Bald
The next thing Sirius knew was that Remus was strapped to a stool. Remus was fighting the rope around his wrists. Loud, don’t come close, don’t want to Remus thought. Sirius heard through Remus ears a loud buzzing sound. Remus looked up on matron who was looming over him. She was holding a razor sharp, buzzing, vibrating shaver. Weapon, don’t kill me Remus thought and Sirius realized that Remus didn’t know what it was. He was terrified of the thing. “Stop fighting” the matron snapped and slapped him, hard. Remus flinched a bit but had started getting used to it. She put the thing against his head. Sirius felt rather than saw Remus hair fall to the ground.
Remus left looking down on the ground, feeling oddly naked without his hair falling in his eyes. Now that his hair was gone he realized just how much it had helped him. When they reached a small, cracked mirror on the wall Sirius thought that he looked alright without hair. Remus did not agree. Roguish, beast, monster now I can add ugly to the list as well Remus thought and Sirius felt him groan inwardly. Sirius felt extremely frustrated hearing Remus criticize himself without being able to argue. He did indeed look rougher without his hair.
They walked beside matron toward a room. Matron had not told them what was going to happen, and Sirius felt Remus heart hammer. Is she going to kill me? Is the wolf there to finish the job? What is happening Remus thought. Remus closed his eyes but quickly wished he hadn’t. Every time he did, he saw the wolfs head, his dad dead over a pile of books, his mother walking away.
As soon as they entered the room however the matron pulled out a camera. Remus looked up into it not sure what to do. The fright had not quiet left him. He saw a white flash and blinked instinctively. The matron scowled and slapped him again. “Don’t blink” she ordered. Scared to be slapped again he forced his eyes open even as the blinding light flashed. “Go to your room” she ordered again.
Not wanting to be slapped again and not exactly enjoying the scary woman’s company he started walking. All my fault he thought over and over again. Remus looked at the ground not wanting to see anymore. He didn’t blink scared to see it all again.
Remus felt something against his shoulder and looked up to see the boy he shared a room with. “Watch yo self” the boy snarled pushing him hard in the shoulder. Hot anger rose to the surface. Now he felt consistently angry. Angry at the wolf for biting him, angry with himself for ruining everything, angry with his dad for dying, angry with his mom for leaving him and angry with the matron for scaring him. The anger had been outpowered with anxiety and sadness before.
But now with this busybody trying to order him around. Before Remus could think about what he was doing he had growled “don’t ya dare order me round”. The boy narrowed his eyes and punched him on the jaw. This only fueled Remus rage. He could not even think about the pain. Remus only wanted the other boy to hurt. I cant deal with another person trying to mess me about he thought viciously.
He pushed all his power from his foot through his hip as he swung a uppercut hitting him on the nose. Remus heard a satisfying crunch beneath his fist. The boy cried out in pain and staggered backwards. Blood was oozing and Remus felt ashamed by how good it smelled.
The matron’s brisk pace could be heard. “My office now!” she demanded after only sparing one glance at the bleeding boy on the ground. Now that the thill of action had ebbed his jaw hurt and he felt his raw knuckles. He followed her into the office. She locked the door and picked up a cane from her desk. Is she going to hit me with that? Remus thought but he was not that scared. Remus was mostly numb. The anger was still there but as from afar, but the sadness had ebbed quiet a bit. They didn’t want me so fuck them. If they don’t want me, I don’t want them either Remus thought venomously, surprising Sirius. The matron pulled up his shirt and began beating his back with the cane.
Remus clenched his jaw and bit down on his tongue, determined not to give her the satisfaction of knowing how much it hurt. If they hurt me I just have to make them hurt more Remus thought. I will never ever cry again Remus thought solemnly. Sirius thought through all of Remus moods and could only remember seeing Remus cry once I all the years he had known him. The matron continued beating him until he could barely stand. It took all Remus willpower to stay upright. Sirius had always known Remus was stubborn but just how stubborn he hadn’t realized.
Sirius felt sure the matron would have stopped sooner if Remus showed any signs of weakness, Remus knew this too, but he didn’t give in. He thought instead of his horrible episodes. Sirius realized that Remus never thought “transformations” but always “episodes”. If I could get through that I can get through this Remus thought savagely.
That night Remus dreamed. He dreamed as always of the wolf leering down at him but in the dream the wolf growled “who is scared of the big bad wolf?” before tearing into his stomach. The dream made Sirius sick and he probably would have been, if only he was in his real body.