Avoidance
Lucius avoided Narcissa for the next few days. He made sure that their paths had barely any opportunity to cross. And when they did, he would avert eye contact completely, not daring to even look at his wife. It made him feel like more of a wretched scum than he already was, but he knew it was the right thing to do. He couldn't be around her. All he could do was hurt the people he loved. He wouldn't let that happen to her. Not any more than he already had.
Lucius stared out at the garden once again. Suddenly, a hand covered his. Narcissa. He hadn't noticed her walk in. They sat in silence for a few seconds. "Lucius…" she whispered. He continued to stare forward, not daring to look. After a few seconds of silence, she inhaled deeply and continued. "....we barely speak anymore…" her fingers intertwined with his. "You're shutting me out." He continued to negate eye contact. "We still have each other, don't we?" she stuttered weakly. He stared off into the distance. Her last nerve snapped. "He was my son too!" She shouted. The entire earth went quiet. Their eyes met for the first time in weeks. "You're just going to ignore me? You think I'm not grieving too?" She began to sob angrily as she spoke. "The least you could do is SPEAK to me once in a while. I might as well be completely alone if you're going to act like this. I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO YOU! WHY ARE YOU MAD AT ME?"
"ENOUGH."
They fell silent once again. They both caught their breaths. As the dust settled, Lucius spoke again. "All I ever do is burden you. You, and everybody else." He rasped. "The reason you're grieving. The reason he's dead. It's me. I'm not mad at you. I never have been. It's you who should be mad at me." Narcissa studied his face, before reaching out her hand to place it on his cheek. He gently grasped her wrist. "No. No." He whispered softly. "Don't touch me." She slowly retracted her arm. "Don't get near me."
"I'm horrible. You don't deserve the burden of being near me, let alone trying to comfort me." He lamented, turning his head the other way to hide the tears welling up in his eyes. He waved towards the door with his hand. "Please, just… just leave." He sobbed. She flung her arms around him. "Sweetheart, it's not your fault." She muttered. "Yes, it is!" He cried, turning to face her, tears streaming down his face. She wiped his tears. "So you expect me to deal with it on my own?" She asked. He stood up and unwrapped her arms from his neck. "Dealing with it alone.." He growled. "Is better.." He pushed her away with his arms. "THAN HAVING TO DEAL WITH ME."
Her eyes widened in shock. He had never raised his voice that way at her.
"Don't you see all I can do is hurt you?"
It was silent for a few seconds. She looked around, shocked, trying to decide what to do. "Well, if that's what you want…." Her voice began to break as she spoke. "Then I'll leave." He heard her begin to cry as she made her way back to their bedroom. He fell to his knees. A thousand thoughts of self hatred flared up in his mind. "Horrible, putrid, disgusting man." He thought. "Scum of the earth." He planted his elbows on the ground and grabbed onto his hair. "A curse to everyone around him." "It's for the best, it is…" He whispered, trying to correct his thoughts. They didn't stop. "If she stays near me I'll hurt her again, I can't risk it..." his tears fell on the floor in small droplets. "You ruin everything." He nodded as he choked on his tears. "I know…" He obliged. "The biggest failure on the face of this planet." He began to cry even harder. "I know, just…" "You're completely useless." "I KNOW!" the voices in his head were relentless. At every cry for them to cease, they only got louder, revealing his deepest perceptions of himself. "Just shut up…" the droplets of tears on the floor accumulated into a small puddle. "Just…. Shut up…" He gasped. "I can't…. I can't do it, I can't take this anymore." He whispered. "Then kill yourself. Do it."
He forced his head to the floor, covering it with his hands. He lifted his face a few times just to slam it back down and hit it. The voices wouldn't be quiet. They never would.