First Day At Hogwarts
"Do you wanna go back to teaching?" Harry suggested.
Remus didn't answer, waiting for an explanation.
"Eighth years barely have classes, so I... I'm the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher of the whole school," Harry said. "and I... I really don't like it. How would you like teaching, living at Hogwarts with Sirius, and making life so much easier for me?"
Remus looked away from the pleading eyes. If he looked at it a moment longer, he would surely surrender.
Sirius looked at him with the same pleading look, and he gave in.
"I'm going to talk to McGonagall," he surrendered. "See you in half an hour."
He stood up, freeing his legs from Harry's hands, and strode towards the fireplace.
Harry and Sirius smiled triumphantly.
James and Sirius sat down on the couch, side by side.
"It doesn't sound nice to me to be left here alone," James muttered into Sirius' shoulder.
The latter put a hand on his shoulder.
"Lily is gonna come back," he said encouragingly. "and Regulus is here, and I will visit every day."
James sighed in agreement.
"Harry, do you want to tell me more about what happened here?" he asked.
Harry, who was still sitting on the floor, staring at the fireplace, stood up. He climbed onto Sirius' lap, settled comfortably, and began to talk.
When Harry got to the last Quidditch match of the year James interrupted him.
"What do you mean the captain wanted you to finally win?" He didn't understand. "You've been the seeker for three years."
Harry sighed.
"In the first year I was still in the hospital wing when it was the last game, and my substitute fucked up really badly, and in the second year the games were canceled because of the attacks," he explained. "So in my third year Oliver really wanted us to win because it was his last game. Anyway, we won. The truth is, I never lost a game. Except this time with the dementors," he fell silent as James pounced on him in a bone-crushing hug and chuckled.
"Have you ever lost a game?" Harry asked.
James froze and let go of him.
Sirius reached out one hand and wrapped it around James' shoulders.
"It's okay, Prongs," he said soothingly. "Harry's not going to laugh at you, he still thinks you're talented."
Harry looked at them in bewilderment.
"Did I touch a sensitive spot?" he asked apprehensively.
Sirius kissed his cheek.
"Yes, but it's not your fault," he reassured him. "James gets weird when you remind him of that."
James blushed heavily.
"There was one game I lost," he muttered.
Harry took his hand gently.
"It's crazy," he promised. "that in all the years you've only lost once."
James shook his head.
"How long did you learn to fly before you made the team?" he asked.
Harry frowned. "I never learned it. I already told you, I just knew what to do on the broom."
James face palmed in frustration.
"I never learned to fly either, but I was already training from the age of five. You just got on a broom when you were eleven, and since then you haven't lost even once," he complained, "I feel so incompetent."
Sirius sighed.
"Prongs, nobody remembers that," he said with some impatience, and James was hurt.
"Of course you don't care, you saved the game with your amazing maneuvers."
Realization dawned on Sirius' eyes suddenly.
"Ohmygod, Prongs, for you it was three years ago," he exclaimed in shock. "And a month ago Lily teased you about it! Bro, that was twenty years ago. No one, and I mean actually no one, remembers it. That's why I spoke about it like that. I'm sorry, James, I remember how much it hurt you."
James buried his face in Sirius' shoulder.
"It's so complicated," he said in a choked voice. "and strange. How are you suddenly thirty-five?"
Harry silently slid off Sirius' lap, and Sirius hugged his best friend sadly.
"I know, Prongs, it's really crazy," he whispered in his ear. "but remember you got another chance to live. You could be dead now, buried near the church."
James sniffled.
"We need to stop being babies," he scolded himself tearfully. "Tell Harry what happened in that horrible game."
Sirius kissed his lips briefly.
"It was funny," he told Harry, holding both of James' hands so he couldn't hit him. "Usually James was the star of the team because he always caught the snitch really fast, but this time it was the day after the moon Full, and he was exhausted. I was tired too, but it made me so fired up that I scored twenty times alone, and when the Slytherin seeker caught the snitch we still won. James was traumatized. He ran into the room and hid under the invisibility cloak. I tried to run after him but all the Gryffindors held me back. By the time I got to the room I had no idea where he was because he took the map with him," Sirius laughed nostalgically. "smart kid. Anyway, after a whole day he didn't come back, I sat on his bed and talked to him-to myself. I apologized for not coming right after him, and that I love him and I want to find him. Then he suddenly took off his cloak and came out from under the bed."
James and Sirius hugged, tearful.
"And this is exactly what happened next," grinned Sirius. "and for the next few days, anyone who laughed at him got hexed by me. I did it carefully, without getting caught, and then in the room I would hug him and soothe the baby he was." he kissed James' temple. "joking. I love you, Prongs."
Harry rested his head on Sirius' shoulder, and they sat quietly together, waiting in the comfortable silence for Remus to come back.
♤♤♤
Remus walked out of the fireplace in Professor McGonagall's office.
She stood up quickly.
"Remus," she exclaimed with undisguised happiness.
He approached her, extending an arm, and tried to hide his shock as she pulled him into a hug. She quickly let go of him and gestured towards the desk.
"Sit down, please," she said pleasantly, sitting down in her chair. "I'm assuming you're here to ask for Harry's job?"
Remus smiled awkwardly.
"Yes," he admitted. "Harry wants to be a normal boy, and he also seems to be scared of being away from Sirius for a long time."
McGonagall raised her eyebrows.
"What about Dora?" She wondered, knowing Remus won't leave her to go back to Sirius.
Remus swallowed.
"She's going back to her Muggle lover," he replied dryly. "Teddy's biological father."
The professor bit her lip.
"I'm sorry," she said honestly. "and I'd really love it if you came back to teach. The fact that you came back with the spell is proof that you are good, and not a danger to the children, and I guess the children will like Sirius very much," she laughed.
Remus nodded with a smile.
"Are you sure you're ready for his pranks?" he asked jokingly.
Minerva chuckled.
"No," she admitted. "but if that's what it takes to get you back to work, and to make Harry's life easier, I'm ready. But you should know," she became very serious. "Albus is returning to his position as Headmaster tomorrow. Are you sure you want the job?"
Remus bit his lip.
"I don't know," he whispered. "he'll probably be different now that everyone knows his secrets. Right?" He tried to convince himself. "And Harry will need us here even more. Yes. I want the job. I will come with Harry and Sirius tomorrow morning," he concluded. "the same conditions I had then?"
Minerva shook his hand in satisfaction.
"Indeed. Ask Harry for the schedule, and move the eighth period on Wednesday to the morning, please. Also, you should know Albus won't have as much power as he had. I'm not even sure who decided he's getting the job back. We're having a meeting by the ministry soon. Anyway, Thanks, Remus. And..." she hesitated for a moment. "Tell James and Lily hello from me."
Remus promised and walked back to the fire. He found Sirius, James, and Harry sitting in silence on the couch, and Regulus standing in the living room doorway, awkward and not knowing whether to say something or to go back to his room.
"Moony," Harry grinned at him. "what did she say?"
Remus hugged him.
"Sirius and I are coming with you," he announced.
Sirius cheered and James groaned.
"Regulus," Remus' voice was gentle. "You can come sit."
Sirius jumped.
Regulus walked towards the sofa slowly.
Sirius motioned for him to sit next to him and hugged his shoulders.
"My life is perfect," he declared.
Harry turned to him, hurt.
"Hey, Prongslet, you're totally included," cried Sirius. "I said that because you, Remus, James and Regulus are here with me."
Harry nodded curtly.
"Should we go to bed now?" he suggested. "We need to leave tomorrow at about eight."
Regulus took his brother's hand.
"where are you going? am I coming?" he asked in a terrified whisper.
Sirius caressed his cheek, biting his lip when Regulus flinched.
"Remus is starting to teach at Hogwarts," he explained. "we're moving there tomorrow. You can stay and live here with James. Lily is out for a few days now, so there's no reason why you shouldn't be here."
Regulus shook his head.
"I'll go home," he whispered. "I know how to take care of myself."
Sirius was about to punch him jokingly but stopped himself in time. His brother never left their house. He will be terrified of him. Instead he took his face in his hands gently, but Regulus still flinched again.
"You're not going to live alone," Sirius told him firmly, caressing his brother's cheek again. "the last time you took care of yourself you killed yourself instead of killing Kreacher. You're staying here, and the two of you will take care of each other. I will visit every day, so be good."
Regulus cowered in his seat, not daring to object.
Sirius sighed.
"I don't want you to be scared of me," he whispered. "I want you to have a good time."
Regulus was silent.
"Okay," he finally whispered. "I'll stay here, but I don't want to sleep alone in the room." he looked at James with a sadness mixed with defiance, expecting him to resolutely resist, even wanting it, so that he could leave. James smiled at him.
"Okay," he agreed cheerfully.
Regulus' eyes widened in disbelief.
Why would anyone give up his personal space just for him?
James took his wand out and summoned several bottles of shampoo that Spark had prepared. He handed one to Regulus.
"Do you want me to be in the room when you shower?" he asked quietly.
Regulus nodded hesitantly and James stood up.
"Good night," he called out.
He hugged Harry briefly, and Remus and Sirius longer, and led Regulus to their room, his hand wrapped around Regulus' shoulders, already talking endlessly.
Sirius smiled at Harry.
"Want to come shopping with me?" he suggested.
Harry nodded immediately.
Remus ruffled Harry's hair.
"I'll wait here," he informed them. "Harry, can you give me my teaching schedule? I'll learn it in the meantime."
Harry quickly wrote something on a piece of paper and handed it to Remus who smiled gratefully.
Harry held Sirius' hand and he disapparated. They appeared in a quiet alley in London, close to a shopping center. Harry followed Sirius, shocked that Sirius knew where to go in muggle London. An hour later they had at least three sets of clothes for each one in the house, including Lily and Harry.
"You know I have clothes at Hogwarts," Harry panted.
Sirius looked at him worriedly and took the bag from his hand.
Harry rolled his eyes.
"And this one bag is not what will make this awful hill better. Give it back to me."
Sirius sighed and handed him the bag back.
"I know you have clothes, but you don't have clothes that I bought you," he said quietly.
Harry's eyes filled with tears.
"It's nice being a kid," he whispered.
Sirius stopped and hugged him.
"You know what?" He said. "There's nobody on the street here. I'm disapparating."
They appeared in the living room, hugging.
"Fuck," shouted Remus. "you need to stop scaring me like that."
Sirius laughed.
"I'm going to give James and Reg the clothes we got them," he sorted through the bags. "Harry, show Remus what's his."
He went up to Regulus' room and found the two sitting on the bed, their waists wrapped in towels, drying their clothes with their wands. James was in the middle of telling Regulus Harry's life story, tears in his voice, and Regulus listened with interest, tears streaming down his face.
"Hey, guys," Sirius felt bad interrupting them. "You can stop. I bought you clothes."
James dropped his wand.
"Finally," he exclaimed. "My hand hurts already."
Regulus laughed quietly and hurried to take the bag Sirius handed him. He went into the bathroom, and when he came out with pajamas James was covered as well, and Sirius had just left the room, saying good night to them as he went. Regulus climbed into bed.
"Good night," his soft voice touched James' heart.
"Good night, Reg. Don't be scared to wake me up if you need anything," he asked.
He settled down comfortably on the carpet and closed his eyes.
"When I was nine Sirius taught me what a hug was."
James' eyes snapped open. He sat up, trying to show that he was listening.
"He told me that you taught him that usually when someone gets very close it is for hugging and not for hitting. Until then when we slept in the same bed, when I had nightmares, we would just hold hands and sleep far from each other. Since then, when we slept together he would hug me. A year later he taught me what spooning is. that he can hold me from behind, and I don't have to be afraid of what he's planning to do to me without me seeing. And then I was sorted into Slytherin, and I wasn't allowed to be close to him anymore," Regulus' voice broke.
James stood up, wiping his eyes.
He climbed onto the bed.
"Do you miss sleeping like that?" He asked with a smile, hiding his tears. "because you're going to be my little spoon tonight."
Regulus grabbed the arm wrapped around waist, holding it close to him, cuddling.
"Anyway," he whispered. "Thank you. For saving us."
James squeezed his hand.
"Of course, Reg. Good night, kid."
At seven thirty in the morning Sirius came in to wake them up. Regulus lay with his eyes open, tears streaming down his cheeks in silence, not letting go of a still sleeping James' arms. Sirius' eyes filled with tears.
"Good morning, bro," he said.
Regulus blushed and quickly wiped his cheeks. Sirius sat on the edge of the bed.
"Reg, I taught you how to cry quietly. I'm clearly fine with you crying." he smiled.
Regulus sat up.
"When are you leaving?" he asked in a sad voice.
Sirius hugged him.
"In less than an hour," he replied apologetically.
James woke up from the voices.
"Good morning, Padfoot and Reg," he yawned.
Regulus smiled.
"Good morning, James."
Sirius patted his brother's shoulder and stood up.
"Get dressed," he ordered. "Spark has already prepared breakfast."
He left the room, leaving the two to finish waking up.
James fumbled for his glasses and put them on.
"How did you sleep?" He asked.
Regulus thought for a moment.
"Good," he replied. "but I can't stop thinking about you being here with me. Why are you doing this?"
James didn't answer right away.
"I love Sirius," he answered slowly. "And you're his brother. When you're happy, he's happy too. And besides," he hesitated a moment. "We are going through the same thing. We both died around the same time. I want to be your friend, regardless of Sirius, so we can get through this together."
Regulus nodded slowly.
"Thank you," he said quietly. "Really. I would love for you to be with me in this process of learning the world anew."
James stood up.
"I'm going to the bathroom," he announced. "If you don't want to wait, there's another one down the hall."
When he came out of the bathroom, dressed, he found Regulus sitting on the edge of the bed, clutching his clothes in his hands, a fearful look on his face. James sat down next to him.
"You don't have to be afraid to decide for yourself what to do," he said softly. "I don't care what you do, I just want you to do what you want to, and not what you think I want you to do."
Regulus nodded and went to the bathroom.
James went to the mirror and tried to tame his messy hair, until Regulus came out and they went down to the kitchen. Harry was sitting on Sirius' lap, half asleep, crying quietly.
"Is he okay?" James asked anxiously.
Sirius stroked Harry's hair.
"He dreamed that us coming back was a dream," he explained. "and then he woke up and I wasn't next to him."
James and Regulus groaned sympathetically and moved closer to him.
Harry looked up.
"Good morning," he said in a hoarse voice from exhaustion and crying.
James caressed his cheek.
"Good morning, Bambi." he smiled. "how did you sleep?"
Harry sniffled.
"Sirius and Remus were awake most of the night because I was crying in my sleep," he said. "I had endless nightmares."
James leaned down and kissed his head.
Sirius moved a little.
"Harry, can you be alone for a bit?" He asked cautiously. "I…I want to talk to James in a different room."
Harry got off his lap.
"But you'll be back afterwards, won't you?" He was horrified.
Sirius kissed his cheek.
"Yes. And Remus is coming down any moment anyways," Sirius reassured him. "In the meantime you can start eating or talk to Regulus."
He hugged his brother briefly, surprised when he hugged back, and left the kitchen, holding James' hand. They went to the living room and sat on the couch. James hugged Sirius.
"Are you okay?" he asked quietly.
Sirius took a deep breath.
"I want to be with you for a bit. To feel you close," he whispered. "I still don't really believe you're here."
The two tightened their embrace, deeply breathing in each other's scent. They broke apart after a few minutes, smiling. Sirius yawned.
"How was the night with Reg?" He asked, worried.
James smiled.
"He slept really well. Stop worrying about him. I got him. Just enjoy the fact that he is here."
Sirius closed his eyes.
"Thanks, Prongs."
James pulled him into another hug.
"What about Harry?" asked hesitantly.
Sirius tried to stay composed.
"I don't know. He can't sleep alone, he's scared when I leave him in another room, sits on me more and more, and I don't know why he isn't getting over it slowly," he choked back a sob. "you would think he would get used to us being here, but he is becoming more and more dependent."
James thought for a moment.
"Listen, pads, you're a lot older than me, and you also know him better than I do, but I think I know why he's like that," he began.
Sirius couldn't hold his tears anymore.
"Don't say I'm older than you," he asked. "It's sad."
James swallowed.
"Sorry," he apologized. "Anyway, I think he's learning to let go. He had to grow up when he was a kid, and now that he has you with him all the time and not just occasionally - by the way you really have to tell me why you barely met after you escaped prison and told him you were good - so he's letting go little by little, and he's learning to be a kid. I'm sure when you get to school he will change because he has an image to keep there. It's like..." he hesitated for a second "...it's like when you kept hugging me and crying, just because you were allowed to."
Sirius stopped crying already, and listened. He shook his head.
"You're probably right," he admitted. "Thanks, Prongs."
They hugged again, and then went back to the kitchen.
♤♤♤
Regulus and Harry looked at each other.
"Thank you for giving up your father for the night," Regulus finally whispered.
Something crossed Harry's face.
"I don't know him well enough to call him my father. Sirius is my godfather, and he's the one I'm close to."
Regulus lowered his head.
"Sorry," he whispered.
An awkward silence prevailed.
"James told me that you were abused too when you were little," Regulus tried again.
Harry nodded.
"But it's not even close to the Cruciatus," he said. "I really don't understand how you survived there until you were nineteen."
Regulus swallowed.
"At some point I learned what to do and not to do so that they wouldn't have a reason to curse me," he explained. "I was like a trained pet that did exactly what it was told."
Harry looked down sadly.
Remus suddenly enters the kitchen, yawning.
"Good morning, Prongslet," he kissed his cheek, "Regulus," he winked at him. "Where are Prongs and Padfoot?"
Harry hugged his neck.
"They've been talking in the living room for about fifteen minutes," he answered. "Why did it take you so long to come down?"
Remus ruffled his hair.
"Sorry, Bambi. Did you eat already?" He asked.
Harry shook his head and Remus pushed him off him gently.
"Sit at the table," he ordered.
He filled three plates.
"You two, eat," he ordered. "You can't fast today."
They started eating. Harry looked at Remus guiltily as he realized he was yawning every other second. Remus put a reassuring arm around Harry's shoulders, and started a conversation with Regulus. James and Sirius returned and sat down, quickly becoming involved in the conversation. At some point Remus looked at the clock and stood up.
"We should leave already," he said.
Harry frowned.
"We're eating here, we don't have to arrive in time for breakfast," he noted.
Remus shook his head.
"I have to be there at the time they said, regardless of meals."
Harry sighed.
"I don't like the way you follow the rules when you're a professor," he complained.
Everyone laughed and finished the food quickly.
Sirius brought the bag with all of his and Remus' things.
"We have to do a lot of shopping," he mumbled. "One bag for both of us is terrible."
James rolled his eyes.
"When will you grow up?" He grunted.
They all laughed again, until James stopped suddenly.
"Will you really visit every day?" he asked even though he knew the answer.
Sirius hugged him tenderly.
"Every day," he promised. "and don't worry about Lily. she will come back. Everything will be fine."
James smiled and hugged Sirius back. They broke apart after a moment and James moved over to Remus, hugging him.
Remus buried his face in James' shoulder, letting a few tears roll, and let go.
Sirius hugged his little brother for a long moment.
"Be good, Reg," he laughed tearfully. "And have fun with James. Please have fun together."
Regulus nodded into Sirius' neck.
"I'll wait for you," he whispered.
Sirius left his brother and they turned to look at James and Harry, who were now saying their farewells.
James shook Harry's hand and patted him hard on the shoulder.
"It was good to meet you," he said sincerely. "and I really can't wait to meet you again."
Harry looked into his eyes.
"Me too," he whispered, tears rolling down his cheeks.
James was surprised by the emotion that Harry was showing. It didn't seem like he was that attached to him.
Harry bit his lip tentatively before hugging James.
"I…" The silence in the room was thick.
Everyone wanted to hear what Harry was saying to his father.
"I'm really going to miss you, Dad," he whispered.
James held his son closer to him, bursting into tears.
Sirius, Regulus, and Remus started crying too.
Harry rested his head on James' shoulder, burrowing close.
James kissed his forehead.
"I love you," he said.
Harry didn't answer, but a smile crossed his face.
James let go of him with an effort.
"I love you, Bambi," he said again. "but you have to go. We'll stay in touch." he pressed another kiss to Harry's forehead.
Sirius gave Regulus and James one last hug, Remus hugged James, and Harry waved to Regulus.
Remus stepped first into the fire and called: Professor McGonagall's office, Hogwarts.
Harry followed, then Sirius.
Before Sirius entered the fireplace he looked at his two brothers.
"Take care of each other for me," he asked with emotion.
They embraced him and promised they would, and he walked into the fire. When he came out the other side Remus and Harry were already in the middle of a conversation with Professor McGonagall, and Sirius waved at her cheerfully. The professor fell silent, and looked at him for a long moment.
"Sirius," her voice shook.
The three stared at her in shock.
"You know, I was so sad when you died. I'm glad you're here," she said honestly.
Sirius smiled widely.
"I missed you too, Minnie," he answered, hugging her.
McGonagall sighed.
"OK. I was hoping you would stop with that," she admitted.
Sirius pulled away from her.
"Why?" He was shocked. "That's such a cute nickname."
Harry laughed and fell silent as McGonagall gave him a sharp look.
"Mr. Malfoy is not coming back today," she suddenly changed the subject. "he asked for another day to arrange final things with his mother."
Disappointment was evident on Harry's face.
Sirius put a hand on his shoulder and he smiled.
"I'm fine," he murmured. "Thanks."
McGonagall and Remus finished going over the last official details, and the three went to Remus and Sirius' quarters. Sirius squeaked excitedly.
"I'm going to live in a teacher's quarters," he enthused.
Harry laughed.
"You're a teacher's partner," he mentioned. "That's cooler. Anyway, do you think you'll have room for me if I want to be with you at night?"
Sirius looked around, trying to see how many bedrooms there were.
Remus patted Harry on the back.
"Of course. You can leave some of your clothes here so you don't have to carry things with you every time you stay here."
Harry smiled.
"Thank you," he said, relieved. His roommates wouldn't have to deal with his nightmares anymore.
Sirius dropped his bag to the floor and turned around dramatically.
"To the Great Hall," he announced.
Harry surprised him with a sudden hug.
"One last hug," he said in a choked voice. "Sirius, you don't know how much I've missed you."
Sirius kissed his head, and when Harry let go they walked into the hall.
Remus and Sirius looked at each other.
"Are you ready to come out to all your students?" Sirius asked worriedly. "If you want I can live with James, and visit really often as Harry's godfather."
Remus shook his head.
"This is me. If it's not good for them, they shouldn't come to my classes," he said.
Harry chuckled.
"After me and Draco, there's no way someone won't accept you."
Sirius took Remus' hand in his.
"It will be good," he concluded.
The corridors were already empty and when they entered the great hall everyone looked at them. Whispers, chants, and applause suddenly erupted. Dumbledore stood up and silenced the hall with a wave of his wand. Remus, Sirius and Harry, who stopped at the entrance of the hall in shock, continued to walk, trying to ignore Dumbledore. They stopped at the Gryffindor table, Harry hugged them one after the other briefly and sat down, and they continued to the teachers' table. Dumbledore unmuted the hall, but the silence remained. Harry hugged his friends and exchanged quiet sentences with them as Dumbledore greeted the new - old teachers. He ignored Sirius' existence, but no one said a word.
Harry and Ron's attention returned to Dumbledore when they heard Harry's name.
Dumbledore raised his glass.
"Harry Potter," he said.
Harry blushed. Sirius smiled at him and winked and Harry smiled back, blushing more.
Everyone in the hall raised their glasses and followed Dumbledore.
"Harry Potter."
Dumbledore sat down and everyone went back to their food.
"Am I the only one who realizes how screwed up this is?" Someone suddenly shouted.
Cormac McLaggen was standing on the bench, his face flushed. Everyone looked at him in confusion.
"Why is Potter everyone's hero?" Cormac raged, "All the people who came back now died because of him. The war was basically over him. How did he become a hero? Did he do anything to get them back? No. He only caused their death. I'm not going to thank him for bringing my dad back. My father died because of him. For him. I blame Potter for his death. Why do you all believe him to be something special? It's only a kid who caused hundreds of people to die, and did it in a way that makes everyone feel bad for him that he's an orphan."
A stunned silence reigned in the hall. Angry voices began talking, the people did not like Cormac's accusations.
"You know what?" Harry suddenly called out, stepping into the space between the tables, pale. "You're right. I'm not a hero. I never said I was one. I'm the shittiest person I know. You're asking why you are the only one blaming me for everyone's death? You're not the only one. I blame myself too. Do you have any idea how much I hate myself? How much I hurt myself because I can't stand myself? I can't forgive myself for living when they were all dead because of me. It's my fault my parents died, it's my fault my godfather died, I don't feel like a hero, it really is all my fault," his voice broke. "And I'm sorry you lost your father. Really"
Harry collapsed on the floor, unable to stop his tears.
Sirius, who had been fighting Remus' grip from the second Harry started to speak, managed to break free and rushed over to Harry.
"Prongslet," he whispered.
Harry pushed him away.
"Get away from me," he cried aloud. "Everyone close to me ends up dead."
Sirius flinched. He didn't know that was what Harry was thinking. He changed his form into Padfoot, causing a few exclamations of surprise in the hall, and approached Harry again. Harry felt the fur touch him and couldn't control himself. He grabbed Padfoot in a tight hug, crying into his fur. Sirius waited a bit and then returned to his human form, and Harry found himself crying into Sirius' shoulder. He gasped for a moment in surprise.
"Please don't push me away," Sirius whispered in his ear.
Harry's crying got louder.
"Sorry," he blurted out. "I wish I'd died the first time Voldemort tried."
Harry's voice was clearly heard in the hall, and Sirius didn't like the fact that the whole school was witnessing Harry's meltdown.
"Harry, everyone who died for you chose it," he said in a clear, confident voice. "And we'll all do it again if there's a need for that. Everyone except for that son of a bitch loves you, Harry." he barely stopped himself from saying Prongslet. Harry didn't answer him. He continued to cry uncontrollably. Sirius stood up, supporting Harry, and led him to his and Remus' quarters. Remus hurried to leave the teachers' table and follow them. When they reached the quarters Harry sat on the floor again, unable to stop crying. Sirius held him tight, not letting go.
"I'm going to hold you like this until you realize that nothing was your fault," he informed the head buried in his chest.
Harry didn't object.
Remus sat down next to them, stroking both of their heads.
After ten minutes Harry took several deep breaths, stopping his sobbing.
"I know it's not my fault," he whispered, and Sirius looked at him in obvious disbelief. "I know that, but I feel like it is my fault. And I have no way to change the way I feel." his sobs started again.
Sirius kissed his head again and again, not knowing what to answer. At some point Harry's voice subsided and his breaths slowed and Sirius realized he had fallen asleep. He stood up, careful not to wake Harry or bump him into anything, and walked with him into the master bedroom, The only room that was ready, and Sirius placed Harry in the middle of the big bed.