Chapter 10
The butterfly tells you you‘re in love, it’s the pain that comes with it.
Scorpius often question himself, why?
How did it happen that he fell in love with the idiotic Albus Potter. And he realised-there is no answer, it just happened
Scorpius always had a special place for Albus in his heart. He was the first one in Hogwarts who was actually nice to him. He knows, Albus would do anything to make Scorpius feel good. He always felt more like himself when he’s with Albus and they‘re always there for each other—no matter what.
So thats how it happened—it just did.
And Scorpius hates it—he hates it that he loves him so much.
The ride back home was quiet. Eudora spent all holidays with Scorpius. She decided to stay after the phone call—Scorpius was crying the rest of the holidays mostly. Eudora was the one who kept him alive during that time. Now they‘re going back, and Scorpius knows—the second he’s walking into his dorm room, there’s gonna be another fight. Or maybe Albus is avoiding him for the rest of their life’s—who knows.
Eudora kept asking if he’s gonna be alright—she decided to sit with him on the Slytherin table so he won’t be alone. He’s thankful to have her, Scorpius doesn’t know what’s he’s gonna do without Eudora on his side.
They arrived in the great hall—and once again, everything’s changed. Scorpius gazed his eyes to the brown haired boy with shimmering green eyes. Albus didn’t looked away—he followed Scorpius with his eyes until he sat down. They were separated—but Scorpius could feel his eyes burning in his skin.
„have you ever considered to talk to him in person?“ Eudora asked. „It might help“
„No, it won’t“ he said slowly. Albus is the one who should talk to him first because Scorpius hasn’t done anything wrong. „It’s over, Eudora“
„it can’t be. You—You‘re Albus and Scorpius!“
„what do you mean?“
„You‘re soulmates. You‘re meant for each other because you are Albus and Scorpius. You‘re a duo that would never separate, ever!“
„It sounds like you‘re making a bigger deal out of it than it actually is“
„When people think of you, they know—you can’t be without each other. It’s just a fact“
„You know what another fact is? That you‘re talking a lot of crap“ he tried to wisperst but a few heads were turning to their side. „I‘m perfectly fine when Albus and I are not friends anymore. It’s better that way anyway“
„It’s really not“ she put her hand on his. „Try talking to him, maybe everything is going to be okay again and you both can move on“
He exhaled loudly. „he should talk first“
„Maybe he will“
„I doubt that“
<3
Back in Eda‘s office. Eudora and Scorpius were the first once to enter. „Good, You’re here“ her high pitched voice echoed through the office. „Where are Albus and Timothy?“
„Should be here any minute“ Eudora said and sat down the the red couch Scorpius stand awkwardly in the office and watch his friend cuddled with the cat on the couch. Scorpius doesn’t know what might happen next—but seeing Albus again after what happened might be overwhelming for him.
When the door opened, Albus eyes were focus on Scorpius again. He finally could see Albus dark eye rings and messy hair—he looked sad.
Eda starts talking. Mostly about the holidays and how it was for them to be home again. Scorpius actually just wanted to fall asleep on the couch with the cat on his lap—but he kept feeling Albus gaze on his skin and it’s freaking him out. Every second were Eda talk, Albus took another Small step towards Scorpius. His eyes went to him and back to Eda the whole time—like he wants Scorpius attention.
When Scorpius finally gave up and look back to him, Albus gave him a shy smile which made Scorpius blush. They were standing so close that their shoulder were touching. And Scorpius is about to Brust out in tears and laughter at the same time—he can smell Albus sense and he just wanted to kiss that boy
„Well, we see each other next week than. Have a good night sleep“ Eda said and they were allowed to leave her office
Scorpius speed walked back to the dormitory—he doubt that this was a good idea because Albus was right behind him, which means they‘re gonna be alone—together
„Stop avoiding me“ Albus said when they entertet the Common room. „Scor, wait“ Walking up the stairs—Scorpius tried to close the door before Albus could enter, which was pretty harsh of him. But his mind was filled with anger and sadness and he just wants to be alone.
„Scorpius“ Albus said. „talk to me“
„About?“
„About what happened“
„What should we talk about? How you broke my trust by reading my diary or getting pissed of me because I spent Christmas with Eudora?“
Albus was silent. He didn’t see that anger coming. „I‘m sorry“ he wispert. „I know I messed up. It’s all my fault and—if I could change it I would. Just please, stop hating me“
„I already told you I don’t hate you“ he said. „I couldn’t even explain to you why she was with me“
„You don’t need to explain, I already know“ he said without looking in his eyes
Scorpius shook his head because Albus thinks something completely different. „No, not that“ he said and Albus eyes were filled with hope once again. „I told you I spent Christmas with my dad in Bulgaria. And I told my dad, who is actually in Bulgaria right now, that I spent Christmas with you“
„But why?“
„Because the OWL‘s are freaking me out and I wanted to spent the holidays studying“
Albus started smiling, because that exactly sounds like something Scorpius would do. „Of course“.
Scorpius had to smile too—because in that moment he actually believed that everything is going to be okay.
„you could‘ve just told me“
„I forgot. And when I wanted to tell you…the thing happened“
„And why were you avoiding me?“
„Because I tried really hard to not make you uncomfortable“ he said and could feel his eyes burning with tears. „It’s never gonna be the same between us and it’s killing me“
Albus has no words left. He just stared at his best friend and tried to keep his tears with him. „you‘re avoiding me because you think you are me feel uncomfortable?“
„Yes! But honestly, why do you care? I wouldn’t blame you for hating me“
„Because you‘re important to me you piece of shit“
„Albus…I need to keep distance to you“
„Distance? Why?“
„Because I can’t have you“ these words just slipped out of him—but these were the most truthful words he said in the past few weeks to him.
Albus didn’t say anything—he just kept starting at him like he doesn’t know who Scorpius actually was.
„Just forget it“ he said at last
That night—Scorpius pillow were filled with his tears and he made a silence spell over his bed so Albus wouldn’t hear him sobbing.
He can’t blame Albus for not liking him back
<3
His head hurts like hell. Albus still had the curtains around his bed and Scorpius assumed he was still asleep.
That whole night was like a blur to him. He knew it’s gonna be horrible when they get back from home—but he didn’t thought he would cry himself to sleep the first night.
Scorpius couldn’t bring over himself to shower or brush his teeth. He saw in the mirror and saw a stranger—he‘s not recognising himself and he’s disgusted by that what he’s seeing. He decided, he should go before Albus wakes up
He went straight to the library. Besides everything what’s going on, the OWL‘s are in four months and he still needs to study.
„Someday, your head is gonna explode and the only things that coming out are books and Nudes of Albus“ Scorpius gave Sam an annoyed gaze.
„Too soon“ he said and tried not to smile about her joke
The library was empty that day. They were sitting by the tables and could talk how loud they wanted because Sam put a silence spell over them
„What do you even study for?“ she asked
„For the test on Friday“
„Yea no shit. But why are you doing this?“
Scorpius holds slowly his head up and looked quit confused. „I don’t understand“
„Of course you study for the test, but we both know that you don’t actually need to study because you‘ll pass anyway. My question is tho, what do you study for?“
He started to nick slowly in confusion. „Potions?“
Sam puts her head on the table. „What do you wanna do after Hogwarts is my question“
„Why didn’t you just asked that? Do you have to be so complicated?“ he asked and laughed. „I wanna be healer“ he said
Her slime grow a little. „Alright“ she said. „Go ahead“
„That was so random“ She smiled even Brighter now that Scorpius think she’s going crazy.
„I just know that you‘re going to safe a lot of lives when you‘re a healer“
Scorpius sat alone in the Library. He was hidden behind tons of books and hoped no one is gonna talk to him today. His head was still hurting and his eyes were itchy.
The OWL‘s are in four months and that should be the only think in Scorpius mind. Not Albus or any other problems. But because of the thing that Scorpius said yesterday—he might made that situation even worst.
Of course he can’t have Albus—he told him the truth. But he never thought about how that might affect Albus
Scorpius was selfish—he just thought about how bad it would be for him if Albus finds out about his crush. He never thought about how Albus might feel like, which is stupid because he always thinks about his best friends feelings and how his decisions might affect him. A wave of guilt went over Scorpius. He puts his hand on his chest and just knew—somethings coming
He didn’t even bother to put the books back we’re they belong—he just starts running. His chest felt so tight that he can’t get any air in his lungs. As he entered the common room, the first tear drip down his cheek, he was so fast in the dormitory tho that no one even saw it.
He can’t breath—he slaps the door behind him and slides down it. He tried to breathe but nothings working
His shivering got worst and he wanted to scream—but you can’t scream without any air. His vision was blurry and he could only feel a hand in his knee and on his shoulder
„Scorpius, breath“ Albus said. „Keep breathing. Slowly“ they both breath in a slow rhythm at the same time. „You‘re doing great“ he said and Albus tighter his grip and he noticed how Scorpius shivering got better.
Albus knows what’s going on, he read it in his diary. He always kinda knew but just was never sure. Sometimes, Scorpius just vanished in the bathroom for hours at night and you could just hear him crying. It always broke Albus heart but he knows that Scorpius doesn’t want him to know But right now, it seemed like an emergency. Scorpius needs his help and it’s working. His breath got slower and he could feel the air backing his lungs.
Scorpius bangt his head against the door—like he blames himself because that happened again „I‘m okay“ he said. „I‘m sorry“
„Don’t you dare apologise“ Albus said. He helped him to his bed and sat down. „How Long do you have these?“
Scorpius looked at his hands. „a while“ He exhaled.
„is there a particular reason you haven’t told me?“ he slowly puts his hand on top of Scorpius hand. He felt the warm, electric energy of his best friend
„because I don’t even know myself why that happens. It’s getting worst everyday and I hate that“
„You get them because of to much pressure. You need to calm down“
„I did calm down in the holidays, but still, I’m—so scared“ he said. „People always tell me how smart I am and how I would menage any exam. But what if I can’t? What if I fail?“
„You won’t. You are smart, but I don’t think you can pass any exam. I think no one can. But Scor, if you keep pressuring yourself like that than it’s not gonna stop“ he said and his hand got even tighter around his. „We still go to classes where you can study, you have study groups and beside all that, you have good grades in every subject. If you‘re gonna fail the exams, than no one will pass“‘
They kept talking the whole day till night. It was a great feeling to hear Albus voice again without anger—now he might think that everything’s ging to be okay
<3
Scorpius mind was already awake but his eyes were closed. He felt Albus present besides him. They have fallen asleep—he didn’t even noticed, they were just talking like back in first year when they just have met—they kept being up the whole night and talking about life.
A thump was brushing over his hand slowly—he could feel every move he did. He finally opened his eyes to see that he’s not imaging that.
Albus is fully awake and holding his hand He hold his hand and knows what he’s doing
Until he stops, but he still feels it on his hand—it was a tickling feeling but he wishes it would never vanish