Past the Curses and Cries
- HARRY -
“I need you here.”
“Like right now?” Luna asks, her voice coming in through the static.
Harry sighs, “Yes.”
“How?” She asks. “Neither of us has our licenses, we can’t even legally get them yet. And I’m sure Regulus wouldn’t drive me over to your Dad’s house right now. Remember the last time?”
Harry slumps in his bed, running his hand over his face, “Just… figure it out, alright? We need to start planning big time.”
“For what?”
Harry glances at the door, making sure no shadows are dancing just outside of it before mumbling. “My Dad has a date tonight, he just asked me about it.”
Harry’s parents divorced seven years ago when he was six. He doesn’t really remember a time when they were together, all his memories of it are hazy. They’re trapped in a gold hue just out of reach from his fingers, every time he reaches for it slips past. He’s done everything he can to capture exactly how it was. Snuck into the attic and pulled out old photos while his Dad was asleep. He attempted to find some at his Papa’s house but either he’s really good at hiding them or he didn’t bring any when he left. Harry really hopes it’s the former, it would be much easier for his plan to be set in motion if it is. He’s asked his Uncle Padfoot about it constantly, he doesn’t really shut up about it. At first, he was reluctant to tell him anything, but eventually, the dam broke and now he tells him anything he wants. Uncle Moony hates that he does. One night Harry overheard them talking and heard him say that it puts unrealistic thoughts in his head. Those thoughts have been in Harry’s head since he was six, and he’s certain it’s not going to get worse.
Even if his parents haven’t spoken in seven years despite the occasional talk about summer holidays, Harry knows they’ll be able to work everything out if they at least try. He just wants them to try. His life is good, they make the transitions as easy for him as possible. If he doesn’t want to go to Papa’s house one weekend he doesn’t go if he doesn’t want to stay at Dad’s for a week he doesn’t. His school is right in the middle of the two houses so it’s never been an issue. But it’s not Harry’s fault that he wants to see his parents at the same time. He doesn’t want to go between their houses, and he doesn’t want to entertain this stupid situation anymore. He’s had enough.
Luna hesitates, “Well that’s nice for him.”
“No!” Harry yells before realizing his voice can very well carry into the other room with ease. He quiets down. “It’s not nice for him!”
“He asked you about it though,” Luna suggests. “So that’s nice of him.”
“I don’t care if he asked,” Harry grits his teeth. “I don’t want him to go out with anyone at all.”
“Except Regulus?”
“Yes.”
Luna sits on the conversation, allowing a certain type of silence to enter the air. They’ve known each other for ages Harry knows exactly what this one means. She’s thinking, and she’ll go on thinking until she finds a proper solution no matter how long it takes. She won’t suggest something unless she really thinks it’ll work. It might take forever but so far it’s always seemed to work. They’ve known each other forever. Harry’s Papa and Luna’s mom are best friends and have been since practically forever. And the two of them are only a year apart so they’ve always been around each other. They’ve kinda just stuck together all this time. Luna knows everything about Harry and Harry tries to know everything about her. But the thing with Luna is she completely changes everything about herself without telling a soul. Harry thinks he knows what’s going on with her but then suddenly out of the blue, she’ll tell him she actually hates what used to be her favorite food. Or she’ll pick up a hobby she would’ve scoffed at only a week before.
“If you’re really sure that you want to-“
“Luna,” Harry cuts her off. “You know how sure I am about this. You know the lengths I’ll go.”
It’s true. One day he suggested to Luna that he’d get himself into an accident, not bad enough to kill him but bad enough to put him in the hospital for a few days. That way his parents would have to be in the same room as each other because there’s no way they both wouldn’t be by his side. Luna only barely stopped him from actually doing it. He still thinks it would work though, for the record.
“You’re going on your yearly vacation with James soon,” Luna says.
“Yes,” Harry confirms. They’ve been going every year, they used to go all together but as soon as the divorce happened it was always his Dad who took him. It’s the Potter’s summer house technically and his parents moved up there years ago so it just made sense logistically. His Papa usually takes him to France for a week or two after he gets back. There’s an old house he inherited from his parents, he hates it. Harry still isn’t sure why they go up there, he would be okay just staying home. But every time he mentions it his Papa won’t hear of it.
“And I’m staying here with Regulus while my mum is away,” Luna says.
“Yes?”
“You know my mum, she wants your parents to get on as much as you do,” Luna tells him.
“I know.”
“So I could ask Regulus if I can go with you,” she finishes. “But I’ll tell him my mum won’t let me go if he doesn’t go with me.”
Harry falls quiet, “Putting them in the same place.”
“For the first time in seven years,” Luna says.
In an instant a smile climbs onto Harry’s face, “You are brilliant, Luna.”
And so the plan is set.
Harry has had many plans in his life, most of which are good in theory but would never work in actuality. Now, however, this plan could work potentially. Harry has been trying to “Parent Trap” his parents for ages. He’s just never figured out a way to do it properly without them noticing it’s what he’s doing. This might not work. His Papa is very stubborn when he wants to be, and he could very easily say no. His Dad is a little easier to sway, but when he’s really against something he’s against it. The good thing is Harry got his stubbornness from them. It’s really going to turn into a stalemate until someone breaks and Harry is swimming with time.
This has to work. He doesn’t want his Dad to go out with someone, he doesn’t want to have to welcome another adult into his life. Screw his happiness his Dad and his Papa are going to talk to each other whether they like it or not.
Harry will make sure of it.
- REGULUS -
Regulus is going to kill Pandora.
“What do you mean she can’t go alone?!” Is the first thing he says as soon as she answers the phone, on the third call might he add. Sure Pandora might be gone on a work trip and doesn’t have time to go on her phone but he doesn’t care, not in the slightest. He could be dying for all she knows and she took three phone calls to pick up.
Pandora sighs, “Reg, I really don’t have time for this. I’m about to…”
Regulus shushes her, “No. This is your daughter, Pandora. You are her mother you have to be there for her twenty-four seven you don’t get a break.”
Pandora laughs lightly, “You’re supposed to be the one watching her. You’re her parent for a few weeks, you agreed.”
“If that’s true as her parent I give her permission to go,” Regulus tells her. “Simple.”
“No, not simple,” There’s noise in the background, the low hushed voices of chatter. Pandora walks on and suddenly the noise stops. “I love James, you know I love James but I don’t want her to go if you don’t go with her.”
Regulus grumbles, “Why not?”
Despite him knowing that Pandora loves James, and even talks to him on the occasion it’s still a bitter subject. After all, he’s the one who was married to the guy! He’s hardly spoken to him in seven years, he doesn’t think he’s actually seen him in person in at least four. He’s not sure how that’s even possible, but it’s true. Even despite Harry. They wanted it that way, they wanted to be fully separated and they are. It’s just a little hard to swallow that his best friend is still in conversation with him is all.
“Harry and Luna together is a handful,” Pandora says. “Even I can barely handle them and they know they can’t get anything by me. Sending them both with James is like sending him into a lion’s den.”
“Doesn’t sound so bad,” Regulus comments.
“Reg,” Pandora stresses, flat-out ignoring his threats of killing his ex-husband. He does it so many times at this point it pretty much just equates to white noise to her. “I wouldn’t even trust you to watch both of them for two weeks. You may come off as strict but we both know you’re a pushover.”
Regulus sighs but doesn’t find anything he can argue her with. “I haven’t seen him in years.”
“Honey, you can’t even say his name,” Pandora murmurs.
Regulus bites the inside of his cheek, sometimes he still feels like he’s a teenager. Especially when James is involved. He can’t fucking stand that man, he wants to drag his nails over his skin and make him bleed. He wants to hire someone to kill him on his orders. Scratch that no one can touch him but him, Regulus will be the one to do it. He knows where he lives, he knows he keeps the house key in a turtle by the door no matter how stupid it is. He used to tell him all the time that it was unsafe for everyone involved but he wouldn’t hear it. Fucking dumbass.
“I can say his name,” Regulus lies. “And it doesn’t even matter anyway. You said it yourself you love him so let Luna go.”
“No,” Pandora says. “You’re not going to be able to trick me into it, I’m not letting her go unless you go with her. If you really don’t want to go then just tell her that.”
“Do you know how hard it is to say no to her?” Regulus asks incredulously, “It’s impossible, when she starts looking at you with those stupid puppy eyes that make it look like she’s on the verge of tears.”
Pandora pauses, “You already said yes didn’t you?”
“I couldn’t help it!”
He honestly couldn’t. He’s known Luna since she was a baby and she’s always been able to push him over. No matter if Pandora says no to her she knows if she goes to Regulus he’ll say yes. He can’t help it. He’s never been very good with Harry either. Especially when he was a toddler. Whatever he wanted he got. James always fought with him on it. It never started that way. They used to have conversations, until their smiles turned into smirks. Now that Regulus is alone he’s gotten better at parenting Harry the way he should. He almost wants to rub it into James’ face now. He would’ve by now if he actually could bring himself to call him.
“It won’t be so bad,” Pandora says, but he knows she’s lying. If she isn’t she’s delusional, which may very well be true too. If James and Regulus are in a room alone together for more than five minutes they’ll kill each other. Sometimes Regulus really wants to test that theory, but not now. He doesn’t want to ruin his son’s vacation. He looks forward to it every year. He doesn’t want to impose on it and scream at his father the entire time. It won’t be good for anyone. They separated for a reason. They can’t be around each other anymore.
“It’s going to be fucking awful,” Regulus says. “What if you just come home and then…”
“You got yourself in this mess, you get yourself out,” Pandora interrupts him. “Maybe James will refuse and then you’ll be off the hook.”
Regulus isn’t holding out hope for that reality. Yes, James knows how to say no to Harry but not when it’s about him. There was one year that for a month straight Harry said he wanted to stay at Regulus’ he wouldn’t hear of going to his Dad’s. Regulus tried to talk him into it, despite how much he hated talking about James. He didn’t know what was happening. He couldn’t care less about how it felt for James, he cared about Harry. He didn’t want him to cut his Dad off for a stupid reason. During that entire time, James said nothing. He said absolutely nothing. He didn’t tell Harry to come home, he didn’t fight him on it. He let him do whatever he wanted. If Harry asks James if Luna can go on the holiday he’ll say yes. When Harry tells him that Regulus has to go with him James will keep saying yes. And Regulus fucking hates him for it.
Before Regulus can tell her this Pandora says, “I’ve gotta go. I’m late enough as is. Talk to Luna if you really don’t want to do this, right?”
Regulus already knows he’s not going to do that, he hands up the phone without saying goodbye. It’s what she deserves.
He wonders if Luna is in the hallway right now listening in on their conversation. If he’s being completely honest with himself she might even be scheming with Harry about it. He’s always been trying to get James and him in the same room. He may think he’s being slick about the whole thing, but he’s anything but. His intentions are very obvious. Regulus doesn’t even hate him for it, he can’t, he’s his son, but he’s not angry at all. He understands why Harry is doing it, he does. He just wishes he would give it up already. He was six when they separated! They’ve been separated longer than that. He’s not sure what Harry’s infatuation is about. He would ask but talking about James brings such a bitter taste into his mouth he refuses to do anything of the sort. If Harry wants to talk about his Dad he can talk to Sirius. Yes, Regulus realizes how ridiculous and awful that sounds but he can’t talk about him.
He’s never wanted to be the parent who bad-mouths the other one. He doesn’t want to sit at the kitchen table complaining to his son about his dad he’s not going to do it. It’s not fair to him. But he also knows if Harry only got him started he would do it. He would spend hours digging into their history cursing out James’ name. He can’t help it. He hates him. He hates him more than he ever thought he’d be able to hate anyone.
They almost had it all, the big suburban dream with gift-wrapping and burning candles on the kitchen windowsill. Back then on random occasions, James came home with flowers to give to Regulus. It wasn’t even because of something special, he just saw them during one of his jobs and “had to pick them up.” Regulus adored him for it then, he put them in a vase and displayed them on the dining room table. Then the vase grew dusty and the house became cold. James never allowed the flowers to wilt until one day he didn’t replace them. He never bought Regulus flowers after that. He’s never been sure what happened. Harry was three.
It’s something so simple and yet all these years later it’s still in Regulus’ head. He still thinks about it. He wants to hit James for it most of the time, he can feel a fever in his chest he can’t quite sweat out. No matter how much time passes he’s still waiting for those flowers and wondering why they stopped. He’s waiting for James to come waltzing back into his life but he never will. Even if he did Regulus would just throw a vase of flowers at him anyway. It would be satisfying to watch the water drip from the wall behind his head. This is what happens when he thinks of James too much. He really tries not to.
As soon as he’s out of his bedroom Luna is on his tail, walking down with him to the kitchen. She’s got a glint of something in her eyes, though it always seems to be there. She’s always planning something even if you don’t figure out what exactly she’s planning until it’s too late.
“I’ve talked to Harry,” she says, smiling softly. “And he says he’ll talk to James.”
Regulus hums, “Did he now?”
There is no doubt in Regulus' mind that Harry didn’t plan this entire thing. He can’t believe that kid, honestly. Well, he can believe him, he knows him well enough to believe that this is his handiwork. He just can’t stand it.
She nods, “Well he already talked to James.”
Regulus halts in his step, “And?”
“He said yes,” Luna replies simply, “He said he’d text you about the details of everything.”
“Harry?” Regulus asks.
“James.”
Fuck.
“Okay,” Regulus mumbles.
“Thank you for going with me,” Luna smiles. “Harry always tells me about it and I really wanted to go with him.”
Luna has something to do with this too, Regulus realizes now. She may even be the mastermind of this little thing. Pandora too. Regulus will kill Pandora if she has anything to do with this. Did they all plan it together? Let him guess, Sirius was there for it too. He was the one who got this idea into all their heads. Sirius normally keeps his nose out of their business. During their divorce, he put his hands up and told them he wasn’t picking sides. But Regulus saw how disappointed he was, he saw how badly he wanted things to magically be fixed. After all, this time later he’s back being a pest about it, is he? Regulus is gonna kill him.
“Luna,” Regulus says. “What are you planning?”
Luna shrugs, “I’m always planning something or other, you’d have to be more specific.”
Regulus tilts his head, “You’re hiding something from me.”
“I’m always hiding something from you.”
They can do this all day, going around in circles but they’ll never actually get anywhere. Regulus is stubborn but he’s not as stubborn as Luna. It’s a hard feat to accomplish but she’s gone and done it.
Regulus nods, “Can you do something for me?”
“Depends,” Luna says.
“If I go with you on this vacation, you keep James as far away from me as possible.” Regulus knows it’s bad to have cahoots against his son’s dad with his son’s best friend. That being said he’s very desperate and will take what he can get.
“What do I get then?” Luna questions.
“I’ll owe you one.”
Luna lifts out her hand to shake, “Deal.”
Regulus already knows he’s going to regret this, “Deal.”
- JAMES -
“Sirius, if I kill your brother you won’t testify against me in court right?” James asks.
Sirius laughs, if only he knew that James wasn’t in fact joking. “It’s only two weeks.”
“I haven’t spoken to him in years!”
“Yeah, but Harry and Luna will be there,” Sirius says, “They’ll be good buffers.”
James rolls his eyes, stuffing last-minute clothes into the top of his suitcase. “Have you met either of them?”
Sirius sighs, “You knew the day would come when you’d have to talk to him.”
“We’ve gotten on fine as is,” James grumbles.
Sirius scoffs, “You mean dropping Harry off and speeding out of the driveway as fast as possible so you don’t catch a glimpse of Regulus?”
“I don’t do that,” James mumbles.
“Yes, you do,” Sirius tells him. “Now come on, it’ll be better for everyone if you learn to tolerate each other.”
Maybe what he’s saying is true. It would certainly do well for Harry if they learned to at least talk to each other without wanting to choke each other out. They learned to tolerate each other before, back then it was the worst they’d ever gotten to. James remembers the moment he realized what they were doing. The week before they decided to separate they didn’t talk, at all. As soon as Harry went to bed the house went quiet. James spent a lot of his nights out, and the ones he didn’t spend out Regulus went out. They didn’t kiss each other when they walked in the door anymore. James didn’t call Regulus during his breaks between sessions to rant about the kids who wouldn’t sit still and messed up the photos. Regulus didn’t drag James into the office with him and force him to read pages and pages of his novel. All of which he devoured very happily, might he add. They didn’t do any of it. It was slow at first, the signs were loud and bright but that week was the worst it’s ever gotten.
On that Thursday at eleven-thirty, yes James remembers the time, he felt a snap. He heard it fall and clink on the floor. He heard a match light in the middle of his brain and felt fire spread over his skin. In a moment of realization, he understood what was happening. He didn’t know why, he didn’t know how but they didn’t love each other anymore. He knew it, he’s certain Regulus knew it too. When he came home he sat with James at the kitchen table for a long time, his eyes glistening by the time he managed to look James in the eye. They didn’t even have to speak, they just knew.
So yes, they knew how to tolerate each other before. Back then it was the worst-case scenario, but now they’ll be lucky if they even get there.
“Yeah,” James mumbles, grabbing his phone charger from the nightstand to do something with his hands. “I still don’t have that much faith in us anymore.”
Sirius goes quiet, there’s something unsettling with it. There’s something lingering inside it, something untouchable. “You loved him once.”
“That was a long time ago,” James swallows thickly.
The anger was the worst part. Hating someone he once loved more than anything was the true killer. He couldn’t stand being in the same room as him. They slept in the same bed, if only for Harry’s sake, so he didn’t see that something was wrong. But they couldn’t have been further apart, pressed to the edges of the bed, their backs turned. Before when they fought they used to find each other in their sleep, they couldn’t be without each other. They’d wake in entangled limbs while their hearts beat the same tune. With fluttering eyelashes they’d apologize for the harsh words, they’d move past them. Though that dried up, until they had no remnants of it left. They’d still wake with anger sitting in the back of their throats ready to fester and brew until they couldn’t keep it back. Sometimes it got physical, they’d push each other until tears were streaming down their faces. One of them would always end up pressed against the wall as the other licked their tears away. Then that stopped too.
“Listen,” James adds. “Don’t think something is going to happen between us, yeah? I don’t want you to get your hopes up.”
“That ship sailed ages ago, mate,” Sirius tells him. “I just don’t want you to threaten his life every time I bring him up.”
“He does the same thing,” James says, as if he knows, which if he’s being honest he doesn’t. He knows nothing about Regulus now. It’s what he wanted, he has to keep reminding himself of that. He doesn’t want to be with him, but he spent over a decade being his. Even now it’s a difficult situation to place in a box and forget about.
He can almost hear Sirius shaking his head, “You’re both impossible.”
“I’ve got to go,” James cuts him off before he can say anything more. “Harry and I’ve gotta drive over to pick up Luna.”
“You’re still taking separate cars then?”
“You’re an idiot if you think we aren’t,” James says. He honestly thinks he’d end up jumping out of a moving car if he had to spend the drive with Regulus. Or he’d find a way to push him out of the car. No matter if Harry and Luna are right there.
“I’m just saying it would…”
“Bye, Sirius,” James hangs up the phone. Quickly dropping it into the front of his bag. “Harry!” He calls out, “You ready?”
And suddenly just like he was waiting there the entire time Harry sprouts into the doorway, a big smile playing on his face, “Yep.”
James shakes his head, ruffling his son’s hair as he walks past him, “You remember?”
“Keep Papa as far away from you as possible,” Harry sings, “I know.”
James doesn’t believe this kid at all. He almost feels bad for making him step between the two of them. Then he remembers it was Harry who planned this whole thing out and he instantly feels better. Not that he confirmed it or anything, he wouldn’t even if James asked him to. And he did ask him to.
“I mean it,” James says, slipping out the front door. Double checking that the key is under the turtle on his way out. He has his key on him and he’s not planning on losing it but Sirius always seems to be misplacing his so James keeps it out for him. “If you actually want to stay the two weeks you’ll…”
“Dad, I said I promise,” Harry tells him. “And anyway Papa made me promise him the same thing for you.”
Of course, he did, that asshole. No, James doesn’t care that he’s a hypocrite. He doesn’t like that he’s going behind his back and asking their son to go against him. He doesn’t like it in the slightest. He’ll make sure to use it against them when they inevitably fight. James may be an optimist most of the time but Regulus sure knows how to bring out the pessimist in him.
He gets in the car, stopping himself from making a stupid comment about it. He’s gone seven years without turning into that parent who shit-talks their ex in front of their kid. He’s not going to suddenly start now. Harry is the one to play with the music, one song James is so certain he puts on just to fuck with him. With just the opening notes James knows the song, he knows it by heart.
He and Regulus had a very hard time coming up with their first dance song. Everything James picked was apparently too cheesy for Regulus, but all the songs Regulus picked were too depressing to welcome them into the rest of their life. Maybe it should’ve been a sign or something. They ended up compromising and choosing “Sparks” by Coldplay. It’s a beautiful love song, but it’s got a melancholy feeling you just can’t shake. It wasn’t the best song to bring them into their marriage, it’s especially ironic knowing how they ended. Despite how much they tried they never figured out how to see the “sparks” again. They didn’t remember how it was to once be in love. They didn’t forget either, they just didn’t anymore. James wants to tell Harry to turn it off but he doesn’t. He sits with it instead.
It doesn’t take too long to get to Regulus’ house, thankfully, Harry is running out of the door as soon as he parks. And James knows exactly what Sirius meant when he said he always speeds out of the driveway because he has a sudden need to. He can’t find himself looking at Regulus, he needs to go before he opens the door, and yet… there he is.
He doesn’t look much changed from how he did the last time he saw him. He looks older, but never in a bad way. Despite them separating James can’t deny that the man is still attractive. He hates that he is, and he hates even more so that he still likes it but regardless he doesn’t show it. He doesn’t drag his eyes down his body, or linger on the exposed skin by his collarbones. He just gets out of the car and leans on the side of it waiting for him to walk up to him, trying to take away the scowl that he wants so badly to be put on his lips.
“Hi, James,” Luna calls out bouncing on her heels.
She’s never called him by anything but, even when she was a baby and just learning to talk it’s always been James. He’s never corrected her. He’s not even sure what she’d call him. Uncle James seems like too much. He and Pandora are close, yes, they’re friends but they aren’t that close. Regulus was always the one closest to her.
“Hey, kiddo,” James nods, “You excited?”
Luna nods, “Very.”
Harry smiles, tugging on her arm. He doesn’t say anything, but James can hear them giggling as soon as they shove each other into the backseat. Yeah, this is gonna go great. When James looks up Regulus is staring straight at him. There’s something unshakeable hidden beneath them, but as soon as he realizes James is looking his gaze hardens. James never quite got used to Regulus looking at him with hatred, even if he looks at him the same. Every time he does he gets glimmers of how it was before. Back on their wedding day when Regulus couldn’t look at him without smiling. Later in the night when he drank a bit too much and giggled every time James spoke to him. James fucking hates him.
Regulus nods sharply, “I’ll see you there then?”
James blinks, “Yeah. I’ll see you there.”
Regulus spins around on his heels and gets into the car behind him, and that’s that. They don’t talk anymore. They don’t spare each other one last glance. James has absolutely no faith that they’ll survive this trip. They always said they had to die together because they refused to live without one another. That might just come true.