Parallels

“I can’t go down there,” Regulus gasped, sliding down against the wall and pulling his knees up to his chest. “I can’t- I don’t know anything about this world. Everything is so different.”

“Breathe, Reg-“

“Don’t call me that,” Regulus snapped. “And don’t tell me what to do.”

Pettigrew sighed and sat down next to him. James had left to go take a shower and Sirius had dragged Lupin to the opposite corner of the dorm where they were whispering to each other just quiet enough so that Regulus couldn’t make out the words. Lupin had healed the sting on Sirius’ arm, which Regulus was a little bitter about. This left him practically alone with Pettigrew.

Regulus still didn’t know what to think of him. The Regulus of this universe- Merlin, that sounded insane- obviously knew the boy better than he did, but he had no idea exactly how close the two were. It didn’t help that Regulus knew virtually nothing about him. He wasn’t even sure where he fit into the group. It had been easy, in his universe at least, to understand the others’ roles. Maybe because they were often the center of attention for as long as Regulus had been at Hogwarts, or maybe because Regulus had paid more attention to Sirius that he knew he should.

Sirius was the loudest, the one that got in trouble the most, the one everyone looked at first whenever a new prank was revealed. James was the conscience of the group, the one that kept the others from going too far. (He was the brother Regulus couldn’t be. Regulus had watched him from across the Great Hall, seen the way he cared for Sirius, and couldn’t help but feel bitter that Sirius had replaced him so easily.) Lupin, as far as Regulus could tell, was the brains of the operation. He was the smartest out of all of them, and Regulus would bet that he was the one that came up with most of the pranks the four pulled. But Regulus had always seen Pettigrew as someone who was just there.

In all honesty, he had never paid much attention to him before, which he was now starting to regret, considering he had no clue what to expect from him. Although, he supposed he couldn’t really expect anything from anyone in this universe, could he? He was surrounded by strangers.

“We’re going to figure this out,” Peter reassured before he could start to spiral. “You can trust us, you know that, right?

“Can I?” Regulus asked bitterly. “You’re forgetting that in my universe, we don’t know each other.”

Pettigrew frowned. “You mean when you said you and Padfoot aren’t brothers- “

“We’re not. We haven’t been since I got sorted into Slytherin.” Regulus grumbled.

“That doesn’t seem like something Sirius would do,” Pettigrew said.

“Well he did,” Regulus said shortly. Pettigrew seemed to get the hint and didn’t question him more.

“You have to come to breakfast with us. If you- “

“I can’t.”

“If you don’t,” Pettigrew continued, shooting him a pointed look, “People will notice. Unless you want to be the center of attention- and if you’re anything like the Reg I know, you don’t- then you’re coming with us.”

“I’ll stick out anyway,” Regulus grumbled, hooking his chin over his knees and trying to ignore the panic threatening to overtake him.

“We’ll tell you what to do, okay?” Peter said. “But for now, I don’t think anyone should find out about this. The best thing to do would be to act like everything is the same.”

Regulus knew he was right, but a part of him still didn’t want to believe it was happening. It wasn’t just because he would be stumbling blind trying to act like someone who belonged in this universe. He didn’t want to go down there and sit at the Gryffindor table and watch Barty, Evan and Dorcas at the Slytherin table without him.

“I don’t have much of a choice, do I?” Regulus groaned, dropping his head into his harms. Pettigrew made a noise of sympathy and Regulus sat up straight, glaring at him. “Fine, I’ll play along. I need to get out of this room anyway. All the red is giving me a migraine.”

Regulus looks around the room, glaring at everything that look even remotely Gryffindor- which was pretty much everything. Then he noticed something that made him freeze.

“Pettigrew?” Regulus asked tentatively.

Pettigrew winced. “Call me Peter? It feels weird for us to be on a last name basis.”

“Fine, Peter, whatever,” Regulus agreed, distracted. “Why are there five beds?”

“Oh,” Pettigrew- Peter muttered, staring at him. “There’s a lot we need to catch you up on, isn’t there?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Maybe we should wait until everyone’s here before we start telling you about this world., Peter said. “But that bed- that’s yours.”

Regulus stared at him. “Why the fuck do I have a bed with you four?”

“You don’t have to sound so offended,” Peter grumbled. “But I should probably let Sirius explain that one.”

“Again, what the fuck is that supposed to mean- “

At that moment, James came out of the bathroom, shutting Regulus up.

“I left a cleaner uniform in there, if you want to shower,” James said without meeting his eyes.

Regulus swallowed and nodded, ignoring the long look Peter gave him as he stood up. Things were weird between him and James. Not that they were ever normal in his universe, but they were strange in a way he wasn’t used to. He thought about earlier, when he had started to freak out about the fact that he would have to go down to the Great Hall, and how James had stepped forward to help him. He remembered the broken look in James’ eyes when Regulus backed away, snapping at him to stay away from him.  James hadn’t been able to look directly at him since.

Regulus had hated him since the day Sirius came home from his first year of Hogwarts talking about a brown haired boy with glasses and the light of the sun in his smile. He hadn’t heard from Sirius since the first letter he sent him, which his mother had torn up, forbidding him to keep in contact with a Gryffindor. (Regulus could almost see the irony in that now) He had spent the entire year anxious, dealing with his parents all by himself for the first time in his life, and his one reprieve was that Sirius would be back, and things would go back to normal. But when he saw him, it wasn’t the past year apart that they talked about, or the lack of contact, or how Regulus faired without him. No- he had to listen to Sirius rave on and on about James Potter, who was just the perfect friend and who was like a fucking brother to him.

That was the first time Regulus had to hide his feelings from his older brother. After that, well, he was a fast learner.

But this was different. He didn’t know what had happened in this world or if those memories even existed here, but he could tell that this James had never stolen his brother from him. No, apparently, this James was important to him (in a way Regulus didn’t want to think about). Somewhere during his earlier encounter with him, Regulus had decided that whatever anger he harbored for the James from his own universe, he wouldn’t take it out on the James in front of him.

Maybe it was because of the expression on James’ face- he looked shattered. He tried to hide it, but Regulus could see it through the cracks in his mask. (he was really good at recognizing when someone had their mask up) It was unnerving, the way Regulus, whoever he was in this universe, had the power to make James feel that way. He had seen several sides of James throughout the years he had known him. he had seen him happy, although that had only been directed at him during that first train ride before everything fell apart, he had seen him angry, defensive, protective, and just cold. But he had never seen him this devastated, or this unsure of himself.

Regulus remembered how he had wanted to make him feel as bad as he had felt for as long as he could remember, but knowing that it was him, that he was the one that could make James this upset, left a bitter taste in his mouth.

Regulus thought about what his friends would say about this. Pandora would probably comment on how uncharacteristically mature he was being. Dorcas would laugh at him for caring about what Potter thinks, after years of telling them how much he hated him. Barty and Evan would place bets on how long he would last before he tried to murder one of the Gryffindors. Regulus would roll his eyes and tell them that he hated them all, but at the moment, he missed them enough to admit that he would be lying. Not that he would ever say that to their faces, of course.

Regulus finished his shower and stared at his reflection in the mirror, noticing everything that was different about him. he had less scars- a lot less scars. Sirius had always taken the hits for him, so he supposed it wouldn’t have stopped if the two were on good terms. His face looked less pale, and his frame was less thin. He wasn’t sure what to think about the fact that he looked a lot healthier in this universe. Despite the differences, it felt unnatural that his reflection looked so familiar when everything felt so alien. His eyes were still his, his hair looked the same, if not a bit longer, and there was a scar on his collarbone that he remembered quite vividly. He was seven years old when it happened, but it was ingrained in his memory as the first time Sirius had failed to protect him from his parents.

Sirius wasn’t given dinner that night. He was sent up to his room early as punishment for accidentally knocking over his glass of water. At least, he said it was an accident, but Regulus wasn’t convinced, considering it had cut of his father’s long winded-talk about blood purity and his mother talking about what a disgrace Sirius was for attempting to talk to the Muggles in the neighborhood. Regulus stayed silent during all of this, having lost all of his appetite but eating in fear of what his mother would say if she saw him wasting his food.

Late at night after their parents went to sleep, Sirius snuck into Regulus’ room and dragged him down to the kitchen with him. They climbed on top of each other to reach the cupboards that neither of them were tall enough to open in search of food. Regulus lost his balance on Sirius’ shoulders and hit a stack of plates, causing then to tip over. The shattering of the ceramic echoed through the quiet of the house.

Regulus looked down and shrieked at the sight, seeing the way the shards had cut into Sirius’ feet and spilled blood all over the tiles. For a moment, he thought he would fall over and get cuts all over himself, too, but Sirius held tight, walking to a safer spot before letting him down gently. Sirius winced from the pain, but when Regulus stared at him in horror, he covered it up, shooting him a grin that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

The crash had woken up his parents, and his mother was furious. She stormed into the kitchen, eyes darting between Sirius, Regulus, the broken plates, and the blood on the floor. She shot a cutting curse at Regulus, but Sirius pushed him aside, so it grazed his collarbone and made a long line across his chest. Regulus stood there, unable to move, watching the blood seep through his shirt, as Walburga’s attention shifted over to Sirius. He felt numb, even as he felt the sharp pain spreading over him. The tears didn’t start until he heard Sirius’ scream.

Regulus was sure there were others scars he would recognize, but he didn’t look further, not wanting to get lost in the memories.

Regulus put his uniform on, except for the tie. He stared at the red and gold stripes, reeling the wrongness of having it in his arms. He held it up to his neck, looking at himself in the mirror and wrinkling his nose in disgust. Instead of putting it on, he dropped his arm and held it loosely in his right hand, walking out to meet the others.

Peter was still sitting on the floor exactly where Regulus had left him, but now James was sitting next to him with Sirius and Lupin sitting across from them. They weren’t saying anything, but they didn’t seem to have noticed Regulus coming out yet.

Regulus stood there for a moment, feeling out of place. The four of them looked so right together, like always, and it made him wonder how he was ever a part of that. They had always seemed like they were in their own world, oblivious to the rest of the school. Was Regulus a part of that world in this universe? It was hard to fathom.

He walked towards them, grabbing their attention. Regulus stood there awkwardly for a moment before deciding to sit next to Peter again. He looked up to meet all of their eyes, but waited for someone to speak first. Sirius was watching him with a concerned expression, which threw Regulus off.

Of course, despite whatever revelation he had about being nice to James, none of that applied to Sirius. His anger for Sirius was something else, because it wasn’t just anger. It was hurt, betrayal, broken promises, and years on years of lost time. It was the loneliness of a house that had lost its one source of light, the one hope Regulus had growing up.

It wasn’t something he could just forget. Regulus would put up with Sirius for as long as he had to in order to get back to his own life, and nothing more.

The way Sirius looked at him, however, was almost enough to make him drop his guard. He looked away quickly before he could do something stupid. It was a lot easier to hate Sirius when they only looked at each other with malice.

Lupin was the first one to talk, albeit a little unsurely. “We should figure out what’s different in the two universes, first, before we tell you about this one.”

“I already know what’s different,” Regulus said. “I’m a bloody Gryffindor.”

“Do we know if that’s all that changed?” Lupin asked. “There could be more.”

Regulus thought about the scar. “I think that’s it.”

“How do you know?”

“Some things are the same,” Regulus muttered, and brought his hand up to his chest. Sirius’ eyes caught on the movement and his eyes tightened.

“The plates?” Sirius asked. Regulus nodded and Sirius looked away, jaw clenched. Regulus had to remind himself that it didn’t mean anything. That had always been a sore subject between them, and just because Sirius looked even a little bit remorseful about it didn’t mean Regulus hated him any less.

“Any genius ideas, Lupin- “

“Remus,” Peter cut in. Regulus shot him a glare, and Peter offered him a lopsided grin.

“Remus,” Regulus continues, teeth gritted. “You’re the only one here with any modicum of common sense, aren’t you?”

“Hey!” Sirius yelped, affronted. Peter rolled his eyes and elbowed Regulus in the ribs. Regulus had to hold himself back from hexing him.

“I don’t know, Wormtail seems to know the most about this,” Remus said.

Regulus sighed and turned to Peter. “Well?” he asked, eyebrows raised.

“You know, you can’t just insult us like that and expect us to help you,” Peter huffed.

“Pettigrew, if you don’t shut the fuck up, so help me- “

“Oh, you want me to shut up, now?”

“Both of you, stop!” James shouted, and Regulus shut his mouth, swallowing whatever retort he was about to say. “Look, if we’re going to get our Regulus back as soon as possible, then we can’t keep arguing like this, okay?”

Regulus nodded and Peter made a noise of agreement. Regulus didn’t miss how James had kept his eyes trained on Peter the entire time, still not able to look at him.

“The books I read were what Muggles thought about it, not actual facts,” Peter admitted. “And it was a whole year ago, I hardly remember anything. The best thing to do would probably look through the book in the Hogwarts library, see if wizards have anything to say about it. Until then, Regulus should try to blend in as much as possible.”

Sirius frowned. “You don’t think we should tell someone? If anyone knows something, it would be Dumbledore.”

“No,” Regulus said immediately.

“But he could help- “

“No, definitely not,” Regulus said. “I don’t trust him.”

“What did Dumbledore do to you?” Sirius asked.

Regulus laughed bitterly. “He’s just a bigot with an obvious house preference, and if you tell him. I will run away and I promise you, you will not be able to find me.”

“He’ll be a plan b, okay?” Remus offered. Regulus crossed his arms. “Come on, Reg, we need a compromise. We’ll only tell him if we absolutely need to, and we can get Slughorn into it if you want.”

That made Regulus snort. “First of all, don’t call me that. Second, no need to get him involved, the slug is absolutely useless. And fine, only if there is no other option.” He had no intention of upholding that agreement, but he wouldn’t let it get that far.

“We should also consider the possibility that Regulus may have been cursed to lose his memories, too.” Remus added.

“I was not,” Regulus argued.

“Would you really know if you weren’t?” Peter asked. Regulus didn’t have anything to say to that. Sure, he had no way of knowing for sure, but something about being here just felt- well, wrong. Like he didn’t belong, and not just because he was in the Gryffindor dorms. The buzzing in his head, the unfamiliarity of the people around him, all of it added to the feeling that he didn’t belong here, in this world. But he couldn’t exactly say he was sure because he felt it, so he didn’t say anything. After a moment of silence, Peter continued.

“I suppose we tell you about the lovely ways of the Gryffindor lifestyle, now?”

“You should tell us about your life, first,” Remus said. “What changed after you got sorted into Slytherin?”

“We really haven’t talked since I left for Hogwarts?” Sirius asked in a worried voice.

Regulus sighed. It took him a bit of effort to not snap at Sirius. He remembered James’ words, the more they argued, the longer this would take. “That was an exaggeration. Mother and Father cut of all contact between us after you got sorted. I only got one owl the first week, then nothing.”

“That happened here, too,” Sirius told him.

Regulus nodded. “We talked again that summer, but things were… well, you know.” Stilted. There was a barrier between them that wasn’t there before. Somehow, that one year had made them into different people that didn’t have the same rhythm they used to. “And then you introduced me to your friends, despite mother telling us to stay away from them.” Regulus skipped over a few details here. He didn’t mention how he was nervous to meet Sirius’ friends, how he wanted them to like him even though he was dead set on hating James from the start. He had seen the way the tenseness that Sirius got from the summer seemed to melt away when he saw them, and he had though, I want that. They had seemed so welcoming, even though he didn’t talk much and mostly kept to himself. Peter had sat next to him and gotten him to play a game of chess with him, although he didn’t force him into conversation. And James. Well, Regulus forgot that he was supposed to hate him when he grinned at him like he could light up the world if he tried. 

“We got to school, and we both went our separate ways.” Regulus had been nervous. He had told Sirius he was scared, and Sirius had told him not to worry. He had said that after Regulus got into Gryffindor, they would be able to see each other every day, and no one would stop them from doing whatever they wanted. He remembered staring up at Sirius and asking with wide eyes, we can eat as much as we want? For some reason, his 11-year-old mind had fixated on that one detail. Sirius had laughed, but there was something about it that seemed off- Regulus didn’t understand why that was upsetting back then. Sirius had nodded and responded, yes, Reggie. Anything. But then-

“I got into Slytherin. You said I was just like the rest of them, and we fought.” And that was it. One glimpse of the life he could have had- the life he did have in this universe, and then it was gone. The people who had welcomed him on the train became strangers, and he went back to hating James with his entire being in mere moments. “It’s not like we never spoke again, but it was never on good terms." Not that he cared. He had his own friends, and he wouldn't trade them for the world, and definitely not for another universe. "Apparently, I was being tested that day, and I failed.” Regulus spat the words out like venom, not caring that tears were starting to form in Sirius’ eyes.

“No,” Sirius said, shaking his head. “I wouldn’t do that, I would never just leave you like that- “

“Well I lived it,” Regulus said coldly.

Sirius let out a choked noise like he had been punched in the gut. Remus reached out at arm and wrapped it around him. Regulus pressed his lips together and looked at Peter, who seemed like the only sane one at the moment. (Although from what he had gathered from the day so far, calling Peter sane was a hopeless cause)

“So?” Regulus prompted. “Are you going to enlighten me about your 'Gryffindor lifestyle,' or what?”

Peter grinned and began talking. “Basically, all of that happened, even though you barely said anything, except you never got into Slytherin. The Sorting Hat shouted Gryffindor, Sirius was proud, and both of you became disgraces to the Black name together.” Well, Regulus supposed he couldn’t accuse Peter of never getting to the point. He was, however, severely lacking in tact. He found it strangely comforting, knowing Peter wouldn’t bury the truth in words he didn’t mean.

“What about the beds? Aren’t I supposed to be sleeping with the sixth years?”

“Aren’t you supposed to be sleeping by yourself?” Peter muttered with a smirk, quiet enough that Regulus could pretend he didn’t hear him. He did, however, send a quick jab in Peter’s direction without looking at him.

Sirius answered this time, still leaning into Remus. “It happened on your first day hear. One of your dormmates had heard of the Black family- they were a half blood, so whatever they heard obviously wasn’t good. He complained when he found out that they would be sharing a dorm with you, and refused to go in there. McGonagall came in and backed you up, telling him that she would not be changing the dorms, and he grudgingly accepted for the night. You came to me the next day and told me about everything that happened, and I- “ Sirius sighed. “I told her I didn’t want you sleeping in a room with someone who could potentially hurt you. It took a lot of arguing- “ (Peter cut in here to emphasize a lot) “- and we had to get Dumbledore involved, but they finally put another bed in here for you. Ever since then, this has been your dorm.”

Regulus stared at him in disbelief. When he had first gone to his Slytherin dorms, Evan had already known who he was, and was wary of him, (even among purebloods, the Black name was feared) but he had never treated him like that. By association, Barty, who had attached himself to Evan from the moment they met, had avoided him at first, too. It took a while for things to be okay with them, but they eventually got there. Not that he had ever told Sirius, or that Sirius had even asked how things were going. He doubted Dumbledore would have helped him even if he did think that he was in danger.

Regulus didn’t say anything to answer Sirius, just looked away so he didn’t have to see the tears threatening to fall out of his eyes.

“We should really go,” James said. “We barely have time to eat as it is.”

Everyone stood up around him, but Regulus stayed in some futile attempt to delay the inevitable. His headache seemed to increase, and his breaths became shorted.

Then a hand was practically shoved in front of his face. He looked up to see Peter giving him a small smile. Regulus sighed and grabbed his hand, allowing himself to be lifted up.

Your tie, Peter mouthed at him. Regulus looked at it in alarm, forgetting what he was supposed to do with it for a moment. Peter sighed and snatched it from him, moving closer to tie it on for him. Regulus was suddenly aware of the others watching them. Except James. He was staring intently at a blank spot on the floor in the opposite direction of Regulus.

Peter finished, patting his chest and stepping away. Regulus didn’t look down as he followed the other out the door and down the staircase on the unfamiliar path to the Great Hall.

“So I’m assuming I don’t talk to any of my dormmates in this universe?” Regulus asked, dreading the answer. His fear were confirmed when Peter nodded at him. He already missed Barty, Evan and Dorcas, and he had barely been awake for an hour.

“What about Pandora?”

“Who’s Pandora?” Remus asked.

“I think I’ve heard of her,” Sirius responded before Regulus could. “The Ravenclaw, right? Malfoy?” Regulus nodded, and Sirius frowned. “Why would you be friend with her?”

“She’s my best friend.” Regulus didn’t care how defensive he sounded.

Sirius laughed. “Walburga let you be friends with a Ravenclaw?”

“She doesn’t know everything about me,” Regulus said, miffed. “And it helped that Pandora’s a Malfoy, I think Mother was planning our engagement since the moment she found out about us.”

Sirius raised his eyebrows. “Is there something there?”

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business.” There wasn’t, but Sirius had lost the right to the personal details of his life long ago.

“You’re not friends with her, either,” James said stiffly. Interesting, Regulus thought.

“What about my classes?”

“You have Ancient Runes first,” Sirius told him.

Regulus whipped his head around, dread pooling in his stomach. “I’m not taking that class! How am I supposed to blend in in a literal foreign language that I’ve never learned?”

“I’ll be there, too,” Remus assured. “We took it together. I can help you at least get by without attracting attention. But you’ll be on your own for Defense Against the Dark Arts, right after that.”

Regulus shrugged, still thinking about his first class. He remembered considering taking it the year before, how he had asked his mother, who chose his classes for him. She deemed it useless, so that never happened. He supposed he didn’t listen to her much in this universe. Just like Sirius. “I’m good at wand work, there isn’t much to worry about there.”

A short pause, then Peter said, “It’s with the Slytherins.”

Regulus sighed. “Of course it is.”

“Then you have lunch, but we can worry about your afternoon classes later,” Sirius added. “But you absolutely cannot talk to the Slytherins, it could- “

“I know, Sirius,” Regulus snapped. “I’m not stupid.”

Sirius clenched his jaw. “Sorry. You’re right.”

Regulus stared at him for a moment. He couldn’t remember the last time Sirius had apologized to him, if there was such a time, and he definitely knew Sirius would never admit he was wrong about something to Regulus. Could his house really have changed Sirius so much, or had he just treated Regulus differently?

Before he could think about it too much, they reached the double doors leading into the Great Hall. None of them went in right away.

“You ready?” Peter whispered to him.

No, Regulus thought, but didn’t say it out loud. It didn’t matter that he wanted to go hide in a random cupboard until the universes somehow fixed themselves. Regulus took a deep breath and squared his shoulders, then nodded. James stepped forward and pushed the doors open.

Regulus took another breath. Then another. Then he held his head high and kept his eyes trained forward as he followed the others into the Great Hall.