The Stars Are Still There
Darkness flashed over his vision, and it took far too long for his right to adjust to the dim lighting… he was standing in his mother’s study, it was nighttime and he was standing before his parents in a pair of joggers and an oversized tee-shirt - which was a reason in of itself for him to feel uneasy.
“Your brother is gone.”
“Gone?”
He could recall the screams he’d heard from upstairs in his room, he heard them in a strange fuzzy way - like a memory that was just a bit too far out of reach to fully remember.
His mother glared, “Yes gone. Which of course means that he is no longer the heir, and you will be taking his place, do try not to disappoint us yes?”
“Of course maman,” he whispers, what had happened to his brother?
He couldn’t be dead… no Sirius couldn’t die, he always seemed untouchable.
He turned to leave, but the door to his mother’s study slammed shut without anyone so much as touching it. He was meant to stay.
This seemed so fucking familiar.
“Don’t go running off quite yet Regulus,” his father’s words dug into his brain and made his skin crawl.
No. No.. not again.
He needed to wake up.
This time he was ready for the knock on the front door - this time he knew deep down that it would happen the same as always. He couldn’t wake up. He never could.
His mother went to get the door, and his father put a hand on his shoulder. He couldn’t run away, his mind knew what would happen, he wanted to run, but it always played out like it did on that day.
He needed to wake up.
He wasn’t here. Not really. He was in Evan’s bedroom, he was laying between his best friends, and he’d fallen asleep with Barty’s hands tangled in his hair. James was on his right with his hand lazily tossed over his torso.
But he couldn’t wake up.
Bellatrix walked in.
His stomach dropped.
WAKE UP.
“Stop. Stop it. Maman please-”
He was crying.
There was a sharp pain as his right arm was twisted behind his back.
Though it was nothing compared to what followed. His screams were just ringing in his ears as a wand was pressed into his forearm and the image began to take shape.
No. No.
“-gulus!” he jolted from his sleep.
Just a dream. Just a dream. He reminds himself over and over as someone runs his hand over his back gently rubbing it under his tee shirt.
“Breathe for me alright? In and out,” he blinked harshly. Not Evan’s voice… or Barty’s.
“James…” he croaks, his throat feeling raw. Had he been screaming? Evan and Barty always said he screamed when he had that particular dream.
“Hi, hey, hello, you’re back,” James smiled gently as Regulus lifted his head to look at him. His fingers were still gently brushing up against the skin on his hand under his shirt. And Regulus cherished each moment of contact…
“Where are Barty and Evan?” He glanced around the room, noticing that their spot on the left side of Evan’s bed was empty, just the indents in the mattress where they’d been laying remained.
“They went to get you some water,” James said softly, cupping the side of his face gently and bringing Regulus’ eyes back to his own.
Regulus could stare at James all day. His tanned skin and the way his hair fell in front of his eyes when it wasn’t combed back slightly… Regulus knew this would happen, he told himself this would happen. But he was still surprised when he found himself staring and imagining what James’ lips would be like on his own.
“Are you alright…?” James asks carefully. “Evan and Barty said this happens a lot and I didn’t… well I guess I didn’t realize-”
“You couldn't have realized James,” Regulus sighs quietly, “It’s not public knowledge. And Barty and Evan really only know because they’re over all the time.”
James nods slightly, his eyes cast down at his crossed legs. “You’re close with them aren’t you?”
“Of course, I’m close with them James,” Regulus snorts at the thought. “They’ve been my best friends since I was eleven.”
He did not add that he also had an ongoing sexual relationship with them for the last two years, he thought that it might ruin the mood just a bit. Besides, he’d talked to his friends about it after James had become a part of the group, and after a bit of back and forth with Barty about asking James to join them, Evan and Regulus finally talked him down to just not telling him… they’d also agreed that if James and Regulus were to start something then they would stop messing around together.
James opened his mouth to ask something else when Evan’s bedroom door opened and the other two boys slipped in, Evan holding a glass of ice, and Barty with a small tray of biscuits and a teapot.
“Merlin’s tits Potter, not even we can calm him down this fast normally,” Barty snickered as Regulus shot a warning glare in his direction.
James just shrugs and scooches over so Evan and Barty can plop down beside them in a little circle.
“We brought ice for sensory and tea because I had your favorite,” Evan explains, passing the glass to Regulus as Barty sets the tray in the middle of the group. “Was it the same one as always?”
Regulus nods, dipping his fingers into the cup and grabbing a piece of ice to pop into his mouth.
“I still say we should remove the memory entirely,” Barty grumbled, “or at the very least let me murder them once this is over.”
“Murder who?” James piped in.
Evan burst out laughing for a moment before answering him, “His parents Pretty Boy, and Bellatrix.”
“I’d like to throw Lucius into the mix just for good measure,” Barty added.
“We’re not murdering them,” Regulus shook his head, unable to fight the small smile creeping onto his lips. “At least not until we finish off Voldy.”
“Speaking of!” Evan’s back straightened instantaneously. “I was thinking, and I know we found a Horcrux, but we have no idea how to get to it right?”
Regulus nods, he’d tried asking Kreacher to take them to the cave where he’d hidden the locket, but the elf had been ordered by Voldemort not to speak of it.
“Well, what if we told him we were on a mission?” Evan said slowly. “He did say and I quote, ‘Kreacher is not to bring the young masters to the cave without reason’.”
“But if Voldy didn’t directly give him the order do you think it would work?” Regulus scrunched his brows together, moving the ice cube to the side of his mouth with his tongue.
“I think if that was the direct order he was given then yes,” Evan continues. “Besides that elf loves you, he’d bend the rules as much as he can to help you.”
Regulus nods slowly, it does seem like a solid enough plan to try. “Kreacher?”
A moment passes before there’s a familiar crack at the end of the bed and the elf’s head is visible.
“Master Regulus called?” He pads over so that he can see Regulus better, eyeing Barty and James warily.
“Kreacher, we were wondering…” Evan starts, glancing at Regulus for him to continue.
“The dark lord wishes for us to check on the locket you hid…” Regulus chooses his words carefully, “Do you think it would be possible for you to assist us? Take us to the place where you’ve hidden it?”
The elf’s mouth tightens and he gives the boys a skeptical look, “The dark lord has wished for this?”
“Yes,” all four boys chorus. Hope gleams in all of their eyes, much like a child on Christmas morning when they see that the biggest box under the tree has their name on it.
“Kreacher supposes he could…” he hesitates. “When has the dark lord ordered you to complete this task?”
Regulus sends a desperate glance toward Evan, who answers as calmly and collected as he can, “This Friday.”
Kreacher nods slowly, contemplating whether or not this would go against his current order.
“Yes… Kreacher can take you to that wretched place in four days' time…”
“Thank you Kreacher,” Regulus smiles gently down at the elf, who is still glaring at James sitting beside him.
“Yes master regulus,” he nods back politely and begins to step away from the bed.
“Oh, Kreacher?” He turns back to face Regulus again. “You cannot under any circumstances tell my mother or father about this. Understood?”
The elf nods curtly, recognizing his words as an order. Regulus tried his best to be gentle with his requests, but not today. If Walburga and Orion found out about what they were planning… he shuddered at the thought.
With another crack, the elf was gone. And Regulus and the others were left with four days to plan their greatest heist yet.
✮✮✮
“You will not hide from your duties to this family Evan Tyr Rosier!” a voice screeched from the other side of Evan’s door, followed by aggressive pounding on his bedroom door.
James and Regulus were frantically trying to collect their maps and notes, stuffing them under the bed and rug. Barty was helping Evan barricade his door as his father continued to attempt and break-in, and his mother continued to scream at him.
A lot had happened in the last three days, and in James’ eyes it seemed quite unusual, but to the other three boys, it did not.
For one, Evan’s parents had very suddenly decided to begin caring about their son’s life and had taken to paying attention to the company he was keeping - thus why they were now cornered in Evan’s bedroom surrounded by evidence that they were traitors to the ‘cause’.
This had been quite a sudden change, and Evan had not taken it well. He’s been having panic attacks multiple times a day since his parents tried to get involved, and now that they were so close to being discovered even James was starting to feel a sliver of the panic his friend had been constantly living in.
Regulus tossed the fake locket they’d transfigured at him and James shoved it into his pocket, the papers on the floor were few and far between now and Regulus was sweeping the rest of them into his hand and shoving them in a drawer by the next time Evan’s mother yelled a threat at them.
“Evan open the door this instance,” she seethed, the banging had stopped and Evan and Barty slid down the door until they were sitting with their backs to it.
“It would be quite a shame if we had to get Walburga and Orion involved and tell them exactly who their son is keeping as a company,” everyone froze for a moment. James swears he could hear each of their individual heartbeats in the silence that followed Evan’s father’s words.
His eyes flicked to Regulus, who was closing the drawer to Evan’s desk slowly, his hand shaking slightly. James knew he was scared, he’d seen Sirius have the exact same reaction when someone threatened to get his parents involved.
“Open the door, Evan,” his mother’s voice warned.
His eyes went straight to Barty, then to James, and then to Regulus - who gave a slight nod. Everything was hidden, they would be better off if they weren’t being hunted down by Evan and Regulus’ parents when they went off to the cave the next day.
The silent agreement led to Evan standing up slowly and removing the protective charms on the door, Barty stood right next to him, and Regulus inched closer to James until their fingers brushed against one another.
The door opened in a deafening silence and Evan spoke first.
“Don’t hurt them…” he whispered, glancing over his shoulder to look at his friends.
“If it were up to me I’d have those two blood traitors removed from your life permanently,” His father remarked. “Unfortunately it is not up to me, so I suppose that your own punishment must suffice. You are not to associate yourself with those two any longer Evan, it is not proper for the heir to our house to have such associations. Regulus,” he turned to look over Evan’s shoulder and looked down his nose at the boy standing next to James, he felt Regulus flinch away. “I’m sure your father will be just as disappointed in your choice of association.”
“It’s not his fault,” Evan countered, his voice less broken than it had been a moment ago. “Father it’s not his fault. Just don’t tell them…”
“You both must be given the correct treatment for your actions Evan,” his father ‘tsk-ed’, “as for you two.”
James’ throat closes up slightly as the man’s eyes fall between Barty and himself. Suddenly he was very grateful to his parents for the way they'd raised him, Monty and Effie loved him unconditionally - he’d never felt such a harsh gaze from someone who was meant to be a parental figure. He couldn’t imagine how Evan must feel, or Regulus, or even Barty - who James had found had quite an awful relationship with his father.
“You will stay away from my son,” he spat at them, and James watched as Barty dug his nails into his palm. Evan reached a hand out slightly to brush his fingertips against his wrist. “I would think it very unfortunate if your father were to find out about your own associations.” he eyed Barty’s left arm cautiously.
“Barty has the same associations and values as we do Father,” Evan grits out, lying through his teeth. “As does James.”
“Evan,” his father warned before turning his attention back to Barty and James. “Leave my home. Now, before I change my mind about allowing you to leave.”
James opens his mouth to protest, but Barty speaks first, and James is too busy trying to move as close to Regulus as he could, the strong need to protect him, taking over. He couldn’t get the image of what Sirius looked like all those years ago when he’d showed up on his doorstep.
Bloody, his head split open, a black eye, and his ribs were bruised and broken…
He couldn’t let that happen to Regulus, he couldn't even think about thick sticky liquid plastering his soft curls to his forehead, and he couldn’t think of his porcelain skin stained red. He just couldn’t.
“You can’t just tell Evan what to do,” Barty snaps, “he’s an adult. We’re all adults, and whether you like it or not it is not your place to tell him who is and is not allowed to be friends with.”
“Barty just stop,” Regulus speaks softly, taking a step forward to place a hand on his friend’s arm. James follows him quickly, not allowing more than six inches to stand between them. “We’ll be fine okay?”
“Reg,” James croaked, unable to find the courage to keep his voice steady.
“James,” Regulus whispers, his mouth barely moving, they were being watched. James could feel four sets of eyes on him.
Evan makes the first move, he grabs Barty’s hand, then James’, then Regulus, and he pulls them in. Everyone seems caught off guard until Evan speaks in such a low tone that if one had been standing right beside the boys they would not have heard.
“If we’re not back in the morning go without us,” Evan whispers, Regulus murmurs in agreement.
“Go to James’,” he adds.
There isn’t any more time to say much after that, Evan is ripped away from the embrace by the back of his neck, and his father whispers in his ear - enough to make Evan turn pale.
“Regulus, come now. We’ll call for your father to come and collect you,” Regulus pulled away from James slowly, seemingly fighting for his feet to move across the floor. “Must I say it again?”
James and Barty gazed at each other for a moment, paralyzed in indecision before Evan gave them a desperate glance.
Barty grabbed James’ wrist and James forced his mind to leave the room they were standing in…
Home.
The last thing James saw before he pulled himself and Barty away from the Rosier Mansion was Regulus’ eyes, as clear and James had to fight with his own mind not to reach out and take him along.
Once the ground became solid under his feet again James collapsed, he couldn’t hold himself up anymore.
“Fuck!” Barty kicked the leg of James’ coffee table, “Fuck fuck fuck.”
James wants to comfort him, he wants to do for Barty what Barty did for him when Sirius saw him and he went into shock. But he can’t. He can’t get off the floor, his knees are pulled to his chest and he feels like his throat is collapsing in on itself.
Barty joins him on the floor a few minutes later, after he’d likely broken a toe from the number of times he’s kicked the coffee table.
“I can’t lose Evan,” his voice breaks, pulling his own knees to his chest like a mirror of James. “I love him…”
James stopped halfway through a breath. Love? Love… Love! Oh, how could he be so blind? All those times they’d held hands, every flirty comment, each time that James saw Barty take a small step in front of Evan… Oh.
“Oh don’t act so surprised Potter,” Barty grumbles, and James immediately forces a blank expression over his face. “It’s not like you and Regulus aren’t the exact same.”
This catches James off guard. He doesn’t love Regulus… right?
Sure he enjoys his company, and his voice and the way he says certain words with a slight French accent had become comforting to him, but he didn’t love Regulus.
The only person that came to mind when he thought of love was Lily. Lily who he’d chased for years only to find out she was thriving in a relationship with her best friend, James had given five years of his life trying to impress a girl who had truly never been interested in him. But he had still loved her, he didn’t love her like that anymore obviously. It had always been unrequited. Doomed even. But he hadn’t been in love with her.
“I don’t…” James croaks. Did Regulus love him?
“You don’t?” Barty didn’t mean it to cut so deep - or James assumed he didn’t. But his words hit James in the chest like a knife. “You certainly act as though you do.”
James has to rake back through the last three weeks. So much had changed from the first day he laid eyes on Regulus outside of school. He’d joined the inner circle and found a group of people that he trusted, he’d grown to give them the same piece of heart that Remus and Peter, and Sirius have.
He’d seen Sirius, he’d realized the people he cared for more than anyone hated him, and he’d found comfort in Regulus when he felt like his world had been shattered. He’d memorized the way Regulus’ hands felt in his own.
He might not ever be able to do that again…
His chest feels tight again.
He might not ever be able to talk to him again, he might never get to push that one curl off his forehead again and watch as he hides his smile by ducking his head, he might never be able to pull the smaller boy into his lap while they lay about in Evan’s room again. He might never see him again…
“I-” James can’t breathe. Maybe love wasn’t what he felt with Lily Evans… or maybe it was a kind of love because what he was thinking about couldn’t not be love… he was so fucking scared of losing Regulus he couldn’t breathe. “How did you know…? About Evan?”
Barty smiled gently, the anger faded from his face. “I didn’t know for a long time… but one day I just realized… loving someone like that, it’s this kind of love that I’d never felt before. So I didn’t know how to feel it.”
“What does it feel like?” James whispers, he feels… deep down he feels embarrassed. He’s always known the most about love, he was supposed to know what to feel.
“It’s like when the sun comes out after a storm,” Barty muses, his eyes clenching shut. “That warmth that goes all the way into your bones, shielding you from the lingering chill from the rain. It settles inside you and it doesn’t go anywhere, and you don’t have to be scared that it will.”
“Regulus is like the stars..” James can’t stop the words from spilling off his lips, it’s like suddenly he’s known the entire time exactly how Regulus feels… “Like seeing the stars on a perfectly clear summer night. Everything just seems to make sense at the moment, he’s not warm or anything really, but he’s a reminder that it’ll all be okay. Because if the stars are still even in the sky then everything is right with the world right?”
Barty doesn’t respond, and James thinks he can hear the muffled sound of crying from where his head is buried in his arms and knees.
They would be alright…
James turns his head to peer out the window at the night sky, and just like always he can see the stars glittering in the darkness, everything had to be alright because there were the stars. There was Regulus.
The realization was like a wave, Regulus was the stars in the sky. The world would never be quite right without him, or at least James’ world wouldn’t be. Regulus made him feel secure, he made his heart beat faster and his cheeks feel hot. How he hadn’t seen it before was unreal to him, Regulus was the stars. James had long given up on finding someone to fill the hole that Lily had left in his heart - even after he’d accepted it and begun to love her as a sibling. But now here he was, two years later, with Regulus’ body curled up in the spot he’d left so out in the open and vulnerable. And he hadn’t even noticed…
“I love him…” James whispered, more to himself than to Barty - because it seems that Barty knew before James did.
“I know you do,” Barty replied, his voice wet with tears and sorrow. “Regulus knows it too.”
James knows that it was just this subconscious feeling that he could somehow read now that he’d figured out his own mess of feelings.
“Tea?” James asks quietly, pushing himself off the floor where he’d been sitting for however long it’d been since they returned from the Rosier home.
Barty actually managed a laugh at that, which James was grateful for. If he couldn’t make himself feel better he could certainly try and make Barty feel better.
“Sure Potter,” he sniffled, finally lifting his face.
So James got to work, making tea was a process, something that he could think about without hurting himself further. Or sending his thoughts spiraling down.
He filled the kettle and put it on his stove, he pulled the one mug he had out of his cupboard and cast the spell to transfigure another out of the bowl he had. Barty was walking around his flat quietly, his eyes wandering around James’ things.
“You can put on music if you’d like,” James offers, seeing the way Barty flicked through his vinyl.
“Okay,” Barty nods, taking a few more minutes to look through the albums and finally clicking the button to start it.
I can dim the lights and sing you songs full of sad things
We can do the tango just for two
I can serenade and gently play on your heart strings
Be your Valentino just for you
James smiled softly, his heartstrings tugging slightly in his chest. This was always Sirius and Remus’ song to dance to whenever he put on Queen. Sirius loved Queen almost as much as James did, but nothing beat David Bowie in his books.
The kettle finally began to whistle and James pulled it off the stove, pouring the piping hot water into the mugs. He dropped the tea bags in and stirred them gently as the water began to mix with the leaves.
He handed Barty his mug and both boys sat on the couch, sipping the piping hot water tentatively, both of them straining their ears to listen for the familiar pop of apparition.
The fake locket weighed in James’ pocket. Tomorrow he’d have to go and fulfill this, whether or not Regulus and Evan showed back up to help them. They were too far in now.
✮✮✮
Hours passed before anything happened, the tea in their mugs had long gone cold and the only time James or Barty had gotten up off the couch was to switch the record. They were playing Ziggy Stardust when something finally broke the unsettling silence.
Crack.
Neither of them moved at first.
James couldn’t even bring himself to breathe.
Barty was the first one to move, he jumped up quickly - as if he’d just processed that his best friend and his love might be outside right then. James followed quickly after, the sun was just starting to peek over the horizon, and standing in the shadow of the building Barty and James were currently looking out of, were two bodies, leaning up against one another for support.
James isn’t sure how he got to the door, or why he found himself running down the flight of creaky wooden stairs with Barty close on his heels, he just needed to get to Regulus. To hold his body in his arms, to make sure he was alright He had to be alright.
By the time the two boys were out the front door of the coffee shop, Evan and Regulus had made their way to the front of the building, and without a single word being spoken Barty took Evan into his arms and helped him inside, James did the same for Regulus, and still without any words they all headed upstairs.
In the soft light, James could get a better look at Evan and Regulus. His heart sank so deep in his chest that it hit the floor as he slowly helped Regulus sit next to Evan on the sofa.
“I’m fine James,” Regulus whispered quietly, his voice straining to sound calm.
“He’s not fine,” Evan corrected, wincing slightly as Barty cupped his cheek and placed a kiss on his forehead. “Barty…” Evan eyed James, who just smiled at him.
“It’s alright la mia rosa,” Barty whispered gently onto his skin. “What happened?”
Evan shrugged, looking down slightly. “They were harder on Regulus.”
James looked into Regulus’ eyes, he had been crying…
“Maman was angry, said I was ‘throwing away’ my responsibility,” Regulus’ voice broke, and James felt his own heart crack. He just wanted to wrap his arms around the other boy and hold him, keep him safe from his family and everyone who ever tried to hurt him.
“You’re safe now,” James says softly and brushes a curl that had fallen onto Regulus' forehead back. “I promise.”
Evan and Barty share a quick glance and Regulus looks a bit like a deer in headlights, which James is internally laughing at.
“How did you even get here?” Barty asked cautiously, “They wouldn’t have just let you go…”
Evan and Regulus share a quick glance, “Well they might not exactly remember…” regulus fiddled with his family ring, “I got ahold of my wand… and well I sorta maybe obliviated them a bit…”
“You what?” Barty exclaimed though he was unable to hide his massive grin. James couldn't help but bark out laughter at the expression his friend was wearing.
“No, let him finish,” Evan interrupts, his lips curling up into a smirk.
“Then I may have gone to Evans and attacked his father…” Regulus admits, a pink blooming on his cheekbones. “He was also obliviated, not all the way but enough so that he doesn’t know that we were ever around you two.”
“What about your parents?” James asks.
Regulus bites his lip for a moment before speaking, “I’ll fix them eventually… I just need to finish today.”
“Regulus,” James presses.
“I took everything… they’re locked in the attic right now. I’ll fix them I will,” he insists. “I promise James… I just need today alright?”
“I-” James starts, his mind racing - he knew Walburga and Orion were bad, and he wasn’t even really worried about there being lasting effects. He was more worried about someone finding them…
“It’s fine James,” Barty nudges him slightly. “We’ll go and fix them once we're back from the mission.”
“The mission,” James repeated slowly, OH- that was today… he’d nearly forgotten over the course of the night. He was far too wrapped up in his own worry for Regulus.
“We need to do this today,” Evan said quietly.
“We need to do this right now,” Regulus said quickly. “James, do you have the bag we prepared?”
James nodded, getting up reluctantly and rushing to grab the little canvas bag they’d put bandages and an assortment of potions in the day before. He hurried back to the living room and found the boys having a conversation in hushed voices - it stopped the moment they saw James…
“Got it,” James breathed. He dug his hand into his pocket and fished out the fake locket with the note they’d all signed.
To the Dark Lord. We don’t believe you’ll ever lay eyes on this, but in the unlikely circumstances that we have not yet completed our task by the time you believe it necessary to check on your asset. We have stolen the real Horcrux and intend to destroy it as soon as possible, we hope that in facing possible death we come one step closer to destroying you. See you at the end of it all.
R.A.B, J.F.P, E.T.R, B.C.Jr.
“Let's go then…” Regulus winces as he stands up, and James wants to say something. He has a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. Something isn’t right. “Kreacher.”
Not a moment passes before there's the sharp crack and Kreacher is standing in James’ living room. “Are Master Regulus and his friends ready?”
“Oui,” Regulus nods, and he grabs James’ hand, squeezing it once, before taking the elf’s hand as well. Barty took James’ other hand, and Evan ended up between Kreacher and Barty. James still didn’t feel right…
The last thing that James was aware of before the harsh salty sea air on his face was David Bowie fading out in the background.
Just turn on with me, and you're not alone
Let's turn on and be not alone (wonderful)
Gimme your hands, 'cause you're wonderful (wonderful)
Gimme your hands, 'cause you're wonderful (wonderful)
Oh, gimme your hands
Seemed fitting.