask for everyone who has worked with seal team 5 to attend? There has to be something we aren't seeing."
Fields: "I can see what your implying and I'll make sure we get to the bottom of it. However I suggest you coming to the ceremony in case there's anyone there that shouldn't be. You'd be the only person who holds that information."
Buck watched the man turn around and leave him standing there with a small envelope about the event. How was he going to explain this to all the people staring him down. He wasn't sure honestly. Maybe he would ignore it like they ignored him. It worked so well for them why can't it work for him? Buck ignored it. He put the envelope in his back pocket and walked passed the confused and slightly angry faces to continue cleaning. Buck didn't try to smile this time, no point now right?
He wasn't allowed to ignore it. Everyone stared at him. They got in his space, they made themselves known. He tried, Buck really tried to keep it to himself and ignore them all. It wasn't an easy task and they did not make it any easier for him. It was fine. Eddie was leaving that next morning to El Paso, then everyone would forget. Honestly without Eddie, no one would know Buck. Eddie makes it easy to talk to everyone. He listens to Buck and Buck knows it. Buck doesn't feel annoying when it comes to Eddie because Eddie loves listening to him. Which makes this that much harder.