Why?
“This is my stop.” Lirum said standing in front of the library door.
“You know, if you don’t want to see him, you don’t have to go.” Adrian said, looking at them.
“He’s my friend. He was my friend before, I shouldn’t avoid him just because he doesn’t like me.” They said opening the door. “I’m not going to abandon him just because I got my feelings hurt.”
“You should start thinking of your feelings first.” He said as they started to leave. “And remember it’s ok to leave if it hurts!”
They shook their head at his worried tone as they entered the library. It was just Percy. He was their friend. He’d never hurt them on purpose. They saw him sitting there, at their table rearranging the books nervously. He wasn’t looking for them to come in like he normally would. His full attention sat anxiously fixing the piles. Lirum finally made it to the able and pulled out their chair. Then his attention snapped up to them.
“You came?” His words were soft and he seemed genuinely surprised to see them.
“Did you think I wouldn’t?” Lirum asked just as genuinely. Pausing, wondering if they were meant to be there.
“You didn’t last time. You haven’t spoken to me since-“ He froze. “I-I’m sorry. Sit, please.“
“Why were you waiting here if you didn’t think I would come?” They asked, confused.
“Incase you did?” He answered unsure.
“How long were you planning on waiting?” Percy stared at them for a moment without answering.
“Erm…I suppose until you come back?” He didn’t seem to know himself if it were true. “Please sit down.”
“I’m sorry I missed our first session. The other fifth year prefects demanded we get my badge back.” Lirum explained awkwardly. His eyes flew straight to their badge. “Davies is no longer a prefect. I’m sure they told you though head boy and all. So I guess I didn’t need to tell you any of that.”
“They didn’t actually,” he said staring at the badge. “it’s good to know. Who’s the other prefect going to be then?”
“Huh, I thought you’d be happier. You seemed so invested in my being a prefect before.” He grimaced, before looking back down at the table. “They haven’t chosen a new prefect yet, at the moment I’m both.”
“That would mean you were doing the work of two prefects yourself. That can’t be right, they have to have someone else.” He said under his breath
“Well for now it’s just me, but I can handle it.” They shrugged.
“How have you been?” He asked, trying to brighten the mood.
“Are you sure you want the truth?” They joked, looking at their worried counterpart.
“Please?” He begged.
“I’ve not been well. It’s been my worst year here by far.” He looked startled at their answer. They knew he would be. That's why they’d wanted to lie. “I’ve been in and out of the hospital wing. I’ll be ok, I’ve just been dealing with a lot.”
“You’re not handling being the only prefect well! Of course your not it’s hard being a prefect let alone two of them at once!” Percy was angry now. Angry was somehow preferably to how he was before.
“My first patrol was after my first two trips to the hospital wing. The third was right after. It’s had more to do with individual incidents and less to do with work.” They told him truthfully.
“Something else happened, what-“ He pressed.
“You heard Fred talk about me passing out when I saw the boggart. Then I got into an argument about that happening and I ended up their for the third time.” They explained to a horrified Percy.
He stood there staring at them gapping looking for the words to say. Percy had been acting weird since they’d got in, maybe the wand had rejected him.
“How’s the wand treating you?” They asked. His mood switched.
“It’s perfect. I can’t imagine a better match.” He said reaching for his wand resting in the wand pocket of his robes. “Was there a reason you asked?”
“It’s hard to make a wand for a specific witch or wizard. You have to understand them and truly. Not just what they think of themselves. I was worried I might have misunderstood you and made a mistake. I’m glad to hear I got something right.” He griped his pocket tighter.
“Do you think you made a mistake?” He looked like he was going to cry.
“No, I-“ “You should take it back!”, “The wand is yours it was made for yo-“, “You only made it because-“ “You deserved it.”, “But-”, “It was a gift.” “I-“, “ I don’t plan on taking it back. Ever.”, “You spent all summer working on this for me.”, “That was my choice.”
“I’m sorry.” He finished softly.
“You have nothing to apologise for.” Lirum said sternly. He had every right to reject them. They wouldn’t beg for his love.
“That’s not true. The first night I-“ He started, looking down at the table refusing to make eye contact.
“Don’t.” They tried to stop him. His rejection they could handle even if it was poorly, but they weren’t really for this.
“No, I need to say this. I’m sorry, I panicked. I didn’t know what to do and I panicked seeing you crying like that.”
“No! Don’t do this to me right now Percy.” They warned they'd been through too much since the year started; they hadn’t even finished the first month and they would not do this again.
“It’s important.” He stressed, looking back up at them.
“I said, No.” This was his last chance.
“You can’t keep running from every conflict that’s why you’re breaking down!” He snapped.
“Why…” They relented. “…What changed?”
“What?” He seemed confused.
“You knew before,” Lirum couldn’t hold it back, they’d tried to pretend like it didn’t bother them and he pushed. “You knew exactly what to do, how to help me, what I needed. What changed?”
“I- When?” How many of their memories did he remember differently?
“Me and the twins came barrelling into your common room. I was shaking, crying and terrified, and you-you knew exactly what to do.” They explained hoping for an answer. “Where did it go?”
“Lirum, I-“ Startled realisation settled on his face; he did remember.
“What changed Percy?” They asked again, now that he couldn’t deny it.
“Nothings changed.” He tried to assure them. It was a lie, he had to know that.
“Then what did I do?” There had to be something.
“What are you talking about? You haven’t done anything?” He shook his head, reaching across the table to grab their hand.
“Then what’s wrong with me?” They asked, pledging for an answer, anything.
“Nothings wrong with you-“ They ripped their hand away from him. His once soothing touch burned their skin.
“There has to be! Everyone else can’t be the problem! There comes a point when everyone else is a problem, that you have to accept there’s something wrong with you! What’s wrong with me?” They shot up from the table begging him for the truth. Why couldn’t he just tell them.
“No, it’s not you. You’re not the problem.” He stood slowly raising a hand trying to calm them and speaking softly like they’d been taught to do for animals. It was heartbreaking. He no longer saw them as a friend, instead something that would lash out if he made the wrong move.
“You’re lying!”, “I’m not!”, “Then why is this happening? Why is everything around me bad?”, “I-I don’t know?”, “Please? Give me something! Help me!”, “let’s sit back down, talk about-“, “No!”
The pair stood there breathing heavily, unsure where to go from their stand still.
“I think…we should postpone our studying until your doing better.” Percy said, looking sadly at Lirum.
“You’re going to send me away?” They thought their heart couldn’t break anymore. Leave it to Perfect Percy to find a way.
“That’s not-“ He reached out for them and they fell back into the bookcase trying to avoid him.
“That’s exactly what you're doing Percy!” They cried. “You're telling me to leave and come back once I’m better but also there’s nothing wrong with me? Just say it, tell me whatever it is so I can fix it and we can be ok again.”
“You’re being extremely difficult right now, Lirum. You’re not listening to me, you’re not thinking, and the only thinking you’re doing is being purposefully obtuse in order to hurt your own feelings.” He said sternly, as if he was talking to a child.
They reached into their robe pocket to pull out the mote he’d given them the year before.
“You can have this back. I suppose I don’t need it.” They threw it into the table and turned to leave.
“What are you-“ they could hear him picking it up as they began their exit. “Lirum stop. I still care for you. You’re being irrational. I’m trying to care for you now.”
“Then why weren’t you there?” They stopped, they knew they shouldn’t. They knew they should leave. He was right, they were only going to hurt their own feelings by asking.
“What?” He asked exasperated.
“When I woke up In the hospital wing!” They shouted full of hurt.
“I was- Fred, he made me-“ he started.
“No either of the two other times.” He was silent again.
“I was on patrol.” He answered softly.
“Then take it.” Lirum said starting to walk away again.
“Lirum!” He called after them.
“Someone who actually ‘cares for me more than I was willing to admit’ was there every time. Did exactly what you did before when you still cared about me! The same person who actually did something about Roger Davies. Because someone who ‘wouldn’t stand for’ comments from anyone wouldn’t have told me to endure them for a badge that means nothing.”
“That’s not what I meant at all! Besides Fred is not-“ Lirum was furious. Of course he would make this about his brother.
“Rowena Ravenclaw's Grave! You’re so obsessed with the idea I’m to close too fred you’ve completely ignored that George has been the only one out of the three of you to consistently make sure I was ok!” They screamed. “Over and over again any time something had gone wrong the two of you have fought and argued over who’s fault it is and failed to actually notice if I was alright!”
“That’s Not true.” He snapped.
“Then why was it him!” They shrieked. “Why was it him every time and not you!”
“I know you’re upset because of everything that happened the first night but-“
“Percy you didn’t believe me after you swore-“
“What was I going to do? Argue with the head master! Or professors? I can’t lose my badge! Not all of us have money and a secondary life plan to fall back on if things don’t work out! This is important!”
“That’s what all this was about? My willingness to throw away your life plan for me I was never meant to be on. Oh, It’s so important is it? Head boy is so important. Then why didn’t they tell you anything that happened! This year with me, or losing a prefect, or what about last year? Why didn’t they do something when it happened! Unless the board of governors has to step in, they could care less how this school operates or why any of the students do really!” Percy stood there stunned, mouth agape. “I can’t believe I thought of you so highly. I thought you cared and that we were close, but I was wrong. The twins are right, Pompous Percy can’t see past himself.”
“I’m sorry, please let’s go sit back down and we can talk and-“ He looked like he was going to cry again, how dare he after everything that’s happened.
“You’re the one who sent me away to begin with! You told me to go!” They were beyond angry or hurt. They didn’t know if they’d even come back.
“Not like this, please.” He begged trying to come closer.
“Maybe you should have listened when I said No.” Lirum left, they’d never so badly wished they weren’t alone.