You don't have to hold me anymore

James~

“His name is Regulus” James blurted out before he could stop himself. The whole room fell into silence, even James’ father had stopped talking to Peter. James met Regulus’ eyes and watched as the colour drained from his face.

“What? You’re seeing Regulus? Like, our Regulus?” Effy asked, shooting confused glances between the two.

“You’re dating Regulus?!” Sirius screamed. Regulus stepped back, avoiding Sirius’ line of view. James looked at Sirius then shot a side glance at Aunt Arshia, hoping that was enough explanation. Sirius clapped Remus on the shoulder then doubled over with a fake laugh, “Oh Godrick, how could I forget?!” He screamed out laughing, “Sorry, that must not have been apple juice!” Sirius laughed. Sirius pushed Regulus forward over to James, Regulus looked so lost and had a hint of anger in his eyes when he glanced at him.

“Him?! The Black boy you are housing?” Aunty Arshia yelled.

Effy stepped forward protectively, it didn’t matter how confused she was about the situation, she’d always fight for her children. “Is that a problem, Arshia? He’s in a relationship and he’s happy, is that not what you wanted?” She asked, crossing her arms angrily.

“Well of course… It was just unexpected.” She said with a grimace on her face towards Regulus. Aunt Arshia looked Regulus up and down a few times. James knew her thoughts on the Black family, he knew she struggled to see the barrier between ‘The Noble House Of Black’ and the Black brothers. Still, seeing her look at Regulus like that boiled his blood. “Euphemia, can we talk in the kitchen?” She asked.

“Yes, I’d like that a lot.” Effy stalked off angrily into the kitchen with Aunt Arshia following, James would wish her luck but truthfully he hoped only the worst for her.

“James, hallway, now.” Regulus demanded as he pushed past James to the hallway. James followed him quickly, not wanting to step on more toes then he most definitely already has. The second he got into the hallway Regulus pushed him, “What the fuck, James?!” He whisper-yelled at him, not wanting the family to hear.

“She was hounding me, I had to say something.” James whispered back.

“So you said my name?!” Regulus huffed.

“I’m sorry, it just slipped out!” he swore.

“Really? My name just slipped out? You couldn’t think of anything else?” Regulus fumed. Oh, he had no idea how many times his name has almost slipped out of James’ mouth since he’d cut him off.

“You were looking at me!” James argued. It felt like a perfectly reasonable argument, Regulus just didn’t get it because he’s never been under his own gaze. Anyone who’s felt it knows it can pull strange reactions out of a person.

“So that somehow translates to ‘Please tell your whole family that I’m your boyfriend’?!” Regulus threw his arms up angrily, “Go out there right now and tell them you were joking.” Regulus demanded.

“No, Reg, seriously I cannot do that. They’ll never let me live that down, then the whole marriage talks are going to get even more intense. Please Reggie, just for the holiday then we can say it didn’t work out.” James begged.

“Are you kidding me? You have to be joking right now.” Regulus looked at James as if he was joking.

“Reg-“

“No. I’m not doing that.” Regulus cut him off.

“It could be mutually beneficial.” James bargained, not exactly knowing what he could possibly offer the younger Black boy.

“How? How could this possibly be mutually beneficial? Are you sloshed or something?” Regulus looked up at him exasperated.

“I’ll do something for you after the holidays! Anything you need, man.” James compromised.

“Why would I need anything from you?” Regulus rolled his eyes.

“Reg, please. I’ll be eternally indebted to you, just please do this for me. I’m begging you, Reggie. Aunt Arshia will never leave me alone if she finds out.” James pleaded.

“You- Salazar, you’re a pain in the ass. Fine but I swear to Merlin if you try to kiss me or hug me or anything I will literally murder you in front of Arshia.” Regulus swore.

“Thank you! Fucking hell, thank you so much. Merlin, I could kiss you!” James yelled.

“Don’t.” Regulus warned.

“So, does this mean you’re my boyfriend?” James asked, causing his stomach to come alive with a flutter.

“Temporary and fake.” Regulus corrected, his words dampened the flutter. Regulus grabbed onto his arm and pulled him back out to the open area all the family was in.

Sirius walked over to them the second they walked in, “What in Merlin’s beard is wrong with you? Why was HE,” Sirius flayed his hands around Reggie, “Your first thought.”

“I already asked, all he gave me was some bullshit about where I happened to be looking.” Regulus rolled his eyes, still holding onto James’ arm.

“Really? Really Prongs? Years of friendship, thousands of days to come up with a good way to betray me and you go for my little brother?” Sirius sighed dramatically.

“I’m not betray-”

“He’s not betraying you - he’s simply torturing me.” Regulus’ words came with a bite but were followed by the sweetest smile to exist. Merlin, he was brilliant, no one would see through him if he keeps looking at James like- like he’s enjoying the close proximity.

Sirius finally noticed Regulus holding onto James’ arm, “Okay, what the fuck?”

Regulus started laughing next to James, like a real genuine laugh, James felt his heart speed up. “It’s just for the next two weeks, trust me I’m not mentally stable enough for more than that.”

“Why? James, Why?” Sirius whined, “You couldn’t say Pete or Pandora-” Regulus kicked Sirius’ shin at the mention of his friend, “Ow, you dick. As I was saying: or literally anyone else.” Sirius dragged on his words dramatically.

“He looked at me!” James defended himself.

“So that means ‘date’ him!” Sirius yelled.

“Shut your mouth, you numpty. We’re trying to keep it a secret not let everyone know James is a fucking liar.” Regulus reprimanded.

“I’m not a liar… some things just slip out sometimes.” James defended himself.

“A liar.” Regulus corrected. “Now if you don’t mind me, I’d much rather go back to my discussion with Nisha than sit here and hear my brother whine.” Regulus turned on his heels and left. James had no idea what to do from here. Does he hug him goodbye or just let him leave without mentioning it?

James was about to scream ‘Be safe, my love.’ like he imagined a proper boyfriend would but Effy came over before he could. “James, I’m not mad at you,” She prefaced, “I’d just like to know why you hadn’t told me, or how long it’s been going on. Anything, just tell me what's happening because I’m feeling a little lost.” Effy held onto his arms lovingly, inspecting her son trying to decipher why he’d left her out of such a big part of his life. It stung to know she was sitting there thinking he was growing apart from her, which is something he wouldn’t dare to do… If Regulus was real, she’d know. He could tell her now. Maybe she’d understand, maybe she’d even help… but she’d lose a portion of her trust for him. That simply wasn’t worth it.

“It hasn’t been long… very new.” He couldn’t meet her eyes. “I just wanted to keep it to myself for a bit, let myself understand it before giving it out to everyone. It’s all very new to me, Mum.” He wasn’t completely lying, he was just not telling her the right context.

She sighed, “You don’t have to feel inclined to tell me, James. You also don’t have to look so ashamed when telling me… sweetheart, I’m sorry if you felt you couldn’t tell me about this, as if I wouldn’t accept this part of you. I’ll never not accept a part of you, my son.” She sucked in a sharp breath, she looked so ashamed of herself, “I may mess up from time to time… but I hadn’t realised I’d made you feel I wouldn’t love this part of you.” James wanted to pull her into a hug and explain everything. He felt a wave of guilt wash over himself. He hadn’t even thought about whether or not it might hurt her to find out her son had kept his identity from her… an identity that wasn’t even his. Truthfully, James was straight, yes he’d had thoughts from time to time but all blokes have those. So, this whole acceptance/coming out thing was totally misplaced on him.

Well, he’d already lied to her… what’s one more lie. “Mum, I only just found out. I knew you’d be completely chill, I wouldn’t expect anything different from you… it’s just new.” He swore.

“Well, I guess I can’t be too surprised… you always did like Frank Longbottom a little too much.” She laughed, teasing him. He laughed along even though he knew that was completely inaccurate. “And it’s not too shocking that it’s Regulus, you always were so infatuated with that boy. From the day he started at Hogwarts all your letters mentioned the poor thing at least once.” She giggled.

“That’s not true.” He protested.

“Oh please, James. Every letter: ‘You won’t believe what Regulus said to me today, the absolute mug.’ I’d have to remind you of your language constantly.” She laughed again, “He always managed to get you so fired up.” She smiled down at him fondly, “Where is that boy anyways?” She asked before turning to call for him. Effy’s acceptance wasn’t for James… but it did feel nice to hear. Maybe he just liked hearing his mother's love and acceptance, not just it pertaining to this certain issue.

Regulus strolled back over to Effy and James with a tightness in his shoulders. He gave James a strained smile. Effy wrapped her arm around his shoulder, Regulus immediately softened under her touch. Effy whispered something into Regulus’ ear, he bursted into giggles.

“What?” James asked.

“Nothing, nothing.” Effy hushed him, holding Regulus close to her. “I just want you two to know that you are completely welcome at this gathering and if anyone makes you feel you aren’t I’d like you to come to me immediately.” Effy Gave Regulus’ arm a squeeze while holding him tight. Regulus seemed so soft around her, like just being in her presence soothed him.

“I’m sure we’ll be fine, Mum.” James assured her.

“I’m just letting you know.” She smiled down at Regulus softly, “Also, feel free to share a room on the boat. If Nisha and William are allowed to, so are you. You deserve no different, I’ll make sure of it.” Well fuck, James thought. His mum was being so understanding and so accommodating for them. She was catering to a lie. James was so close to confessing right there and then. But he knew he wouldn’t have to, Reggie would cover for them and give a reason for them not to share a bedroom.

“Thank you, Euphemia. We’ll take you up on that but I doubt we need protection, everyone here is quite open.” Regulus smiled at her sweetly. James was stuck staring at Regulus in shock. He was supposed to say some smart excuse as to why they wouldn’t need that. James could practically hear the blood rushing in his mind.

“I’ll get your bags moved to James’ room.” She smiled before walking off to go find Fleamont.

The second she walked off James turned to Regulus, “What the fuck?” he asked angrily.

“What? You want her to realise you’re lying? Unless you want this to be obvious as fuck I suggest you stick as closely as you can to being an actual boyfriend.” Regulus brushed him off.

“That’s stupid, no ones going to question us. Why would anyone question us?” James asked.

“You’re kidding right?” Regulus let out an exasperated sigh, shaking his head. “Arshia will do anything to make sure one of her precious Potter children isn’t marrying a heinous Black child.” Regulus barked out a humourless laugh.

James still didn’t agree with sharing the room but he also didn’t like how Regulus viewed himself in the family… if Reg was going to use this as a way to stick it to Arshia, who was he to fight against that. “You’re right… sorry, didn’t think of that.” James conceded.

“I knew you wouldn’t.” Regulus smirked before walking off back over to Pandora and Nisha, leaving James stranded, thinking about his room… their room. This whole thing was so stupid but James would rather be crucioed than let Aunty Arshia win this one.

Plus, if Reg’s okay with it, he is.

It’s just a room.

It’s just a bed.

It’s just Regulus.