No secret.
SIRIUS BLACK: My album came out at the end of March 2006. To my surprise, it was even more popular than Sure Thing.
REMUS LUPIN: 2006 was a wild year. Sirius was getting even more famous, and I- well, I was too.
JAMES POTTER: Me and Sirius were talking less, mainly because of me. I was with Regulus already back then. Our relationship wasn’t stable yet, we fought a lot, and in the beginning of that year, we weren’t talking because of that one night incident which almost led to Sirius to find out I had been talking with his brother… and kissing him.
REGULUS BLACK: I was the one reaching for James.
I was at the door of his school, waiting for him to leave. It was risky, someone could see me, know who I was, but I couldn’t go to his house, so school was the last option.
When he saw me, he held his friend’s arm, whispered something to her ear, and left in my direction.
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
“We need to talk.”
"Oh, you’re suddenly interested in talking, I see.”
He was right. I was the one who acted like I didn’t care about whatever we were. But, the truth is… I was getting attached to him.
“I didn’t mean to almost fuck everything up,” that wasn’t a lie.
James looked around, and grabbed my arm, walking to the other side of the street.
“What do you want me to say?”
“The idea of going there was yours. You should’ve known that it was a stupid idea, I said it was a stupid idea!”
“I just want you guys to be okay.”
“But we are never going to be okay, James.”
“Try,” he begged.
“That won’t happen. Me and Sirius are linked by blood and that’s it.”
James closed his eyes, “He loves you.”
“Maybe he loved me, but he doesn’t love me,” I waited for an answer that never came, “We’re done. Past can’t be erased, and neither can the consequences. Just let it go.”
He looked at me, and bit his lip, “Fine. I won’t force anything anymore,” he said, “But you really fucked up, Regulus. He can’t know.”
“Sure, because you say you like me, but you wanna keep me a secret.”
“How do you think Sirius would feel?”
“Have you stopped to think about what I feel, James?”
“I like you, Regulus. I really do, and you give me mixed signals. You can’t act like you don’t care, and then ask me to wonder how you feel.”
I let out a sharp laugh, “You’re so selfish.”
“I just don’t want to lose my best friend.”
“Maybe you should lose this, then,” I spit it out.
“Shut up,” he stepped closer, “Look, I don’t know what we are, but this is fresh. Imagine we don’t work out! I will lose my best friend for nothing.”
I nodded slowly, “I don’t like being a secret because my shitty brother hates me.”
“He doesn’t hate you.”
“Whatever.”
“Just try to understand my side… I’m not even out.”
“We could do that together. Fuck, look at my family. Do you think I can be out?”
“We should keep this quiet, and if we realize this has a future, we’ll think about going public.”
“And for how long will this be nothing, huh? I’m just here waiting until you have balls to face Sirius?” my voice was getting higher, and James was looking around, “Are you gonna tell me to leave this street because your friends can see me?” he looked at me, and I laughed, “Obviously. You know what, I don’t care. I shouldn’t care. I don’t know why I didn’t stick with hating you.”
“Regulus…”
“I am done with my life revolving around my brother, Christ! He isn’t even here, and he keeps fucking my life. I care about you, James, and that’s a lot to me. It takes everything inside me to say those words out loud and you don’t even care.”
“I do care–”
“Then act like you do! I’m ready to face my family, to face my school, to face the shitty people that know I’m Sirius’ brother, because all I will be is Sirius’ gay brother. Do you know what that means for me? To care about someone enough to give up being invisible for them?”
“Don’t put that weight on me.”
“Why did you kiss me in the first place?”
“Because there’s something about you that I really like.”
“Why did you make me like you?” he didn’t answer, “I need to go.”
I looked at him one last time before turning my back to him and leaving.
JAMES POTTER: It was hard for me, and I know it was hard for him too. Sirius was my best friend, and if he knew I was even talking to his brother for basically a year, he would get pissed off.
REGULUS BLACK: Sirius was holding me down, even when he wasn’t there. I don’t blame him now, I mean— [shrugs] if I knew my best friend had contact with him, let alone, romantically, I would get mad.
INTERVIEWER (2): When did you know you were bisexual?
JAMES POTTER: [smile] Always. I had crushes on cartoon boys when I was a kid, but… I realized it when I fell in love with this girl when I was… 15? I always thought I was gay, but then women happened and I realized I wasn’t gay. Sexuality was never a problem to me, probably because of the amazing parents I have.
REMUS LUPIN: After that gay bar situation, I got comfortable with going there, so, whenever Marlene went, I would go if I was available. Once, my father almost caught me.
“Can you go tonight?” Marlene asked through the phone.
“Uhm—” I looked at my script, “I mean— I don’t think I can go to the bar for a couple days.”
“Why?!”
“My work! I have to put gays aside for a whi—” I heard a knock on my door, and my whole body froze, “Come in!” my voice was shaking.
My father put his head inside the room, “Dinner’s ready.”
He didn’t seem to have heard my conversation, so I took a deep breath.
“I’m just finishing a call.”
“Who are you talking to?”
“Marlene.”
“Oh!” he smiled, “Tell her I say hi.”
“Sure. I’ll be in the kitchen in a second.”
“Okay,” he said before closing the door.
“Oh fuck,” I sighed.
“What?”
“I think my dad heard me talking about… the bar.”
“It could be any bar,” she said.
I put the script on the side of my bed, and jumped out of it, “Yeah, but I said gays!”
“It’s okay. He didn’t hear anything.”
“Fuck, I hope so–”
INTERVIEWER (1): Did he hear it?
REMUS LUPIN: [laugh] I don’t think I will ever know.
INTERVIEWER (1): Did you ever suspect James and your brother?
SIRIUS BLACK: No. Not even for a second. I’m glad they’re happy now… but back then… I just trusted James so badly that I couldn’t imagine he was involved with my brother.
INTERVIEWER (1): You didn’t take it well, did you?
SIRIUS BLACK: No.
REMUS LUPIN: Me and Sirius were getting closer again, after we spent a lot of time without talking because of his album. We missed each other, so we were always together.
“Alright, favorite scream movie!”
“The first one, duh.”
“No! Remus, what?!”
“What? What is your favorite?”
“The third one.”
“Lord, fuck you. You have a terrible taste.”
“What?! I am right. Roman was so good.”
“He was so shitty! The motive? Bleh.”
“He was the only one who did it all by himself, and was wearing that bullet proof thing. The guy was a genius.”
I sat on the bed, “He had a great life, he was a director. There was no right to want to kill Sydney.”
“His mother abandoned him.”
“Stop projecting,” I laughed, and he threw me a pillow.
“Alright, who scream character would I be?”
“Dewey.”
“Why?!”
“You’re dumb, pretty and intelligent.”
“Dumb and intelligent? You don’t make sense.”
“I mean dumb in a cute way, not mentally.”
“You’d be… Roman because he’s my favorite character.”
“Oh, am I your favorite?”
“Yes.”
“Wait, Roman’s your favorite?! What about Sydney? Stu…?”
“I love them, but… again, the guy’s a genius.”
“My favorite is definitely Sydney.”
“Boring answer.”
“Alright, Tatum is also cool!”
“You know what I think would be dope?”
“Hm?”
“You in a scream movie!”
I laughed, “God, no.”
“Why?!”
“That’s so big, I- I wouldn’t-”
“You are big! You should be a ghostface!”
“You want me to die at the end?!”
“No, I want you to be iconic,” He shook my shoulders.
“I don’t think there will be a 4th movie.”
“Hope is the last one to die, Remus. Can you imagine? You going like surprise, Sydney.”
“I can’t imagine myself saying that.”
“Say it! Pretend you’re taking off your mask, pretend I’m Sydney.”
I rolled my eyes, trying to put on a serious face. I pretended to take off a mask, and then smiled, “Surprise, Sydney.”
Sirius giggled, “That’s hot!”
“Fuck off.”
“I’m serious, if you were a ghostface, every girl would die for you,” he said.
“Maybe… you’d be the one that dies.”
“At the opening scene?”
“Yeah.”
“I would escape ghostface.”
“No one survives the opening scene, Sirius.”
“Neither does the ghostface,” he says.
“Alright, we’d both die, but I would kill you.”
“Maybe your partner would kill me.”
“Who said I need a partner? I could be a Roman,” I laugh.
“Doubt it!”
“Why? You think I’m not capable?”
“No.”
“Oh yeah?” I jumped on him, holding him onto the bed, “Got ya!”
“You’re stupid, I wasn’t prepared!”
“Try to fight me.”
He put his leg over my waist, trying to roll me over, but I held him strongly, smiling. He was trying to free himself, laughing.
“I give up,” he said, laughing, and I sat back.
“Told you. I would be an amazing solo ghostface.”
“Okay, okay. But Sydney would still shoot you in the head.”
“Not before I stab her friends,” we laughed together.
SIRIUS BLACK: It was hard to be alone with him when all I did was fall in love more and more. I wish I knew he liked me too, because things would be so faster.
I was sitting next to Remus at James’ house. He had said he had a surprise for all of us, so I gave Remus a ride there. Remus had his arm over my shoulders, watching James coming down the stairs.
“So,” he was holding a guitar, and Peter stood up.
“We are starting a musical duo,” he said.
Remus laughed.
“What?!” I jumped out of the couch, “That’s- How did I not know?”
“Peter was having guitar classes, and now he’s really good, and once I started singing, we realized we work beautifully together.”
“Wait- you guys are serious? You’re starting a band?”
“It’s not quite a band, it's a duo.”
“And what is the name?”
“We haven’t decided,” Peter said.
“Can we hear you guys? Do you have any songs?”
“We’re working on one,” James said.
“Then let us hear it,” Remus asked, moving his body forward.
James and Peter starting a duo wasn’t something I was expecting, but I was incredibly happy James was working on his voice, because, man, he had talent.
James and Peter looked at each other, communicating through their thoughts.
“Alright,” Peter said, holding the guitar James had.
“But we’re still changing a lot of stuff, it isn’t perfect at all.”
Peter pulled a chair to sit down in front of the couch and started a slow melody, and James started humming with his eyes closed.
“Last night, I spiraled alone in the kitchen, making pretend that the furniture listened. Wasn’t the best of my mental conditions, but I tried, thinkin’ of you without any forgiveness…”
I closed my eyes, thinking if it was James who wrote it, or Peter, or both, and if it was about someone, or about no one.
“Because I was the one who would stay up and call you, and I’d drive to your house for the shit that you went through. Then I wasted my breath when I tried to console you, didn’t I? ‘Cause we didn’t happen the way we were supposed to. I know that I should hate you, I know that I should hate you…”
James was singing with his eyes closed, with his whole soul like the lyrics really meant something to him personally. I frowned, because James never seemed to have a love life beside hooking up with girls on the backstage of my shows.
He kept singing, and Remus looked at me in curiosity, because maybe I knew something. I shrugged, and looked back at James, who wasn’t seeing us. When he finished singing, I smiled.
“Wow,” Remus said.
“That’s an emotional song, who is it about?” I asked, getting comfortable on the couch.
“Uhm– No one in specific, just characters, a story. Just like you do with your songs,” he explained, looking at Peter who nodded in agreement.
“Well, congrats because I could never write a song that beautiful if it wasn’t based in my personal life.”
James giggled, “But is my voice good?”
“Your voice is always good.”
“I wanted to tell Marlene myself, so please don’t tell her yet.”
“Of course dude, we respect your guys time.”
“Where is she, by the way?” Peter asked.
“Probably with Gia,” Remus said.
“Her girlfriend?” I asked.
“Uh– I guess I have the permission to tell, yeah, her girlfriend.”
“Didn’t know Marlene had a girlfriend,” James said.
“Since August,” Remus explained.
“Wow,” Peter laughed quietly, getting up the chair, “Can’t believe she got a girlfriend first than all of us,” he joked and we laughed.
“We’re too awkward to get girlfriends,” I said.
“Speak for yourself.”
“What? Am I wrong?”
“Yup.”
“Shut up, Remus.”
“Alright,” he tapped his knees and stood up, “I am getting a cup of water,” he said, walking away from the living room.
REMUS LUPIN: I was really proud of James and Peter, no matter what.
JAMES POTTER: Deep down, I was afraid Sirius would somehow know what the song was really about.
REGULUS BLACK: It was such a dramatic song.