It’s beautiful” Remus said, Sirius smiled, scribbling a new lyric to add, he had just finished singing Remus a song he made for Mary, he wanted his opinion on it, since he loved Mary, he did love her, he did, really.
“What’s it called ?” Remus asked, the lyrics were about finding light in the dark, about smiles and bright eyes and being close with that special person you held so dear. Sirius had Mary in mind while writing it, he did, really.
“My light. I wrote it for Mary” Sirius replied,
“if you say so” Remus muttered, eyes darkening, he strode over to Sirius, taking a last inhale of his cigarette and stubbing it out in the ash tray Sirius had placed on the piano. Sirius didn’t feel his heart beat speed up as Remus looked down at him, didn’t realise how beautiful his eyes looked as he leant above him, tall and endearing and- and not Mary.
Sirius re directed his gaze downward, adding another line, which was to do with Mary, it was, really.
He placed his pen down once he was finished, and suddenly felt a strong hand beneath his chin, guiding his face upwards, and sure rough lips on his, purposeful and wanting and Remus was kissing him and he was kissing him back and .. and he wanted it.
No. No he didn’t. He pulled away gasping, trying to take in as much air as possible as if that would stop him from drowning in those hazel, lustful eyes. He laughed, a weak, strained thing, biting his lip, hands grasping at nothing.
“Don’t .. don’t misunderstand Remus. Mary knows me in a way that no one else ever will.” He told him, trying to sound understanding, instead of cruel. Remus smiled, hand still under his chin, guiding his face up, forcing Sirius to meet his eyes, and he wanted to look away. He did. But he couldn’t.
“I know you Sirius black” he said, smiling in that soft sure way, voice so beautifully matching his features. Sirius had to deflect, he couldn’t let Remus see, not that there was anything to see, he loved Mary, he did love her, he did, really.
“Is that what you think ?” He smiled, a sad, bitter thing, “oh no you don’t know me, you just see what you want to see” he said, shrugging himself from Remus touch, “we’re friends. That’s all” he said, forcing himself to say the words, because if he said them they were true, there was no denying that, and he believed them, he did, he really did.
“I think you’re the one seeing what you want to see” Remus said, voice lower, eyes darker, Sirius breathed out slowly, because that wasn’t true, it wasn’t it wasn’t it wasn’t. He could believe it, if he told himself enough times.
“Stop denying it. Stop denying who you are” Remus said, he took Sirius face in his hands again, slower, softer, giving Sirius a chance to pull away this time. He didn’t. He wasn’t sure why, or maybe he was. Maybe.
“If you want me to stop I will” and Sirius met his eyes, honest and open and loving, and he allowed it, just for a moment. Just a moment,
“I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything less” he murmured, and Remus smiled and met his lips again and this time, Sirius breathed the air from his lungs, stole his breath and lost his own, this time he was drowning, but he didn’t want to breathe.