You don't have to hold me anymore

James~

It wasn’t supposed to go like this, James’ summer hols from Cornucopia. He’d planned it out to be some crazy getaway with all of his friends, catching up outside of all the uni workload. Yeah, they’ve all still stayed close in Cornucopia and haven’t really strayed far with who they keep as company, but it still feels like they’ve had no time to just stop and relax together, so James planned a holiday getaway. He’d rented a space in a bloody holiday inn and all. But, of course something came up. Effy asked Sirius, James and Regulus to come home for the hols for a family thing. Of course they all said yes but James knows they all probably aren’t happy about it. When he says all, he means mainly Regulus. If Regulus didn’t go to Cornucopia too, it’s safe to say James and everyone else would’ve assumed he was dead. The kids a ghost. Only time James sees him is occasionally in hallways with one of his friends. Merlin, it’s 2nd-5th year all over again.

Now Sirius, James, Remus and Peter all sat waiting for a train back to the Manor… and for Regulus. Effy had said Remus could come because he’s Sirius’ boyfriend and all that, and Peter was just a given, everyone knew he was coming, he’s been attending family gatherings since he and James were young. Sirius started coming the second he’d been able to hide it from his parents - 2nd year - wanting to be a part of the family as quickly as possible. Regulus on the other hand, this was only his second time coming, he’s still very hesitant about his place in the home even after almost 4 years of being in it. So, no one was really surprised when Regulus hadn’t shown up to the train. Yes, they’d all wanted to be pleasantly surprised by him being there before the rest of them but of course he didn’t let them have that.

“Sirius, we’re gonna have to jump on the next train. We can’t keep missing ‘em for him, mate.” Peter sighed after the 3rd train they could’ve jumped on drove past.

“He’s coming, just wait.” Sirius shut him down, holding on tightly to Remus’ hand.

Logistically, James knew Regulus was going to come but he also knew he normally didn’t keep them waiting this long. Thing about Regulus is he’s always perfectly punctual, never early, never late, always right on time. But, that very well could’ve changed since the last time James saw him. James looked over at Sirius to see him gripping Remus’ arm, his posture rigid. Remus was rubbing soothing circles onto his hand, trying to calm him down but Sirius stayed stiff.

“I’m telling you this isn’t the right way, you tosser!” Barty’s voice cut through the silence, Sirius perked up immediately.

“Bartemius, I was quite literally here last week and you’re going to tell me I’m wrong?” Evan yelled back at him.

“You are awfully bad at directions, Ev.” Pandora sighed.

“Shut the fuck up before I toss the both of you onto the tracks… not you Dora” Regulus’ stern voice bounded over to them, James felt his heart pick up the pace. Sirius’ shoulders lost all their tenseness immediately at the sound of his brother’s voice.

Regulus rounded the corner with Barty and Evan trailing behind him arguing over a muggle train map. Sirius went over to him the second he came into view, “Thought you died, turns out you’ve just lost any sense of decorum.” Sirius joked, putting on an even posher voice than his usual.

“Oh, I could never be so lucky.” Regulus rolled his eyes. “These daft morons got us lost because they refused to listen to me. Also, Evan is very picky with packing yet left it to the morning of.” Regulus explained.

“Wasn’t aware they were coming.” Peter piped up, eyeing down Barty. They never did get along well.

“Effy said I can invite two people.” Regulus told him.

“That’s three.” Peter pointed out as if no one else had noticed.

“Pandora and Evan are basically one person. Why’s it matter anyway? You tryna get rid of me Petey-boy?” Barty threw his arm around Peter.

Evan rolled his eyes and pulled Barty away from Peter, “Oi, stop being a wanker, yeah? We’re going to be spending two weeks with him, do me a favour and make those two weeks as enjoyable as possible by not fighting with Peter.” Evan scolded.

“Wait- two weeks? Prongs, I thought your mum said it was only one week?” Peter asked.

“It’s a cruise, Pete. Two to three weeks, I’m not sure.” James told him mindlessly, too busy inspecting Regulus. He looked taller and older, he had a little bit of scruff growing on his chin. But he also looked thinner, more hollow around his cheeks. He looked tired and his eyes seemed angry. James wanted to pull him away and hear everything that’s been going on. Obviously Regulus would never take to that, he hasn’t spoken to James properly like that since 7th year, back when they were both still living in the Manor.

The next few minutes waiting for the train went by in silence. You’d pick up on the occasional whisper from Sirius and Regulus and every once in a while you’d hear Evan giggling like a teenager over something Barty had said. The second the train pulled up everyone filled in trying to get a good carriage. The train was pretty packed so they all had to squish into one carriage, Regulus ended up seated next to James. Sirius was sitting on Remus’ lap next to Barty who was sitting on Evan’s lap, poor Pandora was seated beside the two couples. Peter sat on the right side of Regulus while James was on his left. It didn’t take long before everyone was talking. Peter and Pandora found they both enjoyed a specific species of extinct mushroom, which somehow developed into a deep conversation about deep-forest-ication (whatever that is). Sirius and Remus were whispering away to each other while Barty and Evan were laughing loudly, airing out their conversations for everyone. Regulus sat quietly beside James.

“So… Reg, haven’t seen you around Cornucopia a lot, recently.” James noted, trying to start up a conversation.

“I took on another course, wouldn’t expect you to see me as much.” Regulus explained.

“Second course?” James quired.

“Yes.” Regulus replied flatly.

“I meant that as in, want to tell me what the course is?” James reiterated.

“No, I do not. But, if you must know… I’ve gotten myself enrolled into a Muggle university, it’s for writing.” Regulus told him as if it was nothing.

“What? Reg, that’s so cool! You always did like writing.” James smiled.

“I did.” Was all Regulus gave him before thoroughly shutting him out. James ended up in a conversation with Barty about quidditch, he’d only made it on the team this year so he was getting tips from James who’d been early admission because of quidditch.

“Yeah, but our last game was amazing so you really don’t have to worry about anything.” James assured him.

“Don’t lie to him.” Regulus piped up.

“What? I’m not lying, he did great.” James swore.

“Yes, but there is a lot of room for improvement.”

“I never said there wasn’t.” James defended himself.

“You said he doesn’t have anything to worry about, but he does. For example, his turns are very stiff, not smooth enough. If he doesn’t work on it, it’ll fuck him over in his next game. So Barty, you have quite a lot to worry about.” Regulus corrected him before going right back to aimlessly staring out the window. James looked back at Barty expecting him to look upset but he looked even happier than when James had told him he’d be perfectly fine. His turns were a little rusty, but that’s still a bit too forward of an approach than James would normally take.

“Is that right, Potter? You think my turns are stiff?” Barty asked.

“Well, a little but we can work on it, you don’t have much to worry about.” James told him.

“Another lie. Your hand placement was also restrictive to yourself, you seem to be completely unaware of the affects that has on your game. You are being too comical with your intent. It was okay to joke around and be all aloof when we were in Hogwarts but you’re a beater for one of the most prestigious universities in the UK, who - mind you - are quite well known for their quidditch. You’re a beater, Barty, you’re not meant to seem like your movements are unplanned. You’re supposed to be direct and your movements are meant to feel and seem purposeful. Stop messing around. Also, tie your hair up when you play,” Regulus held his hand up to silence Barty, “I don’t care how short your hair is, your fringe is still covering your eyes. That reminds me, stop taking your goggles off, they’re there for a reason. Also, you’re too stuck to your goal post, as a good beater you should be moving forward and stopping the quaffle further away from your post. So, it seems to me you have a fair bit to work on… a lot.” Regulus rounded it off.

Barty smiled up at him, “See Potter, isn’t that hard to give proper criticism.” Barty rolled his eyes before going back to mindlessly playing with Evan’s braids while Evan was stuck in a conversation with Remus about a wizarding theory class they’re both taking.

James turned to Regulus, “I didn’t mean he had nothing to work on, I just meant he’s doing really well. He’s only had two games with us so far and he’s done brilliantly, he doesn’t have much to worry about if he sticks on this path.” James explained what he was trying to say before.

“You need to reevaluate how you lead your team-”

“They aren’t my-”

“Yes, I’m aware you aren’t captain of the team yet. If you want to be a captain here you have to start being honest. You saw those mistakes and probably others too, pull him up on it next time or would you rather have him unravel in front of everyone?” Regulus arched his eyebrow at him.

“Well, no, of course not.”

“Then be honest.” Regulus ended the conversation by pulling out a book, completely blocking James out. James spent the rest of the ride talking to Sirius while Regulus quietly read beside him.

By the time they’d gotten back to the Manor it was already overrun by aunties and cousins yelling over hindi music. James was going to walk through all the chaos but really didn’t want to have to hold all his bags while being stuck in 15 conversations, so they’d all aparated up to James’ room to drop their stuff off. All except for Regulus and his friends who aparated to his room.

The second they’d all put their stuff down James started up, “So, Regulus.” James smiled awkwardly.

“Regulus.” Remus agreed.

“Very much Regulus.” Peter nodded along.

“I’m sorry, you’ve lost me. What about Regulus?” Sirius asked.

“He’s definitely grown.” Peter started it off.

“That tends to happen with age.” Sirius agreed, not wanting to discuss his brother.

“He seems very… aged.” Remus continued.

“Again, he is almost 20, it tends to happen.” Sirius rolled his eyes, “James, please give me an actual sentiment, instead of whatever the fuck these knobs are trying to sign to me.” Sirius turned his attention to James.

“He doesn’t look very happy.” James noted, “That’s all.”

“He’s just tired, schools been killing him. You know, you’d know that if any of you tried to talk to him.”

“We do try! He doesn’t want to.” Peter argued.

“He used to want to.” Remus added, rolling his eyes.

“We aren’t having this conversation again, he’s just maturing and doesn’t want his brother to overlap in every part of his life.” Sirius smiled but James knew it hurt him that Regulus was closing off from everything Sirius related again.

“Alright, alright, we’ll move on.” Remus agreed but you could tell he didn’t want to. Remus was the most upset when Regulus randomly cut them all off, he and Reg had gotten close when he moved in, then suddenly he’d just cut them all off. They were all really pissed about it but Remus was definitely the most let down.

“Thank you. Now hurry up let’s go, I saw Aunty Ankita walking around with a pouch of galleons and a wine glass - meaning she’s buzzed and ready to fund me.” Sirius rushed them out the door with a grin.

Once they’d left the room they were pushed through a crowd of raving uncles and aunties. Sirius had collected a shit tonne of galleons (all the aunties adored him). Peter got his usual amount of hugs and kisses from everyone (he’s basically James’ brother at this point, except far more well received by the family). Remus got his fair share of compliments from all of James’ relatives (mainly his cousins complimenting Sirius’ skills). James got his cheeks squeezed by far too many adults (seriously, he was 21, it’s getting out of hand). By the time they’d found James’ mum and dad, Regulus and his friends had already beaten them there. The second Effy spotted them her face lit up even more - if that was even possible.

“James, Sirius!” She yelled out before pulling her sons into a rib crushing hug.

“How are my boys?” Monty yelled over the music while hugging Sirius, then Peter.

“Men!” Sirius corrected.

“Sure sweetheart.” Effy laughed before embracing him again, Sirius whispered something in her ear but James couldn’t catch it over the music.

“Remus, I don’t suppose you’re drinking?” Fleamont asked him.

“Oh, no thank you, Monty.” Remus politely declined.

“Good, because I wouldn’t have given it to you either way-”

“Fleamont! Stop testing the boy!” Effy laughed before saying something about how they’ve known him since he was 11 so it was far too late to begin testing.

“Okay, okay. Peter! Tell me, how's the healing classes going?” Monty quickly switched all his attention to Peter, immediately engulfed in the conversation. He’d been ecstatic when he’d found out Peter was not only going to Cornucopia but also studying healing. Monty had been the healer for the Horned Crows (Cornucopia’s quidditch team) back when he’d attended. James knows he’s secretly hoping Peter follows in suit.

“Oh, they’re alright… the professors a little weird but it’s alright.” Peter told him before Monty swiftly pulled him over to the tables to talk about his future plans with healing. James watched as Aunty Mirai, Uncle Gian, Uncle Kevin and Aunty Larisa all crowded over to the table to hear about Peter’s classes. James’ father and a few of his aunts and uncles were in the healer field, all were extremely invested in Peter’s future in the field.

“We’re not getting Pete back, are we?” Remus quipped.

“No, I doubt it.” Effy laughed. James knew no matter how many excuses Peter gave Monty, he was not leaving until all the aunties and uncles had asked their fair amount of questions. “On other news, it’s so nice to have all you boys back for the holidays! I realise the notice wasn’t ideal but thank you boys for clearing your schedules for me.” Effy smiled, her arm around Sirius’ shoulder. “And thank you for somehow convincing Regulus to come along.” She smiled over to where Regulus was in an intense argument with James’ 10 year old cousin, Joshy.

“We didn’t convince him, Reggie came along on his own accord.” Sirius told her, smiling proudly.

“Really? He chose to come?” Her smile softened as she looked over at the younger Black brother. “Oh, well that’s wonderful.” Effy looked like she was holding back tears, “I’ll be right back boys, I think I ought to split up whatever argument those two are having before it gets out of hand.” She walked off to go over to Regulus, James knew she could care less about the argument - she just wanted to see Regulus.

“Great Sirius, you made Mum get all mushy, she’s going to smother Regulus.” James joked.

“Whatever you do, don’t tell Monty that Reg chose to come here on his own. Monty will scare him off of all gatherings for the next 6+ years.” Remus laughed.

“Yeah, yeah, you say that but Regulus loves it.” Sirius swore.

Remus and James both looked over to where Regulus was awkwardly sitting over with Effy and a few older relatives were pampering him up. “Yeah, sure looks like he loves it.” Remus smirked.

Sirius rolled his eyes, “Trust me, he does.” Sirius’ eyes blew wide as he shoved James to the side, “Move! I just got eyes on Aunty Ankita! Moons, come with me, I’ll get extra points in her books because I have a pretty boyfriend!” Sirius pulled Remus along behind him before stopping to tap James’ cousin Nisha and flip her off. They had some weird on-going feud about who Aunty Ankita will give more Galleons to. It’s literally been going on since 3rd year.

James walked over to Nisha so he wasn’t just awkwardly standing alone. “Oi.”

“Ew, what?” She joked, pulling him in for a hug hello.

“So, heard you got yourself a boyfriend back at Hogwarts.” James lied.

“So, heard you haven’t felt the touch of another human being since Hogwarts.” She joked.

“I hate to boost your ego but I really didn’t see that one coming.” James laughed.

“Yeah, I realise- Oh, shit! Hide! Aunt Arshia, on your left!” Nisha smirked before ducking away to the hallway. James just assumed she was joking, not actually expecting Aunt Arshia to come and spin him around to hug him.

“Aunty! How nice to see you.” James lied through a tight smile as she fixed up his hair.

“Yes, I know. Your hair, James! Your hair! What kind of woman would want to marry a man who walks around with a mop on his head!” She yelled while totally messing up the hair he’d strategically messed up.

“Yes, you’re right, sorry I’ll go fix it-”

“Look at this! What is this? Why is your jacket 4 different colours? You look like a toddler dressed you! I gave you a perfectly good sherwani for your birthday! Why don’t you wear this instead of the child shirt!” She complained.

“You gave it two me 3 years ago, I’ve grown-”

“You look very skinny, have you been eating properly? You know pretty girls want muscular men not skinny boys.” James normally lets all her comments roll off of him, it’s the ones about his body that tend to hurt, though.

“I’ve just been training a lot-”

“Training makes you buff, not small!” She laughed. James knew she was just looking out for him but doesn’t mean it wasn’t uncomfortable.

Effy seemed to overhear because she came over, “Arshia! I didn’t know you’d made it yet! So good to see you!” James’ mum smiled while pulling him away from her.

“Oh yes, me and Sheila only just got here.” She smiled before hugging Effy. James knew his mum and aunt didn’t always get on the best, mainly because Effy reckons Arshia doesn’t know how to respect boundaries but James knows it’s more because of how she makes James and Sirius feel. With James, she’s always talking about his appearance and relationship status. With Sirius, she’s always asking about his ‘real mother’. Her and Effy have gotten into many arguments over that one. Regulus has somehow escaped having a single conversation with her yet.

“Oh, that’s so nice. Could you excuse my son and I for a second, Arie?” His mum asked politely.

“Oh, in a second Euphemia. James was just telling me about his girlfriend.” She smiled up at him.

“Girlfriend? James, you didn’t tell me you were seeing anyone.” Effy questioned.

“No, no, Euphemia, he doesn’t have one. We were working on how to improve that!” Aunt Arshia smiled happily.

“I don’t think that’s really something that needs to be discussed or improved.” Euphemia shut her down immediately.

“Euphemia, don’t you think it’s a little strange he is in his 20’s and still not even in a relationship? My father had two kids by his age!” She argued.

“Well, James clearly doesn’t feel ready to have that yet. He’s allowed to pace himself.” She fought.

“Oh please, Euphemia, No man is willingly alone.” She laughed.

James knew she meant well but Merlin, sometimes he really just wanted to yell - “I am with someone!” Effy and Arshia went silent and so did his cousins sitting on the table near him, Regulus looked up at him from where he was sitting with Nisha. James hadn’t meant for that to actually come out.

“What? Since when?” His cousin Michelle called out.

“Since… not that long ago.” James guessed.

“What's her name?” His cousin Viraj asked.

“Uh- her- I-” James’ mind blanked, he looked over to Sirius for help but was met with the sharp silver eyes of Regulus Black. Reg looked intrigued. For the first time since his last year of Hogwarts, he seemed genuinely interested in what James had to say. James could tell he knew James was making it up, Regulus always had a talent for seeing right through people. James felt his lips move before his brain could register the sound coming out.

“His name is Regulus.”