Chapter 14
His bed felt more comfortable every minute he’s laying there—he won’t get up. There’s not much sun in the Slytherin dormitory’s because they‘re under a lake—so sun won’t get him out of bed—no one will
Albus throws his blanked over his head and hopes to fall asleep again.
He won’t eat, he won’t move, he won’t go to classes—nothing. Every time Scorpius comes in and sees him like that, he wants to talk to him, asking what’s wrong—but they don’t talk anymore.
Scorpius try’s to sneak food besides him on his nightstand but Albus refuses to eat. He’s not eating much in a day, that’s not a secret—he’s a picky eater. But sometimes it gets so extrem that you won’t see him eating for days. Scorpius tried to talk to him about it, but he couldn’t—he’s probably just imagining that
For two weeks now, Scorpius is sitting in his classes besides an empty chair—the chair Albus used to sit. He looked over to Timothy who was about to fall asleep on his arms
Do you know anything about Albus?
He slide the piece of Paper to him. Timothy looked at him and shrugged his shoulders before he started writing
You share a dorm with him
We don’t talk
Than start talking again
Scorpius rolled his eyes. Maybe he really should talk to him—but Scorpius can’t be the reason he’s feeling like that. If it is so—it would destroy him
Timothy slide another piece of paper to the Malfoy.
He misses you
I never left
You left him
He left me
You two really need to talk about all that
<3
In the great hall, Albus wasn’t there either. It was just the three of them—Eudora sitting close to Timothy and Scorpius drinking his coffee
„I told you that like two weeks ago, you need to talk it out“ Eudora said.
„I agree with her“
„honestly, the whole „we don’t talk anymore“ is bullshit, everyone knows you‘re gonna get back together“
„who’s everyone?“
„The whole school“ Timothy said. „It’s not the 1800 anymore, no one cares that you‘re gay“
„And you will getting back together“ Eudora said Scorpius just wanted to drink his coffee in peace when all of the sudden a boy walking up to him.
„hey Scorpius“ he said. His tie was blue which means he’s a Ravenclaw. He looked at him trying to figure out his name. „Ryan, innit?“
„Yea“ he said and smiled bright. He had blond hair with small freckles on his nose „we‘re in defends against the dark arts together. I just wanted to ask you if you might helping me with the essay?“
„Sure“ he said. Scorpius helps students all the time because the professor are sending them to him. „Did Professor Riesch send you?“
He looked quit confused but nodded. „Yes he did“ he said. „So is tomorrow good for you?“
„Absolutely“
Ryan left the table and got his attention back to his friends who had multiple emotions in their faces. „You good?“
„Are you kidding me?“ Eudora asked loudly. „You just broke up with Albus and now you seeing someone else?“
„What are you talking about? I‘m helping him with his homework, I do that kind of stuff all the time and you know that“
„Ryan recently came out as bisexual, mate, did you know that?“ Timothy asked And Scorpius didn’t know that.
„That doesn’t mean anything“ He shrugged his shoulders. „Alright“
„Alright? That’s not alright“ Eudora came closer to look Scorpius directly in his face. „If you break Albus heart more that it already is, I’m gonna break all of the bones in your body“
„Didn’t you used to hate him?“
„Used to. Now he’s my platonic soulmate…I still love you too, Scor“
„you just said you‘re gonna break all the bones in my body“
„In a lovely way“
<3
They couldn’t go to Scorpius dorm, so they went to Ryan’s who had a room all by himself self because he’s a prefect. It was not much different from Scorpius and Albus dorm—it was comfortable and had more light for some reason
„Alright, where do you need help with?“
„Have you already written the essay?“
„Yea, and I had to agree that it’s pretty hard“ he said and sat on the chair beside the table while Ryan sat down on his bed
„I know, I‘m crab at this subject“ he said. „You can sit here by the way, if you want to“ and pointed besides him on the bed
Eudoras and Timothy’s words were flying around in his head. „I‘m good“ he said.
They worked for three hours. Scorpius tried not to move any further to him so there would be a strict distance.
„Thank god we‘re finally done“ Ryan said and let himself fall in his bed. „Maybe this time Professor Franken won’t be absolutely disappointed in me“
Scorpius laughed. „He won’t, he knows I helped you“
„About that“ he sat down again and looked at him. „I‘m came to you by myself, he didn’t send me“
„oh“ he said. „Then why were you lying about that?“
„I don’t know, I was afraid you say no“
„Why would I?“
Ryan looked at the floor and tried to find his words „because i‘m bi…and I know you‘re gay-„
„I‘m not—I don’t know what I am, actually“ he said. „And I didn’t know you were bi, my friends told me right after you asked me. But I still don’t understand why that would be a problem“
„I didn’t wanted you to think that I like you“ he said slowly. „I thought that maybe you would think this is a—date“
„oh-„
„Which is not, I know you‘re with Albus. I mean everyone saw the daily prophet“ he said.
„I‘m not with Albus anymore“ he said quiet. „He couldn’t handle the pressure after we got outed and I didn’t wanted to be anyone’s secret, so we broke up“
„That sucks, how long have you been together?“
„It started the end of fifth year but—I like him for years now“ he said. „He was the one that made me realise that I like boys…but I think I like girls too“
„Maybe you‘re bi or pan“
„I don’t really like labels“
„That’s okay, you don’t have to label your sexuality“ he said. „But it seems like you really like Albus“ Scorpius nodded slowly „Does he still like you?“
„I‘m not sure“ he said. „It’s really complicated now and he needs to know what he want or it won’t work out between us“
<3
Albus looked through his nightstand and found the piece of glass that he kept after he broke the mirror once. He didn’t even thought about throwing it away He stood in the bathroom and looked at the piece—sliding his finger along the sharp line. He pulled up his arm to relieve his Scars—their were white but visible
When he place the glass on his arm he didn’t really realised what he was doing—it just felt so incredible good. Blood dropped down on the floor and when his whole arm was covered—he stopped
This time he didn’t even regret it. It was good to feel another pain than the pain in his chest. He place the piece of glass on his night drawer again and wiped the blood away and left the dorm.
It was the end of September. It was already pretty cold outside—as he stepped down the castle he could feel the could air filling his lungs, and as he lightened his cigarette his lungs were filled with the smoke.
Far away from the castle his phone worked again. The only emotion he feels right now is rage. Scorpius hasn’t talked to him for days—maybe weeks, Albus lost track of time. The phone rang two times when the voice of his father echoed through it
„This so all your fault“ Albus stared and inhaled his fag while hoping his Fahrer won’t noticed it. „You got into my head and it’s killing me, dad! It’s okay that you don’t like Scorpius, because I like him, isn’t that what matters? I like him and he liked me too, we liked each other. But then we got outed and you told me how much you hate him-„
„I never said I-„
„let me talk! Scorpius broke up with me as you already noticed, but your words are keep repeating in my head and I hate that! I always wanted to make you proud—to make you not hating me. But I can’t, I’m not James or Lily, I can’t be like them. So please, the next time you want to say your opinion in something in my life, don’t. Just shut the fuck up and let me live!“
he hung up and never felt so great about himself in weeks
<3
Returning to the dormitory, Scorpius was there—standing awkwardly in the room and starring at Albus nightstand
„Hey“ Albus was quietly and closed the door behind him.
„Have you-„ he couldn’t bring over himself to finish that sentence and Albus finally realised why. Scorpius was starring at the piece of glass Albus has used—there was still blood on it
„I can explain“ he said. „Please don’t be mad“
„I’m not mad I just—why?“
Albus doesn’t know why—his life was miserable since he got outed and it seemed like the only thing that would satisfied him. „I don’t know“ he said and sat down in his bed. „I just couldn’t stop myself“
„Jesus Christ, Albus“ he went through his blond locks with his hand. „is it my fault?“
„Oh god no! Don’t even think that“ he stood up and looked at his friend. „Don’t you dare ever think that again“
„I just can’t explain it otherwise. We haven’t talked in days and you been in bed all day—I know how miserable you feel and I haven’t done anything about it“
„Yes I feel miserable, but you’re not the reason—you‘re part of the reason but that’s not your fault at all“ he said. „I know it’s shitty how things ended between us and I wish I could undo it, but that’s not possible“ he said. „But, dating or not—you‘re still mine“
Scorpius couldn’t say anything about that—because he felt the same. „Can I see your arm?“ he asked
Albus showed slowly his wounds. „I just splashed water on it and then went outside“ he said He went to the bathroom to get the stuff he also used the last time.
„What were you doing outside?“ he disinfects his wounds and it started to burn a little
„I called my dad“ he said proudly. „You know, after our parents talked to us about—you know. My dad stayed a little to talk to me about you“
„About me?“
„Yea, he said some nasty stuff and I told him that I don’t care about his opinion“ Scorpius looked proud at his friend while putting a bandage on his arm.
„and you called him?“
„I said some more stuff about that it’s my life and he’s not allowed to say anything about it“
Scorpius smile grew. „You stood up for yourself in front of your dad“ he said proudly. „I‘m happy for you“
„And I feel great“ he smiled. „It feels like all the emotions that I felt the last few days was because of him—and telling him my opinion felt amazing“
Scorpius waited a few seconds before hugging him. They were sitting on Albus bed—arms wrapped around each other and it felt like it was ages ago the last time they did that
<3
Scorpius awoke from a tickling feeling on his cheek. Albus head was right under his and his arms didn’t leave his body. He was still asleep—feeling Albus so close again made Scorpius heart race in a unhealthy way. He removed his arms form the other boy in panic which made him wake up.
„Hey“ Albus voice was raspy. „Were we-„
„Yup“ he said and sat up. He pushes his finger into his eyes. „Albus we can’t— that’s wrong“
„What?“
„We broke up, we can’t do stuff like that“ he said. Scorpius head felt dizzy and he just wanted to fall asleep again with Albus in his arms.
„I‘m sorry“ he said. „but I don’t understand you, Scor. First you tell me that you like me and I tell you that I like you back, now you don’t want this anymore?“
„Yes I like you, but first I need you to know what you want“
„I want you“ he said quietly and normally Scorpius would kiss him right now.
„Even when everyone knows?“
The boy went quiet now and looked at his hands. „I don’t want to be out“ he said. „Besides the fact it already happened—I don’t want everyone to know“ he said slowly. „I want you all by myself“
„And I don’t want to be your secret“ Albus nodded. „if you really want to be with me than first you need to get over your fear of being out“
He nodded again—so that’s it?