Parallels

Regulus slipped into an empty classroom and shut the door behind him. He fell against the wall and slid to the ground, trying to stop the trembling in his fingers. He reached for the flask he kept hidden in the inside of his cloak and felt his heart sink when he registered how light it was, but still pulled it out, fumbling with the cap and tipped the remaining liquid into his mouth.

A few drops fell onto his tongue, not even enough to fully swallow. It wasn’t enough. Regulus dropped the flask, and began shaking with full body tremors that seemed to consume him. A wave of nausea crawled up his throat and he pressed his forehead down onto his knees, trying to tamp down the churning in his stomach.

How could he be so reckless? He knew he was running low, that he would have to go back to his dorm, but he had wanted to hold it off for as long as possible. Everything felt like too much in that place- the cold, the silence, the looks he knew Evan would be giving him, and the constant absence of half of his friends. And then there was the guilt that hit whenever he was around Barty.

But now he found himself regretting his hesitation. Anything was better than this- this feeling that overtook him until his thought were full of nothing but the desperate need to make it stop. Regulus was so caught up in his own mind that he didn’t notice someone had walked into the classroom until he saw the shoes standing right next to him.

It was Evan. Of course it was. He always seemed to find him at moments like these, although Regulus suspected it was because Evan just knew when to follow him. He was never in his right state of mind to notice.

“Go away,” Regulus croaked, hiding his face further between his legs.

Evan crouched down and picked up the discarded flask by his legs. He turned the bottle upside down, and Regulus watched with regret as another drop slowly slipped out. “You ran out.”

“Get out, Evan. I don’t-“ Regulus gagged as the nausea hit him again, much stronger than before. “I don’t want you to see me like this.”

Regulus felt a hand on his shoulder and jolted back, but he only hit the wall behind him. He felt Evan grab his hand and press a bottle into it- a potions bottle.

Regulus didn’t look up until the shaking stopped. When he did glance over at Evan, he noticed the way his jaw was tense and his eyes flashed. He might have winced if the numbness hadn’t started to set in.

“Right,” Regulus muttered, pushing himself up to his feet. “See you back at the dorm.”

“Regulus, wait,” Evan grabbed his wrist, and it took all Regulus had in him not to flinch away. Evan seemed to notice anyway and quickly let go. “You can’t- you can’t keep doing this.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Regulus deadpanned, even though the evidence was staring at him.

“Come on, Regulus, you’re hurting yourself,” Evan pleaded.

“I’m fine,” Regulus said shortly. And he wasn’t even lying. He felt fine- well, he didn’t really feel much of anything, but it was better than before. That was all that mattered.

“You’re hurting everyone else, too,” Evan bit out. “When was the last time you talked to Dorcas or Pandora?”

Regulus sighed and began walking toward the door, turning his back to Evan. There was a dull throbbing behind his eyes, almost like a headache but not quite, and he was exhausted. He just wanted to be alone, but of course Evan, who couldn’t leave it be, followed behind him.

“And what about Barty?” Evan asked. “You-“

“Don’t,” Regulus interrupted. He’d meant for it to come out sharply, but he just sounded tired. “You don’t know anything about us.”

“I know that you’re using him,” Evan said, pain laced within his words.

“Barty can take care of himself,” Regulus said.

Evan scoffed. “Are you hearing yourself? No, do you even give a shit about how he feels about this? About any of us? What you’re doing, it’s tearing us apart.”

Regulus did care, he thought. Some part of him did, although he couldn’t feel it at the moment. “I know,” Regulus said quietly.

Evan softened, his face tinged with regret. “I didn’t mean it like that. But Regulus, I’m worried about you.”

“There’s nothing to worry about. Really.”

“Look, I know you miss S-“ Regulus didn’t wait for the rest of his sentence. He pushed past Evan and walked away, not wanting to hear the name that was about to come out of his mouth.

Regulus paced back and forth outside the Potions classroom, trying to clear his mind. He was in so much trouble, wasn’t he? All he had to do was make it through the day without attracting any attention, but instead he to go and walk out in the middle of class.

“Regulus!” Regulus sighed and turned to Peter, who’d made the stupid decision to follow him.

“Go back inside, I’ve already made enough of a scene.” Regulus said.

“It’s okay, I told Slughorn you weren’t feeling well and I would walk you to the Hospital Wing. Speaking of, do you need to go? You look really pale.“

“I’m fine,” Regulus said sharply.

Peter looked at him appraisingly for a long moment before nodding and beckoning down the hall, indicating that they should walk in that direction. He turned and walked away from the classroom, and Regulus hesitantly followed.

“Class should be ending soon, and you probably don’t want to be caught hanging out by the door.” Peter hesitated for a moment, then slowly said, “I, uh- don’t really know if whatever happened was because of the whole, well, universe thing, or because of what we were doing in class, but it’s not hard to see that you’re not fine.”

Regulus bit the inside of his mouth. “Pettigrew, this isn’t really any of your business.”

“I know,” Peter said, raising his hands in a placating gesture. “Really, I do. But… it kind of is? I mean, we’re the ones helping you get back, and the other three are kind of, well…”

“Caught up in their own world?” Regulus asked with a raised eyebrow.

Peter grimaced. “Except you’re in the middle of it all this time. I’m just saying, you can trust me. If you need to talk.”

Regulus’ first instinct was to scoff and turn away, because he couldn’t trust him. But something stopped him. Maybe it was because of the memories from the past year that he couldn’t get out of his head, but shutting Peter out felt like something he would have done a year ago. And Regulus remembered the promise he’d made Evan last June, right before they had left for the summer holidays.

And it might have been because Peter’s words from earlier were still fresh in his mind. We were there for each other, he’d said, like that was something normal between the two of them. But ‘we’ didn’t mean him. That was another Regulus from another universe. The problem was, he was in the universe, and the other one was (probably) in his.

Which meant he was alone, and at the moment, his only true source of comfort was coming from Peter Pettigrew, of all people. He knew he could go back to Pandora, but he didn’t want to get her involved in this without knowing exactly what was happening.

Regulus’ thoughts from earlier bounced around in his head. Everyone here was a stranger. Everything felt backwards. All his friends probably only thought of him as a random Gryffindor- or worse, Sirius’ brother. The people he’d despised for years were the ones he was stuck with, and he was forced to turn to them for help.

The thing was, Peter didn’t fit into any of those categories. To be honest, Regulus never really thought of him much. Even Remus had tried to talk to him at some point in his own universe, but Peter had kept to himself. So maybe it was because Regulus had never expected anything from the other boy in the first place, but being around Peter didn’t feel as uncomfortable or off-putting as everyone else made him feel.

A year ago, Regulus would have doubled down, repeated that he was fine, and walked away. But Regulus didn’t want to be that person anymore. So, he started talking.

“It’s because of class,” Regulus said, staring pointedly at the ground in front of him. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Peter stop walking and turn to him. Regulus stopped too but continued to stare straight ahead.

“Last year, after Sirius left, things got… bad,” Regulus said slowly. “I- the calming draughts… they helped me-“ Regulus swallowed, voice dying in his throat.

“Oh,” Peter whispered.

“I’ve never told anyone about it,” Regulus admitted. “My friends know, but that’s only because they were there to witness it. They covered for me, since I was hardly ever in my right state of mind to keep up appearances.”

“I’m… I’m glad you can trust me with this,” Peter said hoarsely. “Fuck, Reg, how could we let that happen?”

“I don’t think any of them would have cared, even if they knew,” Regulus said, hating how bitter he sounded.

Peter frowned. “I don’t-“

“It doesn’t matter,” Regulus said quickly. “Not anymore. That was a year ago, and I’m fine now. Mostly because of Evan, he helped out of it. he stuck around, even when I tried to push him away.”

“I’m sorry that we’re all prats in the other universe,” Peter said, looking entirely serious. “And for the way the others are acting right now in this one, too.”

Regulus fidgeted. “You don’t have to-“

He was interrupted by the bells chiming from the clock tower, signaling the end of class. Regulus sighed and braced himself to face his brother (and James) again.

“Wait, what do you mean after Sirius-“

Peter cut off at the sound of footsteps approaching them. Not a moment later, Sirius appeared in front of Regulus, looking over him anxiously.

“Why did you leave like that?” Sirius asked, grabbing his arms. “Did something happen?”

Regulus pulled himself away sharply and ignored the strange feeling in his stomach at the unfamiliarity of Sirius’ gesture. “I’m fine,”

Sirius frowned. “But-“

“Don’t try and pretend you care,” Regulus said shortly.

“Sirius.” Peter shook his head at him. Sirius looked as though he wanted to argue more but thankfully stayed quiet.

Soon enough, the corridor filled from both sides. Regulus turned and began walking back to Gryffindor Tower. Unfortunately, he was stopped before he could make it far- by Evans, of all people.

“Are you alright, Regulus?” She asked with a look of concern. “You looked off all class and- well, I’ve never seen you run out like that before.”

Regulus froze. “I- yeah, I’m okay I was just…” Regulus felt a wave of nausea sweep over him and shut his eyes, fighting the urge to buckle over from the sudden onslaught of pain.

He felt someone grab his arm and jerked away.

“It’s just me,” Peter said. “What happened? You don’t look so good.”

“My head- headache,” Regulus gasped. He felt himself being pulled forward and next thing he knew, almost like he’d been instantly transported there, Peter was dragging him through the portrait hole and into the Gryffindor common room.

“I’m fine,” Regulus insisted, shaking his arms out and trying to regain his bearings. “I’m-“

This time, he really did bend over, caving in from the intense feeling akin to a hammer pounding against the inside of his head.

“Regulus!” Peter grabbed his arm again. “Come on, people are staring.”

Regulus staggered up the stairs to the dormitory, leaning on Peter for support. As soon as they made it into the privacy of the dorm, he fell to his knees.

“Reggie, what’s happening?” Sirius appeared in front of him, gripping his shoulders. Regulus could barely hear Peter’s voice responding. James’ voice chimed in after, and although he couldn’t make out either of their words, their panic was unmistakable.

“Let go of me,” Regulus hissed through gritted teeth. He tried to push Sirius away but couldn’t muster up the strength to do more than bat at his hands. Thankfully, Sirius got the message and backed up a little.

It was difficult to describe exactly how he felt. It was as though a large hand was squeezing his head tightly and something was simultaneously banging against his brain. Dark spots overtook his vision and there were more voices, more hands, but he was too far gone to properly notice any of it.

The next thing Regulus knew, he was on the ground and the pain had reduced to a dull throbbing that was comparatively much more manageable. He felt oddly warm in a way that reminded him of the moment when he’d first woken up that morning.

Regulus opened his eyes and saw Sirius and Peter hovering above him, worried faces pressed a little too close for comfort.

“Wha-“ Regulus pushed himself up, then jolted when he felt a pair of arms wrapped around his shoulders fall away. He scrambled to his feet and away from James, realizing he’d somehow ended up in his lap. Then he nearly fell back down again, feeling all the blood rush from his head.

Peter sighed in relief. “I think you just passed out, mate.”

“I- you think?” Regulus backed away from everyone and felt his back hit a wall.

“What was that?” Sirius asked, standing and stepping closer. Regulus swallowed and pressed further back against the wall.

“Maybe you should give him some space,” Remus, who was leaning against the bedposts of one of the beds, said.

“You should lie down,” Sirius suggested.

Regulus shook his head. “No time. I have to figure out how to get back before-“

He pushed away from the wall and staggered, feeling as though his legs were made of jelly. Sirius reached forward and caught his arm, steadying him.

“Come on, Reggie, you should really-“

“Don’t tell me what I should do,” Regulus growled.

Sirius’ eyes flashed with something Regulus didn’t have the energy to decipher. Stubbornly, he tugged at Regulus’ arm and pushed him toward the bed closest to them. Regulus opened his mouth to argue again, but Remus cut him off.

“You won’t do any good when you’re exhausted like that,” He reasoned. “We can do this later, just rest right now.”

Regulus wanted to protest, but he sat on the bed Sirius pushed him toward and it felt so inviting, he gave into the part of himself that wanted to hide and forget all of the events of the day. He shot a glare at everyone in the room before wordlessly pulling the curtains around himself and falling back onto the bed.

His one reprieve was that the exhaustion from earlier saved him from getting lost in his own mind as he fell asleep within minutes.