Parallels

What happened next was… pretty anticlimactic, if Regulus was being honest. A few people turned their heads at the noise of the doors opening, but looked away when they saw that it was them. No one stared, and no one noticed that Regulus didn’t belong there.

They sat down at the Gryffindor table, and Regulus tried to ignore the wrongness of that simple action, but he wasn’t sure he succeeded. Peter was to his right, Sirius across from him with James to Sirius’ right and Remus to the left of the two.

Breakfast was quick. Sirius and James began talking to each other about a prank, something about… flowers? Regulus tuned them out pretty quickly. On his other side, Peter and Remus seemed to be talking about the Muggle shipping system. He caught Peter saying something about paint spilling and decided to tune them out, too.

Regulus sighed and looked down at his plate. He understood what they were doing, putting on a casual front because they couldn’t talk about his problem where everyone else could hear, but it felt strange. He knew it was normal for them to sit here with Regulus- the other Regulus- but was completely foreign to him, and just thinking about it made the ache in his head worse.

Regulus glanced up at the Slytherin table and his eyes were immediately drawn to Barty and Evan, who were sitting together. He watched them wistfully for a moment, seeing Barty laugh at something Evan said. More than anything, he wished he could be there with them right now. He already missed the way he would make fun of Barty for how blatantly heads over heels in love with Evan he was and the way Evan would act like the mother hen of the group and made sure he ate enough. He would always pretend to be annoyed, but Evan knew he counted on it (depended on it sometimes, on the bad days).

Pandora wasn’t there. Regulus felt a pang of guilt when he saw her sitting by herself at the Ravenclaw table. He was surprised that she wasn’t with the Slytherins, but the more he thought about it, he realized it made sense. She had started talking to him back in second year, so he supposed she never would have become one of the Slytherins without him. She had never gotten along well with the other Ravenclaws. They had avoided her because she was a Malfoy, (a lot like what happened in this world with Regulus, he realized, but she didn’t have an older brother to fight for her) and her personality threw most people off when they first met her.

Before Dorcas had become friends with them, her life was a bit like that, too. Regulus learned early on that the Slytherins a year above him were a bit more… intense than the rest of them. Although Snape and his lot attracted more attention, the girls were just as bad. They stayed away from Dorcas because she was a half-blood, so she eventually started talking to Evan somewhere during third year. Evan introduced her to the rest of the, and she quickly became part of the group. Barty would joke about it a lot, how they seemed to be a magnet for the outcasts and the blood traitors.

Speaking of, Regulus couldn’t find Dorcas anywhere at the Slytherin table. Frowning, he turned to Peter.

“Where’s Dorcas?” He mumbled quietly.

Peter looked at him with a confused expression on his face. “Why- “

“Potter!” A voice interrupted. One of the girls in Sirius’ year came and sat down to Regulus’ left. He vaguely recognized her, but he couldn’t place her name. “You weren’t on your broom at the crack of dawn this morning. Should I be worried?”

Peter leaned over and whispered Marlene McKinnon in his ear.

James rolled his eyes, smiling. “I don’t always play Quidditch.”

“Yeah, you do,” Another girl said, sitting down next to James. Regulus did recognize her, purely from the red hair- Lily Evans. He saw someone else sit on the other side of Evans, and Peter whispered Lily Evans and Mary Macdonald to him.

“And why were you on the pitch, McKinnon?” James shot back.

Macdonald cut in before McKinnon could answer. “Oh, we all know she’s just as bad as you. Don’t try to deny it, Marls.” McKinnon made a small noise that sounded a bit like protest, but didn’t say anything.

“Why were you late?” Evans asked.

“If we told you, that would ruin the element of surprise,” Sirius said, smirking.

McKinnon said something to that, but Regulus didn’t hear it, because at that moment, Dorcas sat down on the other side of McKinnon. At the Gryffindor table. Two seats away from him. Peter nudged him with his elbow and shot him a questioning glance when he turned. Regulus tried to convey his confusion with his eyes, but Peter just stared at him. Regulus groaned and stood, pulling Peter up with him. He dragged him out of the Great Hall, not caring at the moment if anyone found that strange.

“What the fuck- you’re going to pull my arm out,” Peter hissed, pulling away the moment they left the double doors.

“Why the fuck is Dorcas with the Gryffindors? Did she get sorted there, too?” Regulus asked, not giving him a moment to recover.

“Wha- of course not, she’s a Slytherin! She’s just our friend!”

“You said I wasn’t friends with any of my dormmates,” Regulus said accusingly.

“I thought you meant Rosier and Crouch! Dorcas isn’t even in your year!”

“Well, she counts.”

Peter gaped at him. “How was I supposed to know that?”

Remus walked out of the Hall, cutting off Regulus’ response.

“What’s going on?” He asked cautiously, glancing in between the two of them.

“Apparently Regulus thinks I can read minds.” Peter grumbled, crossing his arms.

“Um…” Remus looked at Regulus. “Context?”

“Peter forgot to tell me that Dorcas is friends with the Gryffindors in this universe,” Regulus complained. “How did that happen, anyway?”

Remus obviously wasn’t following, but he said, “She’s dating Marlene. Dorcas sits at our table more often than not.”

Regulus stared at him. “You’re kidding, right? Dorcas doesn’t even get along with McKinnon in my universe.”

“How do you know Dorcas?” This came from Sirius, who stepped out of the Great Hall at that exact moment, James following close behind.

“She’s my friend,” Regulus said sharply.

“Her and Marlene aren’t together where you come from?” Sirius asked.

Regulus shook his head. “No, she hates the Gryffindors. All of us do.”

Sirius gave him an offended look. ”Why?”

Regulus shot him a pointed look, eyebrows raised. Sirius seemed to realize what he meant and backed away.

“Oh,” He said softly. Regulus scoffed and turned away.

Regulus wondered if this would have happened in his universe to, if it weren’t for him. He’d never told his friends how to feel about his brother and his friends, but he’d been pretty clear on his dislike for them. It had taken him a long time to open up to them, but he did eventually tell them about everything that went on between him and Sirius. They all backed him up and collectively agreed that the Gryffindors were arseholes. (That might have fueled his hatred for Sirius a bit, but who was he to complain?)

Regulus wanted ask more, to find out anything he could about Dorcas, who might have been the only connection to his normal life in this universe, but more students began leaving the Great Hall to go to their classes, so the five of them started moving. Regulus wasn’t sure where the Ancient Runes class was, but somewhere along the way, Remus turned one way, and the other three turned the other. Sirius stared at Regulus for a moment, looking a bit lost. Regulus turned around and followed Remus before he could say anything, refusing to look back.

“Professor Babbling teaches Ancient Runes,” Remus explained as he led them through a corridor Regulus didn’t recognize.

Regulus snorted at the name. Remus laughed and said, “Yeah, she’s a bit loony sometimes. You’ll see. But on the bright side, you could be sleeping on the floor in the middle of class and she would keep teaching like nothing’s happening.”

“So this shouldn’t be too hard, right?” Regulus asked, trying not let his nervousness show. For a moment, he heard his mother’s voice in his head, scolding him for the tiny tremor in his voice. He shook it off.

“Just do what I do, and you should be good.” Remus responded. They rounded a corner, and Remus pulled Regulus into the nearest door to them.

When he saw the inside of the classroom, Regulus understood why Remus thought Professor Babbling was unusual. Although the castle itself was pretty medieval to begin with, (Regulus knew what Muggle schools looked like from Dorcas, who had gone to one until she was ten), this room was something else entirely- if it could be called a room. The inside looked like the walls to a cave, and symbols were floating around on the walls, shifting and moving while also looking as though they had been engrained into the stone for centuries. The desks and seats themselves were stone slabs that looked highly impractical, in Regulus’ opinion.

“Try not to looks like you’re seeing this room for the first time,” Remus muttered out of the corner of his mouth as the two went to sit down. Regulus immediately set his gaze to the ‘desk’ in front of him, not daring to look around the room anymore. The seats had cushioning charms on them, and he found inkwells carved into the stone, which was much smoother than it looked.

For the first time since Regulus had woken up, he felt a pang of longing for the life he never got to have. He wondered what if would have been like to be able to choose his own classes rather than being forced to take whatever classes his mother thought were fit for a pureblood.

Regulus was brought out of his thoughts when Babbling entered and began speaking. He tried his best to listen, really, but he only understood about half of the words she said, and even those felt as though she had put them in the wrong order. He could practically feel Remus’ smirk as he watched the class with a baffled expression.

It seemed fine until she gave them an assignment- they had to translate the runes in front of them. The figures floating around on the wall shifted over and onto everyone’s ‘tables,’ creating different messages in front of each student. Everyone else seemed unfazed by this, but Regulus watched in awe as runes arranged themselves in front of him in an order that he was apparently supposed to understand. He thought of Pandora, who would have made it her personal mission to figure out the magic behind the room. She would probably try to improve it and get herself hurt in the process. Regulus would always be there to pull her away from her more dangerous stunts, although she only listened to him about half the time. He wondered how she was doing now without him.

The thought stuck in his mind until something occurred to him. “Remus,” Regulus began, seeing as everyone had split into their own groups by then and Babbling was doing… something with a stone and the end of her wand.

“I can do yours for you, s’pretty easy,” Remus said.

“No not that, although yes, that too. I was wondering…” Regulus hesitated. “If I’m here, then does that mean the Regulus from this world is in my universe?”

 Remus paused. “I guess that would make sense. I mean, if we are sure that there’s two universes to begin with.”

“I am,” Regulus said forcefully. “I can’t explain it I just- I don’t belong here, and my memories are too vivid to be made up. There’s no way everything that happened in my life was just a curse and someone’s imagination.”

“Fine, we’ll scrap that idea for now. But our Reg, if he’s in your universe- “ Remus hesitated. “Would he… would he be okay?”

Regulus thought about it for a moment. He could feel Remus getting more anxious the longer he went without talking. “Well, if he woke up in my bed and reacted like I did, Evan would probably try to hex him- me- well, him, I guess. This is confusing.” Regulus sighed. “Barty might stop Evan, but that’s assuming he doesn’t try to hex him first.”

“Your friends are truly lovely,” Remus said with gritted teeth.

“Don’t worry, they’d probably warm up eventually. Unless the other Regulus tries to curse them back.”

“Right, that really cleared up my concerns, thanks,” Remus grumbled.

Regulus knew Barty and Evan weren’t the real problem. They were unpredictable, but they would eventually get there, especially if they had Pandora to mediate. The real problem would be the fact that everything was different in that universe. He had to be careful of everything he did- he couldn’t show any weakness, couldn’t be seen with anyone his parents wouldn’t approve of, and especially couldn’t be seen anywhere around his brother. Regulus had broken all those rules in the first few minutes after he’d woken up, which seemed fine in this universe for some reason, but it would not be okay for the other Regulus. Hopefully his friends would watch over him and stop him from doing anything stupid.

If they didn’t accidentally kill him first.

“He’ll be fine,” Regulus assured, trying to sound like he believed it.

“Wonderful,” Remus muttered, letting out a slow breath. “Back to runes, then?”

The two worked in silence for a while after that. Well, Remus worked while Regulus scribbled on a spare scrap of parchment paper to make it look like he was working. He glanced over at Remus a few times, trying not to look like he was watching him but also knowing he was probably failing. A part of him wanted to ask about the class and what he was writing, but he held himself back. Knowing about it would only remind Regulus of what he didn’t have.

“Are you going to keep staring, or tell me whatever it is you want to say?” Remus asked without looking up, voice not entirely unkind.

Regulus looked away and stammered, “Um- I was just- wondering- what are my other classes? Any surprises I should know about?”

Remus thought about it for a moment before continuing to write. “Well, you know about DADA right after this one, which you’ll have to go to by yourself. Then lunch, then we have Potions.”

“We?”

“Our Regulus skipped back in his fifth year, leveled up to the sixth year with the rest of us. Slughorn offered when you apparently breezed through all the lessons. I think you purposefully led him on to believe that you would become a Potions master one day to get him to suck up to you, but you never admitted it. This never happened in your universe?”

“I would never share a class with Sirius by choice,” Regulus said under his breath. Not to mention his mother would never let him, either.

Remus paused. “Look, if you want to talk about it- “

“Keep going.”

He sighed. “Okay, well, Potions is with the Slytherins again, but my year Slytherins.” Regulus grimaced. “Yeah, it might be a bit unpleasant. But on the bright side, we all have a free period after.”

Regulus had never gotten any of those before, either.

“And tomorrow, you have Charms and History of Magic in the morning, although I don’t remember what order. After lunch you have Transfiguration, then Alchemy.”

“Alchemy? Why would I take that? What do you even learn in Alchemy?”

Remus snorted. “It’s a funny story, actually. Last year, Peter said he thought he would fail if he took any of the more difficult classes and not even me or you would be able to get him to pass. You- I mean, the other Regulus- being the stubborn git he is, decided that they both would take Alchemy together.”

Regulus pinched the bridge of his nose. “The other me sounds mental.”

“Well, we all were drunk when it happened.”

“Fucking fantastic,” Regulus gritted.

“Wormtail is passing though, so far, but I don’t know how much longer that will last, considering you know nothing now.”

“Can’t he help with that class? Like- “ Regulus gestured to the second parchment Remus was now writing on, this one for the runes that had formed in front of Regulus.

“Peter isn’t…” Remus hesitated. “He’s not great at Transfiguration or Potions, which are apparently the two big ones for that class.” His voice suddenly turned defensive. “But he makes up for it with Charms, and he’s the best out of all of us in Herbology. He’s bloody smart- you should see him play chess- just sometimes not with school- “

“Remus.” Regulus cut in. “It’s fine, I’m not judging.”

Remus studied him for a moment like he was trying to detect a lie. Then he nodded, and continued. “The rest of the week is pretty much the same classes but different order. And you have Divination on Thursday, and I think another free period Friday.”

“Hopefully I won’t have to be here that long,” Regulus mumbled. He wasn’t looking forward to Divination, which wouldn’t be the same without Pandora. She was the only one in that class that had any sort of Seer-like abilities, including the professor, so her being there made it much more bearable with the way she would disprove practically everything the others would say. The class wouldn’t be the same without Pandora whispering ‘lie’ in Regulus’ ear every time someone opened their mouth to speak, or without Barty and Evan treating it like a complete joke and making up outlandish conspiracies with their tea leaves that somehow got worse each time.

“I feel like I should be offended, but the sentiment is shared.” Remus responded dryly. “Here,” he said, pushing over the parchment paper he had been writing on.

Regulus scanned the paper, then sighed. “I’m going to take your word for it, because I have no clue what this is.”

A smiled played on Remus’ lips. “Reg would be horrified to hear you say that. He won’t admit I’m better at this class than him.”

“Because you’re not,” Regulus shot back, despite not knowing how he did in the class. “If I actually took this class, I could have beaten you long ago.”

Remus laughed. “Some things don’t change, do they? Regulus would have said the exact same thing. Merlin, this is weird.”

Regulus made a small noise in agreement. He didn’t know how he felt to know that the version of him that been sorted into Gryffindor was so similar to himself. They were different people with completely different lives, yet apparently they liked the same classes and said some of the same things, as far as he could see. Regulus wondered what Sirius would say to that, after all his prattling about how being in Slytherin made Regulus just like the rest of their family.

Well, there were some things that were different. Regulus would never be stupid enough to fall for James Potter, of all people.

Regulus didn’t try to continue the conversation, and neither did Remus. They stayed silent for the rest of the class, but the air between them was a bit less awkward than before. However, with nothing to distract him, Regulus was pretty much left alone to his own thoughts, which were all over the place. He’d barely gotten a moment to just sit and think since he’d woken up, but now that he did, he didn’t know what to do with it.

The bell signaling the end of class was a relief. As much as he didn’t want to have to face his next class, not doing anything was making him even more anxious. Remus and regulus got up and walked out of class together, and Regulus spared a wistful glance back, knowing he was probably never going to see the inside of that room again. He took in the walls with the shifting runes, burning it into memory.

Then he turned and walked away. In the House of Black, it didn’t matter what he wanted. All that mattered was that he kept going. Move. Don’t turn around. Just keep walking. Sirius had never seemed to understand that that was the only way to survive, but Regulus did. And he had done it so well that his own brother believed him.

“I trust you know your way to Defense?” Remus asked, and Regulus realized he had stopped at the end of the hallway.

Regulus nodded without meeting his eyes. He shuffled his feet and looked down before saying, “Thanks, Lupin.”

“No problem,” Remus responded, sounding amused. “Good luck with your next class.”

Regulus nodded again and began walking.

“Go back up to the dorm for lunch, we’ll just eat there and try to figure this out,” Remus called after him. Regulus lifted his hand without turning around to indicate that he had heard.

Defense Against the Dark Arts was drastically different from Runes. It was a lot more familiar, having taken the class for the past six years of his life, and yet… not. Since a few weeks into his first year, he couldn’t remember the last time he had walked into the class without his friends and sat alone. Even last year, when he had been avoiding everyone for half the year, he’d never actually physically separated himself from them. Sitting in the back of the classroom by himself felt unnatural.

Another problem was that he didn’t have anyone to help him. In Runes, he had Remus there to tell him how things usually went and to stop him from doing anything stupid. (Not that Regulus would ever do anything of the sort, but the assurance was nice) In this class, there was nothing to guarantee that he wouldn’t slip or absolutely just crash and expose himself.

Even as he sat down, he wasn’t sure if he had one place where he usually sat or where that place could possibly be. Barty had claimed a table back in Regulus’ first year as his and refused to let anyone sit there since. Regulus stayed as far as he could from that table, hoping he was at least a little close. As more students trickled into class, some did a double take at him, so he assumed not, but at least no one tried to talk to him.

Regulus hadn’t been lying, however, when he’d told the others that he was good at wand work. Most of his defense learning was self-taught or taught by Dorcas, who was brilliant at practically anything involving practical magic- Hogwarts’ secret prodigy, as the rest of them would call her. Him and his friends were all much more advanced than whatever the sixth years were learning mostly thanks to her (and Pandora, who had an affinity for complicated spells).

That was turning out to be useful at the moment, because as soon as Barty and Evan walked in together, Regulus knew he wouldn’t be able to focus on whatever was going on in class until he was far away from them. The first thing he heard was Barty’s laughter, loud and so familiar that it ached. He saw him a moment later, walking into class like he owned the place, Evan right behind him. Like clockwork, the two sat at the table Regulus knew they would sit at. Without Regulus.

Barty turned to Evan and began chattering excitedly, and Evan looked back at him with a soft smile on his face. Maybe it was because Regulus had (technically) grown up with these people his whole life, but it was obvious to him that they were in love with each other in this universe, too. He wasn’t sure if they were actually together or they were still pining over each other like they had been in his universe for years before Pandora had the brilliant idea to force them to go on a date together. (It was a long story that involved a dare, a few hexes, and a lot of alcohol)

For a moment, Regulus considered talking to them. Just for a moment. The idea was abandoned as soon as he pictured it, actually going over and sitting at that table like he had done countless times before. He didn’t know what this Barty and Evan thought about him. He didn’t want to believe it, but what if the other Regulus believed all the house prejudices that Sirius had? What if Regulus, having grown up in Gryffindor, truly thought that because they had gotten sorted into Slytherin, they were blood supremacists who tortured muggle-borns, or whatever the fuck his mom would probably be proud of him for. He shuddered at the thought.

So he kept his distance. The lesson itself was fairly easy, like he had expected. They were practicing shielding charms, which he already knew how to do, and could cast a fairly good one nonverbal, too. This one, however, wasn’t because of Dorcas’ impromptu Slytherin study sessions (plus Pandora). It was something his mother had made him learn back in the winter holidays of his fifth year, after she had decided that he was too weak to be an heir and needed to be ‘trained’. She had thrown curses at him over and over again until he had been able to cast it on pure instinct.

When he had gotten back to Hogwarts, he had taught his friends how to do it, too. They had made a game out of it, seeing who could cast the best one. Dorcas won, of course, and soon she was teaching Regulus and the others to do it nonverbal. By the time they had all gotten it to some extent, Regulus had almost forgotten the events of the holidays.

When Regulus looked over at his friends, he saw that Barty hadn’t managed to properly cast a shield yet.

He stopped looking after that.

“Password?” The Fat Lady asked Regulus, staring at him skeptically. He froze, suddenly realizing that they had never told him the password that morning.

Regulus groaned. “I forgot. Can you just let me in?”

The Fat Lady huffed. “You know, every time someone forgets the password, they always ask me to just let them in. It’s like you all never bloody listen. No, I will not- ”

“But you know me. I’m a Gryffindor,” Regulus said, blatantly lying through his teeth.

“You think I haven’t heard that before? Password, or you don’t get in.”

“This is stupid,” He complained. How could they just forget to tell him how to get into the fucking dorm?

“Then learn to remember the password,” The Fat Lady countered.

Regulus growled and stepped closer to the painting, pulling out his wand and aiming it at her. He might have actually tried to attack the entrance to the Gryffindor common room, but he was cut off by a voice before he could.

“Regulus? As much as I want to see you duel a painting, I can just tell you the password,” Peter said from behind him, sounding like he was trying not to laugh.

Regulus whipped around, wand still pointed outward so it was trained toward Peter. He stepped back and raised his hands in a peace gesture, but the smirk was still on his face.

“You forgot to tell me the password,” Regulus accused, glaring.

“Starman,” Peter said to the Fat Lady, who swung open after another glare toward Regulus.

“That was Sirius’ idea,” Peter told Regulus as they walked up to the dorm. “Don’t ask me how he managed it, I have no idea.”

The minute Regulus stepped into the dorm, he collapsed against the wall, shutting his eyes and resting his head against the wall behind him. He let the events of the day wash over him, doing nothing to keep himself above the waves. He already dreaded the rest of the day, considering he was so tired after just two classes. And if he couldn’t find out a way back- he had to, but if it took longer, if he was stuck if for days, or even weeks- he didn’t know how to keep doing this for so long.

Regulus allowed himself a minute before pulling himself together again. He pushed the waves down so he could breathe again, even if it didn’t feel like breathing anymore. He opened his eyes, (hopefully) devoid of any emotion, straightened his back, and looked ahead. Unfortunately, the first thing he saw was his brother’s face.

“Bad day?” Sirius asked with a sympathetic glance. Then he winced, as if just hearing his own words.

“What do you fucking think?” Regulus bit out, turning away from him. Sirius and Remus were sitting next to each other on a bed at the far wall from the door. He assumed was Remus’ based on the way it was actually tidy and there were books stacked up on the dresser next to it. But there was one thing missing-

“Where’s James?” Regulus asked.

Peter raised his eyebrows at him. “Oh, so he’s James, but I’m Pettigrew?”

“It’s- “ Habit. That was how he’d always thought about him, since before he’d met him and all he knew of him was the way Sirius would talk about him for hours. That was how he’d talked about him to his friends (not that he talked about James a lot- just when he was complaining about him). He’d really only ever been ‘Potter’ to his face. “Just answer the question, Pettigrew.”

Peter shrugged and turned to Remus and Sirius.

“He went to get food.” Sirius said. There was something about his voice that sounded a bit off. Not like before, when it was laced with guilt, but like he was trying to hid something. Why would he-?

Oh. James had left to avoid him. Was Sirius worried about hurting his feelings? The idea was laughable, and Regulus shook it off quickly. Most likely, Sirius was just uncomfortable by the fact that his little brother was dating his best friend. Not that Regulus disagreed with him about that.

Honestly, Regulus wasn’t sure how he felt about it. It was insane, to say the least. He didn’t understand what the other Regulus saw in James. Sure, he was fit, and a lot of people like him, but Regulus had never been one of those people. Even without everything with Sirius getting in the way, Regulus was sure they would never actually get along.

So it wasn’t like Regulus was about to get upset over James treating him like he had dragon pox. But it irked him a bit. It wasn’t like it was his fault all of this was happening, and this would only make it more difficult to make any actual progress on getting back.

“Do you remember how you got here?” Remus asked, interrupting his thoughts.

“If I remembered, do you think I would still be here?” Regulus snapped.

Remus pinched the bridge of his nose. “Look- just- try to remember the last thing that happened. There might be a hint on how to get back.”

Regulus huffed and crossed his arms. He tried to think for a moment, but then realized he couldn’t. He didn’t know where to start, when exactly the last thing he remembered was. When he thought about it, all he got was static, like there was a void where his memories were supposed to be. His headache grew as he reached, searching, for something he could grasp onto.

Why was this so hard? He hadn’t had a problem earlier when he was thinking about his friends. He still remembered everything, but when he tried to think about the most recent thing- that’s when his mind drew a blank. He remembered the train ride at the beginning of his sixth year. He remembered seeing Sirius for the first time in two months. He remembered all the Quidditch games, late nights in the dorm, Evan healing his and Barty’s injuries from the summer, Halloween, even the Slytherin party from what should have been a week ago. Why couldn’t he remember where his memories stopped?

“Reg,” Peter said, reaching out a hand and grabbing his arm. “Hey, calm down.”

Regulus realized his breaths were getting shorter again. This just increased his frustration- why couldn’t he make it through one bloody conversation without freaking out?

“I- I can’t- “ Regulus gulped. “I don’t remember… “

At that moment, the door burst open, diverting everyone’s attention for a moment.

James walked in with plates balanced on both arms, piled high with food that looked as though it was in danger of falling over with a simple stumble. As he took in everyone’s expressions, the grin on his face faded.

“What’s going on?” James’ eyes darted toward Regulus, and he finally, finally looked at him. “Regulus?” His voice was tinged with alarm, which didn’t help Regulus’ situation at the moment.

With everyone now looking at him again, the room felt even more suffocating that it had that morning. He needed to get out. That was the one thought bouncing around his head, because at the moment apparently he wasn’t capable of anything more. He pushed past Peter and James, who were in the way of the door, and dashed out. A part of him heard the voices calling after him, but even if he understood what they were saying, he wouldn’t have stopped.

Regulus didn’t know how he got there, but suddenly he was in an empty corridor. Why was it so empty? He couldn’t stay here, someone would come and see him, and he wasn’t supposed to show any weakness. It could be used against him, or worse, get back to his mother somehow. It was lunch, everyone was at lunch. The corridor was empty because everyone was in the Great Hall. Evan. Fuck, where was Evan? He usually pulled him away during these moments. He was supposed to be here. Where was he?

When had he last seen Evan? When had he last seen the inside of his dorms?

Regulus leaned against the closest wall to him and practically collapsed onto the floor. He shut his eyes and curled up into himself, pushing back against the wall. For a moment, a memory flashed in his head, and he could practically hear the screaming-

Screaming downstairs, Sirius was screaming. why couldn’t he just listen? Regulus pushed himself against the wall behind him. If he made himself smaller, maybe he could disappear into the wall. Maybe he wouldn’t have to face Sirius when he came back upstairs with a fresh set of bruises. Maybe he wouldn’t have to face himself when his brother called him a coward. Everything would be so much easier if he would just listen. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t think-

He thought and he thought and he thought, but nothing was connecting in his brain. The waves were crashing around his head harder than ever, and he couldn’t hear anything over the roaring that filled his ears. He couldn’t think, as much as he tried, and-

“Regulus? Are you alright?” Briefly, everything calmed. The voice was soothing. Melodic. It was like the gentle waterfall that countered the rapids, allowing him to take a breath of air, if only for the moment. He liked the voice. He recognized the voice.

Regulus lifted his head and turned toward the person standing next to him.