Stay
Harry woke up when Sirius shook him in the morning and got up without saying a word. He quickly got ready and went out to breakfast, not waiting for them.
"See you at lunch," he said quietly before leaving.
Sirius sighed.
"He wants to meet Prongs," he explained to Remus, exasperated.
Remus hugged him.
"You're doing everything you can. Don't feel bad," he asked.
Sirius pecked his lips lightly and smiled.
"I love you, Moony," he said before getting dressed and leaving the suite.
After breakfast he went to Potter's house.
"Hey guys," he called out.
Regulus came down after a few minutes.
"Why are you here so early?" He complained. "You woke us up.'
Sirius greeted him with a hug.
"I want to be close to you two," he replied seriously.
Regulus patted his back.
"I'm here," he encouraged. "And James will come down in a moment. And we can just relax on the couch with the TV today. I don't understand why purebloods couldn't come up with something similar. It's so interesting'"
Sirius laughed.
"You're cute," he kissed his brother's cheek.
Regulus wrinkled his nose.
"I'm nineteen," he reminded impatiently.
Sirius gave a childish smile.
"Exactly," he announced.
They sat down on the couch and Regulus turned on the TV. They started watching an episode of a crime series and were completely immersed in it, not hearing James approaching them. James snuck up behind them and let out a battle cry that sent them into the air, drawing their wands. Sirius put a hand over his heart.
"Prongs," he scolded.
James doubled over, laughing his heart out.
"You jumped," he couldn't breathe. "You jumped as if there was a death eater behind you."
Sirius hugged him.
"I'm glad it's making you laugh," he said with fake coldness. "Do you want to join us? Ask Spark to prepare breakfast and come."
Spark appeared after a moment with a tray full of food.
"You know I start working before you even think about getting up," she scolded Sirius, who quickly mumbled an apology.
They munched on biscuits as they watched, James sitting between the two brothers that were resting their heads on him. When the episode ended Sirius stretched dramatically.
"This is what excited you so much?" asked his brother with fake disinterest.
Regulus didn't answer and Sirius and James turned to face him, worried.
A smile came to Sirius' lips as he saw his little brother sleeping on James' shoulder.
"Did you hear from Lily?" he asked quietly.
James shook his head slowly.
"Honestly, we got married really young because of the war and there was really no future. I'm starting to think she regrets it now, and she wants to be a teenager now," he admitted.
Sirius inhaled sharply.
"You know," he said slowly, trying to distract his friend. "Harry misses you. He wants to see you again."
It worked, and James swallowed, trying to hide his excitement.
"Cool," he muttered indifferently.
Sirius rolled his eyes.
"You can't fool me, Prongs," said exasperatedly.
James laughed.
"What did he say to make you say that?"Â
"He hasn't been talking to me since I told him he couldn't visit you."
Tears flooded James' eyes.
"Padfoot," he whispered. "I'm so sorry."
Sirius sniffled.
"I'm glad he wants you, and that you're here for him, but I don't want him to hate me now that he has you."
James pulled him into a hug.
"He doesn't hate you," he promised. "He's just upset."
Sirius sighed.
"I hope you're right."
They sat in silence for a few minutes and then James suddenly squeaked.
"So he wants to hang out with me?" He finally got excited.
Sirius laughed.
"Good morning, Prongs," he said sarcastically.
They hugged briefly again and Sirius stood up. He touched his brother's shoulder.
"Regulus," his voice was quiet.
Reg opened his eyes.
"Did I fall asleep?" he asked in confusion.
Sirius winked at him.
"We get it, babies sleep a lot, it's just a fact. Not your fault."
Regulus wrinkled his nose and stood up.
"Quidditch?" he suggested.
James jumped.
"I'm going to get the snitch," he shouted as he ran up the stairs to his room.
Sirius rolled his eyes.
"He hasn't changed at all," he muttered to himself.
Regulus turned to him.
"Don't say it doesn't make you happy," he teased.
Sirius shook his head.
"You did change," he flashed a smile at his brother. "And that's perfect."
Regulus blushed.
"It turns out that after being with James all day you have to change," he defended himself.
Sirius hugged him.
"I'm so glad you get along," he declared.
James came back with the snitch.
"Three seekers, one snitch," he announced.
They went out, took brooms from the cupboard by the door and started the game. After two hours of heated play in which only Regulus and James won, Sirius got off the broom.
"What did I think when I started a game with the two best seekers Hogwarts ever had?" he grunted.
James and Regulus laughed and landed next to him.
"You chose to play with us," Regulus reminded him sweetly.
Sirius stuck his tongue out at him and he muttered a mock insult. James put his arm around Regulus' shoulder, leading him into the house. Sirius followed them, smiling quietly to himself. James turned to see why he was lingering and raised an eyebrow.
"What are you smiling about?" He asked suspiciously.
Sirius shrugged.
"I like to see you together," he replied apologetically.
James squeezed Regulus' shoulder.
"He's proud of us like an old grandpa," he whispered to him conspiratorially.
Regulus giggled in response.
"Don't unite against me," Sirius grumbled.
James sat on the couch with Regulus and Sirius on either side of him, and looked at his friend.
"But seriously now, I'm really glad Regulus is here," he said honestly. "I wouldn't have survived alone. He keeps me sane."
Regulus leaned his head against James' shoulder.
"Same," he answered in a choked voice. "Although," he giggled. "It's been only one day. It would've taken me a bit longer to go crazy."
Sirius smiled widely.
"I love you," he announced.
James rubbed his shoulder.
"Siri, after you left yesterday we saw more pictures of us from all kinds of pranks. Want to see?" he asked.
Sirius' smile grew.
"Obviously," he answered.
They sat around the table that had neat stacks of pictures on it and James found the stack he wanted Sirius to see. James and Sirius went through the pictures, laughing and crying, and Regulus looked at them jealously. His memories never make him laugh. He kept an eye on the clock for his brother, who wouldn't miss lunch at Hogwarts, and reminded him to go. Sirius hugged them and went to the fireplace, saying goodbye to them until tomorrow.
He reached the Great Hall, but Harry and Remus weren't there yet. He stepped out into the corridor, waiting for them, his heart skipping a beat as Harry approached. If he's still mad at him he's going to kill himself.
"Hey Sirius," Harry was oddly cheerful.
"Are you okay?" Sirius wondered.
Harry nodded.
"Remember you told me to find something here that would make me feel better? I got muggle weed. It's literally magic," he whispered dramatically, a twinkle in his eye.
Sirius put a hand on his shoulder and led him into their quarters.
Harry hugged Sirius.
"I love you, Pads," he announced.
Remus came from the classroom.
"Did I miss something?" He was confused.
Sirius held Harry close to him.
"I'm not sure," he said with a frown. "Harry, what are you saying?"
Harry turned to Remus.
"Hey, Moony, do you have any chocolate? I'm really hungry," Remus and Sirius exchanged worried looks. "I smoked marijuana. Weed. Grass. I don't know what else it's called."
Remus was standing next to them a second later.
"You what?" he yelled.
Harry laughed.
"Why are you angry?"Â
Remus facepalmed hard and summoned a book. Sirius pulled Harry to the couch and sat down with him, handing him a packet of chocolates. Harry opened the package with a happy smile and Sirius watched him eating.
Remus quietly approached and whispered something, pointing his wand at Harry. Harry froze for a moment and a shiver ran down his spine. Sirius was quick to put a hand on his shoulder.
"Are you okay?" He was worried.
Harry dropped the chocolate.
"What did you do?" He asked Remus accusatorily.
Remus sighed.
"You can't do drugs," he said softly.
Harry shook off Sirius' grip.
"Weed is not real drugs. And anyway, I'm eighteen," he replied rebelliously. "You can't stop me."
Remus bit his lip.
"Harry," he began, but Harry turned to Sirius.
"Sirius, what do you think?" demanded Harry.
Sirius hesitated.
"Harry, I love you," he said, distressed. "But drugs are over the line."
Harry stood up and kicked the couch hard, then grabbed his bag and walked out angrily.
Sirius' lips quivered.
"He was never like this," he was shocked.
Remus hugged him tenderly, stroking his hair.
"He's eighteen. It makes sense," he said logically.
Sirius shook his head.
"After all, he's right," he said. "If it weren't for the war, he would now be independent, living alone, working, without people trying to control his life."
Remus sat down on the couch, looking into his boyfriend's eyes.
"Padfoot, there was a war. There is no point denying it. There was a war and now everyone has to deal with the consequences. We're also not trying to control his life, we just don't want him hurting himself. I think that by the end of the day he will be back. He knows he needs you, and that drugs are bad. Even if it's only weed. He's frustrated now, but it will pass," he said with conviction. "Give him until tonight."
Sirius nodded reluctantly and stood up. They walked into the Great Hall and swallowed hard as Harry ignored them. At the end of the lunch break Remus went to class and Sirius sat on the couch, bored. He didn't want to leave in case Harry came back. After about fifteen minutes Harry entered.
"Prongslet," Sirius exclaimed in relief.
Harry didn't answer. He just sat across from his godfather and looked at him grimly.
"Why won't you let go?" He accused his godfather. "Why don't you let me make my own choices? You said that you want me to be me, that you don't expect anything from me, but then you tell me that you don't let me skip classes, and you don't let me cut, and you don't let me visit my dad, and you don't let me smoke. What exactly is left for me to be me?"
Sirius swallowed.
"I'm sorry," he whispered. "You're right."
Harry smiled.
"Thank you," he started to say, but Sirius continued.
"You're right. I can't let you be completely you because you're not yet at a place in life where that's even possible. Anything you want to do you're not allowed to do because it's illegal, or not allowed at school, or it's not safe for you and I'm not willing for you to put yourself at risk. So right now," his voice trembled. "I really can't give you the option of doing completely what you want."
Harry's smile was replaced by a furious look.
"Stop promising me things you're not going to keep," he screamed. "You can't keep doing this to me."
He walked towards the door.
"Harry," Sirius stood up abruptly. "Harry, don't go."
Harry turned in his spot.
"Leave me alone," the boiling anger turned into freezing calmness. "Just let me go and leave me fucking alone already. I wish you didn't all come back. Everything was so much simpler before that. I fucking want you to fucking leave me fucking alone."
A tear fell down Sirius' cheek as Harry stormed out of the suite.
Sirius stayed there, standing and hugging himself with shaking hands, tears running down his face. His shoulders shook with a soft sob that would grow louder as time passed. When Remus returned he found his partner standing in the middle of the living room, his eyes red, and sobbing uncontrollably. Remus ran to him anxiously.
"Are you okay babe?" he asked.
Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus' neck and let himself relax, trusting Remus to keep him on his feet. Remus dragged Sirius into their bedroom and sat him on the bed, sitting next to him and hugging his shaking shoulders. Sirius slowly relaxed and raised his bloodshot eyes.
"Bambi," he blurted out with difficulty. "He really came back like you said. But he… screamed at me… he said that… I never keep my… promises. That I should leave him alone. And he... he's right. I promised him we would be a family and left him alone. And he… he said that… he wishes we hadn't… come back." Sirius' voice trailed off.
Remus wiped Sirius' cheeks every time they got wet and remained silent. That was a cruel thing to say. He had nothing to comment on it. Sirius forced himself to relax.
"Like he said, it's his choice," he said at the end, with forced resignation. "When he wants to come back I'll be here."
Remus smiled and kissed his lips tenderly.
"I love you," he replied appreciatively.
Sirius leaned into the kiss and closed his eyes.
"We should eat," Remus said softly as he leaned back.
Sirius hesitated for a moment and gave in. Remus asked a house elf to bring food and they ate in bed in silence. When they finished, and an elf took the empty dishes, Sirius lay down, pressing his face into Remus' chest and closing his eyes, exhausted from the prolonged crying earlier. Remus stroked his head.
"Are you feeling better?"
Sirius let out a quiet sigh.
"Physically? Yes. mentally? Harry hates me." He burst into tears again.
Remus felt tears wet his own cheeks, not knowing what to do to calm his partner down. Sirius calmed down after a few minutes, and fell asleep with Remus' hand running through his hair again and again. Remus summoned a book and made it hover in front of him, allowing him to read without leaving Sirius. When it was time for dinner he shook Sirius' shoulder.
"Pads," he whispered.
Sirius opened his eyes.
"Dinner?" he guessed.
Remus kissed his cheek and hummed, confirming his assumption. Sirius sat up, rubbing his eyes.
"Do I have to go?" he asked in a sad voice.
Remus ran a hand through his hair.
"Do you want to go to James for dinner?" he suggested.
Sirius nodded slightly.
"Sorry, Moony," he whispered.
Remus hugged him.
"Don't apologize," he commanded.
Remus got dressed and went out to dinner, and Sirius walked into the fireplace.
He came out in Potter's living room, and found James and Regulus in the middle of a game of chess. They barely gave him half a look, engrossed in the game, and his heart sank.
You want them to get along, he scolded himself.
He squeezed Regulus' shoulder and sat behind James, hugging his waist and resting his head on his shoulder. Ten minutes later Sirius leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes. Regulus won and James uttered a string of curses. Regulus chuckled and James hugged him excitedly.
"You didn't flinch when I cursed you," he was delighted.
Sirius opened his eyes, the pain in his heart easing a little. His brother is letting go slowly.
Regulus collected the chess pieces, victory in his eyes, and James turned to Sirius.
"What did Harry do?" he asked with a sigh.
"Am I not allowed to just visit twice a day without a reason?" Sirius answered with a question of his own, trying to smile.
James didn't respond, waiting for a real answer, and Sirius sighed.
"He… he screamed at me to leave him alone," his voice cracked. "And to stop promising him things I wasn't going to keep. And that he wishes we hadn't come back. Then he left."
James bit his lip.
"All that only because you don't let him come to me?"
Sirius shook his head.
"I told him two days ago that I want him to do him now regardless of what everyone wants him to be, and I'll support what he does, but I told him he can't skip classes, and he can't visit you, and he tried Muggle drugs yesterday, and Remus got him off the effect and I told him he couldn't, and he just exploded."
James ran a hand over his eyes.
"Maybe you should just bring him here for a few days," he suggested. "I can go and convince Minnie."
Sirius shook his head.
"We can do that, but then that means Harry only loves me when I give him what he wants," he answered painfully.
Regulus took Sirius' hand in his, and gave him an encouraging squeeze. Sirius blinked.
"I thought everything would be fine now," he whispered.
James bit his lip sadly.
"Life is never smooth," he agreed. "But we can enjoy what we have. How about we check the clubs in the area?"
A smile crossed Sirius' face.
"Yes, yes, yes, yes," he exclaimed enthusiastically.
Regulus moved in his place uncomfortably.
"I have never done such a thing," he said hesitantly.
Sirius smiled at him.
"We'll teach you how to do it."
James patted his shoulder.
"You are thirty-five and we are twenty. I never went out with someone that much older than me." He grinned.
Sirius wrinkled his nose.
"I still look better than you," he replied.
James laughed and went to the kitchen.
"Keep dreaming, old man."
Sirius and Regulus followed him and sat down at the table. Spark served the food and they started eating, James and Sirius continuing to tease each other. They finished eating and returned to the couch, leaving Spark a dirty table.
"Can we watch a movie?" Regulus asked hesitantly, looking at James.
James smiled at him.
"Of course," he answered, reaching for his wand. He turned on an old movie that they watched already, knowing Regulus liked it, and sat back. "My house, I choose," he announced, wrapping an arm around Regulus' shoulders. Regulus rested his head on it, smiling quietly.
Sirius complained loudly about the childishness of the two, but still watched with interest. The movie ended and Sirius stretched.
"Finally," he grumbled. "Kay, let's go."
James and Regulus quickly changed into normal shoes and they left.
♤♤♤
Harry arrived at the Gryffindor tower and sat down next to his friends. Draco kissed his cheek.
"I didn't think you would come today," he said quietly.
Harry swallowed.
"I had a fight with Sirius," he said indifferently.
His friends straightened up at once, shocked.
"You had a fi- Harry are you alright?" asked Hermione.
He shook his head.
"I don't want to talk about it."
Draco pulled him close, kissing his lips softly.
"Then we won't talk about it," he promised.
Harry smiled at him and kissed him back.
"Why isn't Neville here?" he suddenly asked.
Draco smiled widely.
"His parents have recovered. He took a few more days to be with them."
Harry's eyes widened.
"Merlin," he murmured. "That's amazing. And where is the rest of our year? Quidditch?" he asked.
Draco shook his head.
"Chilling by the lake, but today we're going sit here and talk. We're not going," he decided and everyone nodded. "We haven't talked with you for way too long."
Harry took a deep breath.
"I'm sorry," he murmured.
Draco lay down on the couch, his head on Harry's lap and his legs dangling over the armrest.
"We're not blaming you," he announced. "You've been through a lot. Did you hear what happened with Sam from Ravenclaw today?"
Harry didn't hear and the conversation went from there.
"You're not playing with my hair," Draco suddenly complained.
Harry laughed and started running his hand through his boyfriend's hair.
"Sorry, Babe," said softly.
Ron made gagging noises but they ignored him. There was an awkward silence and Draco straightened up. He sat on Harry's lap and started kissing him. Ron and Hermione got up in silence and went up to the boys' room. After ten minutes of making out Harry stood up, not carrying Draco because there were younger kids there, but holding his hand and leading him upstairs. The curtain was closed around Ron's bed, and Harry and Draco chuckled and got into Harry's bed. They closed the curtain and lay there in a comfortable silence. An hour passed with them in pleasant silence and comfortable cuddling, trying not to fall asleep. Dean entered the room and groaned in despair.
"Ron, Hermione, Harry and Draco," he called. "Dinner."
Harry opened the curtain of his bed, but didn't move. Ron and Hermione got out of Ron's bed after a few minutes, dressed and embarrassed. Hermione kissed Ron and ran out of the room and Ron looked after her.
"She's amazing," he said in a dreamy voice.
Harry cleared his throat and Ron came to his senses. They left together and went down to the great hall. Harry glanced over to the teachers desk and saw Remus sitting alone, looking at him with a sad look. Harry held his cold gaze for a long moment before turning his head away and sitting next to his friends. After dinner they went back to the common room where Draco and Ron played chess and Harry and Hermione watched them until Ron won and they went to bed.
"That was the longest game I've ever seen," Harry complained in bed.
Draco took his hand.
"It's because Ron took hours for each move," he accused.
Ron accused him back and they argued until Harry fell asleep and Draco was quick to silence Ron.
♤♤♤
Remus swallowed hard when he saw Harry's cold look. Now he understands what Sirius was talking about. He barely finished his food and left the hall, walking slowly past Harry. Harry caught him out of the corner of his eye and ignored it, laughing in response to one of his friends. Remus hurried his steps and went to the suite. He entered Harry's room and sat on the bed. Remus breathed in Harry's scent and tried to relax until he fell asleep on Harry's bed.
♤♤♤
Sirius said goodbye to James and Regulus at half past one with a hug.
"I'm sorry," Regulus whispered into Sirius' shoulder.
Sirius looked into his eyes.
"You have nothing to apologize for. It really wasn't smart of us to take you on the first time you leave the house to a place with a million people. We should've started slow. I'm sorry, Honey", he replied.
Regulus struggled to let go of his brother and James pulled him into a hug, rubbing his back soothingly. Sirius placed a short kiss on James' lips and entered the fireplace.
He stepped out in the living room and walked tiredly to the bedroom. He was shocked to see Remus' side empty. He didn't see him in the living room or the kitchen, but he could smell Remus close by. An idea came to his mind and he went to Harry's room. Remus was laying on the bed in an uncomfortable position, asleep, and Sirius bit his lip. He approached his boyfriend and patted his shoulder lightly.
"Moony," he called quietly.
Remus woke up and looked around in confusion. He remembered where he was and hugged Sirius.
"What did he do?" Sirius asked quietly.
Remus' lips quivered.
"Nothing," he answered. "He just ignored me."
Sirius sighed. He sat on the edge of the bed, hugging Remus back. They sat like that for a few minutes until someone knocked on the door. They exchanged worried glances and hurried to open. Ron stood there, hesitant.
"Harry told us you had a fight," he apologized. "But if you're willing anyway…"
Sirius and Remus moved him and started running to the tower.
Ron ran behind them.
"He had another nightmare with a panic attack. A really bad one, he broke the silencing charm. Other kids woke up," he explained, panting. "And we can't calm him down on our own."
They reached the tower and ran to the room. The corridor was full of tired and confused children. Harry was lying on the floor inside the room, trying to get air into his lungs, and Sirius slumped next to him.
"Harry," he gently patted his face. "Pup, can you hear me?"
Harry's hand came up and gripped Sirius' hand tightly, but he didn't answer, and still didn't breathe. Sirius cursed quietly and pulled Harry into a half sitting position, leaning him against him. He held Harry for a few seconds, not knowing what else to do, then he saw that Harry's breathing was starting to settle. A general sigh of relief was heard in the room, and Draco and Ron finally turned to kick the rude crowd out of the room. Draco's cheeks were wet, but that didn't stop him from barking angrily at children who watched his boyfriend, hypnotized. Remus stood behind Sirius, trembling.
"Is he fine?" he asked with a trembling voice.
Harry blinked and his gaze fell on Sirius' face.
"Why are you here?" he whispered weakly.
A pained twitch passed over Sirius' face.
"I'll go as soon as you feel better," he promised quietly.
Behind him, Remus bit his lip until it bled. Professor McGonagall and Harry's friends lowered their heads, feeling bad for the worried godfathers. Harry frowned for a few seconds, processing Sirius' words, and burst into a hoarse cry. Sirius quickly placed him back on the floor, convinced that Harry didn't want to see him. He didn't notice that his hand was still gripped tightly in Harry's.
"Why did you come?" Harry asked tearfully again. "I screamed at you to leave me alone."
Sirius closed his eyes.
"I'm sorry, Prongslet," his voice trembled. "I know you don't want me here. or in your life. But you needed me. And no matter what happens, and how much you want me to stay away, I will come to help you when you need it. If you're feeling better I'll leave now."
Harry rolled over on the floor so that his face was buried in Sirius' legs.
"Stay," he cried. "Please. don't leave me. I… I'm scared. Sirius… I'm so sorry. I love you. and Remus. Sorry."
Sirius pulled Harry to his chest, shocked, stroking the trembling back gently. Harry's sobs echoed through the room, and everyone present left, giving the three privacy. Remus collapsed on the floor and hugged Sirius and Harry. Sirius turned his head to his boyfriend and smiled softly before bursting into tears. Harry heard Sirius crying and guilt blocked his throat. Sirius noticed Harry wasn't breathing again and tensed.
"What happened now, Pup?" He was freaking out already.
Harry took a deep breath.
"I'm sorry, Sirius, I really really am. I love you guys so much, I love you," he choked. "I'm sorry I'm making you cry."
Sirius held back his tears and caressed Harry's wet cheeks.
"I love you, Prongslet, everything is fine," he promised. "You don't have to apologize. breathe."
Harry threw his arms around Sirius' neck and buried his face in his shoulder, shaking from his sobs. Remus ran a soothing hand through Harry's hair. When Harry calmed down a bit Remus put a silencing spell on him and Sirius stood up, taking Harry to their suite. Remus took the spell off Harry and Sirius placed it on the couch.
"Pup, do you want to sleep in our bed?" he asked.
Harry nodded hesitantly then shook his head.
"How can you be good to me?" Frustration was evident in his voice.
Remus sat down next to Harry.
"You think we're hurt and angry, but that's not true," he explained. "We were sad that you didn't want to talk to us and that you had a hard time, and we missed you, but we weren't angry. We were just waiting for you to come back."
Harry played with the hem of his shirt.
"I feel so stupid," he whispered. "Why did I think I didn't love you? You are the best thing that happened to me in my life. Except Draco," he said with a small smile.
Sirius hugged Harry again.
"Don't think about it," he said softly. "Let's go to sleep now."
He motioned Harry to the middle of the bed.
"You're sleeping between us," he made sure that was clear to Harry.
Harry climbed onto the bed and lay down, closing his eyes tiredly. Sirius lay down next to him, face down, and threw an arm around Harry's stomach. Remus lay down on Harry's other side, and they went to sleep.