glares and questions
“Just breathe,” Evan ordered, his hands firm on his shoulders, his breathing exaggerated to help calm him but his heart continued to race and hit against his ribs so painfully he had to hold a hand up to his chest to prevent it from leaping out.
“I can’t,” he shook his head erratically.
It was the first day back to classes and he had Potions not first, but third, and while he had managed to make it to the first two fine…the mere thought of going to Potions and seeing James had him wanting to jump out the nearest window.
His notes had been incessant- appearing seemingly all the time over the weekend from which he hadn’t left Pandora’s and then his own dorm. He was only able to make that singular journey with a good disillusionment charm and lonely back corridors where no one, save spiders, would be there anyways.
He ran to the nearest restroom and luckily Evan was nearby on his way to Herbology and came running in after him.
“Reg I really think if you spoke-” he started.
“No,” Regulus cut him off instantly, stepping out of reach and pacing in a circle in front of the rows of mirrors reflecting his ghastly reflection back to him. It was like being stuck in a carousel and he wanted nothing more than to smash them all- he flexed his hand, remembering when he had done the same thing at home.
“I see him in the Great Hall every day, he looks worried sick I mean-.”
“Get out,” he said, haggard and sounding unlike himself.
“If you spoke to him-.”
“Get out!” he shouted now and Evan quieted completely, the only sound left was their laboured breathing reflecting off the marble walls.
“Yelling at me won’t change anything,” he declared, squaring his jaw, his normally bright blue eyes now dark and tormented. “I won’t let you shut us out once things get hard.”
“Things are already hard,” he pleaded back, his every word came out whiny and panicked but it was getting harder to control himself.
“And we’re here to help you through it,” his friend repeated a bit softer this time and he bridged the distance between them, his hands again settling over him. “But that doesn’t mean I’m just going to agree with everything you’re doing because right now you’re not only hurting yourself but others too. You can’t ignore James forever, not after everything you two have been through.”
He crumpled slightly and with tears in his own eyes he looked into Evan’s who stood directly at his eye level, “He’ll break if he finds out about the mark. He’ll never forgive me,” he whispered.
“He’ll never forgive you if you abandon him either.”
_______
He walked into Potions with his back straight, head held high, and his mental walls were raised and reinforced stronger than they ever had been. As for his reflection, all he could do was splash cold water over his face and hope the splotches faded away.
“Nice of you to join us Mr. Black,” Slughorn smiled as he entered right when class started but he didn’t entertain him and instead focused on his seat in the back of the room.
He received a few odd looks here and there but thankfully Slughorn didn’t comment on the fact that he was now breaking out of the seating chart that he still continued to enforce. He had written him a letter the previous evening stating that due to his interest in Potions- he wanted to work on his own in class from now on to perfect his Potions skills. It was an enormous lie simply because he would never be allowed to become a Potions master but it worked for Slughorn who said he was more than happy to oblige and demanded he be let in on his future endeavours, whatever that meant.
His eyes were glued to the blacktop table in front of him while he wrote down everything Slughorn said during lecture, none of the words processed but still, he absently copied every single word down. He didn’t look up once because he knew what would be waiting for him- he already felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end from the weight of the gazes jumping on and around him.
On and on Slughorn went, his voice slowly tuning into static noise and when someone dropped a book on the ground, he was brought back to the present and a look at his parchment showed that he had merely been scribbling the entire time- nothing he wrote was legible.
He didn’t even bother with pulling out an extra sheet, instead continuing his absent scribbles until Slughorn put the chalk down and dismissed them all.
He was out of his seat in less than a second but right before he was about to leave, Slughorn requested he stay back so he went up to stand right by his desk, away from the door and any possible confrontations with James, Sirius, or even Dorcas who he had inadvertently been avoiding as well.
He knew he was horrible for doing so but he hadn’t been able to muster up the courage to tell her that he had the mark either, especially with all things considered. He had already noticed a change in the way Pandora acted whenever she came by the dorm and while she’d never say it, he knew she hated the mark just as much as he did and he didn’t want to subject her to the reminder of it everyday.
He barely looked at his own arm much anyways so he couldn’t expect others to be okay with it either.
“Regulus, I was thinking about your interest in Potions and how you might pursue it as a future career and I wanted to personally invite you to be my apprentice for the rest of the year. I usually take on students in their seventh year but with your brilliance, I thought we might be able to start a few months early,” he winked.
“That sounds amazing Professor, I’d love to do it,” he smiled tightly, accepting it as it would be another mind numbing activity to take his mind off of everything else if but for a moment. And he really did have a passion for Potions once so how bad could it really be?
“Well I don’t want to hold you back from your lunch lad, see you tomorrow,” he smiled, settling down in his squashy leather chair.
With a nod he left but he was in no hurry to get to Lunch and instead planned to go to a quiet corner of the Library for an hour.
And it would seem he had yet to learn his lesson about making plans and how they never worked out quite right because he was tugged harshly into the nearest broom closet. He should’ve never let his guard down and yet he managed to muck that up too.
“Regulus,” James breathed heavily, already closing in on him and his scent washed over Regulus and infused his senses with him and it was so overwhelming that he almost dropped to his knees. “Are you okay? My notes- I wrote to you- I called you over the holidays- last night at the Lake I waited for you for hours-”
It was still dark, the only light streaming in from the gap under the door so Regulus could only see the faintest shadow of James and it was still the most beautiful sight he had ever seen.
His throat closed up once he opened his mouth but he didn’t have to speak because James’ lips were on his at once and he was kissing him and while his mind was screaming at him to escape, his body acted on his own accord, his lips softening and his back arching.
He had missed the feel of James so much, the softness of his lips to the stubble along his angular jaw. He even missed the familiar way his glasses tended to push into his own cheeks when they dipped too low and they kissed too deep. Even now, the cool metal bit into the tops of his cheeks but it was the furthest thing from his mind.
He knew this was wrong- it was cruel and horrible, but to pull away was unimaginable. This would be the last time…he’d never get this chance again so he should enjoy it while he had it.
James pulled back first, “Sorry I just had to do that but, what happened? I wrote you my notes and I know you received them-.”
“I’m fine, we can talk later just-” he exhaled against his lips as he tugged on James’ collar, “Kiss me again.”
He obliged thankfully and Regulus surged forward once James bit into his bottom lip, pushing his back up against the shelves, rattling whatever was already there, but he didn’t complain at all, instead splaying his hands across his back under his shirt, relishing in the skin there.
Regulus didn’t care to wait, kissing down his neck as he unbuttoned James’ shirt, running his hands along his abs and chest before running them down his sides, resting the tips of his fingers just under the waistband of his trousers as James worked on his neck, biting and sucking, and kissing the increasingly tender skin there.
“I missed you,” James mumbled and Regulus just made a noise of affirmation before dropping down to his knees, tugging at his belt, and unlooping the buttons of his trousers before pulling them down. His feet hit the back of the door in the closeness of the space he didn't mind in the slightest.
This was torture, glorious and sublime and brutal all at once but sweat beaded on his brow and nervous excitement pooled low in his belly at the sight of James standing above him like this and so he forced James’ pants away as well before pressing kisses along the trail of hair that led down from his bellybutton.
James groaned and it was like music to his ears as he pressed kisses along the side of his length, soft and feather-light and he was practically trembling with restraint so all at once, he took James’ in and he loosed a long and guttural moan, shoving his hands into his hair and pushing him in deeper.
He focused on the present, not only remembering all the familiar things about James but he noticed the scent of grass on his trousers from what must’ve been a morning fly about the pitch, the slight dusting of hair on his chest, the sounds of his breaths- the small things he’d never get to experience again.
Only once he finished did James kiss him again, deeply, with a whispered, “I love you,” against his lips.
Regulus was gone before he could even blink.
________
He didn’t tell anyone about their tryst in the closet but it wasn’t like he really even had a chance to because when he walked into his own dorm- he was faced with an angry Dorcas and a nervous Barty and Evan.
“Reg, I’m hoping you can enlighten me on whatever the hell is going on here. We’ve been back not even a week and Evan looks on the verge of a breakdown daily, Barty is cranky as hell, and you’ve become a hermit which is pretty normal but even for you it’s a bit early in the term,” she finished, tapping her foot against the floor harshly as she waited impatiently.
“Er, I-” he was at a loss for words.
Perhaps Evan was right about how ignoring people wasn’t necessarily the best course of action especially now when it just mounted up to a confrontation in the end and he had a feeling this one wouldn’t end the same way it did with James.
She tilted her head as she leaned back on her hands.
“It’s nothing, the holiday was just a bit rough for us all I think,” he mumbled, busying himself by hanging his robes up in the wardrobe.
“I know that but I haven’t seen any of you and I know I might not act like it but you guys are my best friends so if there’s something going on, I want to know what it is.”
“Really Cas it’s fine,” he huffed, “I don’t know what’s up with them but whatever it is, I’ve stayed out of it.”
Barty had his eyes glued to the book in front of him and Evan eyed his plants, horribly pretending they weren’t paying attention to the lies he was dropping.
“Well good because Marlene invited us all to go to the Gryffindor tower tonight, not a party or anything, just a little get together,” she smiled.
He immediately protested, “I’m not really up for it, I’m behind on a bunch of coursework.”
She raised a sharp brow, “You always have your homework done within the first week of school, I doubt you have anything to do till next year. C’mon, don’t you want to see everyone now that we all play nice with each other,” she winked, turning back to Evan and Barty for backup though not receiving much.
“Cas really, I’m sorry, but I’m not up for it- Slughorn asked me to become his apprentice too so I need to start revising, maybe next time okay?” he sighed, looking over his shoulder at her.
She frowned but didn’t press, turning around to Evan to start inquiring about his plants and he was happy to change the topic and go into a long explanation about each and every one, only sending a wary look his way once.
They had all settled into a comfortable silence in the dorm, chatting every once in a while but otherwise just enjoying each others’ presence as the water that filtered through the lake slowly dimmed until it winked out to nothing signifying that dinner must be near.
He was going to skip again but Dorcas dragged him out, saying something about how isolating himself as a child wasn’t good and that he’d have more than enough alone time when he was old. He didn’t quite agree but allowed it nonetheless since she let him go easy on missing out on tonight at the Tower.
Dinner today was a lovely spread of shepherd's pie, chips, and loads of veg, and he was completely and utterly disinterested in any of it.
He barely had an appetite as it was and when he sat down at the table, the memory of James feeding him the delicious and flavourful food that he had made with his own hands floated over to the forefront of his mind and he just wanted to leave now.
Everyone around them had delved into their conversations and a quick look over at Ravenclaw showed Pandora pushing her food around the plate, shaking her head at something Xeno whispered in her ear.
Regulus bit his lip and looked away- he couldn’t go to her anymore yet it was all he wanted to do now.
When he looked away, his eyes connected with Sirius’ who were glinting like steel back at him. He raised a single black eyebrow and he raised one in return with a shrug of his shoulder because what else could he do?
Sirius was incredibly astute and could easily pick up on all of his tells, he had all the same ones anyways, so hiding this from him would be the most difficult thing of all.
As it was, he only had a handful of months left with his glares and questions until he’d be gone, living his life with the Potters far away from him, and if they ever did happen to reconnect, it’d be much easier to hide the mark for a couple hours when they saw each other instead of it looming in the back of his mind constantly.
He didn’t think too much about the mounting war outside, it brought up too many variables that he couldn’t begin to process.
A shout rang up from the table next to them and a quick look showed all the seventh year Slytherins jumping up from their seat and dancing- Snape had begun twirling like a ballerina, Mulciber and Avery were doing a jig together, and Yaxley was doing a bit of salsa. Some of the girls were jumping around wildly and only two seventh years were safe from the illness- their cups full of water instead of juice.
The Hall broke out into laughter and all eyes immediately landed on Sirius and his table as they all laughed jovially with each other- it was a simple prank but well executed- everyone’s favourite type and the professors sighed before getting up and aiming their wands to stop them all.
It managed to make him smile a bit too to see Snape sneering so viciously while executing a perfect pirouette.
He continued laughing until a sharp pain blistered up his arm like he was being lit on fire. He slapped his other hand over his left forearm and clenched his teeth to remain seated but the pain was nearing unbearable.
Snape and Mulciber, still standing and catching their breaths, looked at each other, their faces tight but otherwise fine and Regulus knew they felt it as well. He hadn’t realised Snape already received the mark as well but it made more than enough sense that he didn’t even question it.
His pain didn’t end though and he scrambled up from the table to the exit, ignoring the protests of his friends.
He wanted to go to the Lake- he longed for the cool breeze that wafted up from it, the scent of the wet grass, and the comfort of its familiarity but that place was ruined, now just a relic from another life, and he instead went for the Astronomy Tower.
When he got to the top, the burning had lessened, only phantom pain lingering now, and when he looked up at the night sky, he almost expected to see a large green skull with a snake bursting from his mouth pictured up there- the Morsmordre curse.
The air was cool and soft up so high, brushing over like a balm and his breathing slowed just slightly as he leaned over the metal railing, looking out over the grounds. Scotland was still cold at the start of January but his thick cloak that he wore to hide his figure also helped protect him against the cold.
He looked out to the Lake and saw it empty again with a pang of sadness.
He added the effects of this mark to the things he needed to research because it didn’t affect the others as much as it did to him. He remembered Voldemort mentioning how he had to ‘break him’ first before he could receive it and he wondered if it had to do with the fact that he was entirely willing deep down to receive the mark.
Consent seemed like an odd thing to wind into such a mark but it must’ve been a part of it and there was no way of fixing that but still- research might help, or maybe he was just holding on to that idea because he didn’t have any other options.
He heard the wooden door slam shut and when he turned, he still didn’t see anyone there. It must’ve been the breeze he thought, until Sirius emerged from under James’ Invisibility Cloak, parchment clutched in his hand. He'd forgotten that thing existed and it surely put a wrinkle in his plans if anyone with that could always find him no matter where he was in the castle.
“You okay?” he asked hesitantly as he eyed his precarious position over the ledge.
“Fine,” he replied, turning away, “What are you doing up here? It’s cold.”
“That’s why I’m here,” he came closer now, floating over to his right side, “I saw you run out of the hall and you look horrible quite frankly. I wanted to check in on you- you’ve been ignoring me.”
“I haven’t-.”
“You have,” he said a bit harshly.
When he turned to fully look at him, Sirius looked grave, his lips set in a thin line and his jaw working anxiously. He was wearing the leather jacket though and Regulus smiled a bit at it.
“You’re quite clever y’know? Mum never would’ve checked my closet for that thing- I only found it by accident as well,” he said with a grimace.
Sirius looked down, absently running the smooth material in his fingers, “I missed it. I almost came back home for it.”
“Did you ever think about it? Coming back?” he asked quietly, still staring at the jagged treetops of the forest.
Silence ensued until, “I have. Never quite made it though…”
“It’s a shame,” was all he could say. His ache for Sirius’ return had lessened significantly considering his position now, it was a blessing more than anything else.
Especially as he looked at Sirius’ arm and knew that under all of the fabric, it was smooth and unblemished. The heir left and the spare took his place- he supposed he finally found his purpose.
“Atleast I could get this,” he smiled and he pulled the collar of his shirt to the side and at first he didn’t see what Sirius was talking about but he waved his wand over the spot and there, just under the crux of his neck and shoulder was a jet black tattoo.
It was a pair of large antlers, spread out wide on either side, and tucked in the centre was a crescent moon with a miniature star in its’ enclave. Then running along the outer edge of the right prong, was a tiny little pair of pawprints facing up.
Even he couldn’t contain the way he marvelled at it- it was beautifully done and seemed to have healed well as the skin was smooth and pale but even more striking was the meaning behind it- he understood the meanings for James, Remus, Peter, and himself quickly enough.
“Got it done at a muggle shop as well,” Sirius smiled, “I’ll take you there myself one day, and you can get your very first tattoo.”
Regulus wanted to laugh at the irony.
“Leave it to you to include yourself in your tattoo,” he smiled.
“I got it for you,” Sirius whispered and Regulus nearly broke his neck as he whipped his head to look at Sirius.
“What?” he whispered, not believing him.
“I wanted to get a tattoo for the most important people in my life,” he said slowly, looking away like he was abashed, like he had forgotten it was there and now regretted showing him as now he had to bare his soul.
“Sirius…”
He sorted himself out quickly, “Yes well, it’s there now so it seems we're stuck with each other but it’s a good thing if we ever get into a fight, I could just say it was for me,” he smirked.
Regulus punched him on the arm as he used his wand to wave it over the space as he muttered something and it disappeared again.
“James almost passed out during his, he nearly broke my hand by squeezing so hard,” Sirius smiled, “He was going to show you in the mirror but you never picked up.”
James had gotten a tattoo as well? How hadn’t he known? He was literally with him today , it was dark in the closet but the mere idea that James’ body had changed and he didn’t know was niggling in his mind already.
“I was busy, I had to hide the mirror and just never got a chance to reply,” he replied. “Why’d you glamour it by the way?”
He huffed, running a hand through his ever growing hair, “Because if I got caught with it I’d probably get in some sort of trouble and McGonagall would stuff me in a turtleneck.”
“Smart,” Regulus smiled and for once, it was genuine as realisation dawned on him.
_______
He ran back to his dorm, slamming the door shut behind him and he looked around for Barty or Evan but remembered that they were probably up in the Gryffindor Tower by now.
He pulled out his wand, nervous excitement bursting up inside of him already. Sirius was a bloody genius and he didn’t know why he hadn’t considered this avenue instead of torturing himself like he’d been doing.
He pushed his sleeve up and slowly he began moving his wand over the mark, layering glamours and charms atop one another and the result was one smooth forearm, no hint of a dark mark there- he even managed to get rid of the scratches and scars left behind- it was like nothing had ever happened. It took a bit of effort and time but it was doable- that's what mattered.
A manic sort of laugh burst out of him as he ran towards the bathroom to look in the mirror just to make sure he wasn’t tricking himself.
“Gods,” he whispered, a bit calmer now as he smiled down at his arm looking how it had been a few weeks ago.
The relief was incomparable, he felt like he had been holding his breath this entire time and only now he was able to breathe freely, no pressure on his chest or weight on his shoulders.
He could almost delude himself into thinking it wasn’t there at all- at least for about twelve hours. He figured if someone with an extremely trained eye was specifically looking for some sort of glamour on his arm, they might be able to spot it as he wasn’t necessarily an expert in this field yet, but to a casual onlooker- they’d never notice.
He strode right back out the tower and made the trek to where all his friends surely were.
_________
“I mean really, is Reg okay?” he heard someone ask once he pushed the painting back and was walking through the entryway.
“Fine,” he smiled, entering the room proper.
“Reg,” Sirius grinned, “Long time no see.”
“I thought you weren’t coming,” Dorcas smiled up at him, tugging his hand down to sit next to her.
“I suppose my coursework can wait,” he joked, looking back around the room.
James was sitting on a chair by the hearth a little ways away from the group but upon his arrival he had already moved to sit right across from him, the fire behind him haloing him in golden light, giving him an ethereal quality, and Regulus wanted to run right over to him.
“He’s been moping since we got here,” Dorcas whispered in his ear and the thought warmed and saddened him all at once.
It’d only be a few months, the glamour would hold up, he’d get to be with James he repeated like a mantra in his mind.
The world had already taken too much from him- he wouldn’t let it take James, or Sirius, or Dorcas, or anyone away from him.
James' eyes were glued to his and he stared right back, his eyes darting to his neck where his collar was pulled askew and the exposed golden skin of his wrists- dying to know where his tattoo was.
“You got a tattoo and didn’t tell me?” he whispered into James’ mind.
He perked up slightly and suppressed his smile behind his hand, “I wanted to show you but you haven’t exactly given me a chance.”
“Meet me in your dorm in 5 minutes.”
He stood up slowly and circled the room to where Remus was, “I’m going to grab the book you mentioned earlier,” he said in a voice loud enough for others to hear, brushing his shoulder and walking past him after he nodded with a sly smirk on his face.
He walked up to their room and almost wished he had picked a different spot for how bloody messy it was in the room. Clothes strewn about, trunks left open, desks covered in papers and books and quills, beds unmade- it was abhorrent.
“This is…” he turned to James who nodded sheepishly with an ‘I know’ look.
He instantly crossed the room, wrapping his arms around Regulus and holding him close and Regulus finally allowed him, melting into his arms, desperately needing him even closer.
He looked up and saw the delicate chain still hanging from his neck, the silver stark against his tanned skin and he voiced, “I’m sorry.”
James' eyes softened and he continued, “I’m sorry I disappeared over holiday- it was just a bit of a crazy time after my dad passed- mum was all over the place. I’m fine- it’s fine, it was just a lot and then being back here- I missed the train and on the first night back I was sick and then I was stressed for class and-.”
James’ hands bracketed his face, his thumb rubbing soft circles into his jaw, “I understand love, it’s okay, I just worried about you. I missed you so much,” he breathed deeply and the mint of his toothpaste sweetly stung Regulus’ nose. “Not to say that I didn’t enjoy our romp because I most definitely did,” he laughed.
“I love you,” he whispered.
“I love you,” James beamed back.
“Now show me this tattoo Potter,” he stepped back, dropping onto his trunk and waiting for the reveal.
“It’s nothing,” he laughed and began pulling his top off and already Regulus was shocked.
And on his midriff, below that really, right above the waistband for his pants, was a pair of antlers, starting from the centre and sprouting outwards, wrapping around the ‘V’ lines of his abs and veering to his hips.
His jaw dropped and he didn’t think he could ever pick it up again.
“Reg?” he said, brows knitting together and when he didn’t reply, he seemed more genuinely concerned as he kneeled in front of him, “Love?”
“James,” was all he could get out.
“Yeah?”
“Get on the bed right now,” he ordered hoarsely, standing up, unable to take his eyes off the jet black tattoos that were basically directing him on where to go.
James bit his plush bottom lip, snaking his arms around his waist and gripping tightly, “Round two?”
“And three and four and fi-,” he started dazedly and James laughed, pulling him onto the bed over him.
Regulus straddled him, his hands trailing over the tattoo, “Remind me to thank Sirius for this.” And then he bent down so his lips could follow the path his fingers made and James twitched under him, breathing heavily, and Regulus looked through his brows at him and at that- James groaned.
“What am I going to do when I graduate,” James asked sadly out loud to himself.
“We’ll have to make the most out of the time we have,” he leaned up and whispered in his ear, biting gently on his earlobe before pressing kisses down his neck, “You’ll have to touch yourself to these moments.”
James groaned again, his fingers deftly working to pull his jumper off.
“Will you think of me James?” he asked, “Of kissing me? Touching me? Of how my coc-.” He was cut off by James pulling him in for a bruising kiss, flipping them over so that he was on top, locking Regulus inside the cage of his arms on either side of him.
He instantly wrapped his legs around James’ hips, pulling him in closer and his hands drifted towards his waistband to pull his trousers off.
Then a blood curdling scream ripped through the space so loud Regulus thought his ears burst. James cringed on top of him too, rolling off and turning towards the noise.
Sirius stood in the doorway, eyes blinking rapidly like he couldn’t decide whether to keep them open or closed, and when they made eye contact, he shrieked again.
“Get out!” Regulus shouted back.
“Me get out?” he spat, “Prongs, that’s my brother you are defiling! And on my bed? That's disgusting!” he shrieked and even Regulus cringed.
“This is his bed? ” Regulus asked.
James, who was panting heavily, moved to pull the covers over his hips, “I er- didn’t notice. And I’m not doing any defiling . He seduced me!,” he held his hands up and Regulus wanted to smack him.
Sirius still stood gobsmacked and Remus ran up right behind him out of breath, “Why are you shouting ?”
“Look at them!” he spluttered.
He burst out laughing, bracing his hands on his knees as he continued, “Oh my god are you serious?”
He straightened up and before he began all three of them said in unison, “Don’t” and he frowned.
“I hear you two going at it every-,” James started.
Sirius screamed again.
“Shut up! And go away!” Regulus shouted and with a flick of his hand, the door to their dorm slammed shut and clicked as the lock slid into place.
James looked down at him, “Did you just?”
He nodded excitedly, biting down his lip, “Now where were we?”
James jumped him again and he devolved into giggles that slowly turned into noises of pleasure and joy.
He had missed James so much.
_________
He woke up curled around Regulus, his arm wrapped lazily over his waist and he adjusted himself, pulling him in closer but he must’ve already been awake as he turned around and blinked sleepy grey eyes up at him.
“Morning,” he smiled sleepily.
“Good morning,” he smiled back, pressing a kiss over his lips but he pulled away with a wrinkled nose. He always demanded at least a freshening charm before kissing. “What time is it?”
Regulus shrugged and pulled the curtain open to peer at the clock on his bedside table.
“Quarter past 7,” he answered.
“We have some time then,” James nestled his head in the space between his neck and shoulder and breathed him in, the sweet and fresh scent his Amortentia still smelled like.
Regulus sighed happily in his arms and while he shut his eyes again, James just eyed the knob in his shoulder, the bumps along his spine, how small his frame was in his arms.
Regulus was always slight, his muscles long and lean and perfect for a Seeker, he had even been gaining some mass from the swimming they had begun to do but it seemed to just disappear over the holiday, leaving him thin and sallow.
James always thought he was beautiful but he couldn’t deny his sunken cheeks or the way his eyes bulged. How his clothes had shrunk and his sides thinned.
He’d never stop worrying over him and he knew he had to help Regulus through this- he’d done it once and he’d do it again.
After a few moments, Regulus stretched like a cat, spreading over the bed before falling limp again and muttering, “I have to pee,” as he escaped from their little cocoon.
There was a thud then, “Don’t tell me you’re going to make this a habit?” Sirius complained.
“Oh don’t worry, we’ll spend some nights in my dorm if that makes you feel better, we’ll certainly have more privacy,” he sniped and Sirius moaned in response.
James smiled to himself as he peeked out of the curtains and saw Remus smiling over at Sirius before sliding amber eyes onto him, “Morning.”
He nodded and looked around, “Pete?”
“Sybill,” he winked and James nodded understandingly, silently cheering him on and hoping he had the balls to finally make the move on her last night- if he wasn’t back then apparently he did and was successful. “You seem happier today, thank god for it, your moping was starting to freak me out,” he quipped.
James dropped onto the bed, the arm holding up already giving out, “I may have been a little worried about him, I still am if I’m honest.,”
“He’ll be okay,” Remus smiled, “He came back didn’t he? Sirius is the same way- has his moments, but he still comes back, they just need some time to sort through it all themselves I think.”
James smiled at his reassurance but couldn’t help the nagging thought in the back of his mind that made his stomach sink- what if one day he doesn’t come back from it all?
_________
He was in the Slytherin Common Room, trying to complete an extra credit assignment for Transfiguration- he didn’t need the extra credit but he had everything else done anyways so he thought he might as well participate.
The reason why he was ‘trying’ instead of ‘doing’ was because he ran out of ink in his pot and instead of getting a new pot, he dug furiously into the edges of the little jar for enough ink to write about half a word- he was stubborn and comfortable in his chair.
“Baby Black,” a voice leered above him and his grip on the quill tightened.
“Mulciber,” he replied harshly.
“I believe congratulations are in order,” he sneered, sitting across from him at the table, “I heard you received the gift- I didn’t think you’d be worthy but I suppose he pitied you.”
“How do you presume to know what he thinks?
His face flashed with a hint of fear like he was here and listening in on them…surely the mark can’t do that, right?
“I don’t- it’s just the only reason you’d receive it.”
“You don’t want to know what I did to get it,” he threatened, making it sound as though he had slain an entire village or murdered a set of puppies- what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.
“I think it’s time we get over our differences- we’re on the same side now aren’t we?” he smiled uglily, revealing his crooked and yellowing teeth.
“You and I will never be on the ‘same side’ now leave me alone,” he ordered, already packing his own stuff to leave.
“You know you can fight it all you want but the fact is we are on the same side. We made the same choices and now we’ll face the same fate- that mark on your arm is going away anytime soon and you’ll soon realise that we’ll be the only people you have left. I imagine your mudblood loving brother doesn’t know about it,” he spat.
“Shut up,” he kept his voice low so others wouldn’t hear but didn’t hesitate to speak the words with enough vitriol to burn.
“You know I’m right,” he finished, stalking away from the table and it was true- he was.
He was in a uniquely shitty position if the likes of Mulciber and Snape were the only ones he had left to turn to.
_________
Pandora found him in a quiet corner of the library the following day. “What are you up to?” she asked quietly, pulling the chair out and sitting next to him.
“Nothing,” he replied, tucking the book on archaic magicks away- it was actually proving a bit more useful to his magical problem so he wanted to keep his spot this time.
“How's your er- arm?” she murmured.
“Okay,” he answered awkwardly.
This was completely unlike them and he hated it- it might be one of the things he hated most about this entire thing. He knew Pandora was uncomfortable with the mark- of course she’d be, but she was fighting against it for their friendship and he was pulling away for the sake of their friendship and it only resulted in both of them wanting to be there for eachother but not quite making it all the way.
“I wanted to apologise for burdening you with it- on that first night back and after. I shouldn’t have done it that way, I-.”
She rested a hand on his arm, “I’m not sure there was a right way to go about it,” she said weakly, “I’m not going to lie and say that I’m y’know ‘okay’ with all this,
“ I see you and I see my brothers, the kind of cruelty they’re capable of, what they get up to when they’re not at home. Did you know they made up their own trademark for their crimes? They carve an ‘L’ into the arms of their victims- I know it’s them whenever that’s included in the Prophet. I just hate that you’re grouped in now with them and while I know you’re not like that- it doesn’t mean you won’t be dragged into it and I’m scared for you Reg.”
He didn’t know what to say so he just gripped her hand tighter- he could promise he wouldn’t be carving a ‘B’ into his victims arms but it didn’t mean he’d never have victims- he wouldn’t be able to pull what he did with Abena’s child again- he’d be forced to kill publicly next time.
“I’ve been seeing things Reg, scary things,” she started with a haunted and faraway look in her pale blue eyes. “I see you swimming like you always do in the Lake but you’re scared- I feel scared but then you’re fine again. I see you walking along a beach with Kreacher then I see you walking with a child next to you. I see us together then I see an empty cottage. None of it makes sense but there is one thing they all have in common.”
“What?”
“You’re the same age in all of them. I mean I’ve seen Xeno as an old man with long blond hair and wrinkled cheeks, I’ve seen Barty with grey hair, and even James sometimes with a cane under his hand to hold him up but you…it never gets to that point.”
“That doesn’t mean anything though,” he responded fearfully, his stomach bottoming out as he considered her words.
“Visions aren’t absolute I know but I can’t help but think it means something now.”
“Yes well, I’ll let you know if I start to face impending doom,” he cut, throwing up sarcasm as a flimsy defence.
“Haven't you already?” she murmured bleakly.