Parallels

“Pandora,” Regulus breathed.

Pandora. Pandora was right in front of him. Pandora, who was staring at him with a strange expression on her face, like she was trying to figure out a riddle.

She sat down on the floor in front of him, crossing her legs and smiling. “That’s my name. You know, you’re going to pass out if you keep breathing like that.”

“I- it’s just- hard sometimes,” Regulus admitted.

Pandora nodded sympathetically. “I get that. Sometimes it helps to count your steps.”

“How does that help?” Regulus asked.

“I breathe every four steps. That way, I won’t be stuck in one place and don’t forget to breathe,” She explained.

Regulus looked down at his lap. “Do you do that often?” He asked quietly.

“Only when people are mean,” Pandora answered.

Regulus inhaled sharply. It was just like in his second year, when he had first met her and she’d said most kids didn’t like her. Regulus had hated it back then, the fact that no one looked past what they saw on the outside and got to know her. He hated it just as much now. “I’m sorry. You don’t deserve that.”

Pandora shrugged. “You didn’t do anything.”

Yet it still felt like it was partially his fault. Or the other him, at least. Why did he ne never meet Pandora? How could he have possibly made it through five and a half years of school without her?

Pandora leaned forward, a long lock of blonde hair falling over her shoulder. “Something’s different about you.”

“In what way?”

She scanned his eyes, but it didn’t feel unnerving like it would with anyone else. Nothing about Pandora could ever make him uncomfortable. “You’re more burdened than usual. It’s weighing down on you.”

Regulus shifted, dropping his faze. “Just had a bad day. Nothing serious.”

“No, that’s not it” Pandora reached out and grabbed his hand, gently holding it in hers. She pressed their fingers together, thinking for a moment. “We don’t fit together properly.”

“Did we before?” Regulus asked.

“We never tried, I suppose. But it’s not that. You don’t fit. Did someone misplace you?”

Regulus sighed. “Something like that. Is it that bad?”

Pandora shrugged. “Do you think it’s bad?”

“I liked where I was before,” Regulus answered.

Pandora hummed. “And that place weighs down on you. You’re burdened.”

Regulus looked at her, truly looked at her for the first time. She looked so much like his pandora, and yet… not. “So are you.”

“Am I?” She asked softly.

“We fit better, where I come from,” Regulus said, looking down at their joined hands. For a second, he thought about Sirius’ warnings to not talk to his friends. Regulus ignored the thought. He didn’t care that he didn’t know this Pandora, not really. It was still Pandora, if she couldn’t be trusted, then no one could. Besides, Sirius had said not to talk to the Slytherins. Technically he wasn’t, if he cared about listening to what Sirius said. “I think you would like the other me.”

Pandora smiled. “Maybe I would. Where is he?”

“Probably where I’m supposed to be,” Regulus muttered, then sighed again. “I don’t know. Maybe this is all just some elaborate fever dream and I’m overreacting.”

“That sounds messy.”

“It is.” Regulus pinched the bridge of his nose with his free hand. “Everything is wrong, and I can’t remember some of the things I’m supposed to, and everyone I like doesn’t know me while all the people I hate are the only ones that can help me.”

Pandora stared at him for a long moment. Suddenly, she dropped his hand and stood up, dusting off her skirt. Regulus silently cursed himself, not wanting to be alone. Maybe he shouldn’t have spoken. Maybe it was too much for this Pandora, who he didn’t really know and who didn’t really know him.

But then Pandora looked down at him and smiled.

“You coming?” She asked, tilting her head to the side.

Regulus breathed a small sigh of relief and stood up, accepting the hand Pandora reached out to him again.

“For what it’s worth, I don’t think I’ve ever managed to appear in someone else’s dreams before. Even an elaborate fever dream. I suppose you’re just as sane as I am.” Pandora said before she began to drag him down the hallway.

He didn’t realize she was taking him to the kitchens until he saw the familiar painting of the bowl of fruit. Pandora reached out and tickled the pear, watching it transform into the handle that would lead them inside. He felt a sense of déjà vu when the house elves crowded around the two of them, voices overlapping as they greeted them.

“It’s good to see all of you again!” Pandora laughed. “I’m here with a- a friend.” She seemed to hesitate for a moment, glancing up at Regulus nervously, but he didn’t say anything to contradict her. “Could we eat lunch in here, please?”

The house elves swarmed them, pulling them off toward a table at the far end of the kitchens. Regulus noticed the way the elves seemed to brighten around Pandora, which, of course, was nothing new. Anyone who got to know Pandora couldn’t help but love her, and the elves were no exception. But he also saw the looks they gave him, like they were curious as to what he was doing there. Like they didn’t know him.

Regulus looked down at the sandwiches placed in front of him, feeling queasy.

“Eat,” Pandora said. “You need food to survive.”

Regulus picked a sandwich up but didn’t bring it up to his mouth. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep it in. “We usually come here together, you know? I brought you here when I first found it and we’ve made it our… hiding spot from the rest of the school, I guess.”

“The elves are nice to be around,” Pandora agreed.

Regulus snorted. “Yeah, better than most of the people at this school.”

“But I come with you?” Pandora asked doubtfully.

“No one is better than you, Dora,” Regulus said quietly. He saw the faint tinge of red brush her cheeks as she smiled softly, a bit more nervously this time. Almost like she was afraid to accept the compliment. Regulus held her gaze, wanting her to know he meant it. Eventually it was Pandora who looked away first, turning to take a bite out of a sandwich.

They sat in a comfortable silence while Regulus forced himself to eat a little bit, at least to make Pandora happy. But with nothing to occupy his attention for the first time that day, his mind wandered to everything he had avoided thinking about so far. Seeing Dorcas at the Gryffindor table, (and with McKinnon- what the fuck?) Barty and Evan not knowing him, the way he had walked out of the Great Hall, and worst of all, the look on Sirius’ face whenever he looked at him. He tried to block the thoughts out- he definitely had more pressing concerns- but he couldn’t stop everything from spinning around in his head. The minutes seemed to go by too fast, and before he knew it, and a house elf- one he recognized, his name was Blue- came up to them and told them lunch was over.

Regulus’ stomach churned as he stood up. “I have Potions now. With the seventh years.”

“I’ll walk you,” Pandora said.                                                                                            

“You should talk to the other Regulus,” Regulus said as they left the kitchens after Pandora said goodbye to all the elves. Regulus had stood there awkwardly, not knowing if he should act like a stranger or like he knew them. He ended up saying nothing and leaving with a bitter taste in his mouth.

“Would he want me to, though?” Pandora asked, chewing on her lower lip.

“Anyone who isn’t a complete idiot would,” Regulus assured her. “Although, I don’t have much hope for a version of me that got sorted into Gryffindor. And, well, none of this will matter if I can’t figure out how to get things back to normal.”

Pandora nodded thoughtfully. “Well, there are people who can help you, aren’t there? The people you hate? Are they refusing to help?”

“No, they’re-“ Regulus sighed. “They’re trying, I suppose. But I just- I can’t be around them. We haven’t been able to figure out how to fix anything and everything is so backwards in this world, it feels so wrong. They’re supposed to hate me. I hate them.“

“Maybe that could change,” Pandora said. Regulus shot her a look, but she continued. “If they don’t hate you anymore, then this could change things between all of you. Maybe it’ll help.”

“It doesn’t need to change. I’m fine with the way things were before.”

Pandora just shrugged. “Anything can happen, I suppose.”

The two made their way down the dungeons, and Regulus found himself wishing he could walk the familiar path to his dorm room after class and find his friends there, like always.

But Barty and Evan would look at him like a stranger. And Dorcas, for whatever reason Regulus still didn’t understand, was probably in the Gryffindor dorms.

Regulus turned to Pandora, not wanting her to leave.

“This might actually be my first Potions class without you, Evan and Barty,” he said as the realization dawned on him.

Pandora frowned at the names, a flicker of curiosity passing over her face, but she shook it off. “You’re going to be okay. After all, it is Potions. Even I’ve heard you’re amazing at it.”

 “Glad something didn’t change,” Regulus muttered.

“And remember,” Pandora began. “Things might get better between you and your brother, or it may not. But make sure you do it for yourself and not them, okay? Focus on just getting back, if you wish, or learn from the differences in this life. You could learn to let go of some of your burden here, if you tried. But I don’t know much about you, and even if I did, I couldn’t tell you what to do. So trust your own judgement.”

Regulus wasn’t sure what to think of everything she had just said, so he reached forward and hugged her instead of responding. Pandora made a little sound of surprise. Regulus could feel her hands flitting around like she was unsure what to do with them before she finally wrapped them around him and hugged him back.

“Good luck in there,” Pandora said.

“Reggie?”

Regulus internally groaned and pulled away. Sirius was standing further down the corridor in front of the Potions door, glaring at him. Remus and Peter were standing behind him looking wary, and James looked as though he was hiding behind them, staring down at his shoes. It looked eerily like he was being cornered, so he muttered a quick see you later to Pandora and pushed past the Gryffindors into the classroom.

He slowed down when he got inside, realizing he had no idea what to do. Usually he partnered with Pandora, since Potions had always been joint classes with the Ravenclaws for as long as Regulus had been at Hogwarts. The classroom felt just as unfamiliar to him as the Ancient Runes classroom without Pandora, Evan, and Barty by his side.

“Come on,” Peter said from behind him and grabbed his arm, pulling him toward a table on the left side of the classroom. Regulus looked across the room and noticed that all the Slytherins were together at the right, and he was in the Gryffindor side. Snape noticed him looking and sneered at him.

Regulus quickly looked away. Unfortunately, that meant turning his attention back to Sirius, who was right in front of him and still glaring.

“You promised not to talk to your friends-“

“I didn’t promise anything.” Regulus hissed.

“Reggie, don’t be so-“

“Don’t call me that,” Regulus said. “And whatever you’re going to say, don’t bother. Why would I trust your judgement, of all people?”

Sirius stepped back like he’d been hit and swallowed. Before he could respond, Remus pulled him away, taking him close to where Evans was standing. James followed, eyes briefly flickering toward Regulus without actually turning toward him.

Regulus sighed and tilted his head back, closing his eyes. His headache seemed to get worse as the day went on. The buzzing from earlier now felt as though it was grating against the inside of his brain.

“Alright?” Peter asked.

Regulus opened his eyes and looked at him, a bit startled. Peter seemed to be genuinely concerned. Regulus glanced over at Sirius, and then back at Peter.

“Aren’t you supposed to be worried about your friend?” Regulus spat.

Peter shrugged. “You’re my friend.”

Regulus supposed this was meant to be comforting, but it put him on edge. It just proved that he didn’t know what to expect when it came to Peter. James and Remus going with Sirius was predictable, but Peter staying was a surprise.

He was saved from wherever that conversation was headed by Slughorn beginning the class. Regulus saw Remus stay at the table with Evans while Sirius and James took the table in front of him. When he looked over, he noticed Evans staring at him with her brow furrowed, like she was deep in thought. Their eyes met, and she raised an eyebrow at him. Regulus wasn’t sure what the gesture was supposed to mean. He wondered if the version of his that belonged here would have known.  

“Are you as good at potions as you usually are?” Peter whispered. He made a face like he was confused by his own sentence. “I mean, you’re the only reason I’m passing this class.” He said class like it was something vile.

“Better,” Regulus, who had no idea how good the other  said.                                                                                            

Their attention was draw to the front of the class- Regulus had briefly forgotten that Slughorn had been talking- as the Professor lifted the lid of a cauldron he had presumably set up.

Regulus caught a whiff of the potion in the cauldron and felt it wash over him like a wave of dread.

Fuck.

“Now, does anyone remember what this potion is?” Slughorn asked.

“Calming draught,” Regulus muttered. Peter, who was the only one close enough to hear, glanced over at him.

“Calming draught, sir,” Evans called out.

“That’s right! Five points to Gryffindor,” Slughorn beamed like she’d made some sort of miraculous discovery. If Barty were here, he would be mocking the expression on Slughorn’s face.

“Now, I know you all remember doing this back in fourth year,” Slughorn continued. “But with your NEWTs coming up, it would be helpful for you to practice the older potions- at least, the ones most commonly used in life.”

Regulus bent his head forward, trying to keep his breathing steady. It was just his luck, the one time he had a Potions class without his friends, this is what they would be doing.

“As a reminder, this potion is, exactly as the name says, used to calm a person down, usually after a shock or during an emotional outburst. However, it is important to be careful when using it. Too much of the potion, or using it on most animals, such as cats and dogs, can be very dangerous.”

Peter snorted next to him. If Regulus’ head wasn’t spinning, he would have wondered why.

Slughorn kept talking about the potions, listing meaningless facts that Regulus probably already knew. Regulus briefly debated walking out of the class, whether it was worth attracting the attention, as long as he wasn’t here.

Regulus saw Slughorn walk back to his own desk and sit down and realized they were now supposed to brew the potion.

“Do you want me to get the ingredients or- hey, are you okay?” Peter asked.

Regulus ignored him and walked to the potions storeroom in the back of the class. He didn’t need to look at the board to know what ingredients to take. He noticed that he was the first one back to his desk. Peter was giving him a look of concern that he pretended not to see.

Regulus stared at the ingredients spread out across the table. He briefly thought about the promise he’d made Evan less than a year ago. He could almost picture the look of disappointment on his face when he realized he was about to break it. In Regulus’ defense, this was definitely a special circumstance.

So Regulus began the process. The steps were familiar, repeated so many times so long ago that doing it again after so long felt like falling back into an old dream. He didn’t bother looking at his book, since he knew all of it and wouldn’t be following most of the instructions anyway. He already knew how to make to make it better- where crushing would help rather than cutting, where to switch the direction of stirring to make it go faster, where to add a little more than the book says, and so on.

The movements felt mechanical, like he wasn’t really the one in charge of his own hands. Regulus wished he could believe that was true, that he wasn’t really there. With every step of the potion, the familiar scent got stronger, and the churning of his stomach got worse.

The minute the potion looked complete, Regulus covered it, relaxing slightly when it was no longer in his sight. It still didn’t help much, because the muted smell still came through the lid, and the potion at the front of the class was uncovered.

Regulus leaned away from the table and looked up to find Peter gaping at him with a bewildered expression. Then he looked around the class and noticed no one was even close to finishing.

Maybe he’d gone a little too fast.

“How… I mean, I know you’re good at Potions, but you’re usually not that good,” Peter said.

Regulus shrugged. “I guess I’m better as a Slytherin.”

“But-“

“Just leave it,” Regulus snapped. He silently cursed himself, knowing if Peter hadn’t thought anything of it before, he definitely would now.

But surprisingly, he just nodded, backing off.

Peter scanned the rest of the classroom. “Well, you did that in like, half the time you were supposed to, so we kind of have nothing to do for the rest of class.”

“Might as well use the time wisely,” Regulus said. “The sooner I’m out of here, the better.”

“What do you think the two of us are going to accomplish in the middle of a Potions class?”

“I don’t know, aren’t you supposed to be the Muggle philosophy nerd?”

“I had a phase for a month. A year ago.”

Regulus scowled. “Who the fuck has a Muggle philosophy phase? What does that even mean?”

‘Me,” Peter sniffed. “I mean-“

“It doesn’t matter,” Regulus interrupted. He took a deep breath- wincing when the smell of the potion hit him with full force- and internally groaned at what he was about to say. “Do you have any ideas that could help.”

“I don’t think the Muggles are going to help us with this one,” Peter said. “I mean, assuming we are right about the multiple universes and everything. I think the others are just humoring me because they don’t have any other ideas.”

“I don’t know what to think, either. It is a bit of a stretch. Maybe I’m dreaming.” Regulus muttered, repeating what he’d said to Pandora.

Peter snorted. “That would be quite the plot twist. But I’ve been thinking, Moony’s right, we need to find out how whatever happened happened. Then we can figure out how to fix it, regardless of whether we need to send you to a different dimension or hit you over the head again.”

“I didn’t get hit on the head,” Regulus said, glaring.

“Yeah, Prongs wouldn’t let us do that, anyway.” It took Regulus a moment to remember that ‘Prongs’ was James, and when he did, he bristled. Peter noticed, shooting him a look, but thankfully didn’t say anything about it.

“So all we have to do is get your memory back,” Peter concluded.

“Easier said than done,” Regulus grumbled. Even the mention of his missing memory made his head throb. The smell of the potion, a reminder of his own world, made it worse.

He’d been doing his best to avoid thinking about how he’d essentially ran out of the Gryffindor dorms and broken down in the middle of a hallway. Pandora was a nice distraction- she’d always had a calming presence to her, even when they’d just sit there without talking. And then his mind had been preoccupied with his brother, then the potion, then Peter. Well, talking to Peter helped, unexpectedly. But it was still there, the humming in his head. It was uncomfortable at his best, when he wasn’t thinking about it, and nearly unbearable when it had gotten to its worst in the hallway.

Although it had briefly gotten better during lunch, it seemed to be growing as the day went on. Regulus wanted to hit his head against a wall purely for the brief distraction.

“And I think we have a deadline, too,” Peter said hesitantly. “I mean, this is the last week before the holidays. We’re probably not going to be able to do anything from our own homes.”

Regulus tried to picture going back to Grimmauld Place alone in this world and shuddered.

“So, we have four days?” Regulus asked through gritted teeth. He vaguely remembered that the holidays were coming up in his own world to. At least, he remembered the growing feeling of dread that usually filled his dorm before every break. Regulus wondered if whatever caused him to come to this universe happened the day before, or several days before, or maybe just a few minutes.

Peter nodded with a grimace. “To find out how this happened, then try to undo it- if that’s even possible.”

Suddenly, Slughorn called out from behind them, making the both of them flinch and saving him from the spiral those words would inevitably cause. Regulus hadn’t noticed that he’d started walking around the classroom or that he’d gotten right behind them. He did his best to bring himself back to the present and put on an indifferent face.

“Finished so soon?” Slughorn asked. “Have you been practicing?”

“Um- yes, sir,” Regulus said. He felt briefly thankful that Barty wasn’t in this class, because he would have laughed at Regulus calling Slughorn ‘sir.’

“Ah, well, I shouldn’t expect any different from my best student!” Slughorn leaned forward and pulled the top of the cauldron. The smell hit Regulus again, and he braced his hands against the counter to keep himself from stealing the covering from Slughorn and throwing it back on.

Slughorn praised the potion to the class, which Regulus only briefly made out. He wasn’t sure if he said thank you or not before the professor walked away.

“Regulus?” Peter questioned, slipping the covering back onto the potion. Regulus felt a wave of gratitude, but it was cut short when the smell didn’t go away. The other students were starting the get close to finishing, and the scent was filling the room, surrounding them.

It felt suffocating. The potion was a reminder of everything that he had done wrong in his fifth year, all the ways he had fucked up. It reminded him of the shame, and guilt, and loneliness. Of the way he had hurt all of his friends and couldn’t even find it in himself to stop.

And even with the churning in his stomach and the feeling of dread that hadn’t left him since Slughorn showed his cauldron, there was a part of him that ached. A part of his brain that thought what if. It was the part of him that clung to him for the past year, despite his best effort to shake it off. That part had grown smaller over time, but it had always beet there, although it wasn’t large enough to bother him anymore.

Usually. Now, in a world where everyone was a stranger and the smell of the draught was strong enough that he could imagine the horrid taste, Regulus wasn’t sure he could trust himself anymore.

“Regulus!” Peter reached out and grabbed his arm. Regulus realized his knuckles had gone white with how hard he was gripping the table. He let out a slow breath and unclenched his hands, pulling them in toward himself. Regulus saw his fingers shake and crossed his arms, trying to hide them against his chest.

“Reg, what’s wrong?” Peter asked.

Regulus didn’t answer, didn’t even look at him, even though he could practically feel Peter’s eyes boring into him.

“Well… you remember what I said about the philosophy phase?” Regulus glanced over at him, a bit surprised at how easily he had let it go. “Yeah, after that, I had this astronomy phase. Muggles actually know more about space than we do. Did you know they went to the moon back in ’69?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Regulus gritted out.

“I guess that sounds a little weird,” Peter said, laughing. “I mean, I could never really decide on one thing I was really good at, other than chess and Charms, I guess. So I decided, why not try them all? The others think it’s hilarious. They call it my ‘phases’ when I really get into something, like the Muggle philosophy phase, and the astronomy phase right after that. Oh, and once I started knitting jumpers for everyone…”

His words seemed to merge together as Regulus’ head started swimming. Regulus shut his eyes and let it wash over him, focusing on the sounds despite not registering a single bit of what Peter was saying. Strangely, it helped- the noise was grounding in a way, like how it felt when Evan would always be right next to him when Regulus needed someone to hold on to.

Which didn’t make sense. Regulus hadn’t told Peter anything- he’d even snapped at him when he asked. So why would Peter be helping him?

“Pettigrew,” Regulus interrupted. Peter cut off, and the last thing Regulus heard his say was Moony Jumpers, whatever that was supposed to mean. “Peter. What are you doing?”

Peter frowned in confusion, then looked around their potions table. “Uh-“

Regulus sighed. “I mean, what are we? In this universe. How exactly do we know each other?”

“We’re roommates,” Peter said slowly, still looking confused. “Friends since second year. Don’t you know this?”

“But so are they,” Regulus said, beckoning toward Sirius and James. “But you’re here and not with them.”

Peter snorted. “I kind of have to be, considering we’re lab partners.”

“You know what I mean.”

Peter quieted for a minute before saying, “You know, I was a bit lonely back in first year.”

Regulus was confused by the course of the conversation. “What?”

“I mean, our friends, they’re great, but the three of them tend to get lost in their own world, and sometimes it’s like the rest of us don’t matter,” Peter said. “But that changed when you came to Hogwarts. Suddenly there was a new person in our dorm, and while the others still had their world, we… well, we were there for each other.”

Peter trailed off and looked a bit awkward, but Regulus understood. The problem was, he wasn’t sure how to feel about it. It didn’t help that he hadn’t really forgot about the Calming Draughts surrounding them. It was impossible to, with the smell lingering persistently.

And the minute the thought crossed his mind again, everything else became secondary. Forget what he and Peter had been talking about, or the fact that his brother was right in front of him, or that he was in the middle of a classroom and anything he did right now would undoubtedly draw attention. With the constant pounding in his head and the scent reaching a new high, everything became too much.

Regulus stood abruptly, knocking over an empty flask. He rushed out of the room, the sound of shattering glass echoing being him.