The Minor Falls the Major Lifts

I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don’t really care for music, do you?

It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth
The minor falls, the major lifts
The baffled king composing Hallelujah.

Performed by Jeff Buckley
Songwriter Leonard Cohen
Copyright Sony ATV Music

Severus reached for the final ingredient left on his bench there was just the stewed lacewing flies left to add to his new potion. He stirred the liquid in the cauldron eight times widdershins and added the flies. The cauldron bubbled and the liquid turned lilac, eight more stirs deasil and it should turn pale blue. He stirred and counted 1…2…3…4…the colour began to change as blue swirls appeared in the lilac liquid 5…6…7…8… success! The potion turned the pale blue he wanted and Severus let out a breath he had not realised he was holding. He smiled as he extinguished the flame under his cauldron. The first batch of his new anti-depressant potion was finally done, after two years’ worth of research, false starts and experimentation he had finally succeeded. During his own battle with PTSD, he had found that there were no specific wixen remedies for mental health ailments. The only real treatment available was muggle talking therapy. There were muggle medicines but they didn’t work for people with a magic core; there were no potions at all for depression.

Severus had begun his research almost immediately after he and Harry had returned to Hogwarts after their mating. Living with Harry was wonderful having him with him there every day and every night. Severus still had bad days and Harry was always there for him, sometimes Harry had bad days too and Severus was his support. It was wonderful having someone there who understood.

Sadly, not everyone was so lucky. Mental health was not something the magical world dealt with very well, mental illness had always been a matter of great shame for Wixen society. Families downplayed and covered up the behaviour of ill relatives, the ‘Black Madness’ was one such example. It was well known that it existed but it was not mentioned in polite company and those afflicted were managed by their family or committed to the Janus Thickery Ward in St Mungos and kept sedated. Severus wished there were other treatment options available.

Severus knew of several wizards who had become addicted to dreamless sleep and pepper-up potions since the war. Those potions were not made for treating depression so their effect was minimal and short-lived therefore people fell into the trap of taking too much, too often in their effort to maintain a normal life.

Hermione had taken an interest in his research; she had been as keen as he was to find a way to treat depression in the wizarding world and so they had become partners in the project.

Hermione’s studies moved toward health care when she finished her A levels. Inspired by Severus’ experiences and by his healer Penny, who was one of the very few healers who considered mental health to be worth understanding. Hermione had gone on to study Psychology at a muggle university and planned to become a healer once she completed her muggle schooling.

Now finally after almost two years, the potion was ready for testing. Penny Edevane who had been Severus’ healer and who was now his close friend had agreed to be a part of the testing process. She ran a clinic in Edinburgh where she treated both muggle and magical patients. The clinics were kept separate she employed a muggle doctor and nurse to help with muggle patients as well as a Mediwizard and a healer who work with her magical clientele. She also had a team of counsellors who worked across both areas. Demand for her services had risen exponentially since the end of the war and she often struggled to keep up with the demand.

Severus collected some jars and ladled the potion into them for transport to Penny’s clinic in the morning. She had several other potion masters connected to her clinic who would review Severus’ potion and assess it for trial, then once the peer review was done it would be dispensed to patients under a strictly supervised medical trial, which many in the magical medical field were watching with interest. Severus, who had tested the initial batch on himself, was quietly confident.

He wiped down his bench and tidied the lab before he shut off the light and headed to his dungeon rooms. When he and Harry had returned to the Castle after their mating they had found that Harry’s third-floor rooms had been moved and were now located directly above Severus’ dungeon and connected with a spiral staircase located in a new tunnel. The castle had obviously decided that since Severus had been there the longest Harry would be the one to relocate rooms and all. Harry had not minded his classroom and office was still in the same place and the short walk was not an inconvenience.

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Severus removed his shoes and sat down on the sofa with a groan he was old, and he was starting to feel it. His back ached and he felt lightheaded. He had also noticed a distinct change in his appetite recently, stronger flavours and richer foods turned his stomach. He called for Winky and ordered tea and a plate of sandwiches. Winky always seemed to know just what he needed the tea was always brewed to just the right strength and the sandwiches were simple chicken, egg and lettuce and plain cheese no tomato he found it too acidic.

Winky came back with the sandwiches and looked at him disapprovingly “Master Severus should not bes working so hard yous should bes resting,” she told him. “Yous will wear yourself out before your baby gets here,” she snapped and disappeared.

The blood drained from Severus’ face and the sandwich he had halfway to his mouth fell out of his hand and landed on his lap; a baby, could he be? Was he? Now he thought about it, he had been feeling off the last few days, his food tastes had changed and he had been very tired. He dropped his hand to his stomach and realised he had egg and lettuce all over him and the smell of the egg was making him feel sick. He waved his hand to clean it just as Harry walked into the room.

“Hello, love,” he said warmly then seeing the look on his omega’s face he rushed to sit with him and took his hand “Severus, what is it?” he asked concern etched on his face.

Severus turned to face his alpha “I…I think I need to see Poppy,” he said shakily.

Harry was instantly out of his seat calling the mediwitch who arrived minutes later with a frown on her face. “Severus what’s wrong,” she demanded.

“I…Winky…she said…baby,” he stammered incoherently.

“Winky said you are having a baby?” the mediwitch asked to clarify Severus’ statement.

Severus nodded as he clutched Harry’s hand. Harry’s tightened his grip on the omegas hand and Severus turned to look at his alpha. “I didn’t know Harry, I would have been more careful,” he said wide-eyed.

“It’s alright love, we will get Poppy to check, just to be sure, ” he said softly, smiling at the omega and gently brushing hair from his face.

“House-elves can usually be relied on to know these things,” Poppy said with a warm smile “but I can cast a pregnancy reveal spell to be sure,”

“Yes, please,” Severus replied. His head was spinning, he was forty-two years old, he had not looked after his body over the years and he had taken a contraceptive potion during his last heat. He wasn't sure how this could have happened, he was not ready for this, not now.

Poppy raised her wand and a soft glow emanated from Severus’ stomach “Congratulations, boys,” Poppy told them. “You are about six weeks along Severus, which ties in perfectly with your last heat,”

Severus suddenly felt faint he was pregnant, he had not thought that this would ever happen but here he was, mated and pregnant. His vision clouded and gasped for breath, he could not speak and he could not hear Poppy speaking over the blood rushing in his head.

“Severus, Sev,” Harry was calling him but he sounded far away he turned towards the alpha who looked concerned. Poppy was fussing, and holding his wrist. She was checking his pulse probably, but he was fine, it had just been a shock. He tried to gather his wits.

“He’s fine Harry, I expect it is quite a shock for him, were you trying?” Poppy asked as she let go of the omega’s wrist.

“Um, not really, he took the potion before his last heat but maybe we forgot the charm, Penny said the potion might not be fully effective due to his trialling of the antidepressant potion,” Harry told her.

“I see,” well I do hope this is good news,” Poppy said with a slight frown looking at the Omega.

“Yes, it is good news. It’s just sooner than expected, right love?” he asked looking at Severus.

The omega who had been looking down at his stomach raised his head, “I am sorry, alpha?” he asked with a frown.

“It is good news isn’t it love?” Harry asked a little apprehensively.

“Yes,” he breathed. “Of course, I just thought…I didn’t think I could...I thought I had done too much damage to myself. I…I am having a baby,” he whispered.

“You are my love,” Harry whispered back. Leaning forward to press their foreheads together.

“Well, I will leave you to it,” Poppy said, her eyes still on the omega. “Come and see me in the morning, Severus, I will give you some information as well as a list of potions you should take and ones you should avoid,” she waited for the expected snarky response but none was forthcoming and she frowned. The Severus she knew would have snapped at the suggestion of him needing advice on potions. Poppy gave the man a searching look she would be keeping a close eye on him and suggesting to Harry that he contact Penny in the morning but for now she just continued her spiel for expectant parents. “In another two weeks we should be able to find out if it’s a boy or a girl, should you want to know. Call me if anything feels off, otherwise, I will see you in the morning,” she finished.

“Yes, thank you, Poppy,” Harry said quickly looking up at the mediwitch.

Poppy nodded and turned to see herself out.

Harry gathered his omega in his arms when Poppy left and Severus pressed his face to Harry’s shoulder. “You didn’t eat your sandwiches love, are you hungry, you should eat,” the alpha urged.

“I am sorry alpha, I was so shocked by what Winky said I dropped the first one,” Severus told his alpha.

“It’s alright, would you like some more? These are a bit dry now or maybe something for dinner?” Harry asked.

“Yes, some more sandwiches but no egg,” he said, wrinkling his nose. “Maybe some soup instead please alpha, I just need to go to the bathroom,” Severus said as he stood up and rushed away.

Harry was torn between following to make sure his husband was alright and ordering the food. In the end, he called Winky. The elf was cross that Severus had not eaten his sandwiches. “Sir should be telling his omega to eat! He bes eating for two now,” She insisted indignantly. Then she suddenly clapped her hand over her mouth. “Winky should not be saying that, if Master Severus has not told his alpha,” she whispered sounding horrified.

“It’s alright Winky, I know now and it’s thanks to you that we know at all. Severus didn’t even know until you told him off before,” Harry told the elf.

Winky’s eyes went wide “oh Winky is a bad elf telling Master Severus off when he didn’t knows,”

“No Winky, you are not a bad elf at all. We are very grateful to you as we would not know even now if you had not told us,” Harry told the old elf kindly. “Now would you mind bringing us some fresh sandwiches, please? No egg this time also some soup and a pot of tea, enough for two please,”

“Yes sir,” Winky replied. Then vanished taking the uneaten plate of sandwiches with her.

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Severus stood in the bathroom and stared at his reflection in the mirror. He had not been sick but his stomach was empty, so he could not tell if the nausea was due to being hungry or being pregnant.

Pregnant! He was pregnant! The word kept rolling around in his mind. He had told his alpha he would try to give him a baby and now he was pregnant, he had not expected it so soon. He had only been retired for six weeks the same amount of time he had been pregnant. He still had a heat the first week of the summer holidays but now he had three a year one every four months they were so much more bearable with Harry there to help him.

He had retired from teaching but he had plans. He had the anti-depressant potion which was almost ready for trial and as soon as it was approved for use he would publish it and begin the task of altering it for pre and postnatal depression. He was planning to write a book of potions for omegas which would be for medical professionals to use. He had developed a lot of potions specifically for omegas over the years.

He wanted to try having a shop front, his own apothecary rather than a mail-order potions business, but now he would not be able to brew many of the potions people sought to purchase. There were some potions that gave off fumes during the brewing process which would not be good for the baby. His baby, his and Harry’s baby, tears welled up and fell down his face.

Nothing in his life had gone to plan. His home life as a child had been terrible, the only good thing about it was that he learned to brew and write magic from his mother. Hogwarts had been marred by the Marauders and after school, there had been the Dark Lord and then Albus and then…Harry.

Harry! His alpha. Harry had saved him, he had turned his life upside down and saved him from a lonely future. He loved Harry, more than he had words to express. Harry wanted children, Severus had never wanted children, but he had accepted that his role was to give his alpha children. Whatever Harry claimed, Severus knew that alphas desired to have their own children. What would he do with this small person who would be completely dependent on him? Was he up to this? Could he manage? What if he did it wrong? It was not like a potion; he couldn't just discard it and start over if he made a mistake.

His own mother had loved him, he knew that and she had done her best to care for him. She had often gone hungry so he could eat, she had altered his clothes with magic until they were rags and she had held him tight and sung him to sleep the nights they had both gone to bed hungry. She had protected him from his father for as long as she could, then she had patched him up when she could no longer protect him and then his wretched father had killed her.

The Dark Lord had killed Severus’ father when he was seventeen, just before he had taken the mark. He had gone to a meeting covered in bruises his eye swollen shut and his lip split. Three days later his father was dead and Severus knew it was not a coincidence. The Dark Lord could not allow a muggle to hurt one of his chosen followers. Muggles like Severus’ father were too dangerous to be allowed to live.

Severus had fallen into line behind the man who had killed for him. He had been a Death Eater, he had killed people. He had brewed potions designed to kill and maim people. He had served the Dark Lord faithfully in spite of the beatings and the rape. It had occurred to him too late that he had traded one abusive master for another. Severus belonged to the Dark Lord right up until he threatened Lily.

The man that Severus had been then would have happily let James and Harry die, if only Lily could have been saved.

Harry his Harry.

Severus was a bad person, he was a weak person. He still had nightmares and there were days when he could not function. Days Harry had to stay with him and hold him, days he could do nothing but sit and stare at whatever was in front of him. Sometimes he lost his temper and yelled at people, yelled at students. More than once he had thrown things across the room in frustration. No Severus could not raise a baby, he was a bad person not to mention he was broken. He sank down onto his knees and wept.

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Harry had not been long talking with Winky and ordering the food but He was worried that Severus had not returned.

When Winky brought the food he placed it under a stasis charm and decided to give the omega a few more minutes before going after him. Harry was happy about the baby, it was everything he wanted but he was not sure how Severus was feeling about it. He decided to give the omega some time and hoped he was doing the right thing.

Several minutes later, Severus had still not returned, so Harry stood up and made his way to the bedroom and walked through to the bathroom.

“Severus?” He called.

There was no response but then he heard the lid close and the toilet flush. Water ran and a few minutes later Severus appeared. He looked a little teary but he smiled at Harry as he walked towards him, hands outstretched.

“Sev,” Harry said a little relieved “are you, ok love, you look like you have been crying,”

“I am fine alpha, I am just a little nauseous. I…I can’t explain the tears perhaps it's hormones,” he said with a grimace.

Harry was not entirely convinced but he took his husband’s hand and kissed it. “Do you think you could eat something?” he asked him gently.

“Maybe some soup and perhaps we could ask for some ginger tea,” he replied not meeting Harry’s eyes.

“Of course,” Harry said resting his hand on the omega’s back and guiding him back out to the sofa.

Severus ate most of the chicken soup Winky had provided and had a cup of ginger tea before taking himself to bed early pleading exhaustion.

Harry sat up for a while hoping Severus would fall asleep. After about thirty minutes he left the room and made his way to the hospital wing. He was not sure if he was overreacting or not but something felt off and he needed advice.

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Severus heard the door close as Harry left and he rolled over until he was facing away from the door. He knew Harry was worried about him and he was determined to hold it together for his alpha. Harry wanted this child so badly and Severus had promised to try, he told Harry he wanted to try and he had meant it. He closed his eyes and willed his exhausted mind to shut off, if he could just get some sleep he was sure he would be better in the morning.