You don't have to hold me anymore

Regulus ~

Regulus held closely to James all through breakfast, which earned him his fair share of bad looks around the table. For a family that’s so high and mighty over their tolerance, they sure as shit aren’t being very tolerant to him. The worst thing is, he doesn’t know if the mistreatment is because of his family or because he’s a guy. Each are plausible reasons, he doesn't know which one he’d prefer.

It’s strange, Sirius sits at the table with his hand in Remus’ and everyone smiles at him and treats him as they would anyone else… but James holds Regulus’ and the whole world flips. It’s as if Regulus has to date someone of a different blood status just to prove he’s against his parents views. Regulus couldn’t care less about blood status, Arshia and her lot are more concerned with it than he ever has been.

He and James spent the whole morning getting horrible looks from Arshia and like-minded Potters. James didn’t leave his side the whole time, nor did his hand leave his. Regulus was thankful for his company but would be lying if he said he wasn’t ecstatic when Effy said they should get their stuff ready to leave. James held his hand the whole walk to the room but let go the second the door closed. Regulus refused to look into why that stung so much… he doesn’t need to relive his Hogwarts years, no, not today.

Regulus planned to pack his bags in silence, not wanting to discuss any of this with James. James obviously had other plans.

“Reg.” James crossed the space between them, crouching by Regulus as he packed his bags for the trip.

“James.” Regulus responded, not meeting his eyes.

“I’m sorry about breakfast-”

“There’s nothing to apologise for.” Regulus cut him off.

“There is, they were rude… they just aren’t used to you-”

“I’ve been here for 4 years, how long do they need to warm up to me?” Regulus pointed out, dropping the clothes he held in his hand.

“It’s just, your family… you know how they feel about them and you can’t really blame them for that.” James reasoned.

“How is that my fault? What do they want me to do, James? I left. Was that not enough? Was denouncing them not enough? Or do I have to murder my whole family as some proof of my denunciation? Que dois-je faire? Quand sera-ce suffisant ?” (What must I do? When will it be enough?) Regulus pushed his hand through his hair, standing up away from his bags.

“I don’t know… they are just struggling to see past that.” James explained.

“You’re not listening to me! Can you stop trying to defend them for one second and just hear me?” Regulus yelled. “James, how is it my fault I was born into that family? How is it my fault their blood runs through me? What did I do to be put in that place? What more could I possibly do to remove myself from them? I left, I formed my own ideas the second I was old enough to see past theirs. So tell me, why am I still only an extension of them? I was a child, James. I had no choice.” Regulus let out a harsh breath, “You got lucky, your parents are lovely… not all of us got that.”

James’ eyes softened, “You’re right, I don’t know what they want. But, if it’s any consolation to you, I’ve known you were different to them since we were young. The boy I met in second year was no dangerous blood supremacist. You’ve never been like them, if my aunts can’t see that then that’s on them. They’re missing out.” James’ hand traced up and down Regulus’ forearm, grounding him.

“Why didn’t you say anything then? If you know I’m not like that, why didn’t you tell them that?” Regulus knew he was just digging for a reason to be mad at him, he couldn’t let himself be caught up in James’ comfort. He couldn’t let himself get stuck again.

“No matter what I say to them, they’re not gonna change their minds, Reg. My aunts went to school with your mu- Walpurga.” James corrected himself, “They saw how she was at our age, they’ve seen how cruel she could be, they’ve been on the other side of it… I know it’s wrong for them to hold you accountable for her actions, but you can see the reasoning behind it.” James held his hand up before Regulus could cut in, “I’m not defending them. They’re wrong. I’m merely pointing out why they are the way they are.” James rubbed soothing circles onto Regulus' arm.

“You could still say something, you know? Even if it does nothing.” Regulus avoided his eyes.

“My actions will speak for me,” James pulled Regulus' chin softly to make him meet his eyes, “but I’ll correct them next time, I promise. I can’t promise they’ll be reasonable, but that doesn’t mean I won’t try.”

Regulus felt himself leaning into James, relying on him. Merlin, it’s only been a day… It took a year to get over his stupid teenage feelings for James, at this rate he’s going to be under him again in no time. So much for progress.

“Hey,” James drew his attention back to him, “it doesn’t matter what they think, you know that right? The people who matter already know you and your intentions. You don’t have to prove yourself to them.” James smiled down at him softly. Merde, Is he trying to get him into him again? James takes the role of fake boyfriend far too seriously.

“Okay.” Regulus Brushed James’ hands off of him, walking back over to pack his bags. James stood in place, staring down at Regulus. “Tu ne peux pas continuer à me faire ça. Chaque fois que je pense que j'en ai fini avec toi, tu me ramènes.” (You can't keep doing this to me. Every time I think I'm done with you, you bring me back.) Regulus complained to himself.

“You gonna translate that for me or do I just have to guess?” James asked, sitting down on the edge of his bed, eyes still boring into the back of Regulus’ head.

“You’re welcome to guess, though I doubt you’ll get it.” Regulus replied, a desperate attempt to push them back into banter instead of heavy emotional things.

“Probably called me awesome, something along the lines of ‘Merlin, I wish I was you’.” James joked.

“Horrible guess. When guessing, you have to take into account the fact that I actually have a brain, unlike yourself. That’s not something I would trade for your, quote on quote, ‘awesomeness’.” Regulus couldn’t stop the smirk that plagues his lips anytime James is near.

“Seems like a fair trade, I don’t think you’d be losing much.” James quipped, immediately biting his tongue afterwards. Regulus turned to look at him, eyebrows raised. “I didn’t think before saying that and am immensely sorry, I was incorrect.” James smiled innocently.

“Potter-” Regulus was cut off by a knock on the door.

“James, Regulus, Aunt Effy asked if you’re almost done, we’re about to leave!” Nisha yelled through the door.

“Coming!” James yelled back. “You can’t kill me for that comment, we have to go, sorry love.” James smiled down at him before picking up both their bags.

“Show off.” Regulus rolled his eyes, trying his hardest to ignore the pet name. Regulus opened the door for him, following him out.

Once they got down Effy ushered them to put their bags with the others, she seemed stressed so James left to help her with everything. The second James was gone Pandora was there.

“Surprised you survived last night.” They smiled up at him innocently as if they didn’t just insult his self control.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Regulus knew exactly what they meant, doesn’t mean he has to make this easy.

“You know what they meant, don’t play dumb.” Evan threw his arm around his shoulder.

“Did you cuddle all night?” Barty teased, appearing suddenly.

“No, shut up.” Yes, they did but he doesn’t need to know that.

“Awww, Reggie, your cheeks are all red.” Pandora commented before poking his cheek.

“It’s cold.” He lied.

“Told you he’d fall back into Potter's trap.” Evan turned to Barty, “You owe me 3 galleons.” Evan smirked before placing a quick peck to his cheek.

“Reg, I really thought you were stronger than this.” Barty rolled his eyes.

“I’m not in anyone's trap, you better not pay him! I’m just a really good actor.” Regulus explained.

Regulus could feel Arshia glaring at him and Evan’s close proximity, he could already hear her judgement being passed on from person to person. She wasn’t even near him nor really even doing anything, yet Regulus felt humiliated. This whole thing was just opening him up to more and more of Arshia’s scrutiny, yet he didn’t want to stop it. Why was he willing to let himself be treated even shittier than usual just to be in some stupid fake relationship? Merlin, he’s really lost the plot this time.